A Righteous Man

by Crownover, Jay

  He was always followed the direction I wanted to move, even if it was backward instead of forward.

  But as the days dragged on, I found myself missing him during off-hours. And I definitely missed having him in my bed, and not only because I was horny. I’d gotten used to having someone to talk to in the darkness. I found myself rolling instinctively toward the empty side of the bed in search of a warm body. It was hard to go back to being cold all the way down to my bones when some of the ice that encased my insides had started to melt.

  I wanted to appreciate that he was abiding by every single line in that damn contract I made him sign. He even showed up earlier than I did for rehearsal and table reads, and there wasn’t a hint of the unprofessional kid I hated working with before. But something felt off, almost like he was trying too hard to be perfect and had lost that rebellious spark that was so much a part of who he was. He hadn’t even attempted to get me to change my mind about keeping our focus on the film or tried to lure me into any kind of sleepover. On set, he was the consummate professional; off, he was behaving like a perfect gentleman.

  I missed his mischief and the wildness that was such a breath of fresh air in my otherwise highly ordered life. Everything was back to being dreadfully boring, so I had an all-new appreciation for how much excitement and unexpectedness Salinger brought into my world.

  I forced a smile and waved a hand in my assistant’s direction. She was spending the weekdays with me while I worked but flying home every weekend. Since I refused to cohabitate with Salinger, I was glad she was around so I wasn’t lonely and had someone to talk to.

  I reached up and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear before tapping a fingernail on the dark screen of my phone. “I’m just a little bit tired. I knew this movie was going to be emotionally draining, and the character was going to take a lot out of me, but I think it’s more exhausting than I anticipated.”

  Arrow nodded, a small frown pulling her brow down. “Even watching from the outside, it seems pretty intense. You and Salinger look good together, though. I’m not sure how much of what you’re portraying is real and how much is just acting. You play off one another really well, even with such a heavy subject matter.” Her expression smoothed out, and she wiggled her eyebrows at me in a playful manner. “I bet all the romantic scenes turn out fire. If you guys have that kind of chemistry for the regular scenes, the kissing and sex scenes are going to be next level.”

  I wrinkled my nose and tapped on my phone even harder. “There aren’t actual sex scenes.” There were a couple of tasteful romantic interludes, though. “But the intimate scenes are usually so awkward and uncomfortable. I don’t think I feel as anxious as I usually do since I’m pretty familiar with Salinger.”

  I knew what it was like to kiss him. To touch him. To taste him and hold him. I knew what it was like to hear him growl my name in that super sexy way he did right before he came. I knew his ears were ticklish, and that his neck was an extra-sensitive place on his body. There wasn’t a single part of him I hadn’t had my hands or mouth on. But none of that knowledge helped me figure out why he’d gone from pushing me for more than I was willing to give to being totally hands-off and treating me almost like I was a stranger whom he was worried about offending.

  I was fairly certain I had no one to blame for the change in our relationship but myself. Once again, I was overly cautious where he was concerned, not only because of what happened in the past, but because I was starting to see a future with Salinger. And after everything blew up with Erik, the last thing I wanted was another problematic man taking up so much space in my life. Even though I logically knew Salinger was tying himself into knots trying to fit into the minuscule spot I’d given him. He wasn’t trying to be any more or any less than what I allowed him to be, and it was possible he’d finally had enough of the emotional acrobatics.

  Arrow hummed in agreement and pointed at the laptop sitting in front of her. “Do you want me to order something for dinner? You have an early call time tomorrow, so you should go to bed early and try and relax a little bit. You look tired.”

  I made a face at her, but I knew she wasn’t lying. I felt tired. I was forced to spend a few extra minutes in hair and makeup today to cover up the dark circles under my eyes. I couldn’t keep going like this. I needed to figure out what I was doing with Salinger in a big picture kind of way before I went crazy and ended up looking like I aged a hundred years overnight.

  “I was thinking about calling the boys and seeing if they wanted to have dinner with us.” I watched as her expression turned sour before she could cover it up. Both Arrow and Jeno were young and had kind of a punk rock vibe. I figured they would get along well, especially since Jeno came across as a generally laid-back kind of guy. Much to my surprise, my assistant and Salinger’s brother took an immediate dislike to one another. The animosity had been apparent from almost the second they met, so it’d been interesting, and often entertaining, to have the two of them on set at the same time. Even though they were there for Salinger and me, they spent most of their time verbally sparring. I’d asked Arrow what it was about the tall, tattooed young man that rubbed her the wrong way, but she’d yet to give me a clear answer.

  “I’ll skip that. I’m not really hungry. I just wanted to make sure you ate something and got plenty of sleep because I know you’ve been working hard and you seem a tad stressed out lately.” She made another face and reached out to close the laptop. “I was actually thinking about going out and getting a drink tonight. I need one.” She didn’t say she felt that way after butting heads with Jeno all day on set, but I could read between the lines.

