To Make You Feel My Love

by Tina Rose

  “In Savannah? When were you in Savannah?” Dusty asked.

  “Last year, when Logan wrecked his bike.”

  “You were there when Logan wrecked his bike?”

  “She was in town, when I wrecked my bike. She was not with me when I wrecked my bike,” Logan clarified. He wasn’t about to tell his best friend that she was drunk off her ass, rubbing on every man in the bar. And he’d be damned if he was going to tell Dusty that he had sent her home in a taxi cab, and was on his way to her hotel to check to make sure she made it to her room.

  Shaking her head, Shelby Lynn said, “Why are you always denying us, Logan. I belong to you. You belong to me.”

  Releasing her arm as she started to touch his face, Logan flatly said, “No, Shelby Lynn, you do not belong to me. And I sure as hell don’t belong to you. I guess I don’t belong to anyone now.” Logan limped to the chair in the corner.

  “Shell, go get some damn clothes on. Damn woman! I’m your brother for god’s sake. I don’t want to see that shit.” Shaking his head, Dusty made his way to the balcony. “I need a cigarette.”

  “Dusty, I know you’re not ready to leave and all, but I really need to get the hell out of here.”

  “Hey man, bros before hoes, right?” he teased.

  “You better watch that shit. Becky hears that, she’ll kick your ass.”

  “You guys will set things straight, man. You’ll see.” Dusty sat on the edge of the bed facing Logan.

  “No, we won’t. She can’t forgive me for this. Hell, I can’t forgive myself.” Maybe he would never forgive himself. The shattered look on Alana’s face was permanently ingrained in his mind, and he had put it there. What kind of man did that to the woman he loved?

  “My sister took advantage of you. You know that. You were out of it when I left you.” Dusty stated, “You couldn’t get your thumb up, much less your dick.”

  “It doesn’t matter. The fact is, I did it. You didn’t see the look in her eyes either, man. Devastation. That’s all I can say. It was like looking at someone who just witnessed a loved one getting his head blown off. She won’t come back from that.”

  “Alright, buddy. Let me call Becky.”

  “Logan,” Shelby Lynn entered the room, this time, wearing clothes and remorse. “Let me take you home? Dusty ain’t ready to leave yet, why make him?”

  “Well, for once you’re right. Besides, the damage is done.” He had been defeated. All these years dodging bullets, and one petite little firecracker had defeated him. How did that happen?

  “Let me pack my things up, and we’ll hit the road, okay shug?”

  “Are you sure you want to do this?” Dusty asked, helping Logan to his feet.

  “Yeah, I need to get out of here.”

  “Okay, brother. I’ll see ya back at home I guess then?”

  “I’ll let you know where I land.” He wasn’t sure what would happen with his leg, and didn’t care for that matter. The pain turned to numbness, as he moved through the motions. With a bleeding heart, Logan packed his suitcase, leaving the only woman he had ever loved.

  * * * * * * * *

  Unable to breathe, Alana fell to her knees, feeling as though someone had reached into her chest and pulled her heart out. Her body shook violently as she sobbed into her hands. How was she going to pick up the millions of pieces of her broken heart and get through this? Uncle James and Aunt Penny needed her right now. She had to pull it together, but how? She wasn’t sure how long she was there on her knees, paralyzed and crying, not seeing, hearing or moving, when she finally heard the beating at the door.

  “Dammit, Alana, don’t make me break this door down!” an angry Becky screamed through the door.

  Wiping the tears spilling down her cheeks, she crawled to the door to stand. As she opened the door, Becky burst through, grabbing her in a death grip hug.

  “Oh baby girl! I am so sorry. Dusty called to tell me what was going on. You scared the shit of me when you didn’t answer the door. Are you okay?”

  “No, not really.” She wept uncontrollably in her friend’s arms. “I’m not sure I’ll ever be okay again.” Becky let her cry, consoling her with soft words and giving her strength to stand. When she finally settled enough to open her eyes again, they moved toward the sofa. The used condom caught Becky’s eye. “What the fuck is that?” she asked in shock.

