A Righteous Man

by Crownover, Jay

  My younger brother snorted and shook his dark head. “I’m frustrated, not stupid. I’d have to be out of my mind to move back home. I’d never get laid again.” We shared a chuckle as Jeno settled back in the leather seat, turning his head slightly to look at me through his mirrored sunglasses. “Speaking of getting laid, you haven’t been home much in the last few weeks. It seems like things are progressing nicely with your dream girl.”

  I made a noise and let my shoulder fall in a careless shrug. “She’s a woman, not a girl, but yeah, I guess things are good.” Other than I felt like Maren was ready to drop me like a bad habit any minute. Sure, we had fun when we were together, and she seemed less like she was walking on eggshells around me, but it was very obvious she was treating me as someone temporary in her world. A lot of time had passed since she actually split from her ex to consider myself her rebound fling, but I definitely didn’t feel like she was making any solid plans to keep me around when the appeal of being with me wore off.

  Even without a contract to guide our relationship, she was definitely the one calling all the shots, and I tread lightly to make sure I didn’t overstep my bounds. I didn’t try to hide how into her I was, or the fact that I’d liked her for a lot longer than she was aware of. Unfortunately, Maren didn’t hide her hesitation to let me matter anymore to her than I already did. I never imagined I’d be the one desperate to define our relationship as something more than friends who fucked whenever the urge struck. She had yet to come by my house for anything more than a business meeting, and while our friendship and working relationship had grown and improved, I still felt like I was on the outside of something bigger, something more important, without a way inside. It left me feeling cold and alone when I had time to really think about the situation.

  I couldn’t really complain because I’d always dreamed about getting to be with Maren in any kind of way if I managed to get her to forgive me. It made me feel greedy when I internally complained that having unlimited access to her body wasn’t enough. But I really wanted to touch her everywhere, including her tightly guarded heart. I knew she’d been hurt very badly and was more careful than the average woman getting back into dating after a divorce. But her walls were so high they were impossible to climb, and the only way I was getting in was if she lowered the drawbridge.

  “You’re really into her. I knew you had a crush on her and have been fixated on her for a really long time, but I guess I didn’t really understand how serious you were about her. That damn script is nothing more than a love letter to Maren Copeland.” Jeno reached out and pushed my shoulder playfully. “You guys look good together. I keep seeing pictures of the two of you on all the different celebrity news sites. People are willing to sell their souls to get anyone close to the two of you to confirm if you’re dating or not.”

  I snorted and pressed down on the gas as the pace of the traffic picked up. “How can anyone close to us answer that question when I can’t even answer it? I don’t think Maren would consider what we’re doing as dating, but she would lose her mind if it leaked that we were sleeping together without any kind of label. That’s the opposite of her goody-two-shoes image.”

  Jeno laughed. “I actually think all the speculation has been pretty good for her. A lot of your younger fanbase has gone back to stream the first show you guys worked on together because they’re curious about your relationship. And a lot of her fanbase is now paying attention to you, because who doesn’t want a hot, younger lover? So far, all the press around the project is nothing but good. All the questions about your possible romance have added an air of mystery that’s working to our advantage. So, try not to screw it up before the movie releases.”

  “We head to location soon to start shooting. It’s the first time I’m going to be away from home for a long period since I got out of rehab. I’m a little worried about how I’m going to adjust.” And I was worried about how filming was going to affect my relationship with Maren. We were both professionals, and she took her craft seriously. I’d worked with her before, and I knew she didn’t play around on set at all, but now that we were involved in other ways, it wasn’t clear if our arrangement was on a time limit when it came time to get in front of the cameras for hours and hours a day.

  Jeno cracked his knuckles as I took the exit that would take us into the suburban neighborhoods filled with Spanish-style estates where my grandmother lived. My mom came from money. Her parents were well off, and then she married my dad without a prenup when they were young and dumb. She had enough cash to live a life of leisure, and she took full advantage. Luckily, my grandmother was levelheaded and logical. She filled in all the gaps that my mother’s parenting had lacked while I was growing up. She was the only constant in my life as both my mother and father rotated through spouses as frequently as they changed socks.

