My Darcy Mutates…

by Enid Wilson

  “Yes, my Lady. Welcome to Sexpert Challenge, a fun new show.”

  “What? Sexpert Challenge!”

  “How can I face my colleagues when it comes on air?”

  “Damn!”

  “Lydia, I’m going to kill you!”

  “Georgie, you will be dead, too!”

  “Let’s roll tape,” Lady C shouted.

  Wickham resumed his questioning of the contestants. “Who was the author of Fanny Hill, Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure?”

  Buzz!

  “Darcy and Lizzy?”

  “Henry Cleland.”

  “Correct. According to The Sexual Anatomy of Woman by W. F. Benedict, a girl of fourteen has breasts weighing how many kilograms – 5, 7 or 10?”

  Buzz!

  “Charles and Jane?”

  “7 kilograms.”

  “Correct. Who was the actress who played Deep Throat?”

  Buzz!

  “Bill and Caroline?”

  “Lindsey Lovelace.”

  “Wrong. The correct answer is Linda Lovelace.”

  “Fuck!”

  “Cut! Caroline Bingley, mind your language. We can’t broadcast foul language.”

  The quiz continued for several more minutes before Wickham announced, “We have now finished the first segment, ‘Foreplay’. Let’s recap. Richard and Charlotte are leading, at 70 points. Bill and Caroline are at the bottom with 50 points. Richard and Charlotte, you two get to choose the torture box for Bill and Caroline.”

  “Fuck! Let me go! I don’t want to participate. I don’t want any torture.”

  “Cut! Wickham just continue and ignore her. We will tape all her outbursts and show her worst moments later on the show.”

  “Fuck! You can’t do that! I’ll get my lawyer to sue you if you show me in any bad way on TV.”

  “My, my. I’m so afraid! Let’s roll the tape.”

  Wickham cleared his throat. “Richard and Charlotte, which torture box would you like to inflict on them?”

  “Charlotte, you choose.”

  “Such a gentleman,” Wickham remarked.

  “I hate Number 4, personally, So let’s inflict Number 4 on them.”

  “Number 4? Let me see, it’s… Ah, yes. Let’s meet the cockroaches!”

  The lighting in the room dimmed, and a spotlight shone on two cockroaches dangling down from the ceiling onto Bill and Caroline. Both of them screamed and tried to break away from their handcuffs or move off from their chairs.

  But they were strapped securely in place, each with one hand cuffed to the partner. When the cockroaches were lowered onto their bodies, they both used their free hand to try to flick them away, but the strings attached to the cockroaches were very strong. The contestants’ screams were deafeningly loud.

  Luckily, the torture lasted for less than a minute. The strings were withdrawn, and the cockroaches ascended quickly toward the ceiling.

  “Didn’t either of you notice that those cockroaches were only plastic?” Wickham asked, flashing a devilish grin.

  Everyone in the studio except for Bill and Caroline broke into chuckles.

  “Fuck! That’s not funny at all.”

  “And now for the second segment of our game, ‘Arousal’. We have fitted each of you with a lie detector, and we will now ask you a question. If you answer truthfully, the light on the console in front of you will turn green, and a chime will sound. If you lie, the light will turn red, and something…interesting will drop down. Each one of you will be asked only one question. It’s really very easy. And now for our first question... Richard, have you ever had sex in your parent's bed?”

  “No way!”

  A rat dropped down onto Richard’s head. He jumped and yelled loudly.

  “Just a fake rat. But what a naughty boy! Testing out your parent’s bed,” Wickham said. “Now, Charlotte, it’s your turn. Have you ever looked at men's underwear in a catalogue just to ogle the models?”

  Charlotte hesitated before answering, “Yes.”

  Ding! The light turned green.

  “Good girl! And with a healthy appetite! Now Bill, have you ever been to a strip club?”

  “No, I’m a teacher. I have to uphold…”

  A cup of cream was dumped onto him.

  “Hey, the lie detector didn’t work! I’ve never been to a strip club.”

  “Admit it, man! There is nothing wrong about going to a strip club. Now, Caroline, have you ever had a cosmetic surgery?”

  “Of course not!”

