Dying to Live

by Roxy De Winter

  “Okay,” Xin said resolutely, setting down her cup. “This may not be easy to explain, but I’m going to try and make it as simple as possible to avoid confusion. You may have to bear with me.”

  Nobody said a word, but all eyes came to rest on her. Red eyed and troubled, Xin sighed and continued.

  “First of all, I have to say that as far as scientific facts go there is very little that I can tell you. It’s not a big surprise but all the major details are completely absent. My guess would be that even the doctors, researchers and scientists up there were not individually privy to every aspect of the project and the bigger scape it.” She paused, measuring their reactions. Pete’s face gave nothing away. Frank looked a little dissatisfied but thoughtful. Harry and Lucy both just seemed anxious for her to continue, so she did. “I do, however, have a very, very, VERY,” she stressed, “rough outline of the absolute basics.”

  Pete frowned. “Is it enough?” He asked.

  “Well, I’ll let you be the judge,” Xin said, reluctant to state her opinion as a final decision. “Some of this we may have already covered but just for the sake of making sense I’m just going to go over it all. In the most basic of terms they have taken an extra-terrestrial life form with a far superior genetic matter and attempted to pass the inherent properties of it onto earth based life forms. I think we had already, to some extent, speculated on that, but it gets worse. Somewhere down the line, the mutation it caused in human cells was not quite the result they had been aiming for. It was something else, something in-between human and alien. I feel fairly confident in saying that the purpose of the tests was to overcome human mortality. We didn’t need the USB files to see for ourselves that, in some way, they managed that but not quite fully. My encounter tonight showed me there was probably another reason too. I think they wanted to give us the ability to renew damaged tissues.”

  Xin took a moment to, again, measure their reactions and finish her coffee, whilst she puzzled over the wording of the rest.

  “I know there must be more to this, but so far I’ve got to say that I am incredibly grateful that they didn’t fully manage the immortality they were hoping for. Can you imagine if those guys were... invincible?” Frank said with a sense of awe. The others cringed at the thought he had put forward.

  “None the less, it still isn’t all good news,” Xin smiled sympathetically.

  “What’s the bad news?” Harry asked.

  “Just know that there is some hopeful news too. I refrain from calling it good, but it’s something,” Xin supplied, trying to soften the air of negativity.

  “Could we possibly have the hopeful part before the doom and gloom?” Lucy asked reluctantly.

  “Okay, through the human trials that they conducted using a serum made from the foreign genetic matter, there were a number of patients that did not fit the pattern. These patients were the people that were injected and did not bond with the formula. Most of those patients simply died. There was no reanimation effect at all. However, one patient, ‘Patient X’ they called them, broke all of the other rules. This patient did not reanimate because their body did not go through a period of death. Short of trying to kill them, there was no way to know whether it had the full effect or no effect at all,” Xin tried to explain. She had a feeling that the volume of information was threatening to overwhelm them all.

  “I get the feeling that the hopeful part stems from this patient?” Pete questioned.

  “Difficult to say for sure, but yes,” Xin replied. “There are reasons that I think this. Though, before I expand further, there’s a second part that you should all know. The serum isn’t the cause of our problems. I have fair reason to believe that it may actually be the solution. The people who are infected are not crazed, man eating monsters because of the serum. The next stage of testing was something to do with resilience and immunity. The details are unbelievably vague and sketchy but at some point they introduced existing contagious human diseases and they were mutated by the foreign cells.”

  “Oh shit,” was a sentiment expressed in various forms by all three of the men. Lucy kept quiet but her mouth formed a perfect ‘o’.

  “So, we may not be infected with the alien stuff, but we could still be sick?” Pete asked her.

  “It’s a possibility, yes. I couldn’t say what diseases or viruses are in play, or whether the mutated versions can pass to us, but with no symptoms we should try to remain positive. None of us have had prolonged skin to skin contact with them and the fact that we didn’t become like them shows that we have not ingested any contagions.”

  “Given the... specimens that we’ve encountered, could you make any guesses?” Pete again asked.

  “Due to the fact that these illnesses could manifest differently now that they have mutated, I cannot safely say, no. I would be inclined, should I get the chance, to investigate the possibility of rabies as a starting point. But it is not realistic to think that we could solve all of this chaos by curing those diseases. For one; there are only five of us and who knows how many of them. Secondly, the diseases would have to be diagnosed in each individual and a multitude of treatments prescribed for them. The fact of the matter is, the mutations could mean that we have no cures that would work on them yet. Frankly, it’s just not feasible,” Xin expressed thoughtfully. Then she remembered. “There are a couple of other things that I need to mention also. However, these don’t relate to the files. They relate to my... my encounter.”

  Pete, Lucy, Harry and Frank all came forth from their state of contemplation when she said that. Each face looked at her expectantly.

