“There not homes Coral, there just houses. Besides I’ve put them on the market,” he tells me, still gazing at the photos.
“You have?” I squeak in surprise.
Tristan nods once, still staring ahead. “My home is wherever you are Coral,” he says taking me by surprise again, and I melt – I feel like all the bones in my body haveliquefied, I feel my heart repairing that little bit more, my soul expanding again for this wonderful man that has entered my life, and I know he’s right, he’s felt like home since I met him.
“Me too,” I say.
“I want them here,” he tells me firmly. “This is where you are and where I’d want my folks to be too, if they could be; besides they should be here because you got them made. They’re not just smiling at me anymore, they’re smiling at you too.” Oh Tristan!
“Tristan, I got them made for you,” I tell him again. “Not for me, or us, for you.”
He squeezes me even tighter. “I still want them here,” he tells me.
“Ok,” I squeak.
Releasing me, Tristan picks up our wine glasses and hands one to me.“To us,” he says.
“To us,” I click my glass against his and take a welcome sip.
“Thank you baby,” he adds leaning down to kiss me.
I welcome it, parting my lips for his taste…his tongue.
He groans loudly as our lips connect, and our tongues find each other, and as they do, something deep within me clicks into place.I don’t know what it is, I just know it feels different with Tristan now, much deeper than it did before.I didn’t think it could get any deeper,I feel like my soul has a different, warm, homely feeling inside it.
The worst is over, I feel like I can let myself be loved, and love Tristan back too, with my whole heart. I wrap my free hand around his neck and deepen the kiss, and I’m glad that Tristan doesn’t pull back, in fact he reciprocates, kissing me harder, a deep sound of longing rising up from his throat – It is desire.
He pulls back, places our wines down, takes my face in his hands and kisses me, forcefully, passionately, pushing his body against mine, squeezing me tight, moaning and grunting as we get lost in the moment.
Hearing him moan like thatis like a beacon of light to my libido.
I moan in response and run my fingers through his hair, then I pull back for a second and stare up at him, I need to see it in his eyes, I need to see that same hunger that was there before.
To my utter amazement, I see that not only is it still there, but Tristan is looking at me more passionately than he ever has before. Oh Wow…that look could be responsible for global warming! – It heats my blood and sets my pulse racing, I feel like I’m on fire, my heart swells with love again for this amazing man, I feel so blessed to have him in my life.
“What is it?” he asks gazing back at me.
“You still want me like that?” I ask.
Tristan nods and leans down to kiss me again.“Of course I do. Always,” he whispers against my lips.“But food will be here shortly, I want us’ – I press my lips against his then pull back.
“You want us to eat first?” I say, smiling broadly.
He nods once, then leans down to kiss me again…
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
THE BAD MEN ARE BACK.No, please don’t! Mommy, Daddy, where are you? The bad man is on top of me, he smells bad, I can feel his hairy chest on me, his hands squeezing me.
“Good Girl, just like that.”Mommy, Daddy, make him stop! He’s hurting me! Get off me, I don't like it, please stop!
He turns me over and slaps me hard. I cry out. “Quiet!” he shouts.I stop crying.
When he finishes, he stands and walks away. I keep still and lie on the floor, my belly hurts. The other man comes over, he pushes something inside me; it really hurts…Make him stop Daddy, make him stop...
I’m wriggle free from him and I run…I run all the way through the house, out into the back garden, through the gates, and outside onto the street. I run as fast as I can. I can't stop running, running away from the bad men…then I am in the hospital that Mommy is in.
I look around at the white walls. I need to find Mommy, so I start running again.
There’s lot’s of grown-ups here in white coats, but they don't see me. I call out for Mommy and she calls my name. I run towards her voice. I hear her in a room, so I push the door open.
Mommy and Daddy are there, Mommy is kissing Daddy. I don't understand? They don’t love each other anymore, they both turn and smile at me.
“Come on baby girl,” they both say.
Daddy kneels down and opens his arms to me. I run to him, he picks me up and hugs me.
“I’ve missed you baby girl,” he tells me.
I hug Daddy tightly.
