Darkest Fears Trilogy: Fallen For Him / Freed By Him / Forever With Him

by Clair Delaney

  Susannah is sick, really sick, and she needs help before she harms someone!

  Then a sinking, sickening feeling washes over me and I know it was her.

  Susannah was the one outside my door Monday night.

  Suddenly it all becomes very clear.

  She’s not after Tristan, she’s after me. Fuck!

  Shaking my head in horror, I open my eyes and read the last entry.

  2/7/8

  Patient no longer attending sessions. Failure to contact patient. Case Closed.

  Case closed? What the fuck!– I close my eyes and lean my head against the cubicle.

  Why the hell didn’t they bang down her god damn door? – She was evidently showing signs of getting worse, not better.

  I suddenly feel really lost, what do I do?Should I speak to George, Joyce, Gladys, or should I be brave and showthis to Tristan? Even though I know I risk him rejecting me because of what I’ve done.Opening my eyes, I look down at the papers in my shaking hands, and that’s when I notice I still have a page to go, I turn it over. Oh no!..No….No…No!

  I am staring at what looks like a photo of Tristan, but it’s not, it’s her dead husband.

  They couldn’t look more alike if they tried; same bone structure, hair colour, even his eyes are the same warm brown. As I stare at the handsome soldier before me, I feel sick to my stomach, my head starts to swim, I think I'm going to faint!

  I reach out, my hands either side of the cubicle walls and press against them, trying to stop the room spinning. I close my eyes and breathe deeply, until I feel the cloudiness wash away.Ok, ok, better, much better!

  Ok, decision time. I know the moment I think those words that I have to tell Tristan, he has to know everything and he needs to know now. I need to be brave, march right into Joyce’s office, place the paperwork down on the desk and beg Tristan to read it.

  Hopefully, he will see sense, and we can get the police involved and get Susannah away from him before she does anything stupid, but there’s something I need to do first, there’s still one question I need answering.

  With trembling fingers, I prize open the piece of paper with Olivia’s details, and punch her number into my mobile, three times I have to re-do it, because my hands won’t stop shaking.

  Finally, getting it right, I hit call and wait for an answer.

  “Hello?”Asultry voice answers.

  “Um...Hi...is this Olivia? Olivia Logan?” I ask stuttering as I do.

  “Who is this?” she questions. I rack my brains for what to say, how do I start?

  “I'm not interested in anything you’re selling, goodbye’ - “Tristan Freeman,” I screech. “I-I'm calling about Tristan Freeman, I'm not selling anything,” I tell her firmly.

  “What about him?” she asks.

  “I...he’s in trouble,” I say.

  “Trouble?” she questions.

  “Well...he might be...I’m not sure,” I say. Come on Coral!

  “What has this got to do with me? Who is this?” she snaps.

  “Olivia, I'm sorry. I should explain. My name is Coral Stevens. Tristan and I...well we’re engaged but,” I take a deep breath. “I need to ask you about Susannah Johnson,” I tremble.

  Olivia is quiet for a very long time.

  “Tristan is engaged to you?” she whispers.

  “Yes,” I answer. I wait for her to say something, but when she doesn’t, I know I need to push. “Olivia, please help me,” I plead.

  “Help you how?” she asks a little bewildered.

  “I...I know this must be hard for you. I know you loved Tristan and that it got all messed up, but I need to know, was it Susannah that told him you were with your ex?”

  “How do you know about that?” she questions.

  “Tristan told me a little bit about you,” I softly say.

  I wait again.

  “Yes, yes, Susannah was the one that told him,” she answers.

  My heart sinks to the pit of my stomach, Tristan lied to me, he told me Susannah didn’t know about him splitting with Olivia, but she did

  With a heavy heart I continue.“How do you know that?” I question.

  “Because the night I was with my ex, she came over and talked to me, I even introduced her to him. I always thought it was strange she was there, but when she told Tristan, she made up a pack of lies and he believed her, I’ve never forgiven him for that,” she snaps.

  “Olivia, Susannah was mentally ill, psychotic even, she still is, people like that can be very, very convincing. I would know, my Mother spent most of her life in a Psychiatric Hospital,” I say, trying to ease her pain.

  “I'm sorry,” she says.

  “Look Olivia, Tristan loved you, I know he did, but he also trusted Susannah. I can just imagine how convincing she would have been with her story, and Tristan is too trusting, he would have believed her.”