  “The communication was... challenging. I don’t know how to go about describing it and I don’t see a reason to dwell fully on details of it at this point, but it spoke to me. That creature was from somewhere far detached from our ways. I could feel the total compassion and peace within its being. It went through a lot at the hands of our race, pain and torment that I’d rather not imagine. This life form, and presumably others like it, are incapable of death. As a result, the concept is beyond its comprehension. From the interaction I experienced, I gathered that it goes beyond immunity or immortality and that is what leads me to think it also encompasses regeneration. That is our main hope. Regeneration can reverse the deterioration we are seeing in the infected and maybe even cure them. If patient X survived and imbued the qualities of the serum in the proper way, if their genetics bonded correctly with the foreign ones, then that patient also holds the key to regenerative healing for everyone. This alien wanted to help, I’m sure of it. So I feel like the last part of the information it gave me is the most important yet.”

  Lucy reached out absently and took Franks hand. They were all sat on the edge of their seats, optimistic and anticipating what she would say next.

  “But I don’t know what it means,” She finished.

  Their faces fell somewhat, but Pete reached out confidently and placed a hand on her leg.

  “Tell us,” he said

  Xin sighed deeply. “It said: ‘Go and find the seahorse.’”

  Harry, Frank and Pete one by one slumped back into their chairs, utterly confused. However, Lucy frowned deeply. She let go of Frank’s hand and stood up. Frank turned questioningly to Xin, who frowned and shrugged as Lucy began to pace the room.

  “Um... Luce. What’s up?” Frank asked her.

  “I... I don’t know. It’s just... I’ve heard of that,” Lucy replied distractedly, hugging herself as she paced.

  Xin’s head whipped around and she shot up out of her chair.

  “You know what it is?” Xin asked.

  Lucy made a noise of frustration and then explained. “I think it’s a code name, not a literal seahorse. A lot of the base’s projects have those types of names. They’re normally relevant somehow, so it’s probably a project that involves water in some way. I just can’t remember where I heard it!”

  Their voices had become a little too loud, and the scratching noises that had gradually died o
ut, started again with new fervour. Xin ignored this and walked over to place herself in the path of Lucy’s pacing steps. Lucy stopped in front of her and Xin put her hands on Lucy’s shoulders.

  “You have to remember,” She stated simply.

  There was another round of drinks and a few broken periods of stunted conversation, questioning and speculation mainly. Lucy didn’t join in whilst the men flung question after question at Xin. She simply sat with her head in her hands, beseeching her mind to bring forth the memory she needed.

  Lucy interrupted Harry quite abruptly, when a small niggle worked its way to the forefront of her thoughts.

  “It was a couple of years ago but I think I’ve figured out why I recognised the name!” She announced, her face beaming. “I should have remembered sooner, actually. It was an engineering venture after all.”

  Everyone stared blankly at her, even Xin. Then Frank piped up cheekily. “If you worked in engineering, how did it take you so long to remember your own work?”

  “More importantly, how is it relevant to all of this?” Pete interjected.

  “No, no, it wasn’t something that I was ever actually involved with. Let me explain,” she said, trying not to be disappointed with the lack of enthusiasm about her revelation. “I remembered a day in my manager’s office. He was telling me about this project that was coming up. It was all top secret. He didn’t go into much detail with me, but he told me that they may have use of my talents if I was willing to travel to Washington DC to help out. I was asked to keep quiet about it and told that, if I needed to refer to it, I should only use the code name for it. ‘Project Seahorse’. As it goes, I wasn’t ever needed. So, all that I ever discovered about it was that it was some kind of a last resort. Sort of a ‘presidential escape plan’, for in case of an emergency or a national disaster.”

  This was greeted by more silence. However, a smile was growing on Xin’s face.

  “I think one of the pieces just fell into place,” Xin said, radiating with positivity. They were finally getting somewhere, even if the others didn’t know it yet.

  “I really don’t think I’m following now?” Harry frowned.

  “Me either,” Frank said, with confusion clear on his face.

  “Admittedly, I can’t seem to connect the dots with this either,” Pete resigned, glancing from one woman to the other.

  “I knew something was strange here,” Xin explained, “When I worked out that there had been attacks reported in the surrounding areas before the military had even arrived here.”

  “...Because the military were dispatched to contain the outbreak?” Pete puzzled.

  “Exactly! Why dispatch them to the base specifically, if the outbreak had already carried beyond that?” Xin enthused.

  There was a pause. Lucy was the first to cotton on.

  “Patient X... The military came to collect and transport Patient X,” she said slowly.

  “It was probably not just Patient X, but anything and anyone important. Think about it,” she urged the bewildered guys. “The escaped subjects were already out there and could be anywhere. There was, no doubt, military sent out to the reports of violence and soldiers sent to work on averting a crisis. However, it made sense to expect and prepare for the worst. With all eyes focused on what was happening and how the government would respond, everything had to be taken care of quietly. They swept the military in to clean up and then they torched the evidence. Whatever kind of escape plan ‘Seahorse’ is, I’m sure that they used it, and that means it will take us to where we need to be.”

  “I don’t mean to appear selfish at all when I say this, I mean protect and serve and all that,” Harry held his hands up. “But why are we thinking of actually going after them, when it sounds like the big guys have got it covered?”

  Xin arched an eyebrow at Harry, and Pete and Frank looked somewhat disappointed in him. Lucy seemed to nod slightly at his question and then looked to Xin for her response.

