Over You

by Christine Kersey

  “I spoke to your mom today and she’s coming for a visit. She’ll arrive tomorrow morning sometime.”

  “Well that will be nice.” Jessica paused. “Did you tell her about Kyle?”

  Ellen smiled. “It didn’t come up.”

  “Oh.”

  “Did you want me to tell her?”

  “Well, I guess there’s really nothing to tell, right? I mean you hired a contractor to do some renovations on your house.”

  “Yes, but that contractor happens to be your former fiancé.”

  “I know.” Jessica paused again as an idea occurred to her. “Do you know how long Mom will be visiting?”

  “Just for a couple of days. I think she has some open houses lined up for the weekend, so she has to get back for those. Why?”

  “I’m just worried about how she’ll react when she sees Kyle.”

  “What do you mean? She always liked him. Well, until he broke your heart.”

  Jessica pushed back the memories that her aunt’s words brought forth and focused on her concerns. “That’s exactly what I’m talking about. I don’t know if she’ll want to yell at him or convince him to get back together with me.”

  “What are you suggesting?”

  Jessica pictured herself calling Kyle and putting aside her pride to ask him to come back to work. She would do almost anything to avoid that. Since it was inevitable that he would need to come back to continue the job, she hoped he would come to her and apologize and ask to be allowed to keep working. Though in her heart she didn’t believe that would happen, she held on to the fantasy that if she was able to put off calling him long enough, that he would come to her first. “I was just thinking that maybe, just this one time, it might be a good idea to leave Mom in the dark.”

  “Jessica, I’m surprised at you. You’ve never been one to hide things from your family. Are you sure you want to start now?”

  “I just need . . . time, I guess. It’s been hard for me to have Kyle around. It’s brought back a lot of painful memories. I just don’t think I can deal with Mom’s reaction right now, whatever that reaction might be. I’m having enough trouble dealing with my own reaction.”

  Ellen was quiet for a moment. “I want you to know I’m not real comfortable with keeping anything from my sister. But I also understand that this has been challenging for you. But what are you going to tell Kyle to keep him from coming to work?”

  Guilt swept over Jessica at the information she hadn’t shared with her aunt, but she was embarrassed by the childish way she’d reacted to Kyle and didn’t want her aunt to think any less of her. “I’ll think of something,” she said, knowing keeping Kyle away wouldn’t be difficult.

  Chapter Fourteen

  As Jessica let herself into her aunt’s house, relief washed over her now that she had an excuse not to contact Kyle, for a while at least. Instead, she could enjoy a visit with her mom and not think about men and relationships at all. She worked on her programming project until she was too tired to think, then got ready for bed.

  Getting up and moving around had given her some energy and she decided to read for a while before going to sleep. She climbed in bed and pulled out a novel she’d been reading, then remembered the letters to William she’d found. Smiling in anticipation, Jessica took the letters out of the nightstand drawer and laid them on her lap. She quickly reread the last letter.

  My dearest William,

  Though I haven’t been able to see you, I needed to write to you. Somehow, even when I am just writing to you, I feel connected to you. I need to feel connected to you today. I need to feel loved by someone. He has been so cold to me since he’s been home. Colder than usual. I feel invisible in his presence and I long to be in yours. How can I feel so lonely when I have people around me? I wonder if there is something wrong with me. The way he treats me makes me feel like I have no value.

  Maybe I don’t.

  ~B

  As Jessica read the letter, she again felt empathy for B. Kyle had made her feel the same way, and sadness washed over her as she imagined being married to someone who would treat her so poorly. She would never allow that to happen to her.

  Jessica set the letter aside and turned to the next one, dated a month later.

  My dearest William,

  He will be traveling again soon and I look forward to spending time with you once more. I’m afraid the improvement in my mood at his announcement may have made him suspicious. Even so, I can’t bear to be away from you any longer, and I am willing to risk discovery if that means I can be with you.