  “I’ll be on set with you. If you feel stressed, or if you feel yourself slipping, let me know. You have to know you’re going to have very little privacy on location. I have to have full access to where we’re staying for the duration and to your trailer on set. I know it’s invasive and uncomfortable, but that’s part of making sure you stay on the straight and narrow. Plus, Maren put similar conditions in that damn contract. Don’t forget you have to submit to random drug testing throughout the duration of the shoot. She has the right to request an outside source come in and do an independent search of your lodging and belongings if she suspects you’re using again. She really didn’t leave anything to chance when she agreed to work with you again.”

  It was my turn to laugh, only mine was a touch bitter and missing humor. “She’s a big fan of contracts.”

  “What?” Jeno gave me a confused look as I pulled up to my grandmother’s big, adobe house.

  I waved the statement away, not wanting to explain that the only reason Maren let me into her bedroom and her body was because I’d agreed to sign my name on a dotted line. She’d yet to give me a list of what was and wasn’t allowed, which might be why I always felt like I was flying blind with her. Before we even started, she told me there would be rules to follow, but I’d yet to get a glimpse of what they were. Even if I had any idea what they looked like, I was bound to break one or two along the way because that’s just who I was. I may have cleaned up my act for the most part, but I wasn’t a guy who colored strictly inside the lines. I never would be.

  My grandmother’s long-time housekeeper let us inside and showed us to the magnificent garden that stretched out behind her home. It was her pride and joy where she spent most of her time. Back in the day, it was rumored that she and my grandfather had had some legendary parties on the estate, the kind that rivaled the infamous parties at the Playboy Mansion. My grandfather passed away during one of my first stints in rehab. In fact, when he died, I left the facility and promptly put enough poison in my veins that I was unconscious for nearly three days. I missed the old man’s funeral and broke my grandmother’s heart. It was the first time in my life she was disappointed in me. It was the only time she refused to see me, and she told me that until I was clean for a least six months, she wanted nothing to do with me. At the time, I was defiant and told her I didn’t need her, that I didn’t need anyone.

  I was wrong in the worst way.

  My grandmother was another person with whom I needed to make huge amends, even though she told me having me alive and doing my best to stay away from the stuff that almost killed me was all the thanks she needed. She only wanted me to live my best life, so that was what I was trying to do.

  The older woman was sitting at an outdoor table with a tall glass of lemonade in front of her. There was more than likely a shot of vodka mixed in with the sweet drink, but just like Jeno, my grandma did her best not to partake of anything intoxicating when I was around.

  I bent down to kiss her cheek as she patted my arm in greeting. She was a tiny woman, only reaching the middle of my chest when she was standing. She had a head of artfully styled white hair and was in considerably good healt
h. She took better care of herself now than she had in her wild youth, and like most people in LA, she looked younger than her actual years. If she’d had work done like my mother, she never said, so I decided to believe I got my good genes from her.

  “My boys. Look how handsome you both are. I’ve missed you.” Jeno bent down and kissed her other cheek as she reached up to pinch his. We tried to visit her regularly, but between getting the movie off the ground and me spending more and more time with Maren, we’d missed our usual weekend lunch date more often than not the last couple of months.

  “Sorry, we’ve both been so busy, Grandma. We wanted to make sure we spent some time with you before we head off to shoot this movie. We’re going to be filming in Vancouver primarily. We won’t be able to stop by as often, but I’ll call you every weekend.” I thanked the housekeeper when she brought me a glass of water and told her whatever was fine when she asked what I wanted for lunch. I wasn’t picky, and my grandma was mostly a vegetarian, so I always let her pick the menu.

  The older woman reached out and gave Jeno’s beefy arm an affectionate pat. “You’re going with him?”

  My younger brother nodded and covered her wrinkled hand with his tattooed one. “I am. I’ll keep an eye on him for you.”

