Darkest Fears Trilogy: Fallen For Him / Freed By Him / Forever With Him

by Clair Delaney

  “You made a comment earlier about rich people being happy if they live in big houses.” Uh-oh!It was me and my big mouth that pissed him off earlier.

  “You’re right Coral, totally right. If a person is happy with a successful business and big houses, nice cars, all the trappings that money can give you then great, and in truth I always thought I would be, I’m not saying I don’t like being wealthy.” He clarifies taking another drink.

  “I just didn’t realise there was something missing, something deeper that money or wealth, cars or big houses can fill. I was happy, I had my folks, the business was doing well enough so I could spend more time with them’ he pauses for a moment ‘then last year when they died within six months of each other, everything came crashing down. I realised it doesn’t matter how successful you are, or how much money you make, without family, without love; it’s all useless there’s no point to it, to any of it.

  “I’d been putting off meeting someone because I’d convinced myself I was ok on my own, but I’m not, at all. Losing my folks made me realise that, made me realise there was a big fucking gaping hole in my life.” Tristan shakes his head and drinks some more beer.

  And I’m shocked. I think it’s the first time I’ve heard him swear.

  “I turn forty this year. Not that I think age is important, I just thought I would have more in my life by now...you know a partner to spend my time with...marriage, kids maybe, I don’t know, just...” He drifts off, frowning deeply and stares into the distance for a moment, then he gazes back at me.

  “And then I met you.” His eyes lock onto mine, they look so deep and soulful at that moment, that I swear he’s seeing straight through me, right into my dark soul.

  “The first moment our eyes met I knew I was in trouble. You knocked me sideways, took my breath away. I felt like the earth was rumbling beneath my feet and the sky was thundering above me. I’ve never felt anything that can even come close to how that made me feel’ – he says a little croakily, so he takes another drink – ‘when I turned around and saw you standing there, I didn’t see it coming at all Coral. In an instant, I saw image after image flash up in my mind’s eye, all of you and I together. And for a brief moment in time, that deep empty hole disappeared.”

  Shit, shit, shit! That’s how I felt! Oh Tristan!

  “I’ll give you what you want Coral, but I can't say I’ll stop being protective of you, I want to take care of you,’ he shakes his head, ‘for some reason, I get the feeling that you’ve been through enough, and I want to make sure you’re ok, in all situations.”

  “Tristan,” I whisper breathlessly, as a warm fuzzy feeling starts to flow through me, around me, encasing me. And I’m not sure if it’s Tristan, his words, the confusion about how I feel; or a combination of all three, but all I want to do is jump up from my seat and wrap my arms around him, so that’s exactly what I do.

  Almost knocking my chair over, I take the couple of steps round the table and launch myself into his lap. I wrap my arms around his neck and shoulders and squeeze him as tightly as I can, pressing my cheek against his.

  After a moment, I feel his arms encircle me, squeezing so hard I think I may stop breathing. But I like the feeling, him gripping onto me for dear life, me comforting him. It feels so good, then I think I’m probably totally confusing him.

  I pull back and look down into his warm chocolate eyes, then gently stroke his face. His skin is surprisingly soft, with only the very light tickle of facial hair coming through after his morning shave.

  “I’m so sorry you’re lonely...just for the record, I am too,” I whisper. “And I’m not trying to confuse you. I just hate it when others are suffering. I have this incessant need to help them, to comfort them. Gladys says I’ve always been like it ever since I came to live with her.”

  Tristan gazes into my eyes and runs his finger down my cheekbone, then rubs him thumb across my bottom lip. It sends lightning bolt sparks of electricity to every corner of my body.

  “Try,” he whispers, and I know he means us.

  I gaze at him, hypnotized again. I can feel his breath against my cheeks. His body feels warm and welcoming against mine, and his scent…oh he smells so good. I feel like I’m being pulled in two, one part of me wants to kiss his lips with such passion and fire, and the other part is running out the door...