  I will be at your side the moment he is gone.

  ~B

  Jessica eagerly turned to the next letter, dated two months later.

  My dearest William,

  These last weeks have been heaven on Earth as I’ve been able to spend so much time with you. Regretfully, he will be home any day now and I must play the happy wife once again. He never tells me exactly when he’ll be home, so I must be prepared at a moment’s notice for him to appear.

  I long for the moment I can return to your arms.

  Yours always,

  ~B

  Jessica set the letter aside and saw the next one was dated a couple of weeks later.

  My dearest William,

  I am in tears as I write this. He has told me that he has much work to do here and has no plans to travel in the foreseeable future. I can hardly bear the thought of not being able to spend the night in your arms. I am in doubt as to whether I will be able to see you at all. I have the feeling he is having me watched by one of his people, but I will do my utmost to find a way to be with you again.

  Yours always,

  ~B

  Jessica had begun to have mixed feelings as she continued reading the letters. On the one hand, she felt sorry for B because she was so unhappy and could not be with the man she seemed to truly love, but on the other hand, she was a married woman and was cheating on her husband. Jessica thought about her recent break-up with Alex and the reason she’d ended it with him, and wondered if he’d been torn as well. He had admitted that Mikayla, the woman he’d been seen kissing, was someone he had cared about, but that she was married and so he knew there was no future with her.

  I guess I was his second choice, Jessica thought, allowing self-pity to flow over her. At least Kyle didn’t pretend that he cared. He just left. Maybe it was better that way. I wouldn’t want him to be stuck with me.

  Jessica put the letters back in the drawer, suddenly exhausted.

  What is wrong with me that men seem to take me for granted?

  Jessica adjusted her pillow and turned off the bedside lamp, then closed her eyes and tried to push all thoughts of the men who had hurt her out of her mind.

  The next morning as she finished cleaning up from breakfast, she heard a car arriving. Afraid it might be Kyle, Jessica peeked out the front window, but was pleased when she saw her mother’s car parked out front. Hurrying out onto the wraparound porch, Jessica smiled at her mother, who was carrying an overnight bag up the steps.

  “Mom! Hi!” Jessica hurried to her mother as she reached the porch.

  Debra Stevens set her bag down and embraced her daughter warmly. “It’s good to see you.”

  “I’m so glad you came for a visit,” Jessica said, stepping back to look at her mother.

  “I guess you’ve had quite a time here.”

  Jessica pictured Kyle’s face and felt a moment of alarm.

  “I’ll bet you never expected all the drama Ellen’s put you through.”

  “Oh that,” Jessica said, relieved her mother knew nothing about Kyle. “I’m just glad I was here when she got hurt. I’d hate to think what would’ve happened if she’d been here by herself.”

  “When I spoke to her yesterday it sounded like she was in good spirits.”

  “I think she’ll be a lot happier when she’s healed enough to come home.”

  “Yes, she’s always loved this old place.”

  “Why
don’t you come in and I’ll fix you something cool to drink.”

  “That would be nice. Thank you, honey.”

  Jessica picked up her mother’s bag and carried it into the house, setting it in the entry. “Come into the sunroom and tell me what’s new.”

  Debra followed her daughter into the cheerful room and sank into one of the chairs. “It will be nice not to think about work for a couple of days.”

  “How long will you be staying, anyway?” Jessica asked as she poured lemonade into two glasses.

  “Just until Thursday. I have an open house this weekend that I need to get back for.”

  Jessica handed her mother one of the glasses and sat in the adjacent chair. “Well, I’m glad you were able to get away for a couple of days.”

  They chatted for a while, then when there was a lull in the conversation, Debra got a funny look on her face.

  “What is it?” Jessica asked, knowing the look on her mother’s face meant she had something on her mind.

  A smile played around the corners of Debra’s mouth. “Okay. I feel a little guilty.”

  “Why?”