  A bag of honey was dumped onto her. She screamed and cursed about the mess.

  “Famous model with fake body parts! I wonder which part you had done. How unfortunate that I can only ask one question! Now, Charles, have you ever taken part in a threesome?”

  “No, that’s gross.”

  Ding!

  “What a straight guy! Now, Jane, have you ever gone to work wearing no panties?”

  “No way. I’m not that kind of girl.”

  Ding!

  “What an angel! Now, Darcy, have you ever fantasised about having sex with any of the women in this room?”

  Darcy blushed. Should I tell the truth? “Yes.”

  Ding!

  “Who’s the lucky one?” Wickham asked.

  Darcy only glared at Wickham.

  William only knows me here. So he fancies me mad! I’ll visit his bungalow tonight, Caroline thought with satisfaction.

  “Now, Elizabeth, have you ever had sex on a plane?”

  “A member of the ‘mile high’ club? No, I haven’t had the privilege of joining it yet.”

  Ding!

  “Let me tell you how to register as a member, after the show.” Wickham winked at her.

  Elizabeth smiled calmly, but Darcy wanted to punch his dirty mouth.

  Then next round of the quiz continued. At the end of the first day of shooting, Darcy and Lizzy discovered that they had won. Bill and Caroline lost again, and were treated to the latest torture, as two bags of cold water were dropped onto their heads. That sent them into squeals, while everyone else laughed.

  “The winners of the first episode, Darcy and Lizzy, will be rewarded with a treat. Which lucky pouch would you like?”

  “Elizabeth, you choose.”

  “No, you answered most of the questions,” she said to Darcy. “You choose.”

  “Hey now, Darcy and Lizzy, always so polite, how about I choose for you?” the flamboyant Richard offered, barging in.

  Darcy glared at him and nudged Lizzy’s arm. “Number 3, please,” Lizzy said.

  “Lucky Pouch 3. Let me see… Ah! A full body massage with Fiji’s miracle rocks.”

  “Good, I can use a massage,” Elizabeth said.

  The straps on the chairs were loosened for Darcy and Elizabeth, but they were still handcuffed to each other on one hand as they were led to their changing room.

  “Hey, Lady C, why is the camera still rolling? I thought you said you wouldn’t be filming us outside of the studio. And why are we still handcuffed together?”

  “The treat is part of the show. Of course we’ll be filming it. What is your problem? There is nothing objectionable about being filmed while you’re given a massage.”

  Darcy glared at her, but she ignored him. The changing room was set up with a double bed behind a screen. Darcy and Elizabeth moved to sit on the bed.

  “Annesley, help them take off the clothes,” Lady C instructed.

  “Hey, I don’t need help. Just take off the handcuffs and I can do that myself,” Elizabeth said.

  “Miss Bennet, the handcuffs won’t be taken off until we finish the day’s filming. That is why we fitted you with costumes that have so many seams. It is much easier to tear them off. We won’t film you naked, don’t worry. The crew will stay behind the screen until you settle face down on the bed with towels covering your bottoms.”

  “Lady C, this is the dumbest thing you have ever done! How can you involve Georgiana and me in such a scheme? I don’t want
this so-called treat! I just want to go back to my room and rest.”

  “Shut up, Darcy. You have no choice. Annesley, move!”

  The heavy woman came to tear off Darcy’s costume first. He tried to fend her off but she was strong. After the leather top and trousers were torn away, she placed her hands on the waistband of his jockey shorts.

  “Hey, I can get a massage with my underpants on!”

  Rip!

  The underpants were torn off, as well. Darcy flopped immediately onto the bed, face down, to hide his manhood, pulling Elizabeth down at the same time.

  Elizabeth, who had observed him being stripped, was highly amused at first, and quietly amazed that he sported such six packs on his broad torso. She hadn’t paid much attention to him after his arrogant remarks, but his thighs were strong and muscular. His whole body was a surprisingly healthy tan colour. She had expected him to be pale and sickly, as a nerdy scientist was supposed to be…but then, when she caught a glimpse of his manhood, she had swallowed hard. One way or the other, it looks as if I gave him a most appropriate nickname. What a really BIG head! And his butt, so tight!