  “Oh god, Becky!” Alana wailed in grief.

  “Hang on, sweetie. Let me get this cleaned up.” Moving to the kitchenette, Becky found paper towels, scooped up the condom and tossed it in the trash.

  “Dumb motherfucker,” she mumbled under her breath. “You know, Dusty said Shelby Lynn took advantage of Logan and you shouldn’t be mad at him.”

  “Did Dusty tell you that Logan summons Shelby Lynn on a regular basis? She was with him when he wrecked in Savannah.”

  “What? No!”

  “Yes. It doesn’t matter. Obviously, he wasn’t that out of it. He managed to open the door to her and then finish with a bang.” Raising her eyebrows towards the trash can that held the evidence of his afternoon. “Becky, what was I thinking? People don’t fall in love in a week!” she groaned.

  “Oh, I’m not so sure about that. I saw the way you looked at one another. Looked like love to me. I sure never looked at the ex that way.”

  “It was the sex. God, the sex! I’ll never have mind blowing sex like that again!” Letting out a rush of air, she threw her head against the back of the couch.

  Shaking her head to gather her senses, she raised from the couch. “I need to grab a few things and head back to the hospital. They are preparing Uncle James for surgery.”

  “This too shall pass, sweet girl. Give it time. If it’s meant to be, it will be.” Becky hugged Alana as she passed to go to her bedroom.

  “I can’t think about him anymore, Becks. Please promise me you will never mention his name to me again. I won’t get through this if I’m constantly reminded of him.”

  “You got my word, cross my heart,” she said, making the criss cross mark over her chest. “What ‘cha got to drink in this joint anyway?” she asked on her way to the fridge.

  “Hell, I don’t know. Help yourself to whatever is in there though.”

  Making her way to her closet, Alana grabbed a coral halter top off the hanger, a clean pair of khaki shorts from her drawer and clean undies. She turned the water to the shower on as hot as she could make it, maybe she could scald his memory from her brain. This shower brought so many good memories of his touch. It would never be the same.

  Pulling the shower curtain back, she immersed herself in the stinging spray of the hot water. The sharp pain was a welcome feeling. Maybe eventually the numbness would subside. Feeling anything was good right now. Allowing the water to beat against her skin, she wanted the pain to wash down the drain with the soap suds.

  Finishing her shower, she toweled off, put her clothes on and pulled her hair back in a loose ponytail. No time to straighten it today, it would have to stay curly. Grabbing her laptop, and a few other things to occupy her time at the hospital, she joined Becky in the living room.

  “You didn’t have to wait on me,” she said, searching for her keys. Finding the apartment key, she said, “Oh, thanks. I almost forgot you had this.”

  “I didn’t,” she answered confused.

  “I gave it to you when I left for the hospital.”

  “I know, but I gave it to Dusty. He must’ve left it.”

  “Oh, okay. I’m heading back to meet Aunt Penny. I’ll call when I hear something more concrete on Uncle James.” She hugged her friend as they opened her apartment door facing the parking lot.

  “Okay, let me know what I can do. I’ll be there later to check up on you. I’ll bring you a Starbucks or some
thing.”

  “Thanks,” she smiled.

  Turning to shut the door, her breathing stopped as she saw Logan walking with his arm around Shelby Lynn’s shoulder. One arm was wrapped around his waist, the other hand resting on his chest, smiling into his gorgeous hazel eyes. As the two women’s eyes met, Shelby Lynn smirked, reaching up to kiss his stubbled cheek. The corkscrew tightened in Alana’s heart watching Shelby Lynn help Logan into her white and pink Jeep Wrangler.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  “Cut the crap Shelby Lynn, would ya?” Logan flinched as Shelby Lynn shut the jeep door.

  “What are you talkin’ bout now darlin’?”

  “I know what you’re doing, now cut it out. You think I don’t know Alana was watching you? You just keep digging that knife in deeper don’t you?”

  With a serious scowl on her face, Shelby Lynn turned in her seat to look at Logan. “You think I’m trying to hurt you? Logan, no! I’m trying to save you. I love you Logan. I’ve loved you since I was fifteen years old.”