The door bangs open, we all turn and look. Susannah is in the room, she looks like Mommy used to; she is wearing orange pyjamas, I scramble out of Daddy’s arms and point at Susannah.
“Bad lady,” I tell them.
Mommy puts her hand on my shoulder.“I’ll protect you baby girl.”
I don't understand, Mommy hurts me?
Susannah runs to us, she has a big knife. She falls on top of Daddy and they fight, then suddenly his eyes go blank.
“Daddy. What’s wrong?”He doesn’t answer me.
I start to cry.Susannah turns to me, she tries to reach me with the big knife; it has something red all over it.
“No!” Mommy jumps in front of Susannah, they roll around on the floor and then her eyes go blank too.
I kneel down next to them both.“Mommy, Daddy, wake up.”I try shaking them, but they won’t wake up.Susannah laughs. I cry even harder and shake them some more, but they won't wake up.
Susannah reaches out for me. “No! Leave me alone,” I cry out, she tries to catch me, but I'm too fast. I run and run and run...
The dream shifts again and I’m here in Brighton.
I realise I’m on the beach andI’m not a child anymore.It’s very cold, and the air is thick with white fog, I search the beach, trying to locate the Marina, but the fog suddenly lifts and I can see Tristan, he’s stood a few feet away from me.
“Tristan?” I want to walk towards him, but something about his expression stops me.I wrap my arms around myself and just stand there staring at him, then Susannah suddenly appears next to him.
They turn and look at one another, smile, then take each other’s hand…No!
Susannah looks perfect in her pencil skirt and heels, she smiles wickedly at me, then she pulls Tristan into her and whispers something in his ear, he smiles enigmatically at her.No!
“Tristan,” I call out, showing him my open hand.
He shakes his head at me, then turns and starts kissing Susannah. His hands are all over her body…this is torture to watch. Susannah throws her head back, Tristan leans down and his lips graze down her neck, she lifts up her leg. Tristan’s hand skims up along it, then squeezes her thigh….No please not her, anyone but her!
As he continues to kiss her neck, she turns and smiles at me, a steely resolve in her eyes.
“He’s mine,” she mouths at me, then she raises her hand behind Tristan, the knife glints and shimmers against the sunlight as she hovers it above his back.
He is totally oblivious…Tristan!
“Tristan!” I scream, but my voice makes no sound.I violently shake my head at her in horror, I try to move forward, but I’m being held back by an invisible force.“No! Not Tristan. Please,”I beg.
Susannah bares her teeth at me. ‘Mine’ she mouths again, then without a word, she plunges the knife into his back.
“Tristan!” I scream again. I try to run towards him but my legs won’t move.“No!” I watch in horror as he gasps for air and falls to the floor.
Susannah walks towards me, the knife dripping with blood. I am frozen, watching Tristan writhe in pain on the floor, I can't move…I can't get to him…
He suddenly stops moving, I see a deep red pool of blood ooze out from underneath him…
Tristan?…
Suddenly, he looks up and glares at me.“Run,”he garbles, blood spitting from his mouth.
“No,” I cry out. “Not without you.” I choke back tears of despair…He can't die…he can't!
“Run,” he chokes.Then I watch in horror as he takes his last breathe, and his head hits the pebbles, his eyes going blank like my parents, and suddenly Susannah is right in front of me, the knife held up, ready to plunge it down on me.
I will gladly take death now. I don’t want to live in a world without Tristan, I close my eyes, ready for inevitable – Something tugs on my hand, I turn and see Tristan’s ghostly figure.
“Move, you have to move,” he tells me. I see my parents behind him, pale and grey.
Tristan smiles a sad smile and brushes anicy cold finger down my cheek.“Go,” he whispers.
“No,” I cry, shaking my head. I don’t want to leave him.
“Please baby,please…for me, go now,” he whispers. Then he slowly starts to fade away from me, heading out to sea.I realise as I try to follow him that I can move again, so I run towards him, into the sea, my feet and legs feeling heavier, colder as I try to race against the current, the waves hitting me, one after the other…
“Coralwake up!” I hear Tristan’s voice shouting at me, I try to find him in the dream.
