Just Shoot Me (Cowboy Way, #1)

by Becky McGraw

  When she left Dallas, Tina had been worried about being bored and not having anything to do out here. Well, she had been terribly mistaken. She didn’t have time to be bored, she had plenty to do. She was doing it all right now. Taking care of him, dealing with Jeremy and Laney, and keeping up with the house.

  Mr. and Mrs. Dixon didn’t want to leave, but they had to go to Dallas for his checkup with his doctor. The way Dean was acting, Tina had been half-tempted to load Laney up and go with them back to her apartment. The lease wasn’t up until the end of the month, and all her stuff still hadn’t been moved out to the ranch. But she couldn’t leave Dean. Even as sour as he was to her right now, she knew it was because he was hurting.

  Tina had no idea why, but she loved him. Laney loved him too. When he wasn’t Mr. Cranky Pants, everyone loved him. They would get past this somehow.

  If they just knew what was going on with both of their custody suits, things would be a lot better. If their fricking attorney would return her calls to tell her what was going on. Tina had left three messages in the last three days for him, but so far he hadn’t called. He was in court.

  Well, if she had to drive to Dallas herself, she was going to get answers.

  She balanced the tray of food on her hip, and opened the bedroom door. It was dark inside the room, so she reached in and flipped on the light switch and Dean groaned. “Get your ass up,” she said she kneed the door open and walked inside. “Your food is here, Master.”

  He wanted to be grumpy? She could more than meet him grump for grump. Laney and Jeremy were at school, so Tina didn’t have to worry about putting on a pretty face for them. She could deal with Dean just like he was dealing with her. Feeling sorry for him and coddling him hadn’t gotten her anywhere. It was time for a little intervention.

  “Not hungry,” he said and rolled over toward the wall.

  “Too damned bad, you’re eating,” Tina said as she sat the tray on the nightstand to turn the lamp on too.

  “Cut the damn lights off and leave me alone. I said I’m not fucking hungry!”

  “You want me to leave?” she asked softly, and his shoulders tensed.

  “You won’t leave.” He said the words confidently, but Tina heard the worry too.

  He needed to worry. “I’m thinking about it when your parents get back. If you can’t talk to your wife, then I don’t want to be married to you.” It was true. Tina had married Dean Dixon under less than ideal circumstances, with a proposal that had to be the most unromantic proposal in history. She had cared about him then, but she loved him now.

  She wasn’t a martyr though. And if they were going to make a go of this marriage, he was going to stop feeling sorry for himself and start talking to her about how he was feeling. Caring about how she was feeling, because she was in the same boat with him, they were just paddling in different directions right now. She didn’t have her legal situation solved either, which was her main reason for agreeing to marry him.

  His voice was about as dark as she’d ever heard it when he said, “Leave then.”

  “Is that why Cindy left?” Tina asked knowing that would get a rise out of him. “Because you didn’t care enough to ask her to stay?”

  His whole body tensed, she heard a rumble that turned into a growl, as he spun over so fast the bed shook. His eyes when they met hers were so filled with hate Tina flinched. “No, the reason I let her leave was because she was a whoring bitch that couldn’t give two flying shits about me or her son.”

  “You think that about me too? Is that why you don’t care if I leave?”

  The anger left his eyes, and his eyebrows rose. “Hell no, I don’t think that about you,” he said then collapsed back against the mattress to throw his good arm over his eyes. “And of course I care if you leave. You’re my wife.”

  “Then talk to me, because I do give two flying shits about you and our son,” she said, sitting down on the edge of the bed. That’s how Tina felt about Jeremy now. He was her kid as much as Laney was hers. More, because she was married to his father, and she loved Dean too.

  Dean didn’t respond for a while, but Tina was patient, because all she had was time. He finally swallowed then said, “If I lose him, I’ll die.”

  “If you don’t fight for him, you’ll lose him,” Tina volleyed, damned relieved that he had finally said something to her. It was a start.

  “I fought and I lost,” Dean said in a defeated tone. “I’m just waiting for the hammer to drop now.”

