Instigations

by Kiki Archer

  Kat nodded.

  “Look, I can see how the message might have appeared, but I’m telling the truth. That was all Renee meant.”

  Kat took a deep breath and pulled her close.

  The classroom door creaked open.

  “Knockedy, knock knock.” Janet caught the tender moment and was unsure of an appropriate comment. She opted for, “Will you two get a room!”

  “Janet!” Kat stepped backwards. “It’s not what it looks like!”

  “It’s okay, I’m all new age now it comes to these similar sex relationships.”

  She turned to Freya, “Your mentor has taught me a lot too!”

  Freya did not know where to look. “I have had a great observation day today Mrs Louza and I am looking forward to getting stuck in tomorrow.”

  “Please, call me Janet. You are one of us now my dear!”

  Freya smiled. When she was at school everyone thought Mrs Louza was a boring old spinster who slept in the store cupboard.

  Janet scratched her fuzzy cloud of grey hair. “Sorry to be the old party pooper, but as Head of Department, I do need to add that you really ought not to be getting too up close and personal in school.”

  Kat knew Janet was trying to get the balance right and felt incredibly guilty. “No Janet, you are absolutely right. What you saw was not appropriate and it won’t happen again.”

  “Right, ahem. Well you know what I mean. I mean...” she swung her fist in the air, “...go girlfriends and all of that. I like the equality movement, but I also have to mention the code of conduct with teacher behaviour on school property.” She was starting to get flustered. “Oh you know what I’m trying to say Kat.”

  “I do, and I’m sorry. A lapse of judgement. Anyone could have come in.”

  Janet felt guilty. “Well no, it’s four o’ clock and every bugger has scarpered, but anyhow, what did I come up for?” She tapped her grey cloud. “Ah, that’s it. Trouble at John Taylor’s. Can we take on their trainee teacher?” She reached into her long grey cardigan for the piece of paper. “A Miss Renee Eves.”

  Kat and Freya’s eyes both widened in horror.

  Chapter Twenty

  “Look, Daddy Two’s a monkey!” Benny was beaming from ear to ear. “Again, again, again!”

  Ben held on to the small red bars and lifted his knees. He swung one arm forward and started his journey across the play park’s apparatus. “Ooh ooh, ahh ahh!”

  Benny squealed with laughter. “Again, again, again!”

  Ben twisted himself back around. “Ooh ooh, ooh, ooh, ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh, ahhhhhhhh!”

  “Again, again, again!”

  Ben straightened his legs and stood up carefully, ducking back out from under the worn monkey bars. “Daddy Two needs to sit down with Lu Lu for a moment.” He crouched down at his son’s side. “Why don’t you show us how good you are on that slide.” He pointed at the small slide attached to the climbing apparatus.

  Benny had no fear and would often impress his audience by sliding in a variety of different fashions - his favourite being on his tummy, head first. He nodded eagerly, excited about his plan.

  Attending parks had been a real eye opener, as had so many other things on Ben’s journey as an instant dad. All parks were different on so many different levels. This time last year he would walk past them, not noticing a thing. But nowadays, he stopped and judged them on their apparatus, their security, their cleanliness, their graffiti, their level of excitement - yet appropriateness, and their proximity to a sheltered area where Benny could nip for the inevitable wee wee. This particular park was not one of his favourites, but Benny had seen it from the car window on the way home and insisted they stopped. It was very old fashioned, with slightly rusty equipment and lots of teenage graffiti. The flooring was not padded and there were no wood chippings, or cushions of sand. It was just plain old metal equipment stuck into the concrete floor. Just like parks from the old days, thought Ben, remembering how his friends would spin each other around on the dangerous metal roundabouts, until someone fell off and got injured.

  “Watch this!” Benny giggled with anticipation and raced off to the old metal slide. “I’m the best! Watch me go bumpy bumpy bumpy!”

  Ben joined Lucy on the paint chipped park bench and rubbed his palms together. “I need to work on my upper body! Those monkey bars are a killer!”

  Lucy looked across at his solid chest and large arm muscles bulging out of his rolled up school shirt. “Shut up, you show off!”

