She had grown too thin in a matter of a couple weeks after Daniel’s leaving, but her appetite had returned just as fall made its appearance.
“Now off with you. We’ll dance and rejoice later.” Mary grinned.
“Yes, we will.” Anna practically skipped home.
****
The sisters filed in on the right side of the meeting room, the men on the left as always. They began with a sedate hymn, and then the circle began. Anna’s soul flew free with her body as she moved in rhythm with the other women, her feet seeming to float above the ground.
Dancing had become even more important to her since Daniel. It gave her an outlet of ecstasy, the likes of which she’d only known in her brief moments with him. She spun with the other women in one of their well-loved moves. As Anna came back around toward the back of the room, the door opened.
Anna’s legs faltered, and she let out a little gasp as Daniel Greenleaf walked in and sat down on the men’s side of the room.
Chapter Five
Anna struggled to breathe, careful not to look in his direction. Thoughts crowded her mind.
“Sister Anna? Are you all right?” Mary changed places with another sister to dance beside her. They lifted their arms together, and Anna struggled for breath.
“Sister Anna? Talk to me.” Her friend gave her a stern look.
My legs are going to give away. Why is he here? He should be married and far away in Pennsylvania.
“I can’t. Not right now. I just need to dance.” She gave herself to the movements, blocking thoughts of Daniel Greenleaf from her mind for several moments.
“Sister Anna. It’s all right. He’s probably just back to thank everyone.” Mary whispered the words near her.
“Surely.” She couldn’t resist looking at him when she made the circle again.
His skin glowed with health, and his dark hair ringed his head.
Lord, give me strength not to act like a fool.
Already, her palms were slick, and her heart betrayed her with its quick thumping. Daniel caught her eye and smiled. She cut her gaze away from him.
That’s a dangerous thing for him to do. People are going to see it. Even a smile between a man and woman isn’t innocent here.
She managed to plaster a trembling smile upon her face as she raised her hands to God, praying the whole while.
Heart to God…
A voice behind her made her jump minutes later. “Hello, Anna.”
She didn’t say a word. Daniel.
Keeping her chin up, she finished the dancing somehow, trying to avoid thinking about Daniel right behind her. His gaze burned into her.
Or maybe it’s my imagination.
When the service was over, men and women filed out. Mary gave her a sharp glance, full of worry. Anna didn’t look back as men clapped Daniel on the back and conversation ensued, wafting over the cool night air. Shivering, she pulled her cape tighter around her shoulders and made her way as fast as she could to the house.
****
She lay awake long after bedtime, her eyelids peeled open as she stared into the darkness, listening and hardly breathing.
Will he sleep here as he did before?
The idea of being under the same roof with him was agonizing and thrilling at the same time. But she couldn’t go to him this time to tend his wounds or to talk and laugh late into the night.
Anna blinked back tears as the front door opened, and whispers floated to her bedroom. Daniel laughed. She would have known the sound anywhere. Her heart squeezed in response and she turned over, burying her face in the pillow.
I’d better sleep since I’ll have to face him tomorrow.
****
When she rose at 5:30 a.m., Anna thought about what to wear for longer than she normally would have. She chose a dark blue dress with her newest bonnet.
Not that it will hold a candle to anything women in the outside world wear.
The thought depressed her, and she slouched downstairs.
As luck would have it, Daniel was nowhere in sight.
Her mother spoke, her back to Anna. “Brother Daniel is here, as you may know.”
“I did see him come in to worship last night.”
“Yes, he did. He’s back to thank us all and to take a break from life with the world’s people… or so he says.”
Her mother pivoted to face Anna, her work at making breakfast forgotten. “I think he’s here to join us… to become one of us.” Her face had a light about it.
Oh no.
Anna’s heart dropped even as something inside her dared to hope. But hope what? She fixed a smile to her face. “What a blessing. I must check on the bees.”
“Of course, sister.” Her mother nodded and turned back to her work.
Anna breathed a sigh and walked out of the house. Her legs trembled as she covered the short distance to Mary’s home and the bees.
Mary spotted her coming and half-ran toward her. “Anna.” She clasped her hands in her own and squeezed.
Anna started at the use of her first name. It wasn’t common among the sisters of brethren. “How are the bees?”
Mary waved a hand. “Same as always. How are you? That’s the question.” Mary studied her as Anna busied herself by putting her gloves on.
“Fine as always.” She gave her friend a bright smile.
“I don’t think so, but I’ll take your word for it.” Mary sighed, pulling her own gloves on.
“I am. Brother… Daniel—” she choked out the name which was so dear to her “—is simply here to give thanks for what was done on his behalf.” She checked the hive, careful not to stir the bees.
“That’s not what I hear.” Mary’s tone was sharp, and she cut her gaze in Anna’s direction.
“Oh?” Anna kept her tone neutral, her hand shaking as she tidied up the bees’ hive.
“I hear he’s back to stay. At least Elder Smitt says so.” Mary wiped her forehead which was breaking out in moisture from the hot sun.
“Perhaps. It’s nothing to me. I’ve done my duty concerning him, and I’m glad he’s still alive.” Her voice shook a bit as she secured the bees’ home and moved on to the next box.