  “That hasn’t happened yet, Dean. Jeremy is still here, and he needs you to be his daddy. You can’t let him see you give up, or he’ll get upset. I’m not letting Laney see that I’m worried either. The attorney still has that detective looking for my sister. The new school wants a copy of the guardianship papers and I can’t produce those.”

  Tina’s eyes landed on the congealed chicken and dumplings in the bowl on the night stand and her stomach lurched. She’d had a bowl of it last night and it hadn’t made her sick, but just the sight of it disgusted her now. She damned well thought she might be getting an ulcer from all this. It definitely wasn’t the flu she had, it had been going on too long, and she didn’t have any other symptoms.

  She took several deep breaths, swallowed then looked back at Dean. “You need to get up, get cleaned up and—“ The rich buttery smell punched her in the stomach. Tina vaulted off of the bed and ran for the bathroom.

  Dean heard Tina retching all the way down the hall. Worry shot through him as he shoved off the covers and walked toward the bathroom. He stopped beside her at the toilet to glare down at her. “What the hell is wrong with you?” Tina didn’t look up at him, she just kept her head bowed and breathed. “This has been going on too long. You’ve been sick since we got married.” Dean knew the stress they were both under was enough to make anyone sick, but this had to be something else. After his Daddy’s close call with death last year, this scared him. It could be serious too. “We’re going to the doctor today to find out what’s wrong with you.”

  “I’ll be fine,” she assured him as she pushed up to stand.

  “I know you will, because we’re going to the doctor. I’ll get Hope to watch for the kids when they get home. Get ready, we’re going to the doctor.” Dean walked down the hall to the bedroom, grabbed clean clothes and then went back to the bathroom. Tina still stood there. She had a strange look on her face, sort of shell-shocked. He didn’t have time for her to dawdle. He wanted to know what the hell was wrong with her. “Now, Tina. Go get ready!” he said as he tried to squeeze between her and the door.

  “I think I know what’s wrong,” she said in a trembling voice.

  Dean stepped back outside to grab her shoulders. “What’s wrong then?” he asked gruffly. Tina didn’t respond, and she wouldn’t look at him, so Dean tipped her chin up to him. “Tell me dammit!” Her eyes teared up, his heart shot up to his throat. “Fucking tell me, Tina, or we are going to the doctor right now,” he growled.

  “I’m pregnant,” Tina said softly.

  Shock rocked Dean, her words hung in the air, then echoed through his skull, before they registered on his brain. His chest tightened, his hand fell to his side and he staggered back from her. He shook his head in denial. “You can’t be pregnant. How could you be pregnant?” he asked when he could breathe again.

  Her eyebrows raised, and she crossed her arms over her chest, as if to say if you don’t know I’m not telling you buddy.

  “We used condoms.” Every fucking time they had sex. Even though Dean wanted nothing more than to go bareback and feel her heat directly, he didn’t want another kid. He had enough problems now. They both did.

  He pushed past her into the bathroom, fumbled through the bottom drawer where he’d stashed what was left in the box he’d brought in from the truck. He found them and held them out to her. “I used almost this whole box.” His hand shook as he pulled the single pack left in the box of thirty-six out and tossed it down onto the counter. “Explain to m
e how the hell you’re pregnant!” A thought occurred to him, and a sense of déjà vu caused the hair on the back of his neck to stand on end. “Were you pregnant when I married you? When we had sex the first time? Were you trying to trap me like my ex-wife did?”

  Tina’s mouth dropped open, her arms fell to her sides, and her body practically vibrated. “Yeah, you’re such a fucking prize as a husband, I decided I’ve got to have him,” she said snidely then a nasty smile eased up the corners of her mouth. “You need to wake up asshole, before you run off everyone in your life who loves you. You just lost another one.”

  Dean watched her stomp down the hall. She stopped at the end and turned back to throw up her middle finger, before she walked around the corner. Dean picked up the condom box off of the counter, and held it close to his face to read the fine print there.

