Over You

by Christine Kersey

  Later that afternoon, the programming problem solved and the project complete, Jessica was ready to stop working and go spend time with her mother and aunt. She emailed her boss to let him know she had completed the project and uploaded the programming code, then shut down her laptop and headed out the door.

  As she approached her aunt’s room at the long-term care center, she heard laughter. She smiled, grateful her mother had been able to come and visit.

  “Hi there,” Jessica said as she walked into her aunt’s room. The two women greeted Jessica as she sat in an empty chair. “How’s your ankle?”

  “A little sore after the therapy, but the doctor said the infection is much, much better. He says I might be able to go home sooner than he’d originally thought.”

  “That’s wonderful.”

  The three women chatted a while, and as Debra and Ellen began to talk about someone Jessica didn’t know, her gaze wandered around the room. Something on the dresser caught her eye and her heart began to pound. Standing, she stepped toward the dresser and lifted the plain, padded envelope, which was now open.

  “I grabbed that on my way over,” Debra said, obviously noticing that Jessica had found the envelope.

  Jessica’s back was to her mother and aunt, and she wiped the panic from her face before turning toward them.

  “Who did you say dropped it off?” Ellen asked.

  “Uh,” Jessica said, her mind racing. “I, uh, I didn’t get her name.”

  “Well, what did she look like?” Ellen pressed.

  “My age, with blond hair.” Jessica described Melanie, thinking that was harmless, plus it was the truth.

  Ellen looked thoughtful. “I don’t know who that could be.”

  “What was in the envelope?” Jessica asked.

  “Look for yourself. I can’t really tell what it is.”

  More curious than ever, and since she hadn’t been the one to actually open the envelope, Jessica didn’t feel so bad about taking a peek. She looked inside and saw a CD case, then reached in and pulled it out. The case didn’t have a label—neither did the CD inside. “I can’t tell what’s on it.”

  “Well, you’re the computer person,” Ellen said. “Can you find out for me?”

  “Sure.” Jessica tried to hide the mixture of reluctance and intense curiosity she felt as she dropped the envelope, with the CD inside, into her purse.

  As Jessica continued visiting she tried not to think about the CD, but the more she tried not to think about it, the more she wanted to get home and put it in her computer to take a look. Finally her aunt announced that the physical therapy session had tired her out and she wanted to take a nap.

  “I’ll come by tomorrow before I head home,” Debra said.

  They said their good-byes and left.

  Jessica and her mother arrived back at the house and went inside.

  Debra laughed. “I kind of like the idea of a nap. You don’t mind, do you?”

  All Jessica could think about was seeing what was on the CD. “No, I have some work I need to do anyway.”

  “Okay. Maybe when I wake up I can take you to dinner.”

  Jessica smiled. “That would be nice.” She watched her mother walk up the stairs toward her room, then went straight to her computer. The disc loaded quickly and Jessica saw thumbnail images of pictures lined up in neat rows. She double-clicked on the first one.

  Trees covered in red and gold leaves filled the background. A black bench with wrought-iron armrests sprawled beneath them. But the thing that really grabbed Jessica’s attention was Melanie, reclining on the bench, her golden hair flowing behind her, a provocative smile on her face.

  Jessica clicked through the next few pictures and saw they were all of Melanie; some on the same bench in different poses, others in other places within the same park-like setting. As Jessica scrolled through the pictures she realized why the place seemed so familiar. It was the same place she and Kyle had had their wedding announcement photos taken.

  Jessica continued looking through the photos and finally came to one that was not of Melanie. But when she saw who was in the picture, she gasped. It was Kyle, but in the photo he held a girl who looked about two-years-old.

  Is he a father?

  The idea had never occurred to her. But it was certainly a possibility, she realized. She looked through the rest of the images and saw there were a few more of Kyle and the little girl, some of the child by herself and some of Melanie and the child. Though most of the pictures were of Melanie by herself, there were also a few of Kyle, Melanie and the child.

  They make a beautiful family, Jessica thought, her heart feeling like it was being crushed.

  Ejecting the disc, Jessica placed it back in the case, then dropped it into the padded envelope. She held it for a moment, her thoughts spinning, then put it into one of the desk drawers, sliding it closed.

  What was so important about those pictures that Melanie had to drop them off and couldn’t wait until she came back from her trip to give them to Kyle? How serious was Kyle’s relationship with Melanie? Why did Kyle take Melanie to that particular park to take pictures of her? And most importantly, was the little girl his?

  When Jessica imagined Kyle as a father to another woman’s children, jealousy churned in her stomach. During their engagement she had mentally planned their future, and children had figured prominently in that plan. When he’d left so abruptly that future had ceased to exist for her, which was just one aspect of the crushing devastation she’d felt at his departure.

  Now, seeing photos of him with a child and another woman brought back the feelings of desolation once again.

  “What’s wrong, Jessica?”

  Jessica jerked her head up and saw her mother standing there. “I thought you were going to take a nap.”

  “I couldn’t fall asleep and I was starting to feel hungry. Are you okay? You look pale.”