  “He should have believed me,” she snaps.

  “Yes,” I whisper. “He should have. That’s why I’ve had a private investigator find out all he can about Susannah…” I proceed to tell Olivia about my week with Susannah, all the things she’s done, then I read out everything that’s on the report. “Do you see what I mean about him being in danger?”

  “Yes,” she answers. “I’d like to help, but I don't see how?”

  “You have helped. I know it was Susannah that split you up, I'm going to tell Tristan I contacted you, if that’s ok?”

  “He won’t take your word for it,” she says.

  “I know it’s a risk I’ve got to take, but I'm going to show him the report. I don't see how he can deny what’s plainly written in front of him.”If he does we’re through…I squeeze my eyes shut.

  I hear a child cry out in the background. “I have to go,” she tells me.Babies, kids, Tristan could have had it all with her…My heart sinks ever further.

  “I know, thank you Olivia. I really do mean that, and if I need your back up, do I have it?”I ask tentatively, even though I doubt I do, I can't blame her for not forgiving Tristan.

  Olivia sighs heavily.“I may not have forgiven him, but it doesn’t mean I want to see any harm come to him,” she says mournfully.

  “That’s wonderful Olivia.” I swallow hard. “Thank you,” I add solemnly.

  “I’d rather you didn’t contact me again,” she says, “Unless you really have to.”Crap! She still sounds cut up about it.Maybe she still loves him?

  “I understand,” I softly say. “I’ll let you go.”

  “Oh Coral...I’m not the only one,” she says.

  “Sorry?” I say a little bewildered.

  “Tristan and I, we moved in the same circles, had the same friends. I’m not the only one that got nailed by that bitch,” she spits, taking me by surprise.

  “I…I don’t understand?” I stutter, frowning deeply.

  “Just ask him about Cathy, Rebecca and Sarah,” she says, sounding exasperated.

  “What about them?” I whisper.

  “I have to go,” she says and hangs up.I shake my head in wonder, who are Cathy, Rebecca and Sarah? – Another time Coral!

  I sigh inwardly, I was right, it was Susannah that told Tristan about Olivia.

  What the hell did Susannah say to convince Tristan to believe her – a woman he’s known less than a year – over Olivia, who he lived with, shared time with, loved, surely his allegiance should have been to Olivia?

  My stomach starts to sink, I have a dreadful feeling he’ll do the same with me, that he’ll believe Susannah instead, but I have no choice, he has to know.I fold the paperwork over, stuff it back inside the envelope, place it in my bag with my mobile, zip it up and shakily stand to my feet.

  Stepping outside the cubicle, I walk over to the sinks and stare at my reflection – Come on Coral! – As I wash my hands in a complete daze, I try not to think too hard about Tristan’s reaction, I try not to think about him disbelieving me, I have to stay focused, I have to stay calm.

  Shaking my head at myself, I qu
ickly dry my hands at the blower, head out the ladies and storm down the hallway;feeling totally numb with fear. I walk straight past my desk, ignoring the line that’s ringing, and pull my hand up to knock on the door.

  “Coral!” I whip my head round and see Joe stood before me.

  “What?” I snap as she stands there looking like a lost lamb.

  “I can’t get rid of the woman on the line,” she says.I look down at the phone on my desk. I see the red light flashing, the line continuing to ring.

  “I can’t deal with this right now Joe,” I answer sharply.

  “But she won’t stop calling!” Joe shrieks. I replay her last words to me. I can't get rid of the woman on the line…

  I feel a cold sweat instantly cover my body.“What woman Joe?” I question breathlessly.

  “She’s from Social Services,”she says, her voice trembling.

  My heart calms a little.“Social Services?” I question frowning hard.

  “Yeah she...she wants to talk to you,” Joe explains.

  “Me?” I ask surprised. “What would they want with me?” I add cocking my head to the side, Joe looks nervous; her fingers twisting against one another.“Joe?”

  She looks up at me with wide worried eyes.“What if it’s about my kids?” she chokes, tears spilling down her cheeks. Shit, what if it is?

  I step forward, pull her to me and try to comfort her.“I'm sure it’s not, but either way you know I’d give you a glowing report, right?” I pull back and smile down at her.

  Joe smiles back in relief. “Thanks,” she sniffs. “Shall I tell her to call back? It’s the fifth time she’s called.”