“Tristan!” I scream out, my hands searching for him.
“Wake up!”He shouts again, and I realise someone is shaking me.
My eyes dart open.Holy Fuck!
Tristan is on top of me holding me down.“You were thrashing about,” he pants, releasing me,his eyes wide with alarm. “You ok baby?” He adds, searching my face.
My heart is hammering against my chest and I’m covered in sweat. I stare up into his eyes, he’s alive, he’s here…oh god that was so horrible, so awful…
“Tristan!” I crush myself against him and burst into tears.
“Shhh,” he soothes, wrapping his arms around me. “It’s ok, it was just a bad dream,” he whispers, rocking me gently.
I repeat those words to myself – Just a dream. I grip onto him tighter, not wanting to let go, then I think what if I’m still dreaming?
I instantly stop crying, and pull back searching his face. I start frantically checking him, my hands searching for any sign of damage, my breath coming in sharp gusts.
He takes hold of my hands in his, brings them up to his mouth and gently kisses them.“It’s alright baby, I’m right here,” he softly tells me. “I’m not going anywhere.”
I blink back the tears again, and before I can stop myself, it’s out of my mouth. “I dreamed you were dead,” I choke.
His eyes widen in fear and disbelief.“Oh baby,” he breathes.
I pull him to me and kiss him hard. I need this. I need to feel him. I need him to wash it all away. He is my balm, my healer, I realise that now.
“I'm here,” he says. “I'm ok baby.”
“Take me,” I croak. “Please...” I beg.
He stares down at me for a moment, debating, then his lips swoop down on mine.
I hold him to me and lose myself in him, kissing him back, relishing every touch, every move, the feel of his skin, his body moving in perfect symmetry with mine, breathing in his scent, and I drift away, forgetting all about the horror I just witnessed...
I AM LYING COCOONED IN TRISTAN’S ARMS after out love making. My head is gently resting on his shoulder. I feel sated, calmer and more in control. I know the bad men have come back because of telling Tristan about my past, I don't dream about it that often, but I don't understand the part with my parents, or Susannah.
Why would she want to hurt any of them? Why would she want to hurt Tristan?
I shudder slightly recalling the horrific dream.
“Hey.” Tristan turns his head and gazes down at me. “You ok?” he asks, frowning down at me.
“Yeah...” I breathe, he tightens his arms around me, making me feel safe, loved.
“Coral, talk to me,” he pleads. “You looked so frightened,” he adds.
“I was,” I whisper, but I can't tell him that Susannah killed him; he’ll think I’m a complete lunatic. Besides, I don’t want to argue about her, which is what will happen.
“Want to talk about it?” he asks.
I shake my head at him.
Tristan gives me a look that tells me he wants to know, he wants me to talk to him.
I pull his head down so I can reach his lips and softly kiss him.“I don't want to talk about it,” I whisper.
“Was it them?” he asks, his voice low and dark.
I frown up at him. How does he know?
“You were mumbling, telling…telling them to stop,” he whispers swallowing hard, answering my unspoken question. Oh!
I feel my face pale as he stares down at me.“S-sorry,” I stutter.
“Don’t be. Are you ok?”He asks again, as he softly strokes my hair, his face full of concern.I think about what he’s asked, and run my hands through my sweaty hair.
“It was just a b-bad dream,” I stutter.
“Want to talk about it?” he asks again, I smile weakly at him. “You can tell me anything baby, you know that right?” he adds.
I hesitate, wondering whether I want him to know, surely he doesn’t have to live through the horror of it too, then I think differently, he wants me to talk to him and I shouldn’t fear letting him in, surely?
“Yes it was them, but it was other stuff too,” I sigh heavily. “I was dreaming about my parents,” I add. I’m not sure if I want him to know that Susannah was involved too.
“Your parents?” He questions softly.
“Yes,” I whisper.
“What about them baby?” he asks.
