Darkest Fears Trilogy: Fallen For Him / Freed By Him / Forever With Him

by Clair Delaney

  I know the excitement part is what Tristan’s reaction will be when he sees me in the dress, hopefully I’ll get a good reaction, the nervous part is me freaking out. The bubble ripples again making me smile, I want to look sexy for him.

  I start to feel a little better. The anger I feel for Susannah seems to be dissipating so I carry on with the positives – I am now two hundred and fifty thousand pounds richer, I feel a strange flutter head down my spine. What the hell am I meant to do with that amount of money?

  I turn and look out into the living room of my tiny studio – I guess I could get a bigger place? I shake my head at that thought, I can't really think about that at the moment. I put my mascara back in my make-up bag, adding a little lip gloss I nod at myself – You are ready.

  Putting my robe back on, I walk out the bathroom and pour myself a large vegetable juice to take to work with me. Marching up the stairs, I hang up my robe and dress in my work clothes, black trousers and my light blue short sleeved fitted blouse.

  I slip my feet into my black wedges and head back down the stairs, noticing as I reach the bottom step that my photo albums are still sprawled across the floor. Damn it!

  I swallow hard against the lump that’s formed, take a deep breath, bend down and put them away. Switching off the air-con, I pick up my handbag and my keys from the sofa and head out the patio door, locking it behind me.

  “Morning,” Bob pipes up cheerfully.I try to smile, but it just doesn’t happen. I pull my sunglasses out and pop them on; at least they will hide my eyes.

  “Got a little thirsty last night?” I ask as chirpily as I can.

  Bob puts his paper down and looks up at me quizzically.“You’ve lost me?” he says.

  “The bottle of beer,” I say half laughing, trying to make light of it all.

  “What beer?” He counteracts – Fuck!

  “Oh it’s ok, it must have been Rob,” I say, my voice wobbling.

  “What beer Coral?” he asks again.

  “The empty bottle that was left on the kitchen sink,” I say putting on a fake smile. “Not to worry Bob, I’ll call Rob later,” I say and turn to walk away.

  “Well it was probably that friend of yours,” he says matter-of-factly.

  I freeze then slowly turn back to him.“S-sorry?” I stutter.

  “I heard something last night...let me think...yes, about nine-thirty it was. I thought it was you, so I came out to see if you were ok, and there was this blonde girl unlocking your door. She said you’d asked her to pop in and pick up your music player or something....” Bob says waving his hand.Holy fuck!

  I blink rapidly at Bob. I feel frozen in place. That’s why my keys went missing, Susannah got copies. Then I think about my MP3 Player, shoving my hand in my bag I feel it’s shape between my fingers.Not wanting to panic Bob, I try to smile and nod my head as though I’d forgotten.

  “Oh right yeah…” I say. “I remember now,” I add. Bob rolls his eyes at me and goes back to his paper. “Well, I’ll see you later,” I say, my voice low and quiet.

  “Are you alright darling?” he questions looking up at me.I nod silently.”Sure?” he adds.

  “Yes,” I whisper, tears pooling in my eyes – God damn it, my make-up!

  “Alright then,” he smiles and goes back to his paper.

  “See you later,” I squeak.

  Bob nods and smiles at me.I turn, feeling like a complete zombie,and start walking down the concourse. All I can think about is the fact that my suspicions were right, it has to have been Susannah. I don’t have any friends, and the only other blonde I know is Debs, and there’s no way she would have been in place without telling me, besides, she doesn’t have keys.

  I grit my teeth as I try to think of a way of getting my photo back, as odd as it sounds, that’s all I care about. I don't care that Susannah broke in, I don't care that she took one of the photos of Tristan and I, and I don't care that she drank one of my beers – I just want my photo back!

  As I’m walking to work, I decide I have to think more logically. I can't allow my emotions to override any rational thoughts.So I decide the moment I'm in work to locate a locksmith, I need to change all the locks, then I think if I keep them as they are and buy some sort of CCTV, I might be able to get some evidence of her breaking in.Deciding that is my best option, I head into work with renewed vigour and a spring in my step.

