Darkest Fears Trilogy: Fallen For Him / Freed By Him / Forever With Him

by Clair Delaney

  I wish Rob was here, he would know what to say to me, he would know how to make me look at it all from a different angle, make me laugh about it all, or take the piss out of me for crying. I miss him so much. I wish he would call me. I'm worried about him, even though I know I shouldn’t be, but I can't help thinking the worst.

  Then I think back to last night and Gladys telling me about them all leaving, and how I blew it all up to be some big secret, which it kind of was, but it was nowhere near as bad as the thoughts I had whizzing around my head. So I take a deep breath and push any worrying thoughts about Rob away…

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  I AM SITTING CROSSED LEGGED ON THE SOFA, feeling much better about being in my studio with my new security system installed. I look up at the clock on the wall, it’s 10.10pm, and I'm wide awake.I sigh heavily. I wish I wasn’t feeling so fidgety and restless.I spoke to Tristan a couple of hours ago and it was brief as he was off out for the evening.

  Apparently, one of his team won a really big case, one that had gone on for a couple of years, he wanted to take them out for a meal to celebrate and say thank you.We spoke briefly about the money Gladys gave me, and the fact that they are all moving away, it was far too short a conversation, so to occupy my time I’ve been trying to read Captain Corelli’s Mandolin.

  The day after Tristan quoted a passage from it, I went on-line and purchased it, but I can’t concentrate. I keep losing track and I hate it when that happens. I know it’s going to be a good book, so I put it to the side, hoping it can be my first holiday novel when I go and see Gladys in Spain, or maybe Hawaii, if that happens with Tristan.

  Hearing a strange noise, I glance across the room at the front door. I have checked it three times tonight, even though I know it’s locked and the door sensor alarm is set.I pick up my Eskrima sticks and hold one in each hand, ready to pounce if Susannah turns up at the door again, but then I hear laughter, and realise it must be next door getting home late.

  Earlier today, after the morning dragging like crazy, I decided to take an early lunch. I couldn’t stay cooped up in the office any longer, so I headed into town and strolled the streets in a daze, I was about to turn back when I came across a martial arts studio that I’d never seen before, it had a big shop connected to it selling everything from punch-bags, to Nunchucks.

  Looking around the store, I was shocked to see they were selling real Eskrima sticks. Will’s been introducing this ancient form of Filipino Martial Arts to me, and in my haste, and need to protect myself, I purchased a pair today. Will would go crazy if he knew I’d bought a real set, we’ve only been training with foam ones.

  I remember the first time Will introduced me to it. I was jigging up and down like a kid in a sweet shop. I love using weapons, but before he would let me practice with him, he told me about how this art came about…

  It was in nearby Mactan Island that the local chieftain Lapu Lapu and his men repelled the Spanish conquistadors in 1521. Ferdinand Magellan, the Portuguese navigator who led the expedition on behalf of the King of Spain, paid with his life at the battle of Mactan.

  It is believed that Lapu Lapu’s men fought with spears, swords and sharpened sticks, and this is the first reference to the existence of the ancient art of Eskrima. Before the coming of the Spaniards, Eskrima was an art of war taught to warriors to use in the constant tribal wars of that period.Being an art of war each tribe would evolve its own distinctive techniques, based on the type of weapon it preferred and the environment it lived in. Each tribe would jealously guard it’s techniques, strategies, and tactics. During this period, Eskrima was classified as a tribal fighting art…

  I run my finger across the smooth bamboo finish, they are only small, around twenty-eight inches long, and blunt at each end. I smack them against each other, they make a strange popping sound, getting whacked with one of these would really hurt – break an arm if you hit hard enough.I decide to do some practicing, hoping it will help me feel less restless.

  I stand up, and take my stance, then start gliding into a kata. Whacking the sticks with as much force as possible, imagining each time I bring one of the sticks down, I'm defending myself from Susannah...

  Ten minutes later, I sit back down on the sofa wishing I hadn’t done that, I feel buzzed up and full of energy. I decide the best thing to do is to put a film on that I know, that way it won’t matter if I start daydreaming again, I won't feel so bugged about it.

