Having the Cowboy's Baby

by Trish Milburn

  “And you thought I’d be bored out here.”

  She laughed a little, suddenly thankful for the way he had of easing her anxiety with humor. “This wasn’t exactly what I had in mind for entertainment.”

  He gave her a crooked grin. “What did you have in mind?”

  She shook her head. “I swear, you would flirt if they were rolling you into surgery.”

  “If the nurses were cute.”

  Brett Markham, the fire chief, walked up to them then. “It’s all out and we gave the entire area an extra good dousing. Looks like it started out by the road. Could have been a cigarette or a spark from a passing vehicle. I’ll be damn glad when the drought is finally over.”

  “That makes two of us,” Logan said as he extended his hand. The two men shook.

  “Skyler, you’re lucky you had someone working out here.”

  “She is, isn’t she?” Logan teased. “That’s got to be worth dinner, don’t you think?”

  Brett held up his hands. “Sorry, man. You’re on your own there.”

  As the emergency crews loaded up and headed back toward town, Skyler noticed a line of dried blood on Logan’s hand. Before she could think better of it, she grasped his hand and pulled it up where she could see his injury better. The blood originated at a cut across his knuckle.

  “We should clean this,” she said as she slid off the porch to her feet.

  “I’m okay.”

  “Don’t argue.” She tugged him toward the steps.

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  Skyler wondered about her sanity the moment she stepped across the threshold. She’d not been inside the house in more than a year, and then only long enough to do a quick check to make sure no windows were broken and no animals had gotten inside. Memories assaulted her but she pushed past them toward the kitchen. She led Logan to the sink and turned on the water. Not trusting him to do a thorough job of cleaning it, she guided his hand below the stream of water and grabbed the bar of plain soap he must have bought. She forced herself not to meet his gaze as she cleaned away the dried blood and then the layers of dirt and smoke.

  “You know, I can do this myself,” Logan said.

  “Oh, no. I’m not having you do a half-baked job, letting it get infected and your hand fall off.”

  Logan chuckled. “A little exaggerated, don’t you think?”

  She stopped cleaning his hand but didn’t let it go. “I can’t believe you tried to fight that fire by yourself.”

  “I wasn’t going to stand by while it burned your house to the ground.”

  “It’s not my house, not anymore.”

  Logan was uncharacteristically quiet for long enough that she looked up at him.

  “Maybe you don’t live here anymore, and maybe you have good reasons. But it’s still yours, and you need it to bring a better price when you sell the ranch.”

  That was true, but she didn’t want it at the cost of someone’s life. Her heart squeezed at the thought of what might have happened.

  He lifted his hand and rubbed his thumb across her cheek. She thought he might kiss her, and in that moment she wanted him to. Instead, he retrieved his hand and wet a paper towel. He brought it to her cheek.

  “Sorry, I smudged you.”

  After he finished, he stared down at her for what felt like a very long time. The fact that it was only moments told her she was treading in dangerous territory if she wanted to maintain the necessary distance between them. She took a step away from him. “I should get back to the inn.”

  He grasped her hand. “Don’t go. Not yet.”

  “Logan.”

  “If you won’t let me take you out, at least stay for a little while. I don’t have anything fancy here, but I can slap together a mean ham-and-turkey sandwich.” He smiled. “It’s the least you can do for your one-man fire-fighting crew.”

  “Resorting to guilt trips now?”

  “Is it working?”

  She took a deep breath and looked out the kitchen window before shifting her gaze back to him. “Okay, but this doesn’t mean anything more than two acquaintances hanging out for a bit.”

  “Whatever you say, sweetheart.”

  She could never acknowledge how much hearing him call her sweetheart caused her insides to flutter, especially when she thought about how many women he’d probably showered with the same endearment.

  “Let me take a quick shower so I’m not so disgusting.”

  The thought of him getting naked caused heat to radiate throughout her body. When she heard him turn on the shower, she moved away from the sound by walking down the hallway to her old bedroom. She crossed the room to where he’d obviously been sleeping in her bed. With no one to see what she was doing, she stretched out on the mattress. He must have washed the linens, because they smelled like a combination of laundry detergent and his male scent.

  She stared out the window at the wide blue sky and remembered lying here as a girl, looking up at that sky and wondering where under its wide expanse her father was at that moment. She closed her eyes as more memories began playing like a film in her head. She knew she was drifting, even heard the shower shut off in the distance, but she couldn’t seem to make herself move. Despite the fact that she’d left this house and this room as soon as she could, there was something that felt strangely right about being back here. She wanted to banish that thought right along with the attraction she still felt toward Logan every time she got anywhere near him. But no matter how hard she tried, she knew she was losing that war on both fronts.

  * * *

  “SKYLER?”

  When Logan got no answer, he walked toward the front door and looked out the screen. Her car was still there, so at least she hadn’t made a run for it while he’d been in the shower. Of course, if she’d known he’d spent those few minutes fantasizing about her joining him, she might have fled the premises as fast as she could.