  I will win this battle. I will not fail. Susannah will go down for this. I will make it my destiny to take her down, get her arrested, and out of Tristan’s life, out of my life…Forever.

  WHEN I GET INTO WORK, I’m told by Joyce that Susannah won't be in all day as her migraine is still bad, and that Joyce will be out most of the day too, apparently Gladys has asked her to go golfing.

  As soon as Joyce is out of the building, I jump on-line and search home security systems. I know I need it to be discreet, it can't look like a camera because even if she did get in again, she might see it and hide her face, and without a clear picture of who she is, I may as well not bother, and I really want to catch her at it!

  The first site I go to is Argos. It’s in town and hopefully, if they have what I’m looking for, I can pick one up at lunch, but when I take a look I see they are all pretty bulky. I need something smaller. I'm about to click on Amazon, when I notice a security company that are based in Brighton.

  I click on the website, and to my delight, they have loads of small, discreet cameras, and they come and install the cameras for you – that sounds more like what I want. Picking up the phone, I dial the number. I speak to a really pleasant lady who listens carefully to what I am asking for and my reasons for it, she understands my concerns but advises me that they are booked up and can’t get me in till next week. Bollocks!

  I thank her for her help and advise her that I will buy something on-line, and attempt to fit it myself, citing I can’t take the risk of it happening again without proof. She tells me she understands, and will call around all the engineers to see if she could get one over to me tonight.I thank her, give her my number and hang up.

  I clamp my hand down on my leg that is jigging up and down. I really hope she can get me in, I want those cameras installed – today!

  Checking my inbox, I see I have a few letters to get done for Joyce. Clearing my mind of all things Susannah, I click the first one open and begin my work…

  TWO HOURS LATER, I get a call from the woman at the security company telling me there has been a cancellation, and they can get someone over to me at five o’clock tonight.

  I agree wholeheartedly, and make myself a post-it note to leave at four-thirty, so I can get back in time.With nothing else to do, I feel myself getting antsy.Why couldn’t Joyce have left me more work to do?Grrrrr!

  Waking my screen up with the mouse, I start searching the internet. There’s something that’s been bugging me, something that’s been at the back of my mind since I had the dream about Susannah. Typing in what I need, I hit enter and wait for the choices to come up.

  I’m about to click on the first choice, then I remember I know someone who might be able to tell me more about it, or at least head me in the right direction.Picking up my handbag, I start fishing around. Finally locating what I need, I pull out his card and dial his number, my foot starts tapping involuntarily.

  “Dr Andrews office, how may I help you?” A posh sounding lady answers.

  “May I speak to Dr Andrews please?” I ask politely.

  “Are you a patient?” I don’t know, am I? Lie Coral!

  “Yes, yes I am.” I tell her.

  “May I take your name?” She asks.

  “Coral Stevens,” I say, my voice high pitched because I’m nervous.

  “One moment please Miss Stevens.” The line goes quiet. I'm pretty sure she’s going to come back and say he’s out on rounds or something.

  “Coral how are you?” Dr Andrews’s deep voice startles me for a moment.

  “Good thank you, and yourself?” I answer a little bre
athlessly.

  “Very well thank you. How is your nose?” Whoa!I’d forgotten all about that! So much has happened since then.

  “Nicely healed thank you,” I say.

  “No headaches, blurry vision?” He asks.

  “No, healthy as a horse,” I tell him.I swear I hear him mumble that’s a shame – Hmm me and Dr A?I shake the thought away.

  “What can I do for you Coral?” he asks.

  “Well I have a...um situation,” I mumble.

  “Ah, well I don’t work in that field, its antenatal you need,” he says. I think he’s smiling. Antenatal? Where have I heard that from before…Debs having Lily? Holy crap he thinks I'm pregnant.

  “No, no I'm not pregnant,” I gush. “I wanted to ask if you know anything about…well psychotic people...I mean patients, their behaviour and such,” I stutter.

  “Ah, again not my field. Are you alright Coral?” he asks, sounding concerned.

  “Yes, I think so,” I answer.

  “You think so?” he asks.Say something Coral!