  She was concentrating too much on Darcy’s body to notice that Annesley had moved on to her. The big woman tore off Elizabeth’s leather top, exposing the red bikini bra underneath. To spare herself further embarrassment, Elizabeth laid face down beside Darcy and let Annesley remove the rest of her clothing from behind.

  Darcy felt his arousal building when he saw her gorgeous breasts cupped in the red bikini top. Unfortunately, she laid face down when Annesley stripped her naked, so he didn’t get to see more of her lovely breasts. But he couldn’t keep himself from watching her taut creamy bottom. All too soon, their lower bodies were covered with towels. Then the camera crew and the Fijian masseurs came in.

  Elizabeth and Darcy were treated with fragrant oil and experienced hands that kneaded and rubbed. Then several hot rocks were placed on their backs.

  Unconsciously, they turned their faces toward each other, peeking through half closed eyes at each other’s naked flesh. Darcy’s gaze focused on her creamy peak shaking against the bed while Elizabeth’s eyes rested low on his body, taking in his tight butt under the towel. They each fantasized about what they wanted to do with the other’s bodies.

  Elizabeth tried to be stern with herself. Remember, Mr. Bighead thought you were not pretty enough! What a pity! I wouldn’t mind testing his big equipment. Truly, it’s not a sin to lust after a condescending man…

  Darcy, too, was giving himself a lecture. Remember, Little Hottie has a tacky family! What a pity! I wouldn’t mind shagging her for days. Truly, it’s not a crime to ache for an unsuitable woman…

  ***

  “Cut!”

  It was a relief for Darcy and Elizabeth when the camera crew and the masseurs left the changing room. The massage was relaxing but the presence of others and the sexual tension between them was stressing.

  In her hurry, Annesley dumped the key of the handcuff and Darcy and Elizabeth’s normal clothes on the double bed, then left without releasing them.

  When the door slammed shut, Darcy was the first to move. He moved to his knees on the bed, dislodging the small towel covering his butt.

  Elizabeth eyes widened when she caught sight of his naked flesh again. When Annesley had removed his clothes earlier, she had already thought he was big, but he seemed to have grown even larger during the massage. How can he have an arousal just from lying there? Was it the massage that aroused him, or me?

  She saw him searching among the clothes. Then she heard him moan and noticed that he had grabbed hold of her red lacy bra, instead of the key to the handcuff.

  He dangled the intimate apparel in front of her eyes and said, “Very sexy!”

  She turned to grab the bra from him, then realized that the move was a mistake, for she saw his eyes widen as his gaze zeroed in on her breasts and then moved lower to the dark triangle at the apex of her thighs.

  Anxious to get away from his voracious gaze, Elizabeth tugged the bra harder, accidentally pulling Darcy off-balance and he tumbled down onto her half-turned body. She now had this big impressive man on top of her, with one of his hands linked to hers with a lacy bra and the other linked with a handcuff. His rigid arousal pressed against her hip, and his long legs tangled with hers.

  The impact gave her an electric shock. She breathed deeply, trying to calm herself, but that made things even worse. The aroma of warm coconut oil and the musky scent from his body flooded her nostrils, and the expansion of her chest made her touch his more closely. His torso was smooth from the oil and the sweat. The pressure of the hard muscle instantly made her nipples peak.

  They exchanged a hungry look, and then meshed their mouths together for a sizzling kiss. Their tongues duelled in rapid movements, and their hands hastily explored each other’s bodies. Darcy hadn’t let go of the lacy bra. He rubbed Elizabeth’s body through it, giving the caress an additional dimension of sensation for both of them. He was extremely fond of her breasts. He weighed the creamy globes and rubbed the nipples with his fingers fervently.

  With one hand restricted by the handcuff, Elizabeth moved her other hand to explore his back and taut butt cheeks, squeezing and sizing every bit of his big body.

  In the course of the exploration, she settled on her back, with him fully on top. His hard shaft found its way between her thighs and teased her secret lips. She moaned out loud and nearly came in that instant. Then a voice broke through her ecstasy, and she heard him asking, “Elizabeth, are you safe?”

  “Safe?”

  “Yes, are you on pill? I’ve no condom.”

  “Damn! No!”

  “Damn!”

  They hugged each other tightly for a moment, and then broke away as if they had been scorched by fire.

  Darcy rolled from her body and lay on his back.

  Both of them took deep breaths.

  After endless minutes, Elizabeth moved to find the key.

  She removed the handcuff and rose to put her clothes on with her back to him.

  When she turned back to look at him, his eyes were closed and he was still breathing hard. He had pulled his shorts over to cover his manhood.

  “You’re okay?”

  “Can we wait and talk after dinner?” He asked.

  “I guess so.”

  “You go first. I still need a few more minutes.”

  With a last lingering look at him, she left the changing room.

  ***

  When Elizabeth walked into the dining room, she felt awkward. It was one thing to lust after an arrogant man you didn’t like, but to nearly have sex with him while handcuffed together was another; and they hadn’t talked much since meeting again for the show.

  I hope he won’t think of me now as a loose and easy woman who jumps into bed with just anyone. Will he ask me to spend the night with him? Should I or shouldn’t I?

  With that troubling thought in mind, she put on her most serious and distant look when her gaze clashed with his across the dinner table. He was sitting there with a closed expression. Caroline was all over him on one side, and Richard on the other.

  Elizabeth sat down in the only seat available, between Charlotte and Jane. They greeted her cheerfully and asked, “How was the massage? Did you enjoy it?”

  She couldn’t help but blush and murmured, “So so.” She glanced at Darcy, not sure if he had heard their question.

  Apparently so; she could see that he was blushing, too. To divert the group’s attention, she asked in turn, “Where’s Lydia? I want to chew her out royally for landing us all on this ridiculous show.”

  “Both your sister and Georgie are hiding from us,” Richard said from across the table. “I was going to bite Georgie’s head off when I next saw her; but then I thought, if not for her, I wouldn’t have met all the lovely ladies from Boobie Hill.”

  “I can’t imagine what sort of silly games they will have tomorrow. As a teacher, I feel that it’s highly
improper for me to engage in stupid games. If it weren’t for my sweet Elizabeth, I wouldn’t ...” Collins said.

  “At least it will be good for the business. They mentioned the Bennet Outback Resort several times when they introduced Jane and Lizzy,” Charlotte said, cutting off Collins when she saw that Elizabeth was embarrassed by his endearment.

  “Darcy, you have to tell us – who’s the lucky lady you fancy?” Richard asked.

  Caroline, who had one hand on Darcy’s shoulder and another on his arm, sat up straight. Seeing Darcy turned bright red, she came to his defence. “Mr. Playboy, it’s none of your business who Darcy fancies.”

  “I see, Miss Ivy, that you don’t delude yourself into thinking that Darcy fantasises about you.”

  “Miss Ivy? Delusion? What do you know about my relationship with William?”

  “Isn’t your nickname Climbing Ivy? I thought Dar… Ouch!” Richard yelped in pain. “Who kicked me?”

  “I didn’t know you were afraid of rats, Richard,” Bingley said, diverting the attention from his sister.

  “My torture was nothing. Imagine mixing honey, cockroaches and fake breasts together! It will make for the most interesting gossip when the show airs.”

  “Richard Fitzwilliam, if you say one more time that I have anything fake, I’ll sue you!” Caroline swore.

  “Aren’t those fake eyelashes that you have there?” Everyone except Caroline broke out into chuckles. “Charles, can your sister sue me if what I said is true?”

  “Leave her alone, Richard.”

  “But she barged into my conversation with my cousin, not the other way around. Now Darcy, fess up, who’s the lady?”

  Richard elbowed Darcy and then suddenly snapped his fingers and said, “I know! Is it Lady C? Did you have a Mrs. Robinson fantasy about her when you were young?”

  On hearing that outrageous speculation, Darcy choked on his wine and started to cough, glaring at his cousin.

  Elizabeth burst out laughing. “Richard, you really are too funny!”

  “Funny? Miss, I think you have no taste at all. Mr. Playboy’s gross to imply that William might ever have such a thought.” Caroline said.

  “Oh, Caroline, relax! Richard is our resident comic relief. Darcy and I are used to him.” Bingley said.