  “I’m sorry, I can't.” I whisper and kiss him lightly on the cheek. I stand awkwardly, my legs feeling like jelly and make my way back to my seat. My head is spinning. I can’t believe he’s disclosed so much to me, that he likes me that much. Racking my brains for what I can say to him, I suddenly have an epiphany. Maybe a way it could work? I don’t know...

  “Do you think you could handle hanging out as friends?” I ask hoping he’ll say yes.

  Tristan gazes intensely at me for a moment. “I’d really like that,” he answers hoarsely.

  I sigh inwardly, feeling relieved. For some reason I feel like I need to hang on to him, I already feel like I can't let him go.

  “I could introduce you to Carlos, Rob’s partner, he has a huge circle of friends, and I’m sure before you know it you’ll have lots of friends to spend your free time with.” I add.

  But I know it’s not what he really wants, and if I’m honest it’s not what I want either. I frown deeply at that thought. I don’t want him going out there socializing; he might meet someone, he might fall for her! And I know deep down inside, that if I’m completely honest with myself – all I really want is the one, and I have a sneaking suspicion it’s him.

  Tristan gazes lovingly at me for a moment, then his expression changes, his frown reappearing. “Let’s eat.” He states somberly – And I wonder if I’ve fucked it all up again.

  Sighing heavily, I pick up my menu and start to look through it, but my appetite has completely vanished. So I decide on a salad, it’s light and I don’t have to feel guilty if I don’t eat much of it.

  I put my menu down, and sneak a peek at Tristan, he’s still perusing the menu. This guy seems to take his food seriously. I wonder why? After a moment he puts his menu down, looks up and catches me gazing at him, he smiles back at me, but it doesn’t reach his eyes.

  I instantly feel gutted, I really like his eyes lighting up when he looks at me.God I’m so confused!

  A waiter appears out of nowhere, and I’m pleased that he’s male. I don’t think I can take another female ogling Tristan. He smiles politely at Tristan then turns to me, his eyes nearly popping out; I want to roll my eyes at him.

  He blinks several times then turns back to Tristan.“Are you ready to order?” He asks a little nervously.

  “Coral.” Tristan offers for me to go first.

  I look up at the waiter with a stern face; I don’t want to give him the wrong impression.“I’ll take the avocado & green leaf salad, hold the dressing.”

  “And for you sir?” He turns to Tristan.

  “Chicken caesar salad.” Tristan replies not taking his eyes off me, the waiter nods, picks up the menus from our table and quickly scuttles away. “Seems I’m not your only admirer. Do you have any idea how attractive you are?” Tristan asks me.

  I frown down at the table. If he had any idea of what I think of myself…

  “Tristan, there are thousands of women across the world that are far more attractive than I am.” I mumble, feeling shy that he said that.

  “So you have self-esteem issues too?” He perceptively says.

  I choose to ignore it.“Well the woman in Munchies couldn’t take her eyes off you either.” I answer smartly.

  “It’s just a face.” He waves his hand in the air.

  “Precisely,” I say agreeing completely.

  Tristan shakes his head and takes a drink of his beer. “So what did you really think of the house?” he asks.

  “I told you Tristan, I thought it was magical,” I say. I have no idea if we’ve actually come to any agreement, conclusion...

  “Magical?” He beams.

  �
��Yes.” I say feeling exasperated. How many times does he want me to say it?

  “What if I said I wanted to buy it for you, for us?” I almost choke on the sip of water I’ve just taken.

  “That’s not funny.” I bark, considering the conversation we’ve just had.

  “It wasn’t a joke.” He counteracts, his face deadly serious.

  “Are you frigging kidding me? Tristan…did any of the conversation we just had register at all? You don’t know me, and you want to buy a house for me?”

  “I want you to be happy.” He says with a shrug of his shoulders.

  “Is that why you asked me to come with you today? To make sure I liked the house?”

  “Yes.” Shit!

  “Tristan,” I moan.My mind feels like it’s going to explode, too much information in one day.

  He leans forward, and takes hold of my hand, he looks like he’s trying to apologise.

  “Hypothetically speaking. If we were dating and we moved in together, would you like that house?” Oh my God! I would love that house, but it’s impossible.

  “Tristan...please, don’t make this any more difficult than it already feels.” I say pulling my hand away.