“Right.” Mary put her hands on her hips. “Sister Anna, will you ever just be honest with yourself?”
Anna laughed. “Believe me, I have been. No good has come of it, either.” She shoved her gloved hand into the hive.
“Be careful.”
“I am.” Her throat hurt from holding in tears.
“No, I mean with Brother Daniel. I can understand why you feel tenderly toward him. You nursed him, after all, but you know how these things are looked upon here.” She lowered her voice, glancing around them as if spies listened in the bushes nearby.
“I do, and I have no plans to raise the elders’ and eldresses’ eyebrows.” Anna gathered the honeycomb and secured the door latch of the box.
“Good. You can always talk to me, Sister Anna. No matter what.”
Anna’s voice trembled.
“Thank you, Sister Mary. I’ll keep that in mind.” She smiled at her friend as her mind screamed at her.
I can never confide in her or in anyone here. My thoughts must stay my own through all of this. Only God is my confidante.
****
Anna went home, hurrying through the kitchen. “I’m not feeling well. I’ll take a tray to my room.”
Her mother nodded. “Certainly.” She gave Anna a quizzical look.
I feel as if everyone can see through me to my faithless heart.
She made it back to her bedroom just as the men stomped into the house. Daniel’s voice came to her like sweet torture. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she ate her chicken, bread, and vegetables.
Oh, Daniel, that I could trust myself to eat with you. I’ll betray the feelings you’ve stirred up inside of me. Feelings I thought I’d dealt with.
She ate what she could stomach and then lay down on the bed, trying to block out the sound of
the laughter downstairs.
****
Anna stayed in her room most of the rest of the day, successfully avoiding Daniel Greenleaf. I feel so foolish, and he has to know I don’t wish to see him.
Her mother knocked on her door after dinner. “Sister?”
“Yes, come in.” She composed her face into what she hoped were pleasant lines and pulled the sheets up over her.
“Feeling any better?” Her mother studied her face.
“A bit.”
The other woman smiled. “Good. Tomorrow is discussion night. We haven’t had one in some time.”
“Oh.” Anna’s breath went out in a whoosh, and she couldn’t speak.
Her mother rushed to her side, all pretense of being only a sister leaving her as she hugged her daughter. “You turned so white just then — the very color of a sheet.”
“I’m fine,” Anna mumbled into her mother’s shoulder, wishing she could hide there forever.
But I’m going to have to face him — and myself.
“I hope so, dearest. Get well so you can enjoy tomorrow evening. It’s always such an enlightening and enjoyable time for you young people.”
“Yes.” There were few young people… at least any Anna was interested in most times that they got together for conversations. But tomorrow night would be different.
“Do you need anything?” Her mother held her at arm’s length.
“No, thank you.”
“Get some rest then.”
“I will.” She squeezed her mother’s hand, tears springing to her eyes.
“Dearest sister, it will be all right — whatever it is. You must — you must get better. The community is depending upon you. You know our numbers are dwindling where they were growing just a few years ago. We need strong young people who love Mother Ann’s teachings and our Zion here.” Her mother’s chin went up, and a stern note entered her voice.
She knows. Oh, she knows.
“It is all right. My place is here.” Anna moved her lips into a big smile she didn’t feel.
“Good.” Her mother gave her one last long look and walked out.
Anna collapsed against the sheets. Will she tell the other elders and eldresses?
The answer came to her. No. She trusts me more than that, and she knows my heart, that duty comes first for me.
****
Anna’s luck ran out the next morning. When she walked outside into the early rays of morning, Daniel Greenleaf’s voice met her ears.
“Anna Broche. We meet again after all this time. Where have you been hiding?” He leaned against the house.
He was waiting for me.
Her face burned.
“We can’t be seen talking like this.”
Daniel shrugged. “I’m not a member here yet.”
“Is that your intention?” She met his gaze, her voice louder than she’d meant it to be.
“Perhaps.” He twirled a piece of grass between his fingers, eyes half-closed.
Anna drank in the sight of him — dark eyelashes just as she remembered them. He’d only grown into manhood more fully. His frame was sturdier, more muscular than it had been. Muscles in his forearms flexed in the white shirt he’d rolled up to his elbows.
“Please… please,” Anna stammered. “Leave me be. I’m glad you’re well.”
“Good. I’ll be talking to you later, Anna. There will be time.” He smiled and tipped his hat as she walked away at a brisk clip toward one of the elder sister’s homes to check on her.
How can I live like this… with him so near? Her head swam with thoughts of him, and she sensed his gaze on her back.
****
“Hello again, Anna.” Daniel sat down across from her, a small smile on his face.
“Keep it light, and don’t call me that,” Anna said through clenched teeth as they faced each other. They were supposed to talk about current events and everyday life together, just to be social. Other young people sat across from each other in chairs made in the community. Eagle-eyed elders and eldresses milled about, watching for special interest between any particular man and woman.
If it was found, it would be reported, and those two young people wouldn’t fraternize together in the next conversation.
He nodded. “Forgive me, sister.”