  I chuckled and clicked my phone open to send a text to Salinger, asking if he wanted to have dinner together. “Go ahead. I can get to the set on my own in the morning.” I was secretly hoping I could figure out a way to invite myself over for a sleepover at Salinger’s without coming across as needy or desperate. I honestly wanted him to want me badly enough to ask me to stay, but I was aware I made my boundaries abundantly clear and he was doing his best not to cross them. I was going to figure out how to lower them enough to let him in without losing myself in the process.

  “All right. Just let me know if you need anything.” She looked down at her phone as she started Googling places nearby that might suit her taste. We’d rented a cute little townhouse in a gated community close to downtown Vancouver for the month. It was within walking distance to pretty much anything we might need, plus all the cool restaurants and bars. It was also only a short drive to the waterfront and the skyscraper complex where Salinger and Jeno were staying.

  My phone pinged with a message. I frowned when I saw that Salinger texted back that he’d already had something to eat.

  ~ Be safe and make good choices. You let me know if you need anything as well.

  The words sort of trailed off as I stared at the innocuous message with a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

  I was bleeding from self-inflicted wounds, and I hated it. I was the one who reined him in, so I had no place being irritated by his behavior. But I really did want him to break free and be as persistent and pushy about how he felt about me like he had when he hijacked my flight not that long ago.

  ~ Let’s talk.

  I let out a breath as I sent the message. If he denied me the chance to tell him what I was thinking and to apologize for pushing him away out of self-preservation, I was going to lose my mind. So far, he’d been pretty good about expressing himself and letting me know where he stood, but I hadn’t done the same. I was always playing things close to the vest because I didn’t want him to know the more time we spent together, and the more I got to know who he was, the more I liked him.

  I really liked him.

  And I knew it could be something more than that if I let my emotions run wild.

  I was scared. Of him. Of how I felt. Of the future.

  But I’d never been the kind of woman who let fear hold me back. If I was, I would be sitti
ng in a beige, boring office somewhere doing someone else’s taxes and living a totally unfulfilled life.

  It took longer than five minutes, but I was finally able to breathe normally when he messaged back,

  ~ Sure. Want me to come over to your place? Jeno is in a shitty mood tonight and decided to tear our apartment apart for a sobriety check. It’s a mess over here. There’s stuff everywhere.

  My immediate reaction was to tell him ‘yes’ he should come to me. But that’s what I’d been making him do from the start. In the short time since we’d started fooling around, I had yet to stay at his place, even though it was very nice and had better security than mine. It was far from a tacky bachelor pad. But at some point, I convinced myself as long as I kept him and our relationship strictly on my turf, I could control every single aspect of it, which was woefully unfair to Salinger. He’d been so good to me, and I was still subconsciously treating him like he was an unpredictable kid who might take me down with him at any minute. If I really wanted to make things clear with him and get us on somewhat even footing, I needed to take a few steps in his direction, rather than having him chase me to Hell and back.

  ~ I’ll come to you. I don’t mind a bit of a mess.

  I could only hope he understood I was talking about more than where he was staying.

  Relationships were inherently complicated, never nice and neat. And in my experience, love was chaos. There was nothing organized or orderly about it. If one was looking for perfection, they were never going to find it. If I was forever living in fear of getting hurt again, I might as well resign myself to the idea of being alone, and even worse than that, lonely. One I could accept because I understood after my horrible marriage and an unimaginable loss that I had to be the source of my own happiness. It was too important to entrust to anyone else. However, being happy and healthy lost some of its shine when there was no one around to share it with.

  I grabbed my purse after shoving a change of clothes and a few other essentials inside, just in case. Salinger texted me the security codes for both the underground garage and the building. He asked if I wanted him to meet me in the parking lot, or if he should send the building security down to ensure I wasn’t bothered once I arrived, but I told him the short elevator ride should be fine. I put on a baseball hat and a pair of clear, non-prescription glasses at the last minute just to be on the safe side.

  Usually, I had a car service to take me to and from the set, but since this was an unplanned trip and I didn’t want to bother Arrow, I figured I’d have to make do with a regular ride and hope for the best. Luckily, the driver of the car that came to pick me up didn’t seem to recognize me in the slightest, which was hilarious since he mentioned more than once that he heard a rumor the building where we were going was where Salinger Dolan was staying while he was in town filming a movie. I tipped him generously and chuckled the entire ride up the massively tall building until I reached the penthouse where Salinger and his brother were staying.

  It was a really nice building and the amenities were beyond impressive. The top floor felt far away and secluded from the rest of the units. I could see why the guys had picked it. It felt like a spot where the wealthy and young would come to play.