  He winced at the sharp jab directed to his side. “Careful! You don’t want to damage super dad!”

  Lucy watched the way Benny waved from the bottom of the slide with such pride and accomplishment. “Well he certainly thinks you’re a super dad.”

  “Do you think so?”

  Lucy nodded. “Yes! Look at him. He’s checking you’re watching each time he gets to the top.”

  “I am watching.”

  “Exactly! See, you are a super dad.” She ruffled his messy blonde hair. “How was school anyway?”

  “Great actually. You know what it’s like, once you’re back it seems like you’ve never been away.”

  “Was Kat okay?”

  He turned his attention to Lucy. “Yeah she seemed to be, why?”

  “I may be completely wrong here, you know me-”

  He nodded.

  “But things have just seems a bit frosty between Kat and Freya recently.”

  Ben twisted his body towards Lucy, he loved a good gossip and this was the first he had heard of it. “Well you know me, and I am very good on picking up body language and I haven’t noticed anything. Come on Mystic Meg, what have you seen?” He shook her blunt black fringe.

  “Kat is quieter.”

  “That’s it?”

  “Yes, but I saw what her ex put her through and she was quiet through all of that.”

  Ben had been sucked in. “So what exactly went on between her and this ex? I have never heard the whole story.”

  The shout was one of excited achievement, “Look Daddy, me monkey too!”

  Ben and Lucy both swivelled round in time to see Benny perched at the edge of the two metre high metal monkey bar ledge. He suddenly lunged forwards with his hands outstretched.

  “Noooooooooo!” Lucy and Ben cried out in echoed unison.

  It was too late. Benny was falling forwards. His short arms missed the first rung and sent him plunging, face first, towards the concrete floor.

  For Lucy and Ben, the fall happened in slow motion. Both launched themselves off the bench, but it was too late. They could not get there in time. The thud was hollow.

  “Nooooooooooo!” screamed Ben.

  Lucy reached Benny’s side and fell to her knees.

  Benny lifted his head and opened his mouth with the loudest piercing wail.

  “He’s okay, he’s okay. He’s crying. At least he’s crying.” Lucy had scooped him up into her arms, shielding him against her warm chest.

  “His face, check his face!” Ben was panicking. “Check his teeth, shit his teeth!”

  The wailing was earsplitting.

  “Give him a second.”

  “Shhhitttttt! Something is bleeding!”

  “Ben, will you just calm down. You need to stay calm for him.”

  “I’m calling an ambulance. You saw him fall.” The vision raced through his head once more. He knew in that moment that he would never forget the image of his son thudding face first onto the park’s concrete floor. “Shit, I’m calling an ambulance.”

  Benny wiped away a wailing tear and immediately screamed with frantic panic as he saw the blood which now covered his tiny hand. “Benny’s bleeding! Ahhhhhhhhh!”

  The cries were piercing and Ben had no idea what to do. “Shit! Look at the fucking state of his face!”

  Lucy burrowed him back between her breasts to shield his ears and offer some calm. “It’s okay big man. You’re going to be okay.”

  “Of course he’s not going to
be fucking okay! He fell fucking face first off that stupid fucking ledge!” Ben was fumbling with his phone. “Shit, let’s just drive him, it will be quicker.”

  Lucy peeped down and offered a reassuring smile. The wails were slowly turning to sobs as Benny tried to be brave. “I think he is okay.” Lucy leaned backwards revealing his swollen bottom lip and gashed chin. “I think he has been a very brave boy.”

  Benny gave Lucy the same puppy dog look as his father. “Did I do the monkey?” he managed to sniff.

  Lucy smiled. “Almost.”

  Ben wasn’t listening. “He fell fucking face first onto the floor! We’re taking him to hospital.”

  “Okay, that’s fine. Let’s just try and do it calmly shall we?” She spoke with a forced smile.

  Ben helped the pair of them stand and reached for his son. “I’ll carry him, we’ll get to the car quicker.” He started to jog.

  “Ben! Will you just calm down!” She had to shout as nothing else was working. Lucy kept a steady pace besides them as they crossed the open field towards the car park. She puffed, “Benny, we are going to go and see the doctor so he can check your chin. You might get a sticker if you are really brave.”

