A Daughter's Dream

by Cathy Sharp

  ‘That’s what I told Mum, but she says I can find plenty of jobs with my skills.’

  ‘That’s very true.’ I looked at my dress. ‘If I was still designing dresses I would always have work for you.’

  ‘Might you do that when you get married – design and make clothes for friends?’

  ‘It would be one way of continuing,’ I said and sighed. ‘We shall have to see what happens.’

  I went upstairs to pack my gown with my other things ready to take with me when Terry called later. Lainie was standing by her desk in the sitting room, looking bothered about something.

  ‘Is anything wrong?’

  ‘I’ve mislaid some money,’ Lainie said. ‘I was sure I had left ten pounds in this top drawer. I wanted it for change in the shop.’

  ‘Yes, I saw it a week or so ago,’ I said and frowned. ‘Have you ever had money go astray before, Lainie?’

  ‘No …’ She looked up, eyes narrowed. ‘Why, have you lost some?’

  ‘I think I may have done. I’m not certain, but I think five pounds went out of my chest of drawers a couple of weeks ago.’

  ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’

  I stared at her in silence, then said, ‘I wasn’t sure.’

  ‘You should have told me.’ Lainie’s mouth drew into a thin line. ‘You think it was John, don’t you?’

  ‘I don’t know. I thought it was missing, but I might have miscounted. I couldn’t be certain, and I didn’t want to upset you for nothing.’

  ‘That was money you were saving for your dress. I’ll give it back to you when I get some cash from the bank.’

  ‘No. I don’t want you to, Lainie. I told you I’m not sure.’

  ‘Yes, you are. You think it was John but you don’t want to upset me by saying so. You think John has taken my money as well, don’t you? Is that why you don’t like him?’

  ‘I didn’t say I didn’t like him.’

  ‘No, but he sensed it. He told me he thought you didn’t trust him. It isn’t like you to be so unfair, Amy.’

  ‘I haven’t accused him.’

  ‘Not in so many words.’

  ‘Well, if you have money missing as well … Who else could it be? The girls know they aren’t allowed up here. I’ve never seen any of them going up or down the stairs. I don’t think they would dare – and customers never go through the back.’

  ‘The girls could go when we’re both busy. If you were in the shop and I was working in the office, one of them could slip up here without being seen.’

  ‘I think that’s a bit unfair, Lainie. There was never any money missing before …’

  ‘Before John came?’ She looked angry. ‘I think that makes your feelings pretty clear. My son has to be the thief, of course. I suppose your mother told you that I took something of hers once, so you think John is the same.’

  ‘No, of course she didn’t. I had no idea.’

  Lainie’s eyes glistened and then fell as I looked at her.

  ‘That was unfair of me, I suppose – but John is all I have, Amy. You don’t understand.’

  ‘Of course I do,’ I said. ‘And I’m sorry if I’ve been unfair. I couldn’t be sure, but if your money is missing too …’

  ‘Perhaps I took it for change,’ Lainie said. ‘Yes, I might well have done. I’m always doing it. I expect we both made a mistake.’

  ‘Yes, we probably did,’ I agreed, because I knew it was what she wanted to hear. ‘I’m going to get ready now, Lainie.’

  She nodded, but I knew she wasn’t listening. She might try to convince me that she had taken the money and forgotten, but Lainie was too careful about these things. She couldn’t lie to herself.

  It was the first time we had come close to quarrelling and I felt upset. Everything was changing and I hardly knew what to think any more.

  But I wasn’t going to let anything upset me today. I was going to Mary’s party, and I was going to enjoy myself. I would think about the future when I came home.

  It was obvious that it was going to be a big party from the moment we arrived. Several of Mary’s closest friends were already there, although many more would travel down the following day. Despite the twenty-odd bedrooms the house boasted, the girls were sharing two or three to a room. Some of the men were staying at hotels or other houses in the area.

  ‘I told Mary I would share with you,’ Millie said. ‘I hope that’s all right, Amy?’

  ‘Yes, of course. It will be almost like being back at art college again.’

  ‘Can you draw people?’ Millie asked, and when I nodded, she said, ‘Would you do a sketch of me?’