I think of all that happened last night, Tristan getting the truth out of me about my past, Tristan crying in my arms, in those moments we connected, our bond grew deeper. I think about how easy going and funny he was as we ate Chinese food and drank wine, talking until the early hours of this morning.Then I think about how wonderful he was when we came to bed, and he made soft, slow love to me.
“Baby, talk to me,” he pleads. “After last night...” He breaks off his jaw clenching. “You should know that you can tell me and I’ll still be here,” he adds, his eyes penetrating right into my soul.
I push him onto his back and lie on top of him, my chin on his chest.“I know...it’s just....”Tell him Coral! “Ok, I’m worried if I tell you something about my Mother, that you might think the same could happen to me or...” I shut the hell up, and shake my head at myself.“She was put in a Psychiatric Hospital.” I whisper.
Tristan’s face doesn’t falter.“And you thought I would think that you may have some of her...tendencies?” Tristan says, reading me easily.
I squirm, feeling embarrassment.“Yeah...” I mumble staring into his beautiful brown eyes.
“You’re nothing like your mother Coral,”he tells me firmly.
I frown deeply at him. I’m not so sure.
“Before Gladys took me in. I was with my Nan for a couple of weeks, she seemed to think it would be good for me to still see my Mother, keep that connection, she didn’t know what she’d done to me. I told all the social workers that she was a good Mother, I was so afraid of losing another parent, and I knew by then that my Dad was never coming home, that he would never come back for me. So I went to the hospital, only a couple of times though,” I laugh sarcastically as I recall the memory. “She was completely deranged of course, tried to attack me. I never went back again.” I gaze at Tristan, trying to read his reaction.
“I’m so sorry Coral,” he softly says, gently stroking my cheek.
“I haven’t dreamt about that place for years? I think the last time I did I was a stoned teenager,”I say laughing at myself.Tristan smiles at me. “What?” I question, smiling up at him.
“The rebellious teenager,” he chuckles. “Oh, I’d have loved to have seen that,” he laughs.
I frown deeply, reme
mbering how lost and confused I was back then.“No, you wouldn’t,”I argue.
Tristan cocks one eyebrow up at me, his cheeky grin appearing.“Yeah, I would. You know why?” he says, flipping me over so my back is against the mattress, his body pressed against mine, his erection digging into my belly – Yes!
“Why?” I smile, feeling my blood igniting inside me –I want him!
“Because we’d have fallen in love,”he says his voice soft and sexy.
“No, we wouldn’t have,” I argue petulantly.
“Yes…we…would,” he growls, kissing me in between each word.
“Ok, we would.” I relent, flipping him over so I can straddle him....
IT IS YET ANOTHER BEAUTIFUL SATURDAY MORNING. The sun is shining and the sky is blue. I don’t know why, but weekends always seem so much better when the sun is out.We are in Tristan’s car heading over to Gladys’s, part of me is dreading it. I really hope Gladys and Debs keep a lid on it, and don't embarrass either of us.
“Are you really ok about your family moving away?” Tristan asks as we wait for the traffic lights to go green.
“Not really much I can do about it,” I say smiling back at him.
“That doesn’t really answer the question,” he states taking my hand in his, and kissing my knuckles.
“I know,” I sigh and look out the window.
I don't know why I'm feeling so moody today.I can't work out if it’s the fact that I have to share Tristan, or the fact that it hasn’t really hit me that Gladys will no longer be here for me, close to me, or if it’s the fact that I had such an awful nightmare. Dreaming about the abuse is always bad enough when it happens, but seeing my parents, then watching Susannah kill Tristan was...horrifying – I swallow hard and try to shake the thought away.
I try to concentrate on something else, but I can't get Susannah out of my head, I’m trying not to freak out about her. Part of me wants to tell Tristan, but I want to wait for the P.I results. It may come up with something that I can show to Tristan, to prove to him that she is crazy. At least then, I can tell him about what Bob told me and about someone (Susannah) entering my property.Thinking about her makes me want to ask Tristan if he’s spoken to her, and whether she’s told him what she told me about moving here and getting divorced, so I decide to be brave and ask the question.
Darkest Fears Trilogy: Fallen For Him / Freed By Him / Forever With Him Page 76