  Ninety-eight percent effective. Two fucking percent didn’t convince him she was pregnant with his kid. He kept reading and nothing else there did either. His eyes dropped to a narrow white box on the bottom right of the package. The print was a different font, and lighter than the rest so he held the box closer to the light until he saw it was a date.

  A fucking expiration date. Two years past the current date. Dean sat down on the floor in the bathroom and crushed the box in his hand.

  Tina couldn’t hold back the angry tears that poured down her face as she walked across the yard to the bunkhouse. Her new home for now, because she could not live with Dean Dixon one more minute. And she couldn’t leave him until Laney finished the school year. She was trapped at this ranch with him for now, but she didn’t have to live with him. Or see him. Or care about him.

  The tears came harder, as Tina just opened the door and walked in. Hope came out of the hallway looking sleepy. She must’ve been taking a nap, Tina figured, as she walked over to plop down on the sofa and hug herself.

  “Hey,” Hope said with a yawn as she rounded the sofa. She stopped and studied Tina. “What’s wrong?” she asked as she sat beside Tina to put an arm around her shoulders.

  Tina sucked in a shuddering breath and hugged herself tighter. “Later,” she said and her throat felt raw. “Can I stay over here?”

  “Of course you can. Did Dean pull something?” Hope asked with fire in her voice.

  “I’m done,” was all Tina could push past the knot of emotion in her throat.

  “You want a drink?” Hope asked.

  Tina shook her head, then her lips trembled as she said, “Oreos.”

  Hope nodded, got up off of the sofa and walked to the kitchen. God bless her soul, when Hope came back she had a huge glass of milk, a bag of Oreos, and various other junk food. She spread the bags out on the coffee table, and Tina grabbed the cookie bag and ripped it open.

  Like a crack addict looking for a fix, she pulled a cookie out with trembling hands, then dunked it into the milk. The black cookie swirl on top of the milk made her smile. Drinking the milk after she’d eaten her fill of cookies was her favorite part.

  Tina wasn’t sure there were enough Oreos in Texas to take away the pain in her chest this time though. But dying of a cookie coma sure beat dying of a broken heart.

  And that’s how she felt. Like she was bleeding to death on the inside.

  Hope picked up a cookie out of the bag, dunked it then shoved it into her mouth. Tina looked at her. They both smiled black cookie smiles. Tina ate her tenth cookie then grabbed the glass and downed the milk. She sat back against the sofa with a sigh, surveying the selection on the table.

  Hope brushed the crumbs off of her hands and sat back too. Lacing her fingers together over her rounded belly, she said, “I’m pregnant so I have an excuse, but before we proceed with your pity pigfest tell me what the party is about.”

  “I have an excuse too,” Tina said, sitting up to grab the bag of cherry gummy worms from under the bag of chips. More sweets first, then salt, she decided ripping the bag open.

  Hope looked confused for a moment, then she gasped. She shot to her feet and squealed as she jumped up and down clapping her hands. She threw her arms wide, and Tina guessed her friend expected her to stand and get excited with her. Tina shoved two gummy worms into her mouth instead. Hope’s face fell, as she sat on the edge of the sofa. “What’s wrong?”

  “I don’t want to talk about it right now,” Tina said around the wad of rubbery cherry deliciousness in her mouth. “Let’s watch a movie.”

  “What’s your flavor?” Hope asked getting up to walk to the television cabinet.

  “Something funny.” God knew she didn’t want to cry anymore. She was done with that. Tina was going to stay here with Hope and Cord until Laney got out of school, but she wasn’t going to just sit here. She was going to come up with a plan for the rest of her life that included her baby, but did not include Dean Dixon. Apply for jobs and get something lined up, get the paperwork drawn up for a divorce. The last day of school would be the last day of her ill-fated marriage to him.

  He better hope he had his ducks in a row where Jeremy was concerned by then. Tina had an idea on how he could fix that situation, planned on telling him about it, but after what he’d just said to her, she just didn’t give a damn. She would pass her idea on to Cord, have him pass it on to his brother if he wanted to, but she was not getting involved.

  From here on out, Dean Dixon was on his own.