  When he didn’t find her on the porch, he walked down the hallway until he reached her old bedroom. She lay on her side, curled into the fetal position on her childhood bed. He wanted nothing more in that moment than to join her there, but not for sex. All he wanted was to cradle her in his arms, to keep away whatever memory plagued her here. Instead, he turned and left her to her rest. As he put together sandwiches and pulled out a new bag of chips, he thought back to how worried she’d looked when she’d found him sitting at the back of the ambulance earlier.

  She would never admit it and might not even realize it, but there had been something in her eyes that said she cared. The thought occurred to him that he ought to be freaked out and planning his escape, but he wasn’t. As odd as it might seem, he liked the idea of someone caring about him.

  Should he allow her to care when he wasn’t sure how long he was staying? His conscience told him it wasn’t fair to her, even if he didn’t plan to totally disappear from her life. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her, but he knew it would be hard to fight the attraction he felt toward her. It wouldn’t even give him peace when he slept.

  When he had the food ready, he took it in a cooler out onto the porch. He sat in the swing and watched the end of another day approaching. As he gently swung back and forth, he listened to the quiet and was amazed it didn’t have him running for his truck and the open road.

  He’d been outside about an hour when the sound of footsteps made him look toward the screen door as it opened.

  Skyler smoothed her hair as she stepped out onto the porch. “You should have woken me up.”

  “You looked like you were resting so well I didn’t want to disturb you.”

  She walked to the edge of the porch and looked west, toward the last hint of the orange sunset disappearing into the deepening purple. “It’s always so beautiful out here this time of day.”

  “Can
’t argue with that.”

  She turned and leaned back against the porch support, facing him. “You look a little less like a chimney sweep than earlier.”

  “Amazing what running water and a little soap will do.” He patted the swing beside him.

  Skyler hesitated, and he could almost see the argument going on in her head. She was most likely the smarter, more sensible of the two of them. But when he looked at her, he didn’t want to be smart or sensible. He wanted to give his desire free rein.

  “I don’t bite,” he said. “Unless, of course, you want me to.”

  She snorted at that and came to sit beside him.

  He leaned over and retrieved her sandwich, bottle of water and the bag of chips.

  She accepted the sandwich and took a bite. They ate in silence for a few minutes.

  “How long has it been since you lived out here?” he asked.

  Though he wasn’t touching her, he sensed a slight stiffening of her posture.

  “Since I went to college. I’d come back for breaks, but I never lived here again full-time.” She paused for a couple of heartbeats. “My mom died while I was in school in Austin.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Me, too.”

  “What about your dad?”

  “A couple of months after that,” she said, a definite catch in her words.

  “I didn’t mean to bring up bad memories.”

  “It’s not you. Just being here is enough for that to happen.”

  “So that’s why you want to sell it?”

  “That, and I could use the money to invest in the expansion of the park, and...”

  “The baby.”

  She nodded and took a drink of her water. “What about you? You said you grew up on a ranch.”

  “In the middle-of-nowhere, North Dakota.”

  “Your parents still alive?”

  “Yeah. They still live on the same ranch. And all my brothers and sisters live in the same county. They’re not what you’d call adventurous.”

  “You must have gotten all those genes in your family.”

  “You could say that.” He took a swig of his beer.

  “Sorry.”

  He glanced at Skyler in the dimming light. Damn, she was beautiful. “What for?”

  “I didn’t mean to hit a sore subject.”

  “What makes you say that?”

  “It was obvious—the look on your face, the way you tensed and looked like you were going to crush your bottle.”

  He shrugged. “Just one of those things you can’t change.” He considered the wisdom of telling her everything, but he decided to trust her, that she would eventually see that his past didn’t mean he was going to be some deadbeat dad. “My parents, my entire family except for Jesse and his parents, don’t get me at all. They can’t understand why anyone would ever want to leave North Dakota, let alone travel all over the country. They never let me go anywhere as a kid. I thought I was going to suffocate before I got old enough to leave.”

  “So that’s why you don’t stay in one place for very long, why you’re always on the go?”

  “Yeah. From the day I left, I’ve tried any crazy thing I’ve come across just to say I’ve done it.”

  “I can’t imagine living like that.”

  “You never know, you might like it. After all, you didn’t think you’d like skydiving either.”

  “A once-in-a-lifetime thing is different than constantly living on the edge. There’s something to be said for stability and roots, building something that will last.”

  Yeah, they were boring. Luckily, he didn’t say the words. And a part of him wondered if that was the younger version of him thinking them. When he noted the change in the air surrounding them, he realized by his not agreeing with her that he’d strengthened her belief that he would forever be a wanderer.

  “You’re right,” he said. “I’ve been thinking about sticking around, giving Blue Falls a try.”

  “I don’t want you to stay out of some sense of obligation.”