  “Well, it’s just there’s someone new at work and I think she maybe psychotic. I’ve had close contact with a mentally unstable person before, and she’s well...showing the same signs,” I say, hoping he’ll come up with some answers.

  “I see. Have you talked to your employer about this?” He asks.

  “It’s complicated,” I answer glumly.

  “It always is,” he sighs. “Well, I have a colleague in the field, an old University friend – I hear him taping his keyboard – ‘Let me see…yes, Simon Handler, do you have a pen?”

  “Yes.” I reach forward to pick a pen up from the holder, but they’re all gone –Weird!

  “Coral?” Dr Andrews prompts.

  “Um, Dr Andrews, I...all the pens seem to have mysteriously disappeared from my desk, I'm sorry,”I say feeling embarrassed.

  “No need to apologise,” he softly says. “Do you have an email address?”

  “Yes, I do.”

  “I can get Penny to email the details to you.”

  “Yes please, that would be great.” I smile down the line. He really has a nice voice. Not as nice as Tristan’s though.

  “I’ll put you back through to Penny. Pleasure to speak to you,” he says.

  “You too Dr Andrews, and thanks for taking my call,” I tell him softly.

  “You’re very welcome, anytime Coral.” Anytime, Whoa! The line goes quiet again. I think I have an admirer.

  “Hello, Miss Stevens?” Penny’s voice is back. I give her my email address and end the call. Hmm, well that didn’t really give me any answers!

  Wiggling the mouse to wake up my screen, I decide to go back to my original idea. Clicking on the first search result, I lean forward and start reading through...

  Symptoms of PsychosisThere are four main symptoms associated with a psychotic episode. Hallucinations/Delusions/Confused and disturbed thoughts/A lack of insight and self-awareness.These are outlined in more detail below.

  Hallucinations – A hallucination is when you perceive something that does not exist in reality. Hallucinations can occur in all five of your senses.

  Sight– someone with psychosis may see colours and shapes, or imaginary people or animals.

  Sounds– someone with psychosis may hear voices that are angry, unpleasant or sarcastic.

  Touch– a common psychotic hallucination is that insects are crawling on the skin.

  Smell– usually a strange or unpleasant smell.

  Taste– some people with psychosis have complained of having a constant unpleasant taste in their mouth

  Delusion - A delusion is where you have an unshakeable belief in something implausible, bizarre or obviously untrue. Two examples of psychotic delusions are:paranoid delusion, delusions of grandeur. These are described below:-

  Paranoid delusion - A person with psychosis will often believe an individual or organisation is making plans to hurt or kill them. This can lead to unusual behaviour. For example, a person with psychosis may refuse to be in the same room as a mobile phone because they believe they are mind-control devices.

  Delusions of grandeur - A person with psychosis may have delusions of grandeur where they believe they have some imaginary power or authority. For example, they may think they are president of a country, or have the power to bring people back from the dead.

  Confusion of thought - People with psychosis often have disturbed, confused and disrupted patterns of thought. Signs of this include:-their speech may be rapid and constant, the content of their speech may appear random, for example, they may switch from one topic to another mid-sentence, their train of thought may suddenly stop, resulting in an abrupt pause in conversation or activity

  Lack of insight - People experiencing a psychotic episode are often totally unaware their behaviour is in any way strange, or their delusions or hallucinations could be imaginary. They may be capable of recognising delusional or bizarre behaviour in others, but lack the self-awareness to recognise it in themselves. For example, a person with psychosis who is being treated in a psychiatric ward may complain that all of their fellow patients are mentally unwell while they are perfectly normal.

  Postnatal psychosis - Postnatal psychosis, also called puerperal psychosis, is a severe form of postnatal depression (a type of depression some women experience after they have had a baby). It is estimated that postnatal psychosis affects one or two women in every 1,000 who give birth, and most commonly occurs during the first few weeks after having a baby. Postnatal psychosis is more likely in women who already have a mental health condition, such as bipolar disorder or schizophrenia.

