the boys i've loved & the end of the world

by Catarine Hancock

  the first time. a heap of common sense. i hope he will be here.

  he has a beautiful smile. i hope he will stop smoking, even if

  you can’t get lung cancer in heaven. i don’t want him to

  accidentally burn it down. that sounds like something he would

  do.

  if the second is here, i hope his sadness is gone, destroyed back

  on earth with everything else. he has been hurt so much. he

  doesn’t deserve it anymore. i know we will never get another

  chance, not at love, anyways. but perhaps we can rebuild

  something else; our friendship. who knows? time is endless

  here.

  i know the third will be here, waiting to greet everyone else

  with open arms. i hope she is there, too, holding his hand. he

  has a heart of gold, and i am glad he walked away from me

  without it completely shattered. even now, i would put him

  before me, simply because i know he is a better person than i

  have ever been. so if it were between the two of us getting into

  wherever our afterlife is, i would tell him to go.

  the fourth never believed, but then again, neither did i, and yet

  it is white all around me and i am certain this is not hell. i only

  hope he is here, too. i promised i would find him. i can only

  hope i do, and i can only hope we finally get a chance, without

  miles between us and scattered internet connection being the

  only thing holding us together.

  i think about the fifth, how little time we had. but we have all

  the time we want here. so much, that one day, we may get

  bored, as young people do. but i do not want to think about the

  sad ending now. we have the rest of our lives ahead of us, even

  if it isn’t the way we planned. but things never turn out as

  planned, do they?

  there! i can see them all… they are waiting for me. i must go to

  them. the air is crisp and the sky is bright. everything is

  peaceful. the sun will not hurt us here.

  here, we have all the chances we need.

  -c.h.

  about the author

  catarine hancock is an 18 year old writer, musician, and college student. she is attending the university of kentucky in pursuit of her bachelor’s degrees in both vocal performance and music education. catarine has always been a writer, and has been sharing her poetry on social media for five years. she has amassed an audience of over 40,000 on her instagram page, @evanescent.love. this is her first poetry book, and hopefully not her last.

  for more information, check out any of her social media pages:

  instagram: @evanescent.love

  tumblr: poeticaffinity

  twitter: @writingbych