Darkest Fears Trilogy: Fallen For Him / Freed By Him / Forever With Him

by Clair Delaney

  I nod in agreement. Tristan smiles weakly at me then kisses the back of my hand again. And for some reason, I feel like it’s ok to keep talking, to tell him more; which I’ve never done with anyone other than George.

  “They kept leaving me with her, she didn’t want to have to look after me all the time, which is understandable I guess, she was a teenager, she wanted to be with girls her own age. And I didn’t want her with me either, if she wasn’t going to be nice to me. But I have Debs now, my adopted sister, she’s great,” I tell him.

  Tristan nods in agreement, still deep in thought.But it’s no good, I really want to know about his parenting, so I decide to ask him anyway.

  “Your Grandparents?” I ask keeping my eyes to the floor. “They must be what...in their eighties, nineties by now?” I ask.

  Tristan’s cheeks flush red, his eyes darkening as they do. He glances across at me then stares back out the window, seemingly embarrassed. Then he closes his eyes briefly, takes a deep breath then turns to stare down at me; analysing whether he should tell me.

  “I buried them both, last year,” he whispers, his voice cracking slightly.

  Shit! Me and my big mouth!

  I squeeze my eyes shut, then squeeze his hand tightly.“Tristan...I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean’ – “No harm, no foul,” he interrupts. Jesus! I'm shocked.

  I didn’t expect him to say that at all. I can feel his pain emanating from him; he must miss them so much, I open my eyes and look up at him.

  “I’m so sorry,” I whisper again, frowning deeply. Then I think if he has no siblings, who does he have – Aunties and Uncles, surely?

  “Don’t be,” he tells me. He leans forward and with his thumb, he strokes inbetween my eyebrows, causing my frown to melt away. “They were the best parents I could have ever wished for, I feel blessed to have been raised by them,” he tells me.

  I feel better for hearing that, and less guilty for blurting out about their age.

  I smile back at him.“Guess that explains the ingrained good manners,” I whisper.

  Tristan leans back in his seat and stares out the window. “Yes, I suppose they were from a different era....” He turns and smiles at me, then drifts off again. “They would have loved you,” he says after a moment.

  I gaze back at him in wonder. I don't know why he’s telling me this, and I don’t see how he’s come to the conclusion that they would have loved me. I am not lovable, no, I’m far from it. But I feel like I should say something?

  “I’m sure I would have liked them too,” I say.

  “What about you Coral. Any Grandparents?” he asks.

  “No, I only knew my granny on my mother’s side. I only met her once and when I did, I understood why my mom wouldn’t have her in our lives, she was...well horrid. She took me in for a couple of weeks before I went to live with Gladys.” I cringe at the memory.

  Tristan is quiet for a moment.“I’m sorry…do you see her now?” he asks softly.

  “No, she could walk by me on the street and I wouldn’t know who she was.” I answer blankly.

  We are both quiet and contemplative for a few minutes, the silence is comfortable.

  “I sometimes feel like I was born in the wrong era.” I muse out-loud.

  “Yeah...” Tristan is gazing quizzically at me.

  I nod and lock eyes with him.“I think I would have liked the forties, you know, the way people were. Guys taking girls out dancing, the girls wearing pretty dresses. I think people had better manners and were more...” I cut myself off, feeling embarrassed.

  “Go on,” Tristan urges, smiling down at me.

  “Well, it just seems like, I don’t know…like there wasn’t any of the crap that we all have to deal with nowadays.” I say.

  “Like what?” he asks.Do I really want to say it?

  I sigh inwardly, then start blurting it all out. “Like it was, couples got to know one another first, you know…There was no pressure to have sex straight away, or be a goddess in the bedroom, nowadays you’re made to feel weird if you’re not out every night having one night stands. Men were gentleman and women were ladies. They conducted themselves in a much better manner. I guess what I’m trying to say is that they fell for one another because’ – “They fell in love without the sex.” Tristan says finishing my sentence for me.

  I nod shyly knowing sex has been mentioned.

