by W. A. R.
“What do you think the main hurdle would be?” George asked and Amber lowered her eyes to the ground.
“Getting inside his head will be the most difficult, but it will get done.” Amber said with a determination that almost frightened George. He felt as if there were something he should do to help them, that they shouldn’t go alone, but he knew that Amber wouldn’t go for it.
“Alright, and the biggest problem we will have to overcome aside from messing with his mind?” George asked and this time Michael winced.
“Gaining favor from his followers.”
Silence. In that silence one could nearly taste the uncertainty. “That’s difficult?” Buddy finally asked.
Riley sighed. “They have all been warped to believe that what is wrong is right. They are brutal and they need to be profusely reminded that the world…and life…doesn’t have to be torturous.”
“And you think Amber can convince them of that?” Miles asked, not doubting her in the least, George noted, but more or less confirming it.
Michael looked up at his father and his eyes held a conviction. “She can show them.” He said and Miles nodded once, shoving his hands into his pockets and stepped to the side to lean against the opposite side of the tree where Buddy leaned. “It’s just who she is.”
“So that’s the plan as of right now?” Derek asked nervously and Amber sighed.
“Yes…it is all we have as of right now, but we will have regular meetings to keep everyone informed the further along we get.” Amber stated, looking around at them all. “Every one of you will be involved one way or another and nothing will be kept from you. Like it or not, we are all now protectors and leaders of the innocent and the weak and…when we start helping those innocent people escape…we will need your help…we just need to buff out all of the details.” And there was absolutely no disagreement there. George liked to think that they had come to that conclusion long before whenever each one of them individually helped their first human, or tried to anyway. They were a team, gaining their strength from their losses and their pain.
“Speaking of nothing being kept from anyone…there is one more thing we need to discuss before we can move forward.” Michael began, leveling his eyes at Amber. She lifted her eyes to him and stilled, shaking her head as if she knew what he was going to say. Rusty sniffed, wiping at the blood on his lip before turning to leave, his aim the warehouse behind them. Michael’s eyes skimmed over them all, leaving Amber who sagged with relief and she turned to follow Rusty. “I’m sure you all noticed that Buddy, Miles, and Lacy didn’t get assigned a job…Amber, where are you going?” he paused, watching her back as she walked away from him. She was nearing George and the tree where Buddy and Miles leaned casually.
She glanced over her shoulder. “I’m going to apologize to Rusty.” She stopped and turned to him. “I hit him pretty good. Besides, I’m sure they didn’t get assigned because you already have something in mind for them. They are strong…you probably put them on watch or in the towers or taking out Biters. I figured that was what was going to happen.” She smiled warmly at the boy before he crossed his arms and sighed. She turned and began back towards George’s direction.
“As a matter of fact, I spoke to the three of them yesterday about another job…one that they requested profusely.” He told her and George knew he was trying to maintain her attention but George could see that she was trying to rush away from the discussion. She appeared conflicted and weighted down.
“Good. We can discuss it when I get back.” She said and Michael looked down at the ground briefly before turning his eyes back to her retreating back.
“The job they asked for is to go with you to the compound and take it down.” He said, his words quick and decisive. Amber’s reaction was immediate. She froze midstep in front of George, whose eyes widened with the statement. He hadn’t even known that they had done that. Her eyes widened and her face went pale. Her hands clenched at her sides, her arms trembling. It appeared as if the very air had been snatched from her lungs, her chest moving slightly, yet rapidly, with every quick breath she took. Miles had straightened and was no longer leaning against the tree, and neither was Buddy. All eyes were on her, and yet her eyes were on the ground before her. Her fingers were trembling and George willed himself to take a step towards her. He moved just barely and her eyes immediately jerked to his. She was utterly terrified, so much so that her pain made him stop. She was begging him for something…to tell her it was all a dream maybe…but he couldn’t help her.
“Amber…” Miles began, everyone else unsure of what to say. Her eyes remained locked on George. Miles moved behind her, towards her, his movements cautious and yet determined. George could see the smack of betrayal in her eyes and there was nothing she could do to hide it. When Miles’s fingertips barely brushed her arm she instantly moved, jerking from him and moving closer to George. Her head spun around, but her eyes stayed locked on the ground. Her left hand came up to clutch her stomach. Her nerves were twisting her stomach into knots and the fear she seemed to have only make it worse. Miles dropped his hand to his side then, staring at her, eyebrows furrowed in uncertainty.
“No.” she finally spoke, the word a demand, her voice deep. Slowly, she brought her eyes up to meet Miles’s, then Buddy’s, Lacy’s and finally Michael’s. They all looked at her sadly as if they had done something undeniably wrong. She swallowed. “No. I am going alone.”
Miles took another step forward and she stepped back. “No, you aren’t.” Miles told her and she impulsively squared her shoulders.