She forced a smile. “Why are you back here?” She kept her tone low.
“I’m considering becoming part of the Society.” He raised an eyebrow, and she looked away casually, as if his words were no more than a recounting of yesterday’s weather.
“Sister?”
“I heard you. Don’t stare at me. They’re all watching — the elders and eldresses. You’ll get me into trouble.”
“I see.” A sardonic grin curled the corners of his lips up.
“I want you to leave.” She spit the words out as she smoothed her dress under her hands, her gaze away from his.
“Oh, you do, do you?” He laughed softly.
“Yes, I do. Please. You don’t belong here.”
“Seems you liked me here well enough a month or so ago.” His voice sent a tingle up her spine.
She smiled at a sister nearby. “No. I was confused.”
“Ah, I see.” He pursed his lips, taking his gaze from hers and picking up a newspaper as if he had interest in it. News was considered a safe topic of discussion. “And are you happy now, sister?”
She stiffened, forcing a smile to her lips. “Yes. I am.”
“I see. I hope so, and I aim to find out if it’s true.”
Anna sighed, nodding as if in discussion with him over a point of news. “And you? Why are you here? You have a family and…” She stopped.
“Not anymore.”
“Please move to the next chair.” One of the eldresses boomed the command out.
Anna groaned under her breath as she was forced to move on with a smile as if nothing had happened.
Not anymore? What did that mean?
Chapter Six
Anna longed to see Daniel just for a moment. Why is he really here?
He seemed to be avoiding her the next day and the one following. He didn’t come to meals, and the brethren gave reasons for it.
It’s due to me. She ate her dinner the second night, her frustration mounting. But it’s better this way. Perhaps he doesn’t want to make things difficult for me. Maybe we can both live here with no complication.
Just as she had the thought, the front door slammed open, men carrying someone.
“Make way. It’s Brother Daniel. He’s fallen ill.”
Anna’s heart slammed in her chest, and she gripped her fork tighter.
Her mother made her way to his side. “What happened?”
The elder shook his head. “I’m not sure. He fell on the ground in a heap as we were loading wood.”
Her mother nodded. “Get him upstairs, please.” She glanced around the table, her gaze settling on Anna.
“Sister, please attend to your brother as soon as you’re done with dinner.” Her tone brooked no argument.
“I will.” Anna dawdled for a few more moments, even as concern filled her. She finally rose and made her way up the stairs to the men’s quarters, her heart bumping as it had done before when she’d gone to the forbidden wing to care for Daniel.
Please, God. Let him be okay. I’ll forget about all my foolish desires if you’ll spare his life.
Anna pushed the door open, breath caught in her throat. The elder who’d been sitting with Daniel rose.
“He hasn’t come out of it yet, but he seems stable. If he doesn’t come around in the next few minutes, let me know. I’ll summon Doc Cyrus.”
Anna nodded. “Yes, brother.”
The older man left the room, pulling the door shut with a click that seemed amplified in the quiet space. Anna made her way across the room. A candle burned by the bed as she approached, heart in her throat. She couldn’t help but remember what had happened the last day she’d been in this room with Daniel alone.
<
br /> “Anna, is that you?” Daniel whispered.
“Yes.” She pulled a chair up near the bed. “I thought you were unconscious.”
He laughed softly and sat up, pulling the sheet down. “Hardly. It was a ploy to be alone with you.”
Anna started, heat flooding through her. She clenched her fists and stood up, shaking with anger. “What a terrible thing to do. I was—” Her voice broke.
“Worried?” He whispered the word gently.
The next thing she knew, Daniel was standing next to her, his arms around her.
“No.” She moved out of his embrace, tears threatening.
“Why not? It’s normal for friends to show affection, Anna.”
She shook her head, turning her back on him and biting her lip.
“I didn’t get to finish my sentence last night.” The heat from his body emanated in her direction.
“I don’t want to hear it — whatever it is. If you’re going to stay here, you’re going to have to let me be.” She sniffed and sat back down.
“I didn’t come here for that, Anna.” He sat on the bed, his knees close to hers, his gaze on her intense.
“I don’t know why you’re back. I thought I’d never see you again, that I’d completed my mission of mercy, and that was all.” She sighed. “I’d just started to enjoy my life again.” Anna stopped, realizing how that sounded.
“So, I do mean something to you?” Daniel gazed into her eyes, his own green eyes reflecting candlelight.
“You did, but what could it come to?” She whispered the words, looking down at her hands.
“To love and marriage and bouncing babies. Anna, listen to me.” He grabbed her hand, and she gasped but didn’t pull away.
His warm fingers against hers reminded her of dreams she’d had over the last month of him being in her life, of him touching her, kissing her.
She said nothing, swallowing hard.
“Alethia doesn’t want me. It’s over. I don’t want her either, not as more than a dear friend. She found someone else she thought she loved more while I was away and just couldn’t be bothered to tell me.” He paused. “But even before she told me that, as soon as I saw her again, I knew I couldn’t be happy with her. Not after meeting you.” He squeezed her hand, and she closed her eyes.
A Forbidden Union Page 4