  “Giddy up horsey!” Benny had momentarily forgotten about the fall and was enjoying the fast bumpy journey in daddy two’s arms.

  “I’m sure he’s not bothered about a fucking sticker!”

  “Ben!!”

  Benny grinned. This had started to become very exciting. “Benny gets stickers when he goes to hospital with Mummy. When Mummy is sick.” He stuck out his tongue and made a sicky sound.

  Lucy frowned. “Is Mummy having a baby?”

  Benny wrinkled his scuffed nose. “No! Mummy goes to find her hair.”

  Ben increased his pace, worried that concussion would be setting in. “Good, so you won’t be scared of the doctors then.”

  “Ben! Did you hear what he just said?”

  “Not really, no. Now hurry up! I think I can feel him getting hotter.”

  Lucy was nearly at a full sprint by now. “That’s probably all of the friction you are creating by bouncing him up and down like that.”

  Ben glanced down at his son, who was now grinning like a Cheshire cat.

  ****

  Lucy had somehow managed to talk Ben into attending the Minor Injury’s Unit instead of the full blown A and E department. Both were in the same hospital, but one wouldn’t take kindly to a little boy who was now racing around, excitedly demanding a Spiderman sticker. Lucy held the tiny blood stained hand. “Right, let’s just wait here Benny, so Daddy Two can find out where we have to go.”

  Ben was busy with the hospital receptionist, describing the treacherous fall in minute detail, when in fact her job was simply to give directions to the various departments.

  “Mummy, Mummy, Mummy!” Benny jumped up and down. “Look! Mummy’s here!” He suddenly slipped his hand out of Lucy’s and darted off down the main corridor.

  Lucy exhaled loudly and shook her head, what was Ben playing at? There was no need to call Lisa. It would just cause unnecessary panic. She squinted to the far end of the corridor. Oh shit! Benny was shaking the arm of some old woman’s wheelchair and the old man who was pushing her seemed to be telling him off. She started to run. “Benny, come away!” She looked up, “I’m so sorr-” and did a double take, “Gerald?”

  “Told you, Mummy here!” Benny was now on the old woman’s lap.

  Lucy looked down. “Lisa?” She was almost unrecognisable.

  A slow tear slid down Lisa’s gaunt cheek.

  Chapter Twenty One

  Freya pushed a piece of cold tortellini around her dinner plate and looked incredibly sulky. “You could’ve said no.”

  “To what?” Kat knew exactly what she was talking about.

  “To Mrs Louza.”

  Kat shifted in her chair, put her fork back down and pushed away her plate. She had hardly touched the evening meal either. Janet’s news about Renee joining Coldfield had caused a wave of instant unease to wash across the pair of them, leaving them both decidedly queasy. “Why would I have said no?”

  “Because of everything that’s been going on.”

  “But that’s just it Freya. You said nothing has been going on, so why would I, as a teacher trainer, say no to training an additional student?”

  “Because it’s Renee.”

  “Well that’s actually even better. I have met her and you said that she works very hard, and I think, from what I have seen of her, that she has the natural charisma that every good teacher needs.”

  “So she will get all of your attention then?”

  Kat frowned. “What’s going on? Why are you so edgy?”

  Freya pushed her plate into the middle of the glass table next to Kat’s and folded her arms. “I just don’t want her nestling in on us.”

  “Is that what this is about?”

  Freya nodded.

  Smiling, Kat slid out from her kitchen chair. “Well you don’t have to worry about that.” She stood up and extended her hand.

  Freya took the peace offering and let herself be pulled up into the reassuring arms.

  Kat whispered into her ear, “I love you, and nothing, and no one - especially not Renee - will ever change that.”

  Freya kept her eyes open and watched the large red hand on the oversized kitchen clock tick slowly round in a never ending circle.

  Kat kept her eyes closed and hugged Freya even tighter. Neither of them noticed the heavy apartment door as it slowly creaked opened. The voice was subdued, “Hi girls. Oh, sorry to interrupt.”