  “Save me from what?” he asked, confused.

  “From hurt and pain. I would never hurt you or cause you pain.” She stroked his arm as she stared into his eyes. “But that girl? She was a heartache waiting to happen.” She nodded her head as she turned the key and the engine came to life. “I saved you Logan Montgomery. I saved you from her heartache.”

  “Shell, we’ve known each other a long time. And I care for you, because you are my best friend’s sister, and you’ve always been a part of our lives. But, and look at me when I say this.” He turned to face her in his seat. “I. Do. Not. Love. You. This thing you think is between us?” He motioned between the two of them. “It’s only in your head. I love Alana, Shelby Lynn. All you managed to do was make me loose the only thing I’ve found to make me happy. And I will never forgive you for this. Ever.” He turned back to face the front of the jeep. “Now, please, just drive me home.”

  Pulling her sunglasses down to cover her teary eyes, Shelby Lynn put the jeep in drive, and pulled out from the parking lot. With an ache in his chest, and tears threatening his eyes, he pulled his ball cap down to shade his face, and tried to find peace in sleep. How was he ever going to find happiness again after meeting Alana? As long as he lived, he would never forgive Shelby Lynn for destroying his future. If he hadn’t wanted to get the hell out of here so fast, he wouldn’t have to put up with psycho bitch from hell sitting next to him. But he had to get as far away from the hurt as he could. To hell with Dusty or anyone else who tried to stop him. With the hum of the tires and gentle rocking of the jeep, sleep overtook his thoughts.

  * * * * * * * *

  After ten long, arduous hours, Uncle James made it out of surgery. Alana and Aunt Penny had worn paths in the tiled floors pacing in circles. Crying enough tears to fill swimming pool, Alana’s face was beyond recognition. Her eyes were red and swollen, along with her nose that was raw from all the tissue she had used. It had been easy to hide her tears for Logan behind her worry for Uncle James. But now that the surgery was over, she had to pull herself together and put a heartfelt smile on her face.

  The pain ripping through her body was just too much to handle. She ached from the top of her head down to the pits of her stomach. Being a nurse, she knew that you couldn’t die from a broken heart, but damned if she didn’t feel as though she would. She had even thrown up several times after drinking a cup of coffee. What was she going to do? What do you do when you lose the love of a lifetime? Although she had only known him a short period of time, that time had been the best of her life. If only her mother and father hadn’t left such a sordid memory for Alana to recall, maybe she could’ve gotten past this. But she wasn’t Sarah Hatfield, and wasn’t about to go down that same path. Whether or not Logan was telling the truth, it would always be there in the back of her mind, festering, waiting to erupt at the wrong time, and eventually pushing them apart anyway. Alana couldn’t let that happen, wouldn’t let it happen. She was going to pull herself up by the boot strap and get on with life. There had to be a way, right?

  “So this means he’s going to be all right?” Aunt Penny asked with red rimmed, hope filled eyes.

  “Well, he’s not out of the woods yet, Aunt Penny. But I have faith that he’ll be fine,” she lovingly smiled back at her aunt.

  “I don’t know what I would do if I lost him, Alana,” she broke down crying. Alana moved to her side and sobbed with her as they held one another.

  “Shhh,” Alana cooed into her aunt’s blonde hair. “It’s going to be okay now. I know you love him.”

  “No, Alana, you don’t understand. He’s the air I breathe. The world doesn’t exist without him. He’s my rock. My hero. Without him, there is no me.” Alana tried to dry her aunt’s tears, but they came as fast as she tried.

  “Aunt Penny, how long did you know Uncle James before you knew he was the one?”

  “I knew the minute our eyes met. It was like electricity shot through me,” she giggled remembering how she felt when they met.

  “I don’t think I’ve ever heard the story? Tell me.”

  “My college friends and I came to Paradise Beach for spring break. Being from Glen Carbon, Illinois, I had never seen the beach before. All I wanted was to see the ocean and feel the sand in my toes. Of course things were so different then,” she sighed before continuing. “I was eighteen years old, and the world seemed so big. Your uncle helped bring our bags to the room. He was so handsome. Curly black hair, dark skin and shocking blue eyes. Even back then he seemed to be mad at the world,” she smiled shaking her head.