  He sensed something she left unsaid. Did she want him to stay for some other reason? Could he do it? He hated that he couldn’t answer that question with any certainty.

  She stood and headed for the steps.

  He jumped to his feet and hurried to place himself between her and her avenue of escape. “Don’t go.” He reached up and slid a lock of her hair behind her ear.

  “Logan, don’t. I’m not the kind of girl you want.”

  “I don’t know about that. I’d say I’m wanting you quite a bit right now.”

  “You want sex, and our one night together to the contrary, that’s not what I’m looking for. I have roots here, a business, stability, and someday I want a husband and brothers and sisters for this baby.” She placed her hand lovingly on her stomach. “I’m the exact thing you ran away from. The only reason you keep chasing me is because I keep saying no. If I were suddenly to say yes, it wouldn’t take long before you realized I’m your worst nightmare, that I’m boring.”

  “You could never be boring.”

  “Well, before long I’m going to be fat and no doubt even grumpier than I am now.”

  “You’ll still be beautiful.”

  She gave him a sad smile. “You’re welcome to stay here as long as you like. Don’t feel like you have to do anything else. You did enough today by saving the house. You have a life, same as I do.”

  “Skyler.” He started to caress her face, but she stepped out of his reach.

  “Goodbye, Logan.”

  Those words echoed inside him long after she’d driven away and disappeared into the night. As he stood in the darkness, he didn’t think he’d ever felt so alone. So empty.

  Chapter Twelve

  The nap she’d taken in her old bedroom proved to be the best sleep Skyler got all night. When she’d tried to go to sleep in her own bed, she couldn’t quiet her mind enough to relax. She kept fantasizing about what life would be like if Logan could quit his nomadic ways and make a life in Blue Falls. She told herself she’d be satisfied if they could simply raise their child together, but that was a lie. She liked Logan, liked him a lot. And though she was probably setting herself up for heartache, she allowed herself to also dream about giving in to his flirtations and making love to him again.

  After she’d left the ranch the previous night, she’d felt more alone than she had before she’d met him. Even all her common-sense arguments against getting too attached were weakening.

  Knowing she wouldn’t be able to concentrate on work this morning, she instead headed out to do some shopping. As she filled her cart with everyday items like toilet paper and the chocolate pudding cups she’d been craving lately, she thought about how Logan never had to buy normal things like cookware or shower cleaner. When you lived in motel rooms and ate at restaurants or out of coolers, someone else took care of those things.

  She turned down another aisle and found herself next to the baby section. Even though she should give it a wide berth until she’d made it known she was pregnant, she couldn’t seem to resist the pull. The next thing she knew, she was in the midst of the adorable little outfits. Being surrounded by that much cuteness was a little like getting a sugar rush from eating too many cookies.

  A little yellow-and-white dress covered with daisies caught her eye. It came with a set of ruffly underpants and a hat. The fabric was so soft that she wanted to rub it against her cheek.

  She placed her hand over her stomach, trying to imagine what she would look like in the months ahead as her body changed to accommodate the life inside her.

  “What do you think, sweet pea?” she said low where no one could hear her. “You like this one?”

  Movement out of the corner of her eye startled Skyler. W
hen she turned in that direction, she saw Logan staring back at her with an expression that looked as if his brain was in the process of short-circuiting. She bit her lip to keep it from trembling because he looked like a man who’d been smacked upside the head with reality and didn’t know how to deal with it.

  “Hey,” she managed to say as she placed the dress back on the rack.

  “Hey.” He appeared to mentally shake himself free of his temporary deer-in-headlights moment. “How are you?”

  He sounded so distant. More than at any time since she’d met him, she wanted him to tease her, toss out some flirty comment as only he could. Instead, he glanced toward the front of the store as if estimating how long it would take him to reach the exit. When he shifted his gaze again, it landed on the little dress. “Are you having a girl?”

  “It’s too early to tell.” Fearing that lingering in the baby section with Logan would set tongues to wagging, she moved away from the racks of clothes, crossing the aisle to stand next to a display of greeting cards. Before she could talk herself out of it, she turned back toward Logan. “Would you like to come over for lunch?”

  She expected a quick yes, so when Logan shook his head, her heart sank.

  “I’d best make the most of the daylight to work.”

  What he said made sense, but she knew there was more to it. He was already pulling away, and she didn’t know if it was inevitable or if she’d finally pushed him away one too many times.

  “Oh, okay.” It was on her lips to suggest dinner instead, but the words would go no farther.

  He met her eyes again. “Thanks for the offer, though.” He paused for a moment. “Are you really okay, after everything that happened yesterday?”

  She nodded and managed a smile. “Just as long as you don’t decide to battle a pack of wild dogs today.”

  He smiled at that, but it wasn’t the type of full-of-life, infectious smile she was used to from him. She tried not to read too much into it, telling herself that his reaction to seeing her with baby clothes was normal for a new father-to-be. After all, didn’t she regularly face some new aspect of her pregnancy that struck her dumb?