  “You know I adore my sister, but I have to admit that coming to see her wasn’t the only reason I came.”

  Puzzled, Jessica frowned. “What do you mean?”

  Debra looked away, then met Jessica’s gaze. “It’s Alex.”

  “Alex? The Alex I broke up with?”

  “Do you know another Alex?”

  “No. What about him?”

  “He’s come over a few times since you broke up with him, and he’s just heartbroken.”

  “He came over to see you and dad?”

  “Well, you know he’s not close to his family, and dad and I have always been very welcoming, so I guess he felt comfortable coming by.”

  Jessica shook her head. “I don’t get it. What did he want from you?”

  “Jessica, have a heart. He’s just crushed that you broke it off and left town.”

  Jessica felt a sudden twinge of guilt, knowing exactly how Alex must be feeling, since she’d experienced the same thing when Kyle had left her. Though she knew the circumstances were different—after all, she’d had the courage to talk to him before ending the relationship—the end result was very similar. “He hasn’t tried to contact me.”

  “No. He said he was worried you’d reject him outright.”

  “So he sent my mother to speak on his behalf. I see.” Jessica pressed her lips together.

  “Don’t be so hard on him, Jessica. He didn’t go into specifics, but he told me how much he regrets the mistakes he made, and how now he realizes how deeply he loves you.”

  Jessica really didn’t want to go into the gory details of how Alex appeared to have cheated on her with an old girlfriend, and she certainly hadn’t forgotten the anger and betrayal she’d felt when she’d found out, but somehow, hearing that Alex still loved her and wanted her helped to ease the pain she’d been feeling over Kyle. “So, what are you suggesting?”

  “Honestly, I’m not suggesting anything. I’m just passing on his message.” Debra watched Jessica for a moment. “He’s a good man. I just hate to see you unhappy. Maybe you should give him another chance.”

  Jessica’s first instinct was to flatly reject the suggestion, but the idea that she could call him up, ask him to come visit, and he would rush to her side, filled a hole that had been growing in her heart since Kyle had come back into her life. “I’ll think about it, okay?”

  Debra smiled. “That’s all I can ask. Now, why don’t we go give my sister a visit?”

  “That sounds like a great idea. But mom, do me a favor and don’t mention any of this stuff with Alex, okay?”

  “Of course. I know you don’t need any more pressure.”

  Because Jessica had work to do, she and her mother drove separately to the long-term care center. After a brief visit, Jessica left her mother with her aunt and drove home.

  Several hours later, as Jessica worked on her project, she heard a car pull up and decided it would be a good time to stop and spend time with her mother. But when she heard heavy footsteps on the porch, and then a strong knock on the door, she realized it wasn’t her mother who had arrived.

  Jessica strode to the front door and pulled it open. “Kyle, what are you doing here?” Jessica’s heart pounded at the site of her ex-fiancé. Not only was his arrival unexpected, but she feared her mother would arrive at any moment.

  “I committed to work on this project for your aunt and I’m committed to finishing it. I know you don’t like me being here, and Jessica, you have no idea how bad that makes me feel, but I can’t just stop working on this project. My reputation is on the line.”

  Jessica didn’t know what to say. She couldn’t decide if he seemed more concerned about finishing the job because he’d made the agreement, or because not finishing it could damage his reputation. Clearly, her feelings were the least of his worries. Though hurt that she mattered so little, she also knew that her aunt expected the job to get done. But her aunt had also agreed that the work could stop for the few days her mother was in town. “I’ll agree to allow you to continue, but I just need you to wait until Monday to start back.”

  Kyle’s eyebrows drew together. “Any particular reason? I’m ready to work right now.”

  “As a matter of fact, I do have a reason.”

  “Which is?”

  “You’re just going to have to agree without knowing why.” Keeping that information from him made Jessica feel like she had the upper hand, though she knew she was floundering. Every time she saw him she felt off-kilter and she didn’t like it.