  ‘Yes, why not? I can do two or three while I’m here and you can choose which one you like best.’

  Millie took me up to show me the room we would be sharing. It was not one of the larger guest rooms and might actually be a bit cramped for two when we were getting ready for the evening. Millie told me it was often like this when there was a big Society affair on.

  ‘Sometimes they even put spare beds in,’ she said. ‘It’s quite fun really, as long as everyone gets on.’

  We went down to have tea, which had been laid in the conservatory because there had been a shower of rain earlier in the afternoon. It had cleared up again, and people were wandering in and out to help themselves to the lavish tea laid out on tables, or standing in little groups on the terraces.

  I walked out on to the terrace to see if Terry had come down yet, but I couldn’t see him and I was about to go in and have some tea when a voice spoke behind me, making me jump.

  ‘Let’s hope it stays fine for tomorrow. It will be miserable in that marquee if it’s wet. I can’t stand damp marquees.’

  ‘It looks as if it will keep the elements out,’ I said, looking round at Paul. ‘You’re thinking you might get a game of tennis in the morning if it’s fine, I suppose?’

  ‘Oh no, that’s over for the moment,’ he said and grinned. ‘We’re back to the cricket now and then there’s a regatta coming up at Henley soon. Then of course there’s the racing, hunting and shooting … and a trip to the French Riviera if one can afford to stay in a decent hotel.’

  ‘It’s impossible to keep up with you!’ It seemed to me that he was describing a totally idle and wasted life. ‘Don’t you ever do any work?’

  ‘Work? Now that is a shocking suggestion.’ His eyes gleamed with self-mockery. ‘It’s all part of the social whirl. Shall I tell you what I really enjoy, Amy?’

  ‘Is it fit to be heard?’ I teased.

  Paul chuckled. ‘Oh yes. I meant sport, you wicked girl. In particular motor racing. That is my true love. I’m taking a run down to Brooklands next weekend, and there’s a ride going begging.’ He arched his brows at me suggestively.

  Was he inviting me to go with him? I wasn’t quite certain, but I couldn’t think he meant it – unless he intended to invite my brother, too.

  ‘You can tell me later,’ he said softly. ‘Now isn’t the time to discuss such matters. Excuse me, I must mingle.’

  I stood watching for a moment as Paul moved off, turning to go into the conservatory, but as I did so I almost bumped into Mary’s father. It gave me quite a shock to find him standing so close, especially after the warning my mother had given me.

  ‘Oh … Mr Maitland,’ I said, feeling flustered. ‘I didn’t realize you were there.’

  ‘I startled you, forgive me.’ His eyes were narrowed, intent on my face. ‘I couldn’t help overhearing what Paul was saying to you just now, Miss Robinson, and I feel it my duty to warn you to be careful of that young man. He is an idle fellow and not the kind of companion I think your parents would approve.’

  My cheeks burned as I heard the disapproving note in his voice.

  ‘I believe Paul was merely teasing, sir. He could not think I would go to Brooklands with him.’

  ‘I understood you were engaged, and yet I believe I’ve seen you out with two young men.’

  ‘One of them was my brother, sir. As a ma
tter of fact he is here this weekend …’ I saw Terry come out of the house with Mary and waved at him. ‘He is with your daughter. Perhaps you would care to be introduced?’

  ‘Your brother?’ He glanced at Terry, smiling slightly. ‘How interesting. Yes, please do introduce me, Miss Robinson.’ He offered his arm, which I felt obliged to take. ‘How very nice it is to have another member of your family as a guest in my house. I feel quite honoured.’

  I sensed that he was amused, and a question hovered on my lips that I did not dare to ask. If something had happened between Mary’s father and mine in the past it was best forgotten, at least for this weekend.

  Terry shook hands with Mary’s father. He seemed to take the introduction in his stride, and there was no change to his expression, so perhaps my mother hadn’t told him her secret either.

  Mr Maitland’s visit to the gathering was brief. He greeted everyone and then went into the house, disappearing until dinner that evening. As I was seated a long way down the table, between Alan Bell and a gentleman I had met for the first time that afternoon, Mary’s father did not bother me. He disappeared soon after dinner with some of the older gentlemen, none of whom were seen again that evening.