  She tossed back her head and laughed long and loud. “You do that, but don’t forget to get out and have some fun for yourself. I need one of you boys to meet a nice girl so you can bring her home to meet me. I’d love to see one of you settle down before I need a walker to get around.” She wiggled her painted eyebrows suggestively. “I wouldn’t complain if one of you brought me a baby to snuggle either.”

  Jeno pulled back and made a disgusted face. “I am a baby. No way should you look at me to make that happen for you, Gram.”

  She laughed and turned her sparkling eyes that were the same deep brown color as mine in my direction. “How about you, kiddo? Are you ready to think about dating and maybe starting a family down the road? You’ve been pretty quiet when it comes to your love life lately.”

  Thank the Lord the woman didn’t have social media. She’d have me married off to Maren regardless if either of us was ready for something that serious.

  Jeno nudged me with his elbow as he took a seat next to me at the custom-designed outdoor dining table. “Sal’s been hanging out with his longtime crush. If you look closely, you can see stars in his eyes.”

  “Oh, really?” My grandmother leaned closer to me, reaching out to grasp my chin so she could stare directly into my eyes. “Sparkle, sparkle. You do have a certain glint in your gaze, my boy. Who is she? The only girl you’ve ever given more than a passing thought to is that uppity girl you worked with when you were a teenager. You talked about her nonstop. You wouldn’t listen when I warned you that she was too old for you and too prissy.”

  I groaned and lifted a hand to cover my face as Jeno threw back his head and let out a loud belly laugh that had my grandmother looking between the two of us with wide eyes.

  “What did I say?”

  I rubbed my face and flashed her a sheepish grin. “The lead actress in the new movie is that same girl, Maren Copeland. She’s still the only woman I can’t get off my mind. I screwed her over pretty good back in the day, so getting her to forgive me took some work. Getting her to consider dating me might be a long shot.”

  My grandma snorted and lifted her spiked drink to her lips. “With that pretty face of yours, I’m sure all you have to do is smile at her and she’ll fall head over heels for you.”

  I shook my head. “Nope. She still doesn’t trust me fully, so she keeps her distance.”

  “She was really pretty back then. But her attitude was…” The older woman trailed off and gave me a look, “difficult.”

  Jeno nodded and thanked the silent housekeeper who quickly dropped off bowls overflowing with some kind of salad on steroids in front of us. “She’s nice, but very particular. I’m glad she agreed to do the movie, but watching her and Sal dance around one another is exhausting. I have to give him credit, though. One of the hallmarks of a successful recovery from addiction is staying single and abstaining from sex for a period of time once you leave rehab. He didn’t even look at a woman until it was time to approach Maren for the part in his movie. I have to say he’s pretty serious about her.”

  “Is that so?” My grandmother gave me a look I couldn’t fully decipher. “I always hoped you would find someone in a different industry. Fame, fortune, and romance are not often a combination that leads to long-lasting relationships. Just look at both of your parents.” She made a humming sound of consideration and gave Jeno a curious look. “Speaking of, how’s your mother doing, Jeno? I haven’t heard from her in a while. Is she still trying to run every tiny aspect of your life?”

  My younger brother flushed and kept his eyes down on the bowl of greens in front of him. “She’s doing all right. She still insists I stop working with Salinger and go to school. She doesn’t want to hear that I have no interest in higher education. I keep hoping she’ll meet a new guy and it’ll take some of her attention off me, but no luck.”

  Her gaze shifted over to me. “Are you still at each other’s throats?”

  I dipped my chin and flushed guiltily the same way my brother had. “A bit. She’s made herself a little too comfortable in my house. I told her she couldn’t come and go as she pleases anymore, and it pissed her off. She’s never going to be my biggest fan.”

  The older woman let out a sigh as she stuck out a hand for me to squeeze. “Pick your battles, my boy. It gets to be too much when you’re trying to fight the whole world. Focus on winning over the girl you want to keep close and forget about the one you want to go away. Know where to put your energy, learn who deserves it. That’s a lesson I’ve learned the older I’ve gotten.”