  I exited the elevator and hit the extravagantly decorated hallway that boasted a three-sixty view of the beautiful Vancouver skyline. I faltered a step when I immediately heard the sound of loud, male voices shouting through the only door on the floor. I frowned and started to walk quickly toward the noise. As I got closer to the penthouse, the louder the sound of the arguing got. The language they were throwing around was ugly, and even though I was sure the expensive apartment was built to be fairly soundproof, I could hear that things were getting thrown around and that the brothers might be getting physical with one another.

  I frantically knocked on the door, hoping to distract them and remind them that they should know better than to act out like this when it was common knowledge they were staying here. I didn’t want Salinger in the gossip rags for trashing a multimillion-dollar home that didn’t belong to him. That wasn’t the kind of press we needed before the movie was released. That was his old image, the one he’d worked so hard to leave behind.

  I knocked again, this time gasping in surprise as it was yanked open by a very disheveled Salinger. His normally spiky hair looked even more unruly than normal, and I could see the hint of a bruise already forming on one of his high cheekbones. His dark eyes looked more tumultuous and angrier than I’d ever seen them, and his broad chest was heaving with erratic breaths. I gave him a wide-eyed look as I noticed his t-shirt was ripped at the collar, and the knuckles on the hand holding the door were raw and bloody.

  “What happened?” The question rushed out as Salinger was grabbed from behind and pulled out of the doorway.

  Both of the brothers were big and muscular, but I was suddenly very aware of just how much bigger Jeno was than Salinger. He moved the blond man out of the way like he weighed nothing as he glared down at me, looking a bit like an enraged bull.

  “Now’s not a good time, Maren. I’ll be in touch in a bit. We might have to delay production for a few days. Salinger will be responsible for all the losses, of course.” He bit out each word angrily, and I could see the way he was gritting his teeth after he spoke.

  “I don’t understand. Why are you two fighting? What in the world is going on?” I put a hand on the door when it became clear Jeno was going to shut it in my face. “I just texted Salinger a couple minutes ago and everything was fine.” How did things go to hell so quickly? What could possibly be so bad it had the two of them coming to blows with one another?

  Jeno opened his mouth to respond. However, much like he moved Salinger out of the way, he was suddenly pulled backward, taking the door with him so I could enter the apartment.

  I gasped when I saw the state of things. Salinger hadn’t been kidding when he said his brother tore the place apart. It looked like a hurricane blew through it, or like a robber had turned every single piece of furniture on its side and inside out in search of valuables. Obviously, I interrupted something intense, and Jeno’s search of the apartment went really, really wrong.

  I cleared my throat and tightened my hold on my purse. My gaze locked with Salinger’s, but he seemed so pissed off that I wasn’t sure he even saw me standing there.

  “Someone explain to me what’s going on right now. How can either of you be so careless? What would you do if someone called the police because it sounded like someone was being beaten to death in here? It would end up all over the news. I shouldn’t have to be the voice of reason.” I sniffed to let them both know I was annoyed, but the truth was that I was kind of scared of all the unbridled testosterone floating around in the air. It was like I was in the middle of a dog fight, and I wasn’t sure which side was going to bite next.

  Jeno pointed a shaky finger at Salinger and growled, “Ask your boy toy why he’s so willing to throw everything away. Ask him why he still doesn’t care about anyone but himself. Ask him if he’s fucking happy that he’s not only going to ruin his career, but whatever he has going on with you as well. Ask him how he can be so damn stupid after all this time.”

  I blinked in shock as Salinger threw up his hands in frustration and started to pace back and forth.

  “I hope you wanted to own part of our company, Maren, because that idiot over there shit all over everything we’ve worked toward and the contract you signed without thinking twice about it.” Jeno made a move toward his brother, but I dropped my purse to the floor and stepped between the two men before another brawl could break out. I put a hand on Jeno’s chest and held another out in Salinger’s direction as he glared daggers in our direction. I was still confused, but considering the condition of the apartment and what Jeno had been doing before I arrived, I put two and two together and realized he must’ve found something incriminating in Salinger’s possession.

  Something dangerous.

  Something deadly.

>   Something that really would bring the world and everything that mattered to me at the moment to a grinding halt.

  I looked between the two of them, my gaze catching Salinger’s. He was angry. He was upset. He was frustrated. However, I didn’t see a single speck of guilt or regret in his gaze. He often had those emotions lingering when he looked at me from what he’d done in the past, but not right now.

  He was silently pleading with me to believe in him. He was saying so much without words, it was overwhelming. At that moment, I knew it was do or die. This was the exact point in our relationship where I went all in or walked away.

  I either trusted him without question, or I forced him to prove his innocence and destroyed whatever bond we’d built as we went from enemies to friends, to coworkers, to lovers.

  I could put us right back at square one, and I knew there was no coming back from that.

  My knees felt like they were made of water. I put a hand to my chest and held where my heart was pounding.

  Without looking away from Salinger, I quietly told Jeno, “Whatever you found, it wasn’t his. There has to be another explanation. I don’t believe he would hurt either of us like that. I don’t think he would purposely ruin everything we’ve all been working toward.”