Having the Cowboy's Baby

by Trish Milburn

  “Well, I better get going,” Logan said.

  She nodded and told herself not to watch as he walked away. She didn’t last two seconds, and it took all her willpower to not run after him as he headed out the front door.

  * * *

  ALL THE WAY back to the ranch, Logan tried to shake off the edgy, freaked-out feeling that had hit him the moment he saw Skyler holding that tiny dress. He thought he’d come to terms with impending fatherhood, but it punched him right in the gut imagining a little girl of his in that dress. God, he couldn’t be a father. He had to be the most ill-suited person in the world for that role.

  But there was no going back now. He had to pull himself together and deal.

  When he reached the ranch, he immersed himself in work, hoping the panicked feeling would take a hike. He worked hard and long enough that he should have fallen asleep as soon as he hit the pillow late that night. Instead, he stared at the ceiling thinking about the enormity of the fact that he had helped create a child. The thought kept looping over and over in his mind even as he eventually started to fall asleep in the wee hours.

  Logan had no idea how much time had passed when he jerked awake, panting from a dream that had seemed so real that his heart still raced as if it was being chased by an ax murderer. He’d been trying to leave Blue Falls, but roots from the ground had surrounded his truck, overtaking it, breaking out the windows in order to get him. They’d invaded the cab of the truck and snaked around his arms, his legs, his entire body, eventually covering even his face, smothering him.

  He threw off the sheet that lay over him and sat on the side of the bed. A glance at his phone revealed it was after two in the morning. But a bright moon cast the land outside in a blue-white glow. Skyler was right. He wasn’t cut out for this domestic stay-in-one-place crap. He had to get out of here. He tried to make himself feel better by telling himself it was for the best to go now before he really hurt Skyler. He would send her money, come visit, help her anytime she asked, but if he didn’t get back on the road soon, he feared he might smother.

  He stood and started tossing his few belongings in his bag. Within five minutes he was driving away from the house. It wasn’t the first time he’d taken to the road in the middle of the night, and it likely wouldn’t be the last.

  He was halfway to Dallas before he realized Skyler’s house key was still in his pocket. But he wasn’t turning back. For the first time in his life, he felt ashamed of running away.

  * * *

  SKYLER KNEW WHAT was in the envelope even before the house key slid out onto her palm. She opened the single sheet of paper. Scrawled across it were only two words. I’m sorry. Logan hadn’t even signed it, not that there was any need. Irrational tears pooled in her eyes. She’d known he would leave, had even tried convincing herself that’s what she wanted, so why was she on the verge of crying?

  Stupid pregnancy hormones, that had to be it. It certainly was not because she could honestly visualize any sort of life together with him. She barely knew the man. Just because he was the biological father of her child didn’t mean he had to be a part of their lives. And it looked as though he wouldn’t be.

  She batted away the tears and focused on work. If she had any hope of selling the ranch and getting the park projects under way before she got so big all she could think of was her hurting feet, she had to find someone else to finish the repairs to the ranch property. But not today. A small writers’ conference was coming into the inn, she had two meetings with food vendors and she was supposed to meet Elissa later to attend the opening of a new exhibit at Merline Teague’s art gallery.

  While part of her wanted to just curl up on her couch with a carton of ice cream and an afternoon of her favorite movies, she knew keeping busy was actually better. She needed the work to keep her mind off of Logan until the memory of him started to fade.

  She managed to forget about Logan for short stretches, but the moment she got off a phone call or left a meeting the image of him was right there in the front of her mind again. If they’d just had that one night together and she’d never seen him again, would she have already begun to forget him? Was it only the fact that she was going to have a living, breathing tie to him for the rest of her life that kept her remembering his face, wondering where he was, what he was doing?

  A little part of her that had nothing to do with common sense whispered “No” and she was afraid it was right. After all, remembering how his hands felt as they skimmed along her skin, his lips capturing hers, the way her body had come alive as he’d made love to her, had nothing to do with raising a child.

  As she got ready for the art opening, she couldn’t keep her mind from reliving all her moments with Logan. The pizza and the flowers, dancing with him at the music hall and then again at India’s wedding, the sight of him covered in soot after he’d battled a blaze alone to save her childhood home. But that was all they were, memories. He’d come back before because he’d wanted a repeat of their night together. This time she had no doubt he was gone for good.

  When she reached the gallery, Merline Teague greeted her at the door and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “You’re looking lovely tonight, dear,” Merline said. “Did you do something new with your hair or makeup?”

  Skyler shook her head. “No.”

  Merline looked at her a moment longer, as if she couldn’t quite pinpoint what was different. A jolt went through Skyler. Could people tell merely by looking at her, even this early, that she was pregnant? She’d heard of a pregnancy glow, but she would have bet money that her look was more baggy eyes and a faint tinge of green.

  Merline, thankfully, shifted her attention to the next arrival, allowing Skyler to make her escape into the milling crowd. She found Elissa and Verona talking in a back corner and headed that way.

  “Isn’t this adorable?” Verona said as she took a step closer to the artwork hanging on the display wall.