“Yes I am.” She turned to Michael, her eyes flashing. George saw the agony that rested in their depths, the emotions that were tearing her apart. “You know how dangerous this is going to be. Why did you agree to it?”
He shifted on his feet. “You’re right…I do know how dangerous this is going to be…which is why I agreed to it. We need more people to help us and you need some to have your back whenever we aren’t there.” He paused. “Amber, we need you to agree to this. That is why we are discussing it.”
Amber looked on at him, glancing at everyone from the corner of her eyes; from Rick and Derek to Shelly and George…to Miles, and Buddy, and Lacy…before landing back on Michael. “I can’t agree to this. They can’t go.”
“Don’t talk about us like we aren’t here. Don’t we get to explain ourselves?” Buddy demanded and Amber turned her flashing eyes to them. He stepped forward and looked at her.
Miles stepped forward as well, his gaze determined. “Talk to us Amber. Tell us why you don’t want us to go. Work with us here.” She felt all of their eyes boring down on her. Shelly watched on, tears falling down her face and George assumed it was because she understood. She understood just as he did that she didn’t want them to go because they had something better to live for. George recalled the night before and how she had told Miles that she was going with Michael. George knew that after that episode she wasn’t going to deny them this explanation. Amber licked her lips hesitantly, gathering whatever composure she could before turning her eyes to Lacy.
“Lacy…I am going there for my brother…I love him so much that it is killing me now knowing he is there and is hurting.” She paused and looked on at Lacy, noting how uncomfortable she seemed to be. “You have your sister here with you. You barely know us. You have no personal gain in this, so why risk your life? Are you really willing to leave your sister alone in this world?” And it was a valid point that she made. Lacy knew this and that was why she continued to remain silent. Amber turned to Buddy then and sighed. “Boudreaux…this is a mission to save innocent people. We will kill mercilessly. There is no glory in this.” Buddy narrowed his eyes at her and crossed his arms. “You have always been a loner and you don’t abide by the rules. Are you willing to risk your life and mine because you can’t listen to authority?” Her words were like a knife, laced with so much truth that it was cutting. Finally, she turned to Miles, who stood resolutely staring down at her
. “Miles…”
“You can’t convince me of anything otherwise. I am going with you, regardless of what you have to say.” He told her before she could finish speaking and she sighed, lowering her gaze to her hands that entwined at her waist. Miles wasn’t going to leave her; that much was obvious. The sight of his determination, of his loyalty to her pained George because he could see that she didn’t want him to go.
“Miles, I have lost so much…” she said simply and there was no denying the pain that swept across his features. “… and it nearly killed me. I am still having a hard time accepting everything…” and George felt his chest tighten. She was talking about more than Miles…she was talking about Kyle and Jackson, of Shelly and Brian and what she had to do to save them all. She had lost part of herself in the process of losing her family. She looked so desperate as she stared at him, and so pained as she spoke… “I can’t lose you again.”
He took a step toward her, swallowing thickly. There was so much weighted seriousness between them, the silence between them begging two things: his silence begging her to let him go and her silence begging him to stay. Finally, he spoke. “I can’t lose you either. I need you to realize that wherever you go, I go too. If you chase the dark, we chase it together. You aren’t changing my mind.” He was determined, that much was obvious. Michael shifted on his feet and everyone watched on.
She seemed suddenly angry in her desperation. “You don’t know what you’re saying!” she exclaimed and he straightened, Amber quaking under his towering gaze.
His eyes dug into her. “I know exactly what I’m saying.” He told her firmly and she stared up at him, her eyes pleading. He licked his lips. “I understand why you have to go. I do. Everything I said last night I shouldn’t have said because I know how significant you are to all of this and I know how you are. So, for not understanding soon enough, I’m sorry,” He paused, placing his splayed fingers against his chest and lowering his face to capture her eyes. She stared hard at him. “I’m so sorry for what was said.” He spoke evenly, expressing his regret before continuing. “But I understand now and I am not letting you go there alone. Like it or not, you know how I am too and you know I am not going to back down from this.”
“This is a war.” She told him, trying to sway him without hurting him.
“I know that.”
“Then please stay.” She begged.
“Only if you stay.”
She looked up at him pleadingly. “You know I can’t.”
“Then you know I can’t either.” He told her and the two of them stared at one another for a long drawn out moment before Buddy stepped forward, fixing his eyes on her.
“And neither can I.” Buddy told her and she turned to him, her expression saddened. “I don’t care about many people, you were right about that, but I do care about you and all of these people here. If this means saving their lives, I am in and I will respect any authority I have to.”
“Buddy…” she began but Lacy interrupted her.
“Same here. If this is an opportunity to save my sister, to save other little ones and help the world, I am in. Besides, getting payback on them will just be sweet karma.” She said, running her hand along her caramel colored arm. Amber looked among the three of them and swallowed thickly.
“So you are all sure about this?” she asked, hoping that they would disagree. There was no such luck.