  “That’s how it was with my grandparents.” He smiles widely, his dimples deepening. “My grandma always said to me ‘if she falls into bed with you, she isn’t worth keeping’.”

  “Sounds like my kind of woman.” I softly say.

  Tristan smiles sweetly at me, then stares out of the window again and we sit in comfortable silence, both deep in thought, my hand still in his. Acker Bilks, Stranger on the Shore starts playing on the radio. I feel myself tense up, yet I love its relaxing melody. It’s a bitter-sweet sensation. I see Tristan notice out of the corner of his eye.

  “Coral, what’s wrong?” He asks huskily. I turn to him and shake my head. “Tell me,” he urges. I sigh inwardly then I think... what the hell – After what we’ve just shared...

  “This piece of music,” I say shaking my head, trying not to remember the nightmares.

  “Do you want it turned off?” He immediately asks, reading my expression.

  “No, no it’s ok,” I tell him. “I’ve always loved it, ever since Gladys introduced it to me. She used to play it to me to help me sleep. Just takes me back, that’s all.” I smile remembering how thoughtful and careful she was with me back then.

  “She sounds pretty awesome.” I turn to Tristan and smile widely at him, knowing I love that woman more than I’ve ever loved anyone, ever.

  “She is.” I acknowledge then stare out of the window. “Gladys put it onto a tape, so it played over and over all through the night, so if I woke, it would sooth me back to sleep.” I close my eyes for a moment, letting its soothing tune relax me.

  “You used to have problems sleeping?” He asks. Still do honey! I decide not to get into that one; we could be here all day!

  “I really like this tune too.” Tristan says, ignoring the fact that I haven’t answered him. “Very relaxing,” he adds.

  I smile weakly at him then close my eyes again. Out of nowhere, I get an image of Tristan and I dancing. I'm safely cocooned in his arms as he swishes us slowly around, my idea of heaven – How odd?

  I open my eyes and look out of the window, I’m drawn to a couple strolling along with their baby in a pushchair, the woman is laughing heartily at her man, then he places his arm around her shoulders and kisses her on the lips.

  I quickly look away. I can't help feeling bitter when I see happy families, makes me so mad to think my parents couldn’t keep their shit together and make it work…

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  STUART STARTLES ME BY GETTINGback in the car, just as another car pulls up behind us. I look behind me and see a short balding man jump out. He looks flustered, and I can see from his pale pink, short-sleeved shirt; he’s sweating buckets.

  I instantly don’t like him – he looks slimy.

  “Showtime.” Tristan says, smiling wickedly at me.

  I smile back at him then he exits the car. I watch him talking to the man. Then I watch the sweaty man punch a code into a security system and the gates swing open.

  Tristan gets back in the car and Stuart cruises down the short sweeping driveway, the estate agent following, and brings the car to a stop.

  I turn in my seat and see the house.I’m instantly blown away. It looks brand new, standing two stories high. And for some reason I think it’s much smaller than what I thought Tristan would have gone for, but it is beautiful.

  The house is white with a beautiful dark grey slate surround that encases the first floor, including the front door, creating a kind of open porch with enough space for a seating area, yet the owners have chosen several potted ferns instead, it looks lovely.

  “Ready?” Tristan asks.
/>
  I beam at him. “It looks beautiful,” I gush.

  Tristan jumps out of the car races round to my side, and opens the door for me. I momentarily compare him to Justin, who never opened car doors for me or any kind of doors come to think of it.

  I take Tristan’s hand to get out of the car thinking he’ll let me go, but he doesn’t.I frown again, this feels so nice – I should be freaking out about it!

  We walk over to the agent, Tristan shakes his hand then he reaches out for mine, but I pretend not to notice and turn to take in my surroundings.

  The small, but quaint driveway is surrounded by tall oak trees, and a high brick wall, and of course, there’s the wrought iron gates; all giving the house maximum privacy. The driveway looks brand new and has been laid with a beautiful choice of brickwork paving, and has enough room for at least four cars.