  Skyler had to agree. The artist had a talent for capturing the sweetness of baby animals, and the bunny depicted in the piece in front of them was darling. Skyler had a vision of it hanging in her baby’s nursery.

  “I was beginning to wonder if you’d bailed on us,” Elissa said when she noticed Skyler.

  “No, had a meeting with a vendor who was a little on the chatty side.”

  A waitress came by with a tray of champagne. Verona and Elissa each took a glass, but Skyler shook her head. “I’m fine, thank you.”

  When she looked back toward her friends, Verona had an expression on her face that made Skyler want to squirm. The woman was entirely too observant.

  Despite everything that was going on in her life and the way Verona kept watching her, Skyler had a nice time visiting with friends and neighbors. After talking to the artist, a young woman from Gruene, Skyler decided to buy the bunny painting.

  “He looks like he could just hop off the canvas into your lap, doesn’t he?” Verona walked out of the gallery alongside Skyler.

  For the first time in her life, being alone with Verona made her truly nervous. She glanced back to see Elissa saying goodbye to Merline and her daughters-in-law, Grace and Brooke.

  “It’ll look good in a child’s room.”

  Skyler jerked her attention back to Verona before she could think about what that might reveal. But there was no sense denying it. Verona had figured out her secret.

  “It’s Logan’s, isn’t it?”

  Skyler glanced around them but saw no one nearby. “Yes.”

  “This is wonderful, dear. I take it you haven’t told him, but I bet he’ll be excited.”

  “You would be wrong.” Skyler heard the hurt in her voice the same moment Verona did. She hadn’t meant to sound like that.

  “He’s not happy?”

  “The fact that he left town without even saying goodbye indicates no.” An inner voice told
her that wasn’t entirely fair. She believed he’d tried to stay. It just wasn’t in him to hang around in one place for long.

  Verona grasped Skyler’s hand with both of hers. “Oh, honey, I’m so sorry. I was so sure he was a good man.”

  “I didn’t say he was a bad one. I can’t exactly blame him for running away from something he didn’t plan.”

  “That’s no excuse for shirking his responsibility.”

  “It’s not his responsibility.” It was hers and hers alone.

  “It most certainly is. You didn’t exactly get yourself pregnant.”

  “Verona, lay off,” Elissa said as she walked up to them. “You’re not making this any easier.”

  Verona took a deep breath, then squeezed Skyler’s hand. “I’m sorry, sweetie. Don’t you worry about anything. We’ll get you through this.” She looked down at where her hand clasped Skyler’s. “I’m so sorry.”

  “For what?” Skyler wasn’t used to hearing Verona be anything other than upbeat.

  “For pushing you toward Logan.”

  “This isn’t on you. I made my own decisions.” And that fateful decision to go with Logan back to his motel room had changed her life forever.

  * * *

  LOGAN PAID FOR his beer and wandered into the barn that had been turned into a makeshift dance floor for the night. He didn’t feel much like dancing or socializing, but it was marginally better than going back to his crap motel and stewing in his thoughts.

  Ever since he’d left Blue Falls three weeks ago, he’d ridden as if he’d never even seen a bull. Maybe it was the universe’s way of paying him back for running away from Blue Falls without even having the decency to tell Skyler to her face he was leaving.

  Judging by how fast he’d left town, she was better off without him. Even as he thought it, something didn’t sit well inside him.

  He spotted Sam Hall sitting on a bale of hay watching the dancers and tapping the toe of his boot to the music. Only he was a little off the beat. Logan wondered how many beers Sam had had.

  “Hey, Logan,” Sam said as Logan approached the older bronc rider. “Tough ride tonight.”

  “I’ve had better.” Hell, he’d had better when he’d first started. “How’d you do?”

  “About as well as you did. Guess I’m so old I should hang it up, but I don’t know what I’d do with myself otherwise. Probably drink myself to death.”

  Logan had never really thought about it, but he realized that Sam wasn’t married. As he went back through his years of crossing paths with the man, he couldn’t remember Sam ever being married. Not that it was a surprise. There were a lot of divorced or single-by-choice guys on the circuit, including him.

  “He’s a cute little bug,” Sam said as he motioned with his bottle toward a little boy dressed just like his dad, one of the team-roping guys Logan didn’t know very well. “Phil dotes on that boy.” Sam shook his head slowly. “Can’t imagine what that’s like.”

  “Having a kid?”

  “Nah, I probably got a few of those around somewhere. Having a dad, that’s the great mystery. Never knew who my old man was. I used to like to imagine he was some famous actor or a Texas Ranger or something, but he was probably just some loser.”

  Sam took another swig of his beer as Logan watched Phil with his son. He wondered if Skyler was carrying a boy or a girl. For a moment, he imagined teaching the kid to ride a horse, taking him to rodeos.

  “Yep, that boy will grow up right,” Sam said, beginning to slur his words a little. He’d probably been drinking like a sponge since the moment his event was over. He looked at Logan, a little glassy-eyed. “How about you? You know your old man?”

  “Yeah.” Logan took a drink of his own beer to wet the dryness invading his throat.