  Jessica touched her face with one hand, hoping her feelings weren’t too obvious. “I’m not feeling very well, Mom. Can I take a rain check on dinner?”

  “Of course. Maybe I can make you some soup or something.”

  Smiling wanly, Jessica nodded. “I think I’m going to lie down for a while.”

  “I’ll bring some soup up to you in a bit.”

  “Okay.” She pushed back from the desk and trudged up the stairs to her room, changed into a pair of sweats and a comfortable t-shirt, then climbed under the covers. Closing her eyes, Jessica tried to force her thoughts away from Kyle, but found the harder she tried to think of other things, the more other things led to thoughts of him.

  As she lay on her side she felt a familiar despair beginning to settle over her like a heavy blanket. “Oh no,” she moaned. I can’t go through that again. I can’t allow Kyle’s actions to rule my life.

  Pushing the covers off and sitting up in bed, the coolness of the room washed over the bare skin on her arms and face, raising goose bumps. She shivered, but the movement helped to shift the direction of her thoughts.

  I’m in control of my life, she thought. Not Kyle. He’s moved on and now I must too. If he’s a father now, then that’s just how it is. I can still have children. It will just be with someone else.

  Though she’d hoped that line of thinking would comfort her, she didn’t feel any better.

  Her mother knocked on the door, then let herself in. “I have some hot soup for you, Jessica.”

  Glad for the distraction, she helped her mother settle the tray across her lap. “Thank you, Mom. It smells good.”

  “I hope you feel better.”

  “I think this will help.” Though Jessica loved being taken care of by her mother, it added another layer of guilt that she hadn’t told her the real cause of her distress. She found she really wanted to tell her about Kyle and all that had happened, but as she framed the words in her mind, she felt overwhelmed by the complexity of the explanation and couldn’t bring herself to begin.

  Promising herself she would te
ll her everything later, Jessica was able to assuage her guilt. She picked up the spoon and took a sip of the hot soup. After a few more bites, warmth replaced the chill she’d felt and she found she really was beginning to feel better.

  “What are you going to have for dinner?” Jessica asked her mother, who had sat in one of the chairs at the foot of the bed.

  “Oh, I’m sure I can find something to eat.”

  “It’s been nice having you here.”

  “I’ve enjoyed visiting. It’s nice to get away sometimes and I haven’t been here in a while.

  Jessica finished the soup and set the spoon on the tray. “Maybe I just needed to eat something. I think I’m feeling better.”

  “I’m glad to hear it.” Her mother came to Jessica’s side and lifted the tray from her lap.

  “Maybe I’ll come downstairs with you.”

  “I would love you too, if you feel up to it.”

  Jessica climbed out of bed and followed her mother down to the kitchen. Settling herself in one of the chairs at the table, Jessica chatted with her mother, but stayed away from all conversation having to do with relationships.

  When she was tired enough to go to bed, Jessica told her mother good-night.

  ~*~*~

  Once Debra left the next morning, Jessica checked her work email and found a message from her boss, thanking her for finishing her project on time and assigning her a new one. She spent the rest of the morning working on the newly assigned project. After stopping to eat lunch, she decided to take a break and go visit her aunt.

  “I’d like to try and take a walk,” Ellen said.

  “Really? What about your ankle?”

  “The physical therapist encouraged me to get up and around as much as possible.” Ellen smiled and pointed to a walker in the corner. “Besides, I can use old Bessie there to help me get around.”

  Jessica laughed. “Okay.” She wheeled the walker to her aunt’s side, then carefully helped her stand.

  “Thank you, dear.” Ellen took a cautious step, clinging to the walker.

  Jessica walked as close to her aunt as she could and they slowly moved down the hall toward the door that led to the garden.

  “It was sure nice of your mom to come for a visit,” Ellen said as she pushed the walker in front of her.

  “Was she able to stay for a while this morning?” Jessica asked as she admired the roses.

  “For an hour or so. She had to get back to take care of some business.” Ellen paused. “How about you, Jessica? Have you talked to Kyle lately?”

  The images on the disc flashed in Jessica’s mind. “Talk to him about what?”

  “The renovation. What else?”

  “Well, I told him he could take a couple of days off. He’ll come back on Monday.”

  “Okay. By the way, what did you find on that CD that the mysterious person dropped off for me?”

  Jessica felt her face color, embarrassed to now have to explain the truth.

  “What is it?”

  Glancing away before looking at her aunt, Jessica bit her lip. “I’m really sorry, Ellen. That package wasn’t actually for you.”

  “I don’t understand. Who was it for?”

  “Kyle’s girlfriend dropped it off for him on her way out of town and asked me to give it to him. When Mom saw it on the table, she asked what it was and since I didn’t want to get into the whole Kyle thing, I just told her it was for you. I had no idea she was going to bring it to you here.”

  “I see.” Ellen paused. “What did you do with it?”

  “It’s in one of the desk drawers in your library.”

  Ellen nodded. “So you’ll give it to Kyle on Monday then?”

  “I guess so.”

  “Jessica, did you find out what it was?”

  Ashamed that she’d succumbed to the temptation to look, Jessica hesitated. “I wasn’t going to, but since it was already open, I couldn’t help myself.”