  ‘He has taken his friends off to play billiards,’ Mary told me. ‘I wish he hadn’t come at all, but he said he couldn’t miss my dance, and Aunt Emily says it would look bad if he did, so I suppose I shall have to put up with it.’

  Mrs Holland had been pleasant but reserved in her manner to me the whole evening. I knew she did not approve of Mary having taken me up in her circle of intimate friends, but I was discovering that Mary took only as much notice of her ‘aunt’ as was forced on her. Millie had warned me that Mrs Holland wasn’t Mary’s real aunt at all.

  ‘It’s a courtesy title,’ she told me in confidence as we were freshening our gowns after the long and lavish dinner. ‘She was asked to sponsor Mary into Society, because there is no one else who could do it now that Mrs Maitland is dead. Paul’s mother might have taken her up, or Eleanor Ross – but of course they are both dead. Mary’s father isn’t exactly the thing in polite circles, you know. My father wouldn’t invite him to dinner at his home, though he might mingle with him at his club or some large function. But Mary is different, because her mother was a lady, so she is accepted as long as Mrs Holland accompanies her and not her father.’

  ‘What is wrong with Mr Maitland?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ Millie admitted. ‘My father hinted that I should have as little to do with him as possible, though he didn’t say I should cut him altogether. I think there was some kind of scandal a few years back, and he was asked to leave one of his clubs – but he’s still accepted at others and whatever happened was brushed under the carpet. He probably bought his way back in to the fringes of Society somehow, but he wouldn’t be asked to the best houses. Even Mrs Holland hasn’t been able to get Mary into the very best circles.’

  ‘I didn’t know any of this.’

  ‘No, I don’t suppose you would,’ she said. ‘And it is a bit mean of me to tell you – except that I like you, Amy, and I think you should be careful.’

  ‘Of Mr Maitland?’

  ‘Not just him …’ Millie frowned. ‘Jane wanted to tell you, but thought you would think she was being spiteful … Mary has a habit of picking up girls like you and then dropping them suddenly. She has done it once or twice.’

  ‘Girls like me?’

  ‘That sounds awful. I don’t mean it to, Amy. I really like you – but you must know what I mean.’

  ‘Yes, of course I do,’ I said and smiled at her. ‘I’m aware that I don’t belong in your world, Millie.’

  ‘Oh, you belong in mine,’ she said. ‘My family isn’t all that well off you know, though Daddy is one of the old school. Ex-army – but a perfect poppet. He would love you. In fact he told me to ask you over for tea one day. He thinks you have a lot of talent, Amy. He says you should be designing your own clothes rather than working in a shop.’

  ‘That is very kind of him,’ I said, but I didn’t say that I would like to be invited for tea. I didn’t think Millie was trying to be spiteful, but I did wonder why she had taken it into her head to warn me about Mary and her father.

  Jane was just one of the girls who were asked to play the piano that evening, and Paul disappeared as soon as they began their party pieces. After a few minutes, I got up and wandered out to the conservatory. I found him at the door, staring out into the night, smoking his cigarette. There was something about him then that reached out to me, some echo of loneliness, of despair that touched my heart.

  ‘I hoped you might come,’ he said without looking round. ‘Will you walk in the gardens with me, Amy?’

  ‘Will you promise to behave?’

  ‘Yes, if you will come.’ He flicked his cigarette into the bushes and turned to hold out his hand to me. ‘You can trust me if I give my word, you know.’

  ‘Word of a gentleman?’

  ‘Yes, of course.’ His eyes gleamed with laughter. ‘You do amuse me, Amy. You don’t really know what that means, do you? It’s actually quite sacred in my family.’

  ‘I’ve been told that true gentlemen can always be relied upon to keep their word,’ I said as I went to take his outstretched hand. ‘No kisses tonight, Paul. It’s strictly friends.’

  ‘For this evening, I promise.’

  I tucked my arm through his and we left the house, walking across the lawns to the summer house at the far end, which was almost hidden amongst a clump of weeping ash trees.

  ‘It is a beautiful night, isn’t it? Fresher somehow for the rain we had earlier. Do you ever walk at night, Amy? I find it relaxing to walk alone in the darkness; it frees the mind and refreshes the spirit.’