  Kat swivelled round. “Lucy! Hi, you’re not interrupting.” She smiled. “We have some Tortellini if you fancy it? It’s a bit cold, but that doesn’t usually bother you.”

  Ben followed Lucy into the warm apartment and kindly took her coat, hanging it on the one spare hook and hoping his heavy bomber jacket would squash onto the top. It didn’t. It fell to the ground, pulling hers down with it. He swore and kicked both coats, sending them skidding across the polished laminate floorboards.

  No one spoke.

  He walked into the lounge and bent for the jackets, grabbing them and shaking them with unnecessary force. “For fuck’s sake!”

  “Is everything okay?” Kat didn’t know what else to say.

  Lucy looked at their plates in the middle of the table, still full of food. “Have you finished?”

  Kat and Freya both nodded at each other. Their enjoyment of the meal had never really begun.

  “We need to talk to you guys.”

  Kat had only seen Lucy serious on two occasions. One was last year when Jess had her miscarriage and the other was when Ben had left her. She nodded in worried acknowledgement and made her way into the lounge, taking a seat on the black leather sofa, hoping they were not about to split up. They were such a wonderful couple, both able to take life in their stride and always see the positive in any situation. Lucy made him laugh and he made her happy. They were a perfect fit and as Kat watched them now, both with sorrow in their eyes, she feared the worst. Freya slid in beside her and the feeling of her warm hand squeezing her own gave a much needed sense of reassurance. Kat turned to her girlfriend and smiled.

  Lucy sat opposite them on the single seat and Ben joined her on the arm. “We’ve got some really bad news.” Ben’s voice had started to crack. He looked to the floor and willed himself to continue. “Lisa is really poorly.”

  Kat looked to Lucy who was quietly, desperately, trying to hold back the tears.

  Ben coughed and tried to compose himself. “She has...” his voice cracked again, “...she has got cancer.”

  “Oh no.” Kat and Freya both gasped, leaned forwards, and lifted their hands to their mouths in utter shock. “Is it treatable?” It was Kat’s first thought.

  Lucy shook her head as a small tear dropped onto her pale cheek.

  Ben put his arm around her shoulder. “I don’t know where to start really. She has been havin
g, umm, treatment...” he paused, trying to control his breathing, “...for umm, for the past six months...” He started to sob. “They have tried everything.” He shook his head. “Umm, she is ... she is going to die.”

  Lucy buried her face in his chest and started to cry.

  Freya quickly wiped away a tear and looked to Kat who stood up and walked around the coffee table to kneel gently at Lucy’s side. She hugged her softly and looked up at Ben. He would not look back.

  “How long has she got?” Freya was hardly audible.

  Ben wiped his eyes and shrugged his shoulders. “One month, maybe two.”

  Lucy re-emerged with puffy red eyes. She sniffed back a tear and tried to speak. “They want us...” the tears came thick and fast, “...they want us ... to have Benny.”

  Kat felt a surge of despair, poor Benny.

  Lucy was crying hard. “He’s only four and his mummy ... his mummy is dying.”

  Ben pulled her back into his chest. “It’s okay, it’s okay Luce. She wants you to be his mummy now.”

  Kat held her hands together in front of her mouth. “They want you to have him?”

  Ben nodded.

  Freya beckoned Kat back over to the sofa. She needed to feel close to her. As Kat sat slowly back down she whispered in her ear, “I’m so sorry.”

  Kat held her tight and understood. Times like these made you realise what was important. Life was precious. Life was short. Life could be snatched away in the quickest of moments.

  Ben coughed again and took another deep breath, blinking quickly and trying to clear his damp eyes. There were things that needed to be discussed. Arrangements needed to be made. He spoke slowly and clearly, reaffirming the facts for himself as well as the others. “They decided that we should have joint custody with Gerald. Benny will live with us full time and Gerald will see him at the weekends, or in the week, or whenever he needs to really.” He squeezed Lucy’s shoulder, “... but Lisa wants Benny’s home to be with us.”

  Lucy rubbed her face and shook her head. “They said it had been planned for months. Imagine planning what is going to happen to your baby after you die. Imagine deciding who will look after it, who will care for it, who will love it like you would.”