  “Hypothetically speaking I said.” He says, waiting for my answer.

  “Yes,” I whisper staring at my twisted hands. “I love the contemporary styled homes, the sea views are extraordinary and the fact that it has a swimming pool is just...” I laugh, then stare out of the window. For a moment, I imagine myself in the kitchen cooking something up, Tristan coming home, embracing me…

  “Then I shall cancel the next appointment, there’s no point looking at it.” He states pulling me from my daydream.

  “Why?” I question.

  “Its old school, Edwardian. Lots of dark wood, small windows…” He answers artlessly, then reaches into his trouser pocket and pulls out his mobile. “You wouldn’t like it,” he adds pressing a number on his smart-phone. “Susannah, my appointment today at 2pm; cancel it please. Get Martin to make an offer on The Cliff, come in at one-five, and see where we go from there. I want this house...yes if I have to pay full price I will but, yes you got it…” Tristan smiles warmly, then listens for a moment. “Thank you.” He hangs up and places his mobile back in his trouser pocket.

  “Please don’t tell me you are buying that house because of me.” I squirm, feeling totally uncomfortable.

  “You like it,” he shrugs. “A man can dream,” he adds.

  My jaw tenses, I shake my head at him.

  “Look Coral, say for instance one day you change your mind, and I’m living somewhere that you hate. I’d have to go through the whole process all over again, and to be honest, I find it all a little...boring.” He admits.

  I gasp in shock.“You find buying million pound houses boring?” I’m choking on my own words.

  “It is when you’re doing it on your own,” he answers a little glumly. “Today was the best house hunting day I’ve ever had, watching your face light up as we went through each room was....magical,” he says, using my words, his eyes lighting up again. “You’ve made me declare my hand far too early Miss Stevens.” He growls playfully.

  “So sorry to have done that to you Mr Freeman, but you’re living in a fantasy world.” I retort, and cross my arms to create some sort of barrier between us.

  “Coral...I’m sorry, but I had to tell you how I feel. I’m already afraid of someone else coming along and you’ll say yes to them’ – “Tristan,” I interrupt. “Believe me when I say, there’s absolutely no chance of that happening, trust me.” I sigh.

  “Hmm....well when I move in, I’ll be fantasising about you being there with me.....every day.” His eyes gleam wickedly at me, and I have to wonder exactly what kind of fantasies he’s conjuring up in his mind.

  I swallow hard, not knowing what to say to that.

  “I’m sorry Coral, I don’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable, I just...” Tristan drifts off and I’m acutely aware that I’m in it, big time!

  And for a tiny moment, I imagine what it would feel like to date him, have him give me his jacket in the winter, or feel his protective arm around me in a busy bar, or curling up together in the cinema room that we didn’t see watching a movie together eating popcorn, or – Stop! I can't allow myself to think sexually about him, it’s just too intense.

  “Coral?” I look up at Tristan. “You look breathless and your eyes have dilated. Are you ok?” I pick up my water and take several gulps of it.

  “I’m fine,” I say breathlessly. “So what now?” I ask feeling frustrated.

  “Sorry?” Just as Tristan says that, the waiter appears with our meals.

  “One avocado salad,” he says his eyes flirting with me, his body way too close to mine and places the plate in front of me. I frown at him in disapproval. Back off dude!

  “Without the dressing,” he adds far too seductively for my liking.

  I immediately tense up, and I sense rather than see Tristan’s disapproval. The waiter then turns and places Tristan’s plate in front of him.“One chicken caesar salad,” he says smartly.

  Leaning back in his chair with his forefinger pressed against his lips Tristan glares up at him. Whoa if looks could kill! The waiter looks back at him and cottons on pretty quickly that Tristan is not impressed, he quickly clears his throat.

  “Will there be anything else sir?” he asks, his voice a little shaky.

  “Yes, the manager.” Tristan snaps.

  The waiter hops from one foot to the other not knowing what do to, his cheeks flame bright red, and a layer of sweat appears across his top lip, I feel bad for him, he’s only a kid.