  “Bet you didn’t get in as much trouble as I did. I was mad at the world and didn’t care who knew it. If it weren’t for rodeo, I’d probably be in prison. Not that I’ve not seen my share of the inside of jail cells.”

  Why wouldn’t the man stop talking? Logan couldn’t stand chatty drunks. When a woman half Sam’s age caught his eye and he nearly toppled off his hay bale in an effort to pinch her butt, Logan made his escape.

  “Hey there, Logan. Don’t you owe me a dance?” Amy Fitzwater, the daughter of one of the stockmen, moved close to him and placed her hands against his chest.

  How many times in the past had he taken advantage of situations like this, women more than willing to press their bodies against his? Tonight it felt wrong, and he stepped away from her. “Sorry, Amy. I was just leaving.”

  She gave him a pout meant to change his mind, but it didn’t work. He tossed his barely touched beer in the trash on his way out of the barn. He didn’t slow down until he got to his truck. He braced his hands against the side of the bed and looked up at the wide expanse of Wyoming sky sprinkled with stars. He wondered if Skyler was looking up at those same stars. Despite her determination that she would be fine on her own, could she be scared deep down? Because as he considered his next move, he sure as hell was.

  Could he do it, return to Blue Falls and try to be a father to his child? The thought of staying in one place still made him jittery, as though if he went back, he’d never be able to escape again. But he couldn’t let Skyler face this alone either, no matter her assertions that she could and the groveling he was going to have to do to earn her forgiveness. And the thought of becoming like Sam or the man’s father turned his stomach. His kid wasn’t going to grow up wondering if his father was a criminal or why he wasn’t good enough for his dad to stick around. And he sure didn’t want his son or daughter to end up alone and broken like Sam.

  With the way he left, Skyler might be less than happy to see him. But he’d deal with that when he got there, because he was going to be a part of his child’s life. Knowing he wasn’t going to sleep a wink anytime soon, he got into his truck and started driving toward Texas.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Skyler had just propped up her tired, aching feet when someone knocked on the door. She sighed and thought about ignoring it. Who could it be at this time of night, anyway? By ten o’clock most of the guests were either in their rooms or finishing up a late dinner in the dining room. And if it was a member of the staff, they would call her.

  With a sigh, she forced herself up off the couch and across her small living area. But when she looked out the peephole, all she could see was what looked like cellophane covering something. What the heck?

  When she opened the door, the item she’d seen turned out to be a large gift basket. She spotted a blue teddy bear and a tiny pair of socks. Gradually, whoever was holding the basket started to lower it.

  Her breath caught and she gripped the edge of her door to steady herself. “Logan. What are you doing here?”

  “Bringing you a Texas-sized gift basket.” He smiled that resistance-melting smile that had led her off the path of sanity and into his bed.

  It wasn’t going to work again. She’d told everyone, including herself, that she’d been fine with him leaving. But now that he stood in front of her, a flood of emotions welled up within her. Anger, betrayal and the need to hurt him.

  “You have to leave.” She started to shut the door in his face.

  Logan put his hand against the door, balancing the large basket in his other hand. “I’m sorry, Skyler.”

  “So you said in your note.”

  “You have every right to be mad at me.”

  “Yes, I do.”

  “Can we please just talk?”

  “We don’t have anything to talk about. You made your feelings abundantly clear.”

  Logan let out a long breath, and she realized that he looked tired, really tired. But she couldn’t let that soften her toward him. She wasn’t exactly bursting with energy at the moment either.r />
  “I made a mistake, a huge one,” he said. “One I want to correct.”

  “Pretty sure that boat has sailed.”

  “I’m going to be here for you, for the baby. I’ve given you every reason not to believe me, but I swear I’ll prove it to you.”

  Skyler sighed, wanting this conversation to be over. “For how long? A day? A week? Maybe you’ll even make it a month. But what happens when you start feeling trapped again?”

  “It can’t be any worse than how I’ve felt since I left. Not an hour has gone by without me thinking about you, about how immature and selfish it was of me to just drive away.”

  She searched his eyes, looking for a lie, but she didn’t see one. “I want to believe you, but I just can’t.”

  Logan sat the basket down, then met her gaze. “You don’t now, but you will.”

  This time when he walked away, she couldn’t watch.

  * * *

  “YOU HAVE TO admit, there’s a lot of great stuff in here,” India said as she picked through all the items in the basket Logan had left the night before.

  “It’s going to take more than a few presents to make me believe that particular tiger has changed his stripes.”

  “You didn’t think you’d ever see him again, and yet here he is back in town.”

  “Which seems to be a pattern with him.”

  “I say take whatever he’s willing to give but don’t bank on anything,” Elissa said.

  Skyler caught the irritated look India shot Elissa. India’s newfound happiness obviously made her want everyone around her to be happy, too.

  “It would be easier if he just stayed away altogether.”

  India came to sit beside Skyler on the couch. “Is there something there between the two of you?”

  Skyler laughed. “You’re kidding, right?”

  “Not at all. After he left, you seemed so sad. You tried to hide it, but I know you too well.”

  “I wasn’t sad. I was tired.”