  Plugging my hard-drive in, I decide on a Martial arts film. I can’t bare romance, not now I’ve met Tristan. It will only remind me of the fact that he’s not here, and make me feel melancholy about it, so I pick Way of The Dragon, my favourite Bruce Lee film.

  With the film ready, I grab a beer from the fridge and curl up on the sofa. Pressing play, I tune out all things Tristan & Susannah and watch in wonder as the magnificent Bruce Lee does his thing. Yeah baby!

  WHEN I WAKE UP THE NEXT morning in bed, I open my eyes to sunlight streaming in through the window. I smile and stretch deeply. I feel energised after a good night’s sleep. Having a baseball bat, a pair of Eskrima sticks to protect myself, and CCTV obviously did the trick.

  Then I realise it’s Friday – Tristan’s coming come!

  How strange that is though, thateven though I have had a really crappy week, I feel so happy that I literally bounce out of bed –I guess that’s being in love for you.

  Running down the stairs, I check the front door, all is well. I wander into the bathroom to wash my face and clean my teeth, so I can head out for my morning swim. As I reach the sink, I take a good look at myself in the mirror – Uh-Oh!

  I look ill, my cheeks have sunk even more, my eyes have dark rings underneath them, and I can see my collarbone. I didn’t think I had lost that much weight, but then again, I haven’t really eaten much while Tristan’s been away. I hope he doesn’t freak out, not that I should be worrying about what he thinks, it’s not like I can help it!

  I decide to ditch swimming. I don't want to burn off any more calories. I quickly clean my teeth and wash my face. Pouring myself a glass of veggie juice, I head back upstairs and start packing my weekend bag, my stomach does several backward flips as I’m doing so.

  Just thinking about seeing Tristan in the flesh makes it happen. My heart gallops against my chest as I picture his face, which makes my breathing accelerate like I’ve been running up ahill.

  Whoa! Calm down Coral! – I sit on the edge of the bed, trying to slow down my frantic heart.I turn and eye my new dress hanging up in my closet, it’s still in the white bag.

  Standing up, I walk over to it, take out of the bag and lay it across the bed. Yes, I still like it, I think I made the right decision!

  Then I think about how I'm going to feel wearing it, I hope I don't freak out!

  Carefully placing it back in the bag, I lay it back on the bed, then picking up the bag with my new lingerie, I place it next to the dress. I’ll be in a rush when I come back later to pick it all up, and I don't want to forget anything. Heading back down the stairs, I wander back into the bathroom and take a shower...

  HEADING OUT THE PATIO DOOR, I lock it up, then put on mysunglasses. It’s sunny and warm again today, which makes me smile even more. I decide to take a moment and soak in the view, there are lots of boats moored today, no doubt getting ready for the weekend; it’s supposed to be a blinder.I close my eyes and take a deep breath in, the smell of the sea fills my nostrils, I love living so close to the water.Opening my eyes again, I take in the view of the sea, I love how it sparkles when the sun shines on it.

  I wonder for a moment about my studio, and what I'm going to do about it now Gladys has given me all that money. Then I think about Tristan and his flippant way of asking me to move in with him, as though it was the most natural, easiest thing in the world to do. I wonder if he’s ever lived with someone?

  I sigh inwardly. I guess if I am going to marry him, he will want me to live with him, it seems strange to not do that. Then I think ab
out an article I read a few years ago about couples who marry but keep their own place, it’s definitely something to think about, it’s not like I need to sell.Tristan’s got enough money to keep us both, and now I'm two hundred & fifty grand richer, I have the luxury of doing what I want with it – The thought is quite sobering.

  I think back to Wednesday night and what Malcolm offered to me, he was going to open a high interest savings account for me, so I can start earning even more money, I’m sure he would have banked the draft by now.I shake my head in wonder. I have no idea what I'm actually going to do with that amount of money – Buy a car!

  I snort sarcastically at myself. Then I think a nice little F-Type to race around at the weekends could be fun – Or maybe a sailing boat?