  “Look at those monitors.” Xin jerked her head in their direction. “Does that look to you, like a situation that someone is in control of? I mean, I’ve lost count of how long it’s been. Where is the help? Where is the rest of the military? Why have no safe zones been established? The radios are dead and the TV stations are gone, electricity and water will be following closely behind them and still nothing. If things were under control then I’m sure we would have foreign aid by now...”

  “You think it could have spread abroad?” Pete asked seriously.

  “How could it not have?” Xin shrugged. “There was an attack at the airport when we arrived here. Then, from Franks account, it wasn’t too long after that, that him and... Him and Bao... found it in disarray. Who knows how many infected people caught planes to god knows where...”

  “Oh shit,” Frank looked horrified. “This is actually real serious isn’t it? I know it should have sunk in by now... All the death and craziness, but I really did think that... maybe it would just...”

  Lucy got up and moved to Franks lap. “I’m scared too,” She told him. Frank couldn’t find it in himself to lie and tell her he wasn’t. He just scooped her hand into his and squeezed it.

  “We’re all scared,” Pete stated. His voice gave a slight waver that exposed the truth of his words. He coughed and mustered the strength to offer the assurance they all needed. “We’re armed with more knowledge than we had before, now. I think that all of this has made our options much clearer.” This time his voice held and he sounded more confident than he felt.

  “Pete is right. I don’t want to make the choice for us all and I told you it wasn’t simple. It isn’t simple because we have no idea where this ‘Seahorse’ would take us, or what would be waiting for us if we got there. We don’t even know what it is or exactly where it is. All we know is that we will likely find it at a government building, in Washington DC. Most likely The White House or The Pentagon, though potentially there are other secret service buildings it could be located at. Our hopes would be pinned on Patient X having been taken there and still being alive. It’s a massive gamble but that patient would be the best hope we have. Whereas, if we stay here we have a lot of resources right at our fingertips. Resources that would give us everything we need to survive. Not that I’m suggesting we could work towards a cure here, but there are labs and research tools. In staying here, we would be working towards establishing a safe place, building numbers and surviving...”

  “I don’t want to just survive, not like this.” Frank shook his head. “Besides, whatever you saw...” He inclined his head apologetically at Xin. “Whatever it was, alien, hallucination or anything else, we wouldn’t have this lead without it. It must mean that this is what we are meant to do. Going to Washington could mean helping everyone. Staying here could mean that we’re the only ones who survive. Even if we aren’t needed when we get there, we could find safety.”

  Pete nodded and so did Lucy. Harry didn’t seem convinced but neither did he say anything. The conviction, bravery and selflessness with which Frank had spoken, sang to Xin’s heart. She was growing to love the rag tag group that they made.

  “Well then, I suggest that if we’re all agreed, we get some rest. We have a lot of preparation to take care of tomorrow. That’s if we are going to Washington?” Xin asked.

  “Washington,” Pete nodded.

  “Yup,” Frank agreed.

  “I suppose so,” Harry added unenthusiastically.

  “Definitely,” Lucy finished.

  18.

  ‘The few hours of sleep that we got, didn’t totally refresh any of us. If anything, my dreams seemed to exhaust me more. They were disturbing and confusing. In the dream, I was stood in a road that I didn’t recognise. Next to me were Xin, Lucy, Frank and a few others, but I couldn’t make out who they were. We appeared to be alone but the street was so foggy that I could barely tell, and at the back of my mind there was panic. I knew that just standing there was dangerous and that we needed to move. However, the others w
ere just staring up into the sky and seemed oblivious to anything else. I shook them, I yelled at them, I pulled at them, but nothing I did drew any reaction. I finally looked up to see for myself what they were staring at, and that was when I jerked awake. It was a sensation like the shock you get after a dream of falling. When my eyes opened I was breathless, soaked in sweat and my mind was swimming. I couldn’t remember what I had seen when I looked up into the sky but it didn’t make me feel good. It was hard to get out of bed and feel positive about our plans that day. I had an overwhelming feeling of hopelessness and impending doom. Nonetheless, I was determined to keep it to myself. I needed to keep it together for the sake of the others, especially Xin. I just hoped that this dream didn’t mean anything. Then again, Xin’s dream had turned out to be quite prophetic. This triggered me to worry even more.’

  The clock that hung on the wall had stopped whilst they slept. The hands now pointed out an endless five past four. Likewise, it appeared that the electricity had finally cut out. When Lucy attempted to make everyone their morning coffee, she found that the kettle no longer worked. Just to be sure, she had tried the other appliances as well, but to no avail. Fortunately, the gas cooker still worked, but had to be lit with a match. That morning the coffee was made from water boiled in a pan on the hob.

  After they had all woken up a little and taken their turns to get washed and dressed in the small bathroom, the first thing that Xin wanted to do was get her haircut over with. It was evident that the thought of losing her long and shining locks was causing her distress. Xin had spent a little too long brushing all of the night’s tangles out, and her eyes were glossy as Lucy sat her down with a towel around her shoulders.

  “Are you sure about this, Xin? Maybe you could just wear it up instead?” Lucy asked her for the third time.