  “Really?” I say, surprised again.

  “Yeah, she really wants to speak to you.”Damn it! Really bad timing!

  “Is that her?” I say pointing with my chin. Joe nods. Better get this out of the way so I can talk to Tristan. I grit my teeth walk over to my desk and pick up the handset.“Garland & Associates’–“Coral Stevens?”A woman with a Jamaican accent asks interrupting me.

  “Yes,” I snap looking up at Joe who’s hoping from one foot to the other.

  “Formerly Coral Foster?”Fuck!

  My eyes widen with fear and my heart starts thumping against my chest. I feel all the blood drain out of my face. That was my name until I took Gladys’s.

  I try to stop myself from hyperventilating.

  “Miss Stevens?” she prompts.

  “Yes,” I murmur my voice trembling. Just at that moment Joyce comes out of her office, the look on my face stops her dead in her tracks.

  “I'm sorry to call you at work. I tried getting hold of your Foster Mother, but there was no answer. My name is Laticia Smith, as I said I'm calling from Social’ – “Why are you calling me?” I interrupt,my voice barely a whisper.

  “I'm afraid I have some bad news,” she says, her voice sounding sorrowful.

  “Bad news?” I question, and look up at Joyce.

  “Yes. I'm afraid it’s about your birth mother.”

  I close my eyes and grit my teeth.“What about her?” I whisper, the dream of her protecting me from Susannah comes into my mind’s eye.

  “I’m sorry to say, she passed away yesterday,” she answers mournfully.

  I open my eyes and blink twice, my head feels foggy and my ears are ringing. I feel the handset slip from between my fingers and hit the desk. I hear Joyce call out for Tristan in the distance, but the fog washes over me and everything goes black...

  “CORAL?” I HEAR TRISTAN’S VOICE, but he sounds like he’s miles away.“Coral, open your eyes.” I know I should, but I want to stay in the murky grey haze.

  I feel something cool being placed on my forehead, it feels so nice.

  “Coral?” I hear a different voice, I think it’s Joyce. “Come on darling, open your eyes.”

  I don't know where I am, but it’s comfortable. Why won't they leave me alone?

  “Coral...” Tristan’s voice sounds strangled, I feel his cool fingertips brush across my cheeks.

  “I think we should just wait. Let her come round in her own time, she’s had a nasty shock,” Joyce says. A nasty shock?

  I try to remember but it doesn’t come to me.

  “Why would they contact her about that?” Tristan asks.

  “Next of kin I suppose,” Joyce answers.

  “You think they’d be a little more delicate. Getting news like that is bad enough at the best of times, but while you’re at work...it doesn’t seem right.” Tristan sounds upset.

  I try to remember…

  “I’ve contacted Gladys, she’s coming over to take her home.”Gladys?

  “I’d rather take her back to our place,” Tristan grumbles.

  “I don't think it’s the right time Tristan, I think she should be with her Mother.”

  Mother – That’s ringing a bell! I search the recesses of my mind – Mother?

  I hear a voice tell me ‘she passed away yesterday’…

  Mom? – I search for some kind of meaning, but all I keep getting are flash images of me and my Mom, before things got bad. Playing hide and seek, me giggling loudly as she throws me up in the air then catches me in her arms, tickling me all over. Making pancakes, kissing me goodnight, telling me she loves me…Mom?

  The fog suddenly lifts – My Mom is dead! – No!

  My eyes dart open, my mouth swims with saliva – Shit!

  I only wretch once, and see Tristan’s blurry figure push something underneath me, and I’m violently sick.

  “Jesus.” I hear him hiss, as his hand gently strokes my back.

  “It’s normal,” Joyce tells him. “Most people are sick after fainting.”

  I wretch several times until my stomach is completely empty, then the burning comes. My lungs feel like they’re on fire, my throat feels like I’ve gargled with a glass of acid.

  “Gaviscon,” I choke.

  “I think I have some,” Joyce says.

  Moments later, she’s handing me a spoon and the bottle, with shaking hands I try to open the top, but it won’t budge. Tristan takes it off me, takes off the cap, carefully fills up the spoon with the thick pink liquid and spoon feeds it to me like a child.

  “Another?” he asks.

  I swallow and nod. He does the same again and slowly but surely, the burning fades away. I look up at my surroundings, I'm in Joyