Darkest Fears Trilogy: Fallen For Him / Freed By Him / Forever With Him

by Clair Delaney

  “There’s the Smugglers Rest in Peacehaven,” I reluctantly suggest. “It shouldn’t be too overcrowded at this time on a Tuesday, the food’s great, it’s a nice place.”

  “How long to get there?” he asks.

  “Twenty minutes.” I state.

  “Smugglers Rest it is then.” He says.

  “Peacehaven?” Stuart asks.

  Tristan nods silently then seems to convert back to his previous, silent brooding. I want to shout at him to stop being like this, he’s making me feel uncomfortable. But then I think if I was about to spend nearly two million pounds on a house, I would be thinking very seriously about it too.

  As the car pulls away I’m instantly drawn to the song that’s playing. I love music I have such a huge collection.“Stuart, can you turn it up please?” I ask sweetly hoping he’ll do so.

  Stuart looks to Tristan, who silently nods.The car is suddenly filled with Labrinths Beneath your Beautiful. I feel Tristan gazing at me as I softly sing along, I should feel self-conscious about singing in front of him, but I think it’s beautiful and poignant, so I don’t let him stop me.

  When the song ends, Stuart turns the radio back down. I can still feel Tristan gazing at me, the silence seems to stretch between us, so I decide to ignore it and stare out of the window.

  We turn right onto Roedean Road and descend back down towards the Marina, bypassing it completely, we head east onto the A259 towards Peacehaven.

  The silence continues...

  “CORAL, WAKE UP DARLING.” I groan and push the hand away that’s trying to gently wake me.

  “Tired,” I manage to whisper.

  “We’re here,” a husky voice chuckles.

  “Leave me alone Carlos.” I scrunch up my eyes and attempt to turn over in bed, only to jerk awake. There is no bed, and Tristan is hovering over me, grinning widely – Shit I fell asleep!

  “Oh God, I’m so sorry!” I gasp. How embarrassing!“It was the car, the journey, so smooth and I just’ – Tristan holds up his hand, I stop talking. “No harm, no foul,” he smirks.

  I quickly pull myself up from my slumped position and smile hesitantly at him. Then I watch him open the door, jump out effortlessly and make his way around the car.I look up at Stuart and bite my lip to hide my embarrassment.

  Then I wonder – If Stuart is driving us round all day, what’s he supposed to have for lunch? Tristan opens my door and as I’m unbuckling my seatbelt, I decide I’ll ask him anyway.

  “Stuart, did you want me to bring you something to eat?”

  He turns in his seat and I see his face for the first time, he’s got a captain America jaw-line, a crocked nose that looks like it’s been broken a few times, hazel eyes and short spiky blonde hair.

  He’s actually quite intimidating now I can see him properly. I certainly wouldn’t want to get on the wrong side of him, he beams widely at me.

  “That’s sweet Coral, but I’m fine thank you,” he says chuckling softly, then turns back in his seat.

  I shrug wondering what’s supposed to be so funny and accept Tristan’s hand helping me out of the car, when I look up at him I see he’s chuckling too.

  “He’s right,” he says pulling me closer to him, taking my breath away because I think he’s about to kiss me; and the scariest part about it is that I think I want him to.“You are so very sweet,” he moves so quickly that I don’t see it coming and kisses the tip of my nose.

  Then, pulling away from me as quickly as he moved in, he takes hold of my hand and I walk with him into the Restaurant in a complete daze, my nose still tingling from his kiss.

  As we walk up to the bar, Tristan’s face lights up.

  “What?” I chuckle squeezing his hand slightly.

  “They have Timothy Taylor.” He beams.

  “Who?” I ask none the wiser.

  “It’s a beer,” he chuckles slightly. “My favourite,” he adds. Well what d’ya know, I definitely took him for a wine swisher.

  “You drink beer?” I choke. “I definitely took you for a wino,” I blurt without thinking about it – Oops!

  “A what?” he chuckles.

  I look away, and bite my lip feeling embarrassed that I said that out loud.

  Tristan puts his forefinger under my chin and raises it, so I have to make eye contact with him.“Don’t hang your head feeling guilty for being you Coral, I thought that was funny.” He lets go of my chin, and I make myself blink so I stop staring at him. “Although I have no idea what it means, but I can pretty much guess,” he adds.

  I smile weakly at him.

  “What would you like to drink Coral?” Such a gentleman!

  I shake my head feeling unsure.“Give me a minute,” I answer, wondering whether I should have coffee to wake me up, or water to rehydrate me.

  “I like this place,” he says looking around him. It’s all cream walls, with wooden chairs and tables covered in white linen cloths, and has an up-market feel about it. And the place is spotlessly clean, which is always impressive when you’re about to eat somewhere.

  “Gladys bought me here for my 30th” I explain.

  “Yeah...did you have a good time?” he asks sweetly.

  “Yes, it was great and the food was really’ - Tristan suddenly moves closer to me, instantly silencing me, and kisses me so softly on the cheek that I feel as though I’m about to pass out.

  All the bones in my body feel like they have liquefied. I have stopped breathing and my heart has stopped beating.

  “What was that for?” I ask breathlessly, trying to tear my gaze away from him.

  “Does there need to be a reason?” he replies.

  I look away from him, it’s no good I’m going to have to give him the low-down, tell him I’m not good for him...tell him to find someone else.

  Tristan quickly looks away and orders his pint of beer, when it’s done the barman hands it to him.

  “Here try this.” He holds his pint up in front me.

  I shake my head, it smells funny.

  “Have you ever tried it?” he questions.

  “No.” I grumble crossing my arms defiantly. Knowing full well I don’t touch alcohol the day after a heavy night.

  “Well how can you say you don’t like something, if you’ve never tried it?” he admonishes.

  I sigh heavily. I’m too hung-over for the argument. I take the pint off him and tentatively take a sip – Uh-oh!

  “That’s tasty.” I exclaim, handing it back to him and wondering if hair of the dog will actually make me feel a little better.

  “Would you like one?” he asks amusingly. No way. I have George tonight, I’ll need a clear head – hopefully I’ll have one by then.

  “I can't.” I tell him quietly.

  “Why?” He looks confused.

  “Because I have...” I stop, wondering to myself if I should tell him, then I change my mind.

  “What is it Coral?” He’s intense again.

  “I have an appointment tonight.” I remind him.

  “So you can't drink?” He clarifies.

  “No.” I whisper.

  “No alcohol?” I shake my head. “What would you like?”

  “A large glass of water with lots of lemon please.” I reply.

  “Still?” he questions.

  “Yes please.” I smile tentatively.

  Tristan places my order and hands my glass to me, we are asked if we are eating and when we say we are, we are told to help ourselves to whatever table we want.

  Tristan leads us to a table by a large window overlooking a beautiful garden.

  “This ok?” he asks. I nod in agreement.

  As I side step to my seat, Tristan is instantly there, pulling it out for me. Why does this suddenly feel like a date?

  I sit down, then I watch him walk around the table, remove his jacket and sling it over the back of his chair, then he sits down.I place my bag on the floor and pick up a menu, my stomach rumbling at me.

  Tristan takes a couple of long gu
lps of his beer and picks up his menu. I decide it’s probably best to get it out of the way now, what I want to say to him, before I eat. Taking three long gulps of water, I mentally prepare myself.

  “Tristan, I have something I need to say to you.”

  “And I to you,” he adds, this stuns me into silence. “But by all means continue,” he smiles coyly. “Ladies before gentleman,” he adds.

  He looks down at his menu again, but I think he can tell I’m staring at him, waiting for him to look at me, when he does, he instantly places his menu down and leans back in his chair, giving me his full attention. Shit, now I don’t know what to say!

  I frown down at my fingers that are twisted together in anxiety. “You really like me don’t you?” I ask mournfully.

  “I think that’s a given.” Tristan snorts.

  “You really shouldn’t.” I say staring at the ice swirling in my glass.

  “Why?” His voice is croaky again; I think I detect a hint of pain.

  “Because I don’t do this Tristan,” I say waving my hand in the air.

  “Well good, neither do I.”

  I look up and narrow my eyes at him. How the hell is this guy single?

  “Are you seeing anyone?” I question.

  “You’ve already asked me this. No, I’m not seeing anyone.” His answer is immediate, his look screams honesty but I just don’t get it, so I decide to test him.

  “I don’t believe you,” I choke. “You’re smart, rich, unbelievably handsome, a real catch. And you’re telling me you’re single?”

  “Why is that so hard to believe?” He asks.

  “B-because you...well, you just seem so…so lovely and normal. Somebody must have caught your eye? You must have liked someone, surely?” I blurt in disbelief.

  “I’ve had relationships in the past, they didn’t work out,” he says artlessly, but I detect something in his voice.

  “Why didn’t they?” Tristan pulls his gaze away from me and seems to withdraw into himself and I know I’ve hit a nerve, but before I can say anything he answers me.

  “I…I had a very different upbringing Coral, I don't think or act like my generation should. I...” he stops and shakes his head.

  “You seem perfectly normal to me.” I offer.

  “There’s that word again,” he groans. What? Oh! It dawns on me.

  “Normal?” I hiss feeling instantly incensed.

  “Yes.” He answers frustratingly.

  I can’t help the sarcastic laugh that bursts out of me.“Believe me Tristan, in my world, normal is wonderful.”

  “That maybe so but...this is irrelevant,” he snaps running a hand through his hair.

  I take a deep breath to calm myself.“Tristan.” He looks up at me. “Are you trying to tell me they didn’t get you because you were what...different? Didn’t act like other guys your age, what? Tell me,” I plead, even though I don’t know how it got to this, and I have no idea why I’m asking.

  “Apparently I’m...it doesn’t matter,” he snaps again in frustration. “My past relationships are irrelevant.”I relent and sit back in my chair, sulking.“And what about you Coral?” His sharp-eyed look takes me by surprise. I immediately feel defensive, but I know he deserves an answer.

  “I don’t date...at all.” I say feeling embarrassed.

  “What, no-one’s caught your eye?” He throws my words back at me, his voice dripping with sarcasm. Yes, you have! You lovely sexy normal man, you should steer clear of a freak like me!

  “Tristan I...” I stop and stare at the table trying to grasp the right words. “You deserve better than me,” I mumble almost to myself, I look up, my eyes pleading with his. “I...I don’t even know if I’m capable of anything anymore...I’m broken Tristan, a freaky fuck up. You’d stay away from me, if you knew what’s good for you.”

  “I think that’s my decision to make, don’t you?” He retaliates.

  “Tristan!” I glare back at him. “I’m telling you this so you’ll drop it,” I hiss, my jaw clenching all by itself, my stomach twisting into knots.

  “So you’re saying, stop before we’ve even got started?” He clarifies.

  How perceptive of him. “Yes.”

  “No.” He shakes his head at me. Damn it!

  “Look, I’m not like other people ok, I don’t run right, I never will, and you seem...” I stop for a moment and take several gulps of my water, really un-ladylike, but totally necessary, and continue.

  “You...you’re...well, lovely and gentlemanly and sweet and attentive. You deserve someone who is capable of giving all of that back to you…I...I’m not girlfriend material.” I say my voice quivering on me.

  For the first time in twenty five years I feel like I want to cry.

  I’m suddenly overtaken by this strange devastating feeling that’s spreading through me, it feels like grief. How odd? It feels like I’m about to let something go that’s more important to me than I could ever imagine. I shake my head, not understanding it. I don’t know this person!

  “I just want to be straight up and honest with you Tristan, I don’t want to start something that’s going to have us both hurting in the end.” He goes to interrupt me, but I have to keep going. I have to let him know.

  “Believe me, you really don’t want to be with me, especially with the fact that you’re soon to be my boss.”

  He glares back at me, shaking his head in disagreement, I roll my eyes at him.

  “Ok, let’s say we date, and it doesn’t work for you, or vice-versa. Somebody gets hurt and then where does that leave us, apart from a really uncomfortable and awkward working relationship.” I take another drink then stare down at my knotted fingers.