  I held her hand and gave her a wink, the corner of my mouth kicking up in a grin. “All right. I’ll work on that.”

  She smiled back and wrinkled her nose as she picked up her drink once again. “Bring that pretty girl by so I can meet her. I need to make sure she’s good enough for my grandson. I can’t have you falling in love with a woman who won’t treat you right. I won’t allow it.”

  If I told her I was the one who hadn’t earned a shot at being Maren’s someone special just yet, she wouldn’t believe me. Even though I’d broken her heart beyond imagination in the past, my grandmother still saw me as the cute little boy who followed her around, begging for candy and any kind of affection she could spare. She knew I was far from perfect, but that didn’t stop her from wanting me to have the kind of life and love she’d shared with my grandfather.

  It was nice to know someone believed guys like me should get a happy ever after.

  “I’ll see if I can convince her to come by for lunch or something once we’re done filming.” After all, that would give me time to figure out if this thing we had between us had legs to stand on, or if it was just a passing fancy Maren was using to distract herself from her recent divorce. It didn’t matter that she’d been separated from that idiot for a long time; it was a whole different thing once the papers were signed. I knew this for a fact since my folks divorced and remarried like it was some kind of sport.

  “I just want my boys to be happy. I don’t care who you date or how you earn an income. I want you to be healthy and feel fulfilled. I want you both to make better choices than your parents did, I want you to always appreciate the fact that you found each other.” She pointed her fork in our direction and gave us both a look. “No matter what happens, you two believe in each other and never turn your backs on one another, you hear me?”

  Jeno and I exchanged a look, and I felt an odd shiver of apprehension shoot up my spine. I couldn’t imagine my life without him in it. He was my pillar, my rock, and I hoped he knew I would always be there for him in return.

  “We’ll take care of each other and you, Gram. Don’t worry too much about us.” I gave her another grin and nodded in Jeno’s direction.

&
nbsp; “It’s my job to worry, but today I want to enjoy our time together since I won’t see you for a while. Tell me about your movie. Can you send me the script now that it’s officially in production? I know it might be a bit hard since it’s your story, but I want to understand what you were going through and where your head was at during those dark days. I think it will help me make peace with some of the disappointment I still harbor from that time in my life.”

  I gulped guiltily and assured her, “Of course, I’ll send it to you.” It was on the tip of my tongue to apologize for the millionth time for my previous actions, but she already said she forgave me, and I had to accept her words as true or I would forever doubt myself.

  Maybe I needed to do the same thing when it came to Maren. She said she liked me. She told me she enjoyed being with me. She mentioned that she was learning a lot about me and appreciated the man I’d become, as well as the work I’d put in to figure out how to be him. While she said everything I wanted to hear, I still doubted myself because I couldn’t shake the feeling that I wasn’t good enough. I still wondered if she really forgave me for dragging her down all those years ago.

  It was entirely possible I needed to forgive myself instead of wondering if Maren had really forgiven me or not.

  Maren

  “ARE YOU OKAY?”

  I looked up from my blank phone screen and glanced at Arrow. The look on her face told me it wasn’t the first time she’d asked the question. I wondered how long I’d been zoned out, waiting for a call or message that didn’t come. It shouldn’t bother me that Salinger had gone silent after we left the set. After all, I was the one who told him we needed to focus on work for the time being. I’d refused his offer to stay in a luxury, high-rise condo in downtown Vancouver for the duration of our time on location. I’d barely started to get my head around the fact I was sleeping with him regularly. There was no way in hell I could contemplate living with him as well. I understood I was trying to protect myself because things started to feel a little more serious with him than I signed on for. I wasn’t ready for a relationship, and when I was, it wouldn’t be with a guy who was a recovering addict and a decade younger than me. I convinced myself that I would date someone in a different industry, but realistically that probably wouldn’t work out. Salinger seemed like he was anticipating my response and didn’t bother to hide his disappointment.