  ‘Are you lonely, Paul?’ I asked. ‘I see sadness in your eyes sometimes and I’ve wondered. You must miss Eleanor terribly still.’

  ‘She was like a part of me,’ Paul said. ‘It’s as if I’m missing a rib or something vital inside. I try not to brood on it, but on nights like this I tend to miss her more. We used to walk together.’

  ‘Is that why you asked me – as a friend?’

  ‘Yes, because I can talk to you, almost as I did to Eleanor. We shared the same jokes and the same passions about most things. There is no one else I can talk to in the same way, except you sometimes – but I don’t see you often enough.’

  ‘You may not see so much of me soon. Matthew is buying a house and that means we shall probably marry by Christmas.’

  ‘Are you still going to marry him?’

  Paul stopped walking and looked at me in the moonlight.

  ‘Why shouldn’t I? I love him and he loves me.’

  ‘But that kind of life isn’t enough for you, Amy. You are bright and clever and you have so much to offer. You shouldn’t marry and bury yourself in suburbia with half a dozen children before you’re thirty. It’s a waste of your talent.’

  ‘I can design a few clothes for friends, and I may sell some ideas to a fashion house.’

  ‘Is that enough for you?’

  ‘Yes …’ I knew that I sounded doubtful. It had been enough for me once, but I had since discovered a different world, new ideas. ‘I don’t know. It’s what I’ve always wanted. I do love Matthew, Paul.’

  ‘But you also love me a little, don’t you?’ Paul lifted an eyebrow and I looked away from that mocking gaze. ‘Why won’t you admit it, Amy? You know I adore you.’

  ‘I thought you were going to behave.’

  ‘I haven’t touched you, and I won’t – not this evening. But that doesn’t stop me trying to prevent you making a mistake.’

  ‘You don’t know it is a mistake.’

  ‘I feel it,’ he said. ‘God knows I’m not right for you, Amy – I’m not right for any decent woman – but I do love you. If things were different, if I were different, I would ask you to marry me. You are the woman I should marry – decent and wholesome and—’

  ‘Don’t, Paul,�
� I said. ‘Please don’t say another word. You know I like you – perhaps it’s more than that – but it wouldn’t work. We are from different worlds, and you need to belong to this set. You wouldn’t like the way I live, the way my family lives.’

  ‘Your family definitely wouldn’t like me,’ he said. ‘Terry is very suspicious of me. I dare say he will forbid you to be alone with me when he gets a chance. I’m definitely out of bounds for a girl like you.’

  ‘I choose my own friends, Paul.’

  ‘You won’t stop liking me, Amy? No matter what anyone tells you about me or my family?’

  ‘I don’t think I could stop liking you.’

  Paul smiled. We resumed our walk, returning across the lawn to the conservatory. Before we parted, Paul took my hand, saluting it with a chaste kiss.

  ‘I believe I kept my word.’

  ‘Well, almost,’ I said and smiled.

  ‘Think about what I’ve said, Amy. It’s not for my sake. I know there can never be anything serious between us – I’m quite frankly not good enough for you, my dear. I just want you to be happy.’

  ‘Thank you, Paul, but I am happy. Goodnight now. I think I shall say goodnight to the others and go to bed.’

  ‘Goodnight – and thank you for the walk. I enjoyed it, but then I always enjoy your company.’

  I turned and walked out of the conservatory. As I went into the drawing room to join the others and say goodnight, I caught a glimpse of Mr Maitland talking to a lady at the foot of the stairs. I knew he had seen me and I was conscious of his eyes following me, but when I came out to go upstairs he had gone.

  I spent the morning drawing quick sketches of the guests for Mary and those who had chosen to rise before noon, which was most of the younger ones.

  ‘It’s too good a day to spend in bed,’ Millie told me. ‘Besides, I want to show Alan the sketch you did of me. It’s really good.’

  Alan thought it was marvellous and immediately wanted one of him and Millie together so I had to fetch my pad and draw them both. Mary wanted her picture done after that, and so did some of the other girls.

  Several of them told me they admired the dresses I had made for Mary and asked whether I would design something for them. They were disappointed when I told them I wasn’t sure if I would be able to continue much longer.