  “Imagine that,” Alana teased.

  “He had stopped just inside the door as I walked in and bumped right in to him. I was so embarrassed, I know my face turned five shades of red. I couldn’t even look at him. He said sorry and excused himself. Later that evening, I was walking on the beach and ran into him putting chairs away. I gathered up enough courage to speak to him, and asked if I could help. He snapped his head around so fast, I’m sure to say something smug, but that’s when our eyes met, and took my breath away. I helped him put the chairs away, then we went for a moonlit walk. We were inseparable after that. All my friends were so jealous, but I didn’t care. That was the best week of my life.” Dreamy eyed, she wilted in the chair.

  “So what happened after the week was over? You lived in Illinois?” Alana questioned.

  “I went back to school, of course. We wrote letters. Lots of letters,” she chuckled. “He worked an extra job to buy a bus ticket to come see me at Christmas break. That’s when he asked me to marry him. Those were the hardest years of my life, waiting to be with the man I loved. But it was worth the wait.”

  “That’s a beautiful story, Aunt Penny,” Alana sighed, thinking of Logan. Maybe she wasn’t crazy thinking she could fall in love in a week. Aunt Penny and Uncle James did, and they had been happily married for almost thirty years.

  “Alana, promise me if you ever find love, you won’t push it away. I know your mom and dad’s history had a huge impact on you, but true love does exist. But you have to grab hold of it and accept it.” Aunt Penny patted Alana’s shoulder as she walked away to find out how Uncle James was doing. She had given Alana a lot to think about. But was it too late?

  * * * * * * * *

  The next few days, Alana busied herself nursing Uncle James, coddling him and driving the nurses on his floor absolutely bonkers. Yes, she was one of those family members. The ones that you hide from in the lounge, or run into another patient’s room to avoid. Being a nurse herself, if it needed to be done, she wasn’t going to wait around for one of them. Asking for extra pillows and blankets or bed linen because he couldn’t wait for them to have his bed changed was just the icing on the cake. She was constantly questioning his medications, hanging over their shoulders or showing them a better way to do something. B
y the time he was discharged, Alana felt sure the staff was planning a “good riddance” party in the lounge.

  “Hi Mr. Carpenter,” Kayla, his day shift nurse said. “Today is the day. You ready to go home?”

  “Well, no offense to you sweetheart, you’ve been great, but I sure am,” he smiled. It was nice to see a smile on his face again. Alana hadn’t seen a real smile on his face in forever.

  “What’s got you all sappy eyed?” he asked Alana.

  “You!” she smiled “I’d forgotten you knew how to smile. You know, a real smile, not one for the purpose of a guest.” She began busying herself by picking up his belongings spread throughout the room.

  “Well,” Kayla interjected, “Let me unhook your IV’s and get your paperwork ready. We’ll have you out of here in no time,” she cordially smiled at Alana.

  “I think I’ve worn out my welcome,” Alana giggled.

  “You sure have given them a run for their money,” Uncle James laughed.

  “Whatever,” she rolled her eyes. “I can’t help that I’m more vested in their patient than they are.”

  “Oh, now, baby girl, be nice.” He took her hand and patted it with his own. “They did a fine job, when you let them,” he chuckled.

  True to her word, Kayla unhooked his IV’s, went over all his discharged instructions, and had him sign papers. Finally, she called transport to push his wheelchair to the pick-up area where Aunt Penny was waiting with a huge smile on her face.

  “Let us help you get in Uncle James,” Alana said, setting the brakes on the wheelchair.

  “I don’t need your help, I can do this. All this fussing over me is over now. We’re going home where things can get back to normal.” He bellyached at the women who looked on with love in their eyes.

  “Let the fun begin!” she laughed as James grumbled under his breath.

  * * * * * * * *

  “Momma, how many times do I need to tell you I don’t need you waiting on me hand and foot?” Logan lovingly said to his doting mother.