  My mind instantly drifts back to the nightmare of Susannah – Ugh! Maybe not, I think I'm off the idea of boats for now!

  Shrugging it all off, I pop my headphones in and start walking down the concourse. I hit shuffle and One Republic’s Secrets starts playing. I can't help bobbing my head to the beat as I walk along.As I listen to the words, I'm taken back to what Tristan asked of me, to tell him about myself, to tell him my secrets – My throat goes dry just thinking about it and my heart starts to palpitate.Part of me wants to tell him, open my heart and let it all out, the other part wants nothing more to do with the past. I buried it a long time ago and I don't want to drag it all back up.

  I decide it’s far too nice a day, and way too early to be thinking such heavy thoughts, so I push it away, far away into the back of my mind.Just as I'm passing the gym, and waiting for the traffic to clear so I can cross the road, my stomach suddenly pangs with hunger, I know I should eat something, but I really don’t have any appetite. Coral! – Ok, ok, I’ll eat something!

  As I cross the road, I decide to get a chocolate swirl for breakfast and maybe one for lunch too, so I head towards St James’s Street.Just as I reach Starbucks, Semisonic’s Secret Smile starts playing, it makes me think of Tristan and his broad, sexy, deep dimpled smile.

  My stomach instantly fills with butterflies, and my pelvic muscles clench in the most delicious way. Oh boy! I can't wait to see him.

  As I walk inside the coffee house, and join the queue, I can’t help giggling to myself. I really do feel as high as a kite today. I shake my head in wonder, what a difference to the week I’ve had, and I drift into another daydream about Tristan…

  “Miss! Hello Miss?”Shit! Not again!

  I smile apologetically at the server who has been trying to gain my attention, place my order and take a seat to wait for it, trying my best not to start daydreaming again.

  I try to concentrate on work, and what’s going to happen today.

  Hmm, I wonderif my package will turn up this morning from the P.I company? I hope so, although they did say it might not be until Monday.Biting my lip, I wonder what it will reveal. I'm determined to find out the truth. I will do anything to keep Tristan safe and out of harm’s way. Don’t think about that! I castigate and try to concentrate on something else.

  Blink 182 starts singing Miss You, reflecting how much I’ve missed Tristan this week. Yes, I have, badly!

  The member of staff waves at me, bringing my attention to her. I smile at her, pick up my order, and take a seat next to the window. As I start chewing on my swirl, I wonder for a moment how I'm actually going to get through today, without regularly jumping up and down with excitement about Tristan coming back – guess I’ll have to have lots of bathroom breaks!

  I suddenly panic. When I spoke to Tristan last night, he told me he wasn’t sure what time he would arrive in Brightonas his last meeting starts at lunchtime, and he’s not sure how long it will take.I swallow hard – Crap!

  I hope he doesn’t come to the office.That would be like torture, I won't be able to kiss him or hold him, and I already have Blondie watching every move I make.Pushing that thought away, I finish off my swirl, pick up my Cappuccino and head to into work...

  UNFORTUNATELY, WHEN I WALK INTOreception, Joe tells me that she’s back in today. Feeling myself tense up, I slowly make my way up the stairs and along the corridor. As I reach my desk, I see Susannah is sat at the spare desk with her laptop open and she’s frantically typing away, then I really look at her – Whoa!

  I don’t know why, but Susannah looks totally disheveled today. Her hair is greasy and slapped back into a messy ponytail, she has no make-up on and she looks like she’s been in the same clothes all week, and as I walk past her, I get a whiff of alcohol – Not good!

  As I sit down at my desk, I glance across at her and say good morning, but she completely ignores me. Gritting my teeth, and trying my best to hold my tongue, I stare back at my screen.

  Opening my inbox, I start on the letters Joyce has sent across to me…

  THE NEXT TWO HOURS PASS BY IN complete silence. I try not to, but each time I have looked up and glanced her way, I have felt a shiver of fear run down the back of my spine, then I have felt overwhelmed with rage.She was in my place, I know she was, but it’s not like I can simply come out with it and say that Bob saw her, talked to her, I know for a fact she’ll deny it. It has taken all my will power to stop myself from dragging her sorry ass into the ladies and beating her until she relents and tells me where my photograph is!