  Then I notice a double garage set back at the right hand side of the house, again the garage is white with a black slated front. So much room! Does one man really need all this space?

  I’m suddenly drawn to what the agent is saying about the place...

  “As you know from the brochure Mr Freeman, the house has been completely transformed by the present owner into a contemporary style home, which has been finished to an exceptionally high specification, both internally and externally. White Italian porcelain flooring downstairs and walnut flooring in the bedrooms, giving it an absolutely stunning; unique finish.” He smiles purposefully at me. Maybe he thinks I'm buying this place?

  I have to stifle a giggle, he continues...

  “The property boasts five bedrooms all with en-suite, three reception rooms, open plan kitchen-diner and living area, utility room with downstairs W.C, games room, indoor pool, cinema room, gym, bespoke outdoor dining area; and landscaped gardens to rear.”

  My mouth pops open in shock. “An indoor pool?” I squeak looking up at Tristan, he squeezes my hand and grins so widely, I think his face is about to crack in two; he looks so happy.

  “Like it so far?” He whispers.

  “Yes.” I choke, half laughing. What’s not to like?

  I'm really trying hard to hold back my glee that I’m going to be walking around this place with him, and that he wants my opinion, I’m so excited – I’ve never walked around a big house before. This is miles away from my world, especially when I think back to all the dark and dingy places I looked at when I was buying.

  “Ready to take a look inside?” Tristan asks; his smile still wide.

  I smile and nod frantically at him. This is so cool! Tristan squeezes my hand and we walk the few steps towards the front door.

  “Shall we?” The agent drawls in a posh accent, which I’m sure is put on.

  Tristan nods, so the agent pulls a set of keys from his pocket and opens the front door, which is unique in itself, and three times the size of any normal front door, I think it’s walnut, and it has a very long, narrow window running down the centre of it.

  The door opens with the grace that only a heavy door can allow and we follow the agent into a huge entrance hallway - Oh wow! – This place is huge. How have they done that? It looks so much smaller from outside.

  The agent continues…

  “Entrance hallway leading into the social centre of the house, utility room with small W.C to your right, then into the beautiful bespoke fitted kitchen & dining area, glass doors leading to rear terrace providing panoramic views of the coast...” Whoa!

  The first thing I notice is how light and open it is, high ceilings, white walls, very contemporary; I’m already in love with it. The second thing – this place is ginormus!

  The large entrance hall expands several feet in front of us then opens out into a large, open-plan living space – I guess you could call it the living-room? Right in the centre of the room is a huge, white column that houses a large fireplace – it’s new, white and silver, very contemporary, and totally gorgeous.

  Surrounding that is a large white u shaped sofa – it’s so big you could fit twenty of me on it. It hugs and surrounds the column in a really cosy way, which I wouldn’t have thought possible with how big it is, and I can just about make out what I think is a breakfast bar, just off to the right of the fireplace.

  The entire back wall is ceiling height windows. I can see right out to the coast, the sun sparkling against the sea, the boats way out, no doubt soaking up the beautiful weather.I stand completely immobilized. The view is extraordinary, breathtaking. I think my chin has hit the floor?

  I hear Tristan chuckle and look up at him.“Like it?” He asks beaming widely at me.

  “Yes.” I choke out. I manage to pull my gaze away and take in the rest of my surroundings.

  To my left, is a wall that runs right along the length of the huge room. I see a door behind the sofa and another right behind me. The other reception rooms?To my right, is a small square shaped room. I guess that’s the utility room?

  Beyond that is a short hallway that leads to a wooden slated staircase, surrounded by beautiful glass panelling, but they head downstairs, not up - I wonder where they lead to? Then I remember the swimming pool, that probably where they lead to.

  I have to stop myself from jumping up and down with excitement, this place is amazing!I take a deep breath trying to take it all in and slowly blow it out; it’s such a huge expanse.

  “State of the art alarm system...” The agent drawls pulling me out of my musing, he points to a large white box on the wall to my left. Tristan nods in approval then the agent turns to his left and opens the first door.