  “Fine. I’ll see you on Monday.” Kyle turned away and Jessica began shutting the door, then Kyle suddenly turned back. “Jess?”

  His use of her nickname caught her attention and she held the door in place, waiting to see what he would say.

  “Please don’t hate me,” he said.

  The look of sincerity in his sea-green eyes surprised her. Though she knew she didn’t hate him—in fact she knew she still had feelings for him—she didn’t want him to know how she really felt. As long as she could keep her façade of indifference in place, she was certain she could convince him that she no longer cared. Then she would be able to continue pretending that his relationship with Melanie didn’t bother her. She hoped that would diminish his power to hurt her, whether intentional or not.

  As she looked at the frankness in his eyes, she had to suppress her instinct to assure him that she didn’t hate him. Fearing that if she opened her mouth she would expose her true feelings, she kept her mouth clamped shut and merely gazed at him.

  When she didn’t reply he turned away and walked down the porch steps. Jessica observed the slump of his shoulders, and a wave of guilt crashed over her as she knew her lack of response had hurt him. Even though she’d been wounded deeply by what he’d done to her in the past, she didn’t want to see him suffering as well.

  But then she pictured him going to Melanie for comfort and suddenly she didn’t feel sorry for him anymore. He had someone who would soothe his wounded heart. She had no one.

  That’s not true, she suddenly realized. Alex would arrive in a heartbeat if she summoned him. A small smile curved her face, but she wasn’t sure if she wanted to complicate her life further by making him a part of it again.

  Jessica closed the door and listened to the sound of Kyle leaving. Why would he care if I hate him? Is it because he actually cares about the way I feel, or is it to soothe his own guilt?

  Shaking her head, she tried to push thoughts of Kyle out of her mind and glanced around the room, stopping at the table in the entry. Her gaze moved to the padded envelope Melanie had dropped off the day before, and she frowned as she realized she’d missed an opportunity to give it to him.

  Jessica stepped to the table and lifted the envelope, again feeling the shape of the object inside. Curiosity tingled in her mind and she bit her lip as she debated whether to take a peek.
What could have been so important that Melanie didn’t want to wait until she got back from her business trip to deliver it to Kyle herself?

  Chapter Fifteen

  Debra arrived at the house a while later and Jessica fixed them both a late lunch.

  “So, how do you think Ellen’s doing?” Jessica asked, concerned her aunt was just pretending she was fine.

  Debra thought for a minute as she took a bite of her salad. “I think she’s doing really well, considering how independent she is. I know it’s been hard for her to have to rely on others, but she’s an optimistic person by nature and knows this is temporary.”

  Jessica felt better at her mother’s assessment, as her mother knew Ellen better than Jessica did. “Good. I’ve been worried she’s just putting up a happy front.”

  “She might be a little, but she’s strong. She’ll be okay.”

  “Are you going back to see her today?”

  “She has her physical therapy this afternoon, but she said I could come after that.”

  “I have a project I have to get finished today, but I’m almost done, so I’ll come over after I submit it to my boss.”

  When lunch was over, Debra offered to clean up so Jessica could get started on working. Jessica went into the library and continued on her project. She could hear her mother moving around in the kitchen, and smiled, happy to have her mother near.

  Focused on her task, Jessica didn’t hear her mother approach.

  “What’s this, Jessica?”

  Jessica looked up and saw her mother holding the plain padded envelope. Though she usually didn’t keep things from her mother, she didn’t have the energy to explain about Kyle. Especially since her mother was advocating for her to give Alex another chance. “Uh, someone dropped that off for Ellen.”

  “Oh, okay. I just wanted to let you know I’m going to be reading in the sunroom for a while.”

  Jessica nodded. “Okay.”

  An hour later, as Jessica was struggling with a particularly difficult problem in her programming project, her mother appeared in the entry.

  “I’m going to see Ellen now.”

  Jessica barely lifted her eyes from the screen. “Okay.”