  And something keeps nagging away at me. It’s like, the way she looks today is similar to the dream I had, and I can't help thinking about the fact that she might move here. It’s like my inner voice is telling me that she’s up to something, I just don't know what it is.I clench my jaw and stare at the screen, castigating myself –I must not let my imagination run away with me!

  However, as hard as I try, I can't push the fear away that I'm feeling like this because deep down inside, I know she wants Tristan, loves him even. For some strange reason,she’s got it into her head that they are together and I have to wonder – Does Tristan have any idea who this woman really is?

  As eleven o’clock comes around, I ask her if she wants a coffee – just to cover myself and seem like I'm the one that’s acting normal –but she turns and looks up at me in such an odd way, it makes me take a step back.Shaking my head at her, because I get no reply, I storm off to the kitchen, trying my best to reign in my escalating temper…

  AT LUNCHTIME I HEAD INTO TOWN, feeling utterly grateful for the break. The atmosphere in the office has been less than desirable, tense even, and it’s all coming from Susannah, well at least I think it is. It’s been very odd for me too, being in the same room with a woman who has threatened me, stolen from me and is trying to steal my very reason for existing has felt extremely uncomfortable, especially given my anger issues.

  If this had happened five years ago, I would have had no self-control. I would have beaten the crap out of her, so I guess she’s lucky it’s happening now. Shaking my head at myself, I continue north along St James’s Street and pick up Tristan’s present.

  When I return to the office, I ask Joe to hide the present behind her desk. I can’t risk Susannah seeing it – I'm sure it’ll be safe in reception.

  The rest of the afternoon drags like crazy.

  How can a few hours seem like months? It almost like someone has got hold of the atomic clock and slowed it right down.

  Time, I'm discovering, is a weird thing when you’re in-love. Almost as though it purposely tortures you, passing too quickly when you’re together, and slowing almost to a stop when you’re apart…

  AT EXACTLY FOUR O’CLOCK, Susannah suddenly jumps up in a frenzy, shoves her laptop into her bag, throws it over her shoulder, grabs her handbag and without saying a word to me, she runs out of the office.I stare open mouthed at her retreating figure. She is one crazy woman!

  Joyce comes out of her office, and stops when she sees the look on my face.

  “Coral, you ok?” she asks. “You’re very pale,” she adds.

  I turn and look up at her. “Yes Joyce, I’m fine. Susannah’s just gone,” I muse.

  “She has?” Joyc
e says, peering down the hallway to reception, tapping her long manicured fingernail against her front teeth.

  “Yes, she just got up, grabbed her stuff and ran for the door, without so much of a goodbye.” Ha! That will definitely make her out to be the weird one!

  “Yes, she did look a little bewildered today. I wonder why?” she muses.“Well at least she’s gone now,” she adds, sounding a little relieved.I nod and smile up at her.Joyce frowns down at me, then cocks her head to the side. Uh–Oh! I know that look. What am I in trouble for?

  “Are you sure you’re alright Coral? You look like you’ve dropped a stone in weight. Are you feeling unwell?”I swallow hard. I can't have lost that much weight, surely?

  I suddenly feel nervous about seeing Tristan. I really don’t want him to give me a hard time about it. What the fuck am I talking about? When has a man ever told me what to do?

  Never– Exactly, tell him to take a hike if he hassles you – I nod my head in agreement with myself.

  “Coral?” Joyce says, still peering down at me.

  “Sorry, no, I’m not ill, I’m fine – really,” I add seeing the worried expression on her face. “There’s just been a lot to deal with this week.”

  I almost tell her about someone – Susannah!– getting into my studio, but I decide against it. Joyce would completely flip, and I want to handle this my way. I need to handle this my way, otherwise I might lose Tristan altogether, and that...that is something I cannot even imagine. It’s too horrifying to even think about.

  Joyce narrows her eyes.“Alright then, off you go young lady, home time.” Joyce smiles at me, but it doesn’t reach her eyes.