  Tristan and I follow him inside. Ok, this room is huge, bigger than my studio.

  “And here, we enter into the first reception room, the smallest of the three. As you can see the current owners use it as a study/home office.”

  Tristan looks around the space nodding in approval. We follow the agent out and walk diagonally over to the door that was to my right.

  “Utility room, and W.C.” He says. Tristan pops his head inside and nods, he seems bored with this room. Typical! I think it’s awesome, but I don't even have space for a washing machine!

  We head down the hall towards the living-room, when suddenly it opens out to the right – and there it is – the huge, bespoke kitchen. Wow!

  White walls, black slate surfaces, chrome cooker and burners; I am in heaven. They are the exact colours I would choose for a kitchen; if I were to ever have the money to buy a bigger place. I smile inwardly, this kitchen is so big, I could cook up a storm in here. Oh, it’s so beautiful.

  “Completely refurbished, double cooker, warming drawer, large fridge-freezer, dishwasher, centre console with extra hobs and sink, surrounded by a beautiful bespoke breakfast bar. As you can see, the current owners prefer to dine here, looking out over the magnificent sea views.”

  I look down and set in front of the large breakfast bar is a small, round, very quaint looking antique table with six chairs. Yes – I think I would prefer the table to the breakfast bar – Coral, what are you talking about, you’re never going to live here? I can pretend – I argue back at myself.

  The agent turns, and heads back towards the living area, we walk around the sofa and he opens the door behind it. “Second reception room.” He steps back to let us through.

  As I walk in with Tristan, my mouth gapes open in awe, the owners have turned this room into a library, a beautiful, cosy library.

  All the walls bar the one to my right – which is floor to ceiling height windows – have floor to ceiling bookshelves, and are completely over-stocked with books, there’s even a stylish ladder to reach the ones at the top. Then, set in the centre of the back wall, is a very large fireplace, it looks very old and suits the room perfectly.

  There are several small, very squidgy looking sofas and four leather recliners, each of them have a reading lamp next to them. I instantly imagine myself curled up on one of the chairs, book in hand, fire blazing, feeling warm and snugly on a cold, wet winters day. I can't believe how cosy
it feels, considering how big the room is.

  “Current owners use this room for relaxing and reading, they like to think of it as their own mini library.” He starts laughing at his own joke, his nose making a funny snorty noise as he does.

  “Very good,” Tristan muses, turning to me with a look that says, don't-laugh-or-you’ll-start-me-off, I tighten my lips, fighting back the smile.

  “If you would like to follow me sir,” the agent says. We follow the agent out of the room, and head straight past the kitchen towards another door. Just as we reach it, I notice a carpeted stairway to my right.

  “Stairs to the bedrooms.” The agent points to the right. “And door leading into the largest reception room.” He opens the door and we follow inside.

  If I thought the other rooms were big, well I was kidding myself, you could land a jet in here. The owners have placed a long walnut table in the centre of the room and there’s at least thirty chairs comfortably seated around it. I shake my head in mock horror. This room is big enough to hold a banquet. I can't help chuckling sarcastically to myself.

  Tristan cottons on and cocks his head to the side.

  “Would you like some time to peruse this level?” The agent asks Tristan.

  “Yes, thank you.” The agent nods politely, smiles at me, and turns to walk away. The moment he is out of view, Tristan turns and gazes down at me with dark, worried eyes.“You don't like this room?” He asks.

  I snort sarcastically. “What’s not to like?”

  He frowns at me. “But you looked horrified and then you laughed,” he says. Jeez, he hardly knows me, yet he has my facial expressions pegged already!

  “Well it’s just...very grandiose,” I murmur.

  “I suppose,” he smirks. I smile back at him. “And the rest of the house?” he asks.

  “Gorgeous.” I say.

  Tristan smiles enigmatically at me, making my heart skip a beat. Then tugs gently on my hand, we walk back out and into the kitchen. I turn and look out at the views again, then I decide I want a closer look. Moving forward, Tristan releases my hand and leisurely follows me as I skip towards the window.