  Tina and Hope were curled up on the sofa laughing when Cord walked through the door of the bunkhouse. It was a little dim, because they had the lights off to watch the movie, but Tina saw the surprise on his face at seeing her there.

  Hope shot to her feet. “Hey, honey,” she said with a smile as she walked over to give him a long kiss. Tina dragged her eyes back to the movie, and opened the bag of pretzels. She shoved a couple in her mouth and chewed until they were dry dust in her mouth. She reached for the glass of milk and took a big swallow, but quickly found a new rule to add to her list of pigfest rules. Oreo milk did not mix well with pretzels.

  Tina slammed down the glass and ran for the bathroom down the hall. When she finished tossing her cookies, she splashed her face, wondering when this would end. She remembered her sister was sick for the whole first three months she was pregnant. Tina figured she was probably a month or so along, so she had a long way to go.

  Maybe she should lay off the junk food until then, she thought, as she weakly staggered back down the hall. When she made it to the living room she wanted to hurl again, but turned and headed back to the bathroom instead when she found Dean there talking to his brother. She heard him call her name, but Tina shut the bathroom door and locked it. He pounded, and she sat on the side of the tub and waited.

  “Tina, open the damned door!” he shouted, and she crossed her arms over her chest. Everyone thought he was stubborn? They had never seen stubborn. He pounded and shouted until she heard the hoarseness in his voice. Finally, she heard his boot heels as he walked back to the living room. He was sorry? He was going to be sorrier very soon.

  Dean would soon find out that sorry didn’t fix some things. Tina’s heart, what was left of it, shattered in a million more pieces. Like calling his wife who had done nothing but try to help him and his son a faithless whore like his ex-wife. Tears pushed up her throat again, but she refused to shed them. She held on until she thought Dean had left the bunkhouse, then opened the door and walked to the living room. Cord and Hope were sitting on the couch talking. She made sure Dean was nowhere in the bunkhouse, then joined them.

  “Hey,” she said forcing herself to smile.

  Cord’s sympathetic eyes met hers. “I’m sorry, Tina. My brother is an ass.”

  “That’s not a news flash, Cord,” Tina said as she sat down and curled her feet under her.

  “No, but you being pregnant is,” Cord said lightly then laughed. “I’m sure that shocked the crap out of him.”

  There it was. The first excuse from his family. That’s why Dean acted the way he did toward everyone in his life. Because he could. “Don’
t make excuses for him, Cord. There’s no excuse,” Tina said, as she reached for the bag of chips, but changed her mind. She sat back to hug herself. Evidently Dean had filled them in on what happened.

  “The condoms were expired,” Cord said. Another excuse.

  Tina shrugged. “Doesn’t matter now. That’s something he should have looked at before he said what he did to me. Once words like that are out, there’s no taking them back.”

  “I agree, but—“ Hope grabbed Cord’s thigh, and he shut up.

  “Just leave it, Cord,” Hope said, and Tina sent her thanks with her eyes.

  “I do have something you may want to tell him though,” Tina said shortly.

  She might as well get this over with so Dean could get the ball rolling on fixing his situation before she left. “Tell Dean that his ex-wife has never really been a mother. Perhaps if she had a few visitations with Jeremy, she would change her mind about wanting to be one now. I hear children are very restrictive on a girl’s social life.”

  That’s what her sister said at any rate. When she whined about not being able to go out when Laney was a baby, Tina had offered to babysit because she loved Laney, and the kid wasn’t any trouble at all. Those instances got more and more frequent, until she wound up being the child’s mother. Tina realized now that just like Dean’s family enabled him to be self-absorbed and treat them poorly by making excuses for him, she allowed her sister to be neglectful of her daughter by taking on the sole responsibility of caring for Laney.

  What happened was her fault, but her sister had taken advantage of her too. Because Tina let her. Tina hoped that the detective the attorney hired would find Lori. She wanted to be able to tell her sister that. And give her the option of straightening up, being responsible for the child she had brought into the world, before she sought permanent custody of Laney.

  It was the right thing to do.

  Cord’s face lit up, then his smile widened. “You’re a smart woman, Tina Dixon.”