“Not a doubt. We have your back in this.” Buddy told her.
Miles looked down at her. “You already know the answer.”
“There is no way I can convince any of you to stay?”
Miles shook his head. “No.”
She nodded and glanced at Michael before stepping back from them, sighing. Her stature said she was on the defense. “Fine.” She said and before anyone could object, she disappeared around the warehouse. Everyone remained silent as she walked away, and whenever Miles rushed forward to go after her, Riley reached out and stopped him, shaking his head.
Michael agreed with Amber’s last statement and dismissed them to venture wherever they wanted to go. Night was quick in approaching and before long, they all found themselves at their respected housing, George sitting in the living room, staying up and waiting for Amber to return. Miles and Shelly had gone looking for her with no luck and now, whether they all knew it or not, they waited: Miles in the bedroom, Shelly with an open door across the way and Buddy with an open door at the top of the stairs. They were all worried about her, knowing that she was upset about how things were going, and about how things had gone. She had yet to talk to anyone about her hurt, about what had happened and what was going to happen, and George worried that she was going to get emotionally or psychologically damaged if she didn’t soon. And so, this worry of their friend, this love for their leader, is what made them stay awake through the night in wait, Miles occasionally going in and out to the porch in anxiousness.
She never did come in and sleep that night.
Amber shifted on her feet, her fist plowing into the worn punching bag yet again. Her arms were like Jell-O, quivering and quaking with exertion. The sun was casting its rays of light in through the windows of the warehouse, warming slivers of her skin in their wake. She stopped, squinting up at the windows and at the coming sunrise. The chill or the early morning air made her shiver and she felt beads of sweat roll down her back, across her face. She sniffled, dropping her hands to her sides. The bare tips of her fingers were raw from the night of working, of pushing her body. Her arms and her shoulder screamed out at her at first but her frustration forced her to ignore it. Now, however, she felt nothing but weariness. She wanted to collapse to the floor and simply lay there, hiding and speaking to no one. She couldn’t however, and she knew that the thought was only fanciful, not anywhere near a possibility. Now that the sun was rising, it was time to begin planning and preparing for what was going to happen. She had stayed gone all night, working and pushing and struggling to gain whatever strength she could. They had all been so determined to go with her, to fight alongside her and possibly even die for the cause she was so adamant about, that it had torn her. She knew that as soon as they said there was no changing their minds that she was going to everything in her power to ensure that nothing happened to them. She wasn’t going to lose anyone else; she would make sure of it. She refused to let anything happen to them as they were walking into the lion’s den with her. She would die first; and so, she had decided right in that moment that she would work and learn to fight better and better until there was perfection. She would take down an entire army before she let them hurt anymore people that she cared about.
As she dragged her feet to the doors of the warehouse, she thought back to the look on George’s face the night before and how he and Shelly had sympathized with her. They had understood that with the trio’s determined words that something inside Amber had caved, giving in to her primal urges of protecting her family. She remembered Buddy’s no nonsense look, Rick’s sympathy, and even Lacy’s certainty in what she wanted to do. She could understand why the trio wanted to join her on this journey, but Amber had come to terms with what and who she would be leaving behind. She had accepted the horrible things that she would be doing, and the things that would be done to her. Had they? And then, of course there was Miles. She had known that as soon as she told him where she was going, what her plans were, that he would insist on going with her. Hadn’t she? Had she just suppressed this knowledge? She didn’t want him to go, but she knew that there was no changing his mind. Why did she want him to stay? Because…. because she couldn’t lose him. When she had thought he had died, she decided that she would go through with this plan, that the mission would more than likely end with not just Adrian’s death, but with hers as well. She fully accepted the fact that Adrian would kill her just as she would kill him. Cassie no longer needed her; neither did Elliot for that matter…not with George around. So whenever she saw him and found out he was alive, everything changed and a part of her told
herself that she was going to have to push him away…to keep what had happened from happening…
And so she did.
She wanted to avoid him, to keep him at a distance but that was proving hard to do, especially after everything he told her the night before, after all of the pain he expressed at having lost her. He loved her. He really truly loved her and he would do anything for her. That was why he needed to stay…because he would die so she could live and she couldn’t let that happen. She sighed. She wasn’t sure how to handle this situation considering she didn’t want them to leave with her at all. The only thing she knew to do was do everything in her power to make sure nothing happened to them. He had told her the afternoon before when she had felt the tears consume her that it was alright to let go, that it was alright to talk…but she couldn’t, no matter how badly she wanted to. Not then. He would be disgusted with who she had become.
The doors drew nearer and so did the impending conversations she knew she would be facing. They would all, Michael included, be wondering where she had gone and what she had done all night. It was relatively easy to point out her actions, considering she could barely bring herself to lift her arms as it was. It didn’t matter, however, as she would certainly make sure that they all knew everything was alright…and it was…right?