  “No matter how hard you try Tristan...you and I...it’s just not possible.” I sigh heavily feeling weirdly satisfied that what I have said covers everything, and above all I’ve been open and honest with him, honesty is huge for me.

  I wait with bated breath for him to say something, but he’s just sat there, staring at me, running his forefinger back and forth across his luscious lips. Please stop doing that!

  I hastily pick up my menu, squirming in my seat as I do, and start to read through its offerings.

  “Coral.” I look up over my menu at him.

  Tristan sighs heavily and stares down at his beer for a moment, then out the window at the garden, then back to me.

  “You put on a good show. But I bet you’re feeling just as strongly for me as I am for you, and I’m guessing that you’re scared, shit scared actually...well back at you. So am I.” Tristan leans forward, I open my mouth to argue but he holds his hand up to stop me.

  “Hey, you said your piece let me say mine.” I am silenced, I can't argue. Gladys bought me up to be diplomatic in all situations, I nod to Tristan.

  “I don’t understand why you’re so adamant about not wanting to even try it, to give it a go, see how it works out. But then you say I’m about to be your boss, which I am, but I’ve already told you, I’ll hardly be there, at the office I mean. If we actually tried…and we found it was working out, I would spend more time working from home, here in Brighton, so I could see you on an evening....” he stops for a moment, lost in thought, then continues.

  “Either way, it wouldn’t affect your job at all. If it didn’t work out I wouldn’t sack you Coral, that’s the last thing in the world I would do.”

  Ok, feeling a little better about him being my boss and what he wants, what I have a sneaking suspicion I want. But I’m denying it, protecting myself, protecting my already broken, tattered, ragged heart.

  “And just for the record, I think you’re the most attractive, the most beautiful, sexiest woman I have ever met. Not only that, I think you’re sweet, funny, and have a heart of gold which somehow has got broken, badly. I’d love to be the man that repairs it for you, mends it, heals it, but unless you give me a chance, I can't do that. And I’m not going to push you into something you don’t want to do, although it’s going to kill me
to walk away from you.”

  I swallow hard, I can't believe he just said that to me. I’ve known him half a day and he’s declaring himself to me like...like...

  Tristan continues, shaking my thought pattern.

  “But at the same time there are a lot of things you don’t know about me, so let me let you in on a little secret. I spend 85% of my waking hours working, and when I’m not doing that I’m sitting in one of my houses staring at the T.V screen attempting to enjoy the movie I’m watching, when really all I feel is this crushing, sinking feeling that I am completely alone. And unless I do something about it, I’m going to end up a very sad, lonely old man.”

  I stare down at my knotted fingers feeling quite astonished he just shared that with me.

  “Don’t you have any friends?” I whisper in shock.

  “Friends come and go,” he adds flippantly. Immediately, a feeling of being amazingly blessed that I have Rob and Carlos washes over me.

  “When I finished University, I spent all my time building a successful career for myself, then the business. I wanted to make my folks proud, and I wanted to be wealthy enough to take care of them when they got older. I wanted to give back to them what they gave to me.”

  Tristan sounds like he’s choking up. I look up and see his eyes have reddened. I think he’s fighting back tears? He must miss them so much - Oh Tristan!

  He quickly finishes his pint and stands, his cheeks are flushed, his eyes dilated and I have no idea what to say to him.

  “Would you like another?” He politely asks, his voice a little shaky.

  I drain the rest of my water and hand him my glass.“Yes please.” I answer politely, unable to break eye contact with him, I watch him walk over to the bar.

  Pulling my gaze away I sit staring blankly at the table. Who’d have thought it? Tristan is sad, Tristan has no-one! My heart constricts for him. He must be so lonely? I wonder if I could just be friends with him, or whether it would still be complicated with him being my new boss?

  Tristan returns, and places my glass down in front of me.His scent overpowers me again, shredding my nerves, sending my senses into disarray. He sits back down and takes a small sip of his drink, then stares down at the table, instinctively I know he’s not done.