  As well as symptoms of psychosis (see above), symptoms of postnatal psychosis can include:a high mood (mania)–for example, talking and thinking too much or too quickly a low mood–for example, depression, lack of energy, loss of appetite and trouble sleeping Postnatal psychosis is regarded as an emergency. If you are concerned someone you know may have developed postnatal psychosis contact your GP immediately.

  WHEN I FINISH READING, I take a long deep breath in and slowly blow it out. I don’t think I need to speak to that other doctor, I think this explains it all. I can’t say if Susannah is having any paranoid delusions, but I think she has delusions of grandeur, after all she did say to me that she and Tristan are engaged, in love, couldn’t help themselves.

  I think for a tiny split second that she maybe telling the truth, that Tristan has gone through all of this with her – Coral, what are you talking about, that’s ridiculous!

  Deciding I’d better delete the search history, I press print, then delete all the sites, just in-case Susannah takes a look. If she’s back in tomorrow, I don't want to raise her suspicions that I might know something, and I really don't want her finding out that I know she was in my place last night, and that I'm determined to catch her at it, by getting her on camera.

  Picking up the paperwork, I fold it over three times, stuff it inside a small envelope, and carefully stow it away in my bag...

  AS I WALK HOME ALONG the busy Brighton streets, I look up and see it’s yet another blue skied, warm hazy evening. I wonder how long it will last. I hope it’s this nice for Gladys and Malcolm’s wedding.I take a deep breath in, and slowly blow it out, feeling glad there’s only one more night and day to go until I see Tristan again.

  Although, I have to say, it feels as though the closer it gets, the more time slows down. It already feels like it’s been weeks not days, and today seems to have passed by in a blurry haze. With Joyce out for the day and Susannah doing whatever she’s doing, I’ve had a lot of time on my hands.I kept catching myself staring blankly at the computer screen, daydreaming about Tristan.

  Reaching my studio, I see there’s a chap waiting in a pair of dark blue combats, and a light blue t-shirt that has Brighton Security Inc slapped across the front of it. Great!

  I hope Bob hasn’t seen him, I don’t want him to know what I’m up to.

  “Miss Stevens?” The gu
y questions as I reach him. He looks like he’s in his fifties, has a balding head, bright green eyes and a pleasant smile.

  “Yes,” I answer meekly and quickly unlock the door.

  He follows me inside, and I instantly feel nervous, so I start rattling off at full speed, telling him what has happened and what I want.He nods as he listens and then comes up with a plan of where the cameras need to be, I agree wholeheartedly and he gets to work.

  My good manners kick in and I offer him a drink, he smiles pleasantly at me, as I hand him a cold glass of lemonade.When he’s fitted the two tiny wireless cameras, one in the living room and one in the bedroom, and connected them to my laptop, he sits me down and shows me how they work.

  I listen intently as he shows me the view of my bedroom and the two of us in my tiny livingroom.A huge grin starts to spread across my face, if Susannah gets in again, she’ll be caught red-handed, and the cameras are so tiny, there’s no way she would spot them.

  “Happy?” He asks as he minimises the screen on my laptop.

  “Very,” I say.He hands me a card with his name on it and tells me to call him if I have any questions. I thank him, pay him and see him out the door.

  Then I scuttle upstairs, get changed into my training gear, and head to the gym. I really feel like I need the workout session tonight, I need to get rid of some pent up rage…

  WHEN I HEAD BACK TO MY STUDIO, it’s with a long face and a trampled heart. Training with Will totally sucked, I couldn’t concentrate at all. In fact, he put me on my ass so many times; he almost sent me home again.As I drag my tired butt down the concourse, I actually debate going over to Tristan’s so I can have a long soak in the bath, but decide against it.

  There’s too many memories there, and I’ll only get melancholy about him not being here, I’m missing him far too much for that, and I already feel emotionally raw today, much more than usual.I’m not sure if it’s the prolonged amount of time that Tristan and I have been apart, the fact that all my family are going to up sticks and move to another country, (I don't think it’s quite sunk in yet) or the fact that Susannah is more than likely a lunatic, that has broken into my home and stolen possessions of minethat’s making me feel like this - Either way, I feel like I could cry at the drop of a hat, and I hate feeling like that.