  Smiling at Jessica as if she were a small child, Ellen said, “And are you happy with what you found?”

  Jessica hadn’t thought about it in those terms, but realized she would have been happier not knowing what was on it. She would have been even happier if Melanie had never dropped it off in the first place. “No, I’m not.”

  “What did you find?”

  “Pictures. In a park. Mostly of his girlfriend, but there were a few of Kyle too. But the thing that surprised me the most were the pictures of him with a little girl.”

  Ellen’s eyebrows went up.

  “Yeah,” Jessica said. “I don’t know if he has a child or what. Do you have any idea?”

  “No, I’m afraid I don’t.” Ellen was thoughtful for a moment. “You could always ask him.”

  Laughing, Jessica shook her head. “What am I going to say. ‘So Kyle, have you had any kids since you dumped me?’ I don’t think so.”

  “Well, I’m sure you’ll figure things out.”

  Jessica doubted it, but she nodded anyway.

  Chapter Sixteen

  That evening, to get her mind off of Kyle, Jessica decided to continue reading the letters to William. She reread the last one to remind herself what it said.

  My dearest William,

  I am in tears as I write this. He has told me that he has much work to do here and has no plans to travel in the foreseeable future. I can hardly bear the thought of not being able to spend the night in your arms. I am in doubt as to whether I will be able to see you at all. I have the feeling he is having me watched by one of his people, but I will do my utmost to find a way to be with you again.

  Yours always,

  ~B

  Then she turned to the next one.

  My dearest William,

  I am not quite sure how to tell you this, and I am not quite sure how I feel about it, but I know I cannot procrastinate telling you any longer as there is no doubt, but that it is true. My love, I am pregnant with your child. I so wanted to tell you face to face, but as you well know, I have not been able to see you since he’s been back and I could not put off telling you any longer.

  You may wonder how I know it is yours and not his. I know this because I have not been intimate with my husband in many months. I have to confess that I fear he may be having an affair, although I cannot condemn him for it as I am doing the same. In any case, my love, there is no doubt that this child is yours.

  I have not yet told him that I am pregnant, but eventually there will be no hiding it. I am certain he is shrewd enough to know the child cannot possibly be his, but I am also certain that because of pride, he will never admit that fact to anyone. I am confident that he will go along with the charade that this child is his. I just hope that the rumor mills will not force him to prove his paternity, as you and I both know that he would fail in that regard.

  I will do my best to meet with you to discuss this matter.

  Yours always,

  ~B

  Oh wow, Jessica thought, shocked at the latest revelation. She couldn’t imagine what she would do if she were in that situation. How awful to be married to someone you don’t love and to be pregnant with another man’s child.

  She set the letter aside and turned to the next one, which was dated less than two weeks later.

  My dearest William,

  I am distressed that our conversation ended as it did, especially because I am not sure when I will be able to meet with you again. Please know that I understand what you were saying. I know you love me and that you take your responsibility seriously and that you want me to be your wife, but you need to understand that leaving my husband is not something I am willing to do. Forgive me for saying this, my sweet William, but that was something I made clear at the outset and it has not changed.

  As long as he accepts this child as his, it is in the child’s interest for me to stay. I could not bear for my child to be branded a bastard, which would surely happen if I left my husband to be with you. I know you said we could move to another place where no one kno
ws us, but my roots are here and I have no desire to leave. Not only that, you and I both understand that staying with my husband would offer certain advantages for the child, and that is very important to me.

  Though I may seem to be cold and calculating in this decision, you have to understand that inside I feel like I have been torn to shreds. I so much want to be with you, but I feel that staying where I am is the right decision.

  Yours,

  ~B

  More intrigued than ever, Jessica suddenly decided that she would try to discover more information about these people. Who was B? Was she still alive? Jessica put the letter aside and turned to the next one, dated two months later.

  My dearest William,

  Today I told him that I am pregnant. I think he may believe the child is his. You may be shocked to hear that, but I admit I haven’t been completely honest with you. The truth is, when I began to suspect I was pregnant, I made overtures to him and we have been intimate a number of times. This must be painful to hear, but you have to understand that he is my husband, and at some level I do love him. My purpose in telling you this is not to hurt you, though I am certain it must be painful to hear, but rather to explain why he would believe the child is his. I am not proud at my deception, but it is something I feel I had to do—for the child’s sake as well as my own.

  My love, you know I would prefer to be with you, but circumstances will not allow that option. Though it breaks my heart, I’m afraid I am not going to be able to see you, at least in the foreseeable future.

  Ever yours,

  ~B

  Jessica tried to imagine what it would be like to pretend to love a man when she really didn’t care for him. At some level she admired the woman’s ability to move past her mistakes and try to do what was best for her child at the expense of her own happiness.

  The date of the next letter was several months later.

  My dearest William,

  You may be pleased to hear that I have given birth to a son. I will understand if you are angry at me. He is beautiful and every time I look at him, I think of you. When I gaze at his sweet, innocent face, I know I made the right decision in staying with my husband. Though it is a sacrifice for the both of us, I hope that you will agree that our child is worth it.