  “Tristan, it’s ok, you don’t’ – “Now.” He barks to the waiter who scuttles off as quickly as he can. Uh-Oh!

  “Tristan you really don’t need to’ – “He was making you uncomfortable, I could see that, and what’s more annoying is so could he. I hate blokes like that.” He says, then cuts a piece of chicken and starts chewing.

  Moments later a woman in her mid fifties appears looking a little flustered. She smiles tentatively at me and I return the smile, picking at my salad. Tristan swallows, wipes his mouth with his napkin and stands, gesturing to the woman to walk with him. They only move a few feet away, enough so that I can’t hear what’s being said.

  I frown as I watch Tristan, I can tell he’s annoyed, his hands moving around as he talks to the woman. As she listens to him, I watch her face go from pacified to her eyes widening, then an eyebrow cocking up and her jaw tensing, she does not look like a happy bunny. Her head is nodding as she listens to Tristan, and from my bad lip reading skills, I think she is apologising to him.

  Within moments he is back at the table, and without a word he sits down and tucks into his meal. I can't believe he just did that, just because a waiter got a little flirty! Which makes me think how would he be if I actually did go out with him?I know there is absolutely no way I could go out with a control freak, that would drive me nuts and make me feel trapped.

  I look down at my salad and spear a piece of avocado with my fork.

  “Are you a control freak?” I blurt. Oh my God Coral, shut up!

  Tristan freezes. “Excuse me?”

  “Well are you?” I repeat.

  “No,” Tristan chuckles lightly. “You think because I made a complaint about a member of staff that I’m a control freak?”

  I shrug and don’t answer, feeling as though I’ve just dropped myself in it again.

  “I just...will you tell me what you said to her?” I ask.

  “No,” he retorts.

  “Why not?” I grumble.

  Tristan stops eating and eyes me carefully.“Does it matter?” He’s trying to reason with me?

  “Yes, I want to know.” I squeak my voice a little higher than I want it to be.

  “Why?” He questions.

  I roll my eyes at him feeling frustrated again.“Honesty is something I value, highly.” I say.

  �
��Me too,” he says and continues eating.

  “Just tell me,” I snap, throwing down the gauntlet.

  Tristan smirks, finishes chewing, uses his napkin and takes a long drink of beer. He’s teasing me! Prolonging the agony of not knowing, he doesn’t play fair.

  “I’d like to go home.” I sulk, dropping my fork next to my plate, glaring at him venomously.

  “Are you always this argumentative?” He asks, his eyes sparkling. Damn it!

  “No...I’m not! I just...” I purse my lips and cross my arms. I decide the best thing to do is shut up, and wait for him to finish. He’s definitely not going to tell me. No-one’s ever wound me up this good, yet weirdly enough, fighting with Tristan feels kind of...ok?

  “Ok…if I tell you, will you agree to spend the day with me this Sunday?” He asks teasingly.

  “No.” I snap.

  “Not even as friends?” He asks smirking at me.

  “No.” I pout feeling as though this is getting silly and way out of hand.

  “Ok, if I tell you, can I come to your niece’s birthday party on Saturday?”What? Why would he want to hang around a bunch of screaming kids?

  “No.” I answer with a nervous laugh.

  “That’s a lot of no’s.” He says smirking at me.

  “I’m done.” I say.Throwing my napkin on top of my plate, I pick up my bag and stomp out of the restaurant without looking back. The moment I’m outside I see the car, Stuart jumps out, looking behind me for Tristan and walks straight over to me.

  “Miss Stevens?” I roll my eyes at him.

  “Coral,” I say through gritted teeth. “I’d like to go home,” I state, my arms crossed, my foot tapping.Seconds later, Tristan comes out of the restaurant, he nods to Stuart who immediately walks back to the car.

  Tristan stops when he reaches me, I glare up at him.“I’m sorry. I thought we were having fun?” He says leaning into me and running a cool fingertip down my cheek.

  “No, you were being cruel, not playing fair. I don’t like to be wound up Tristan.”

  “I can see that.” He states.

  My throat burns and my eyes sting, I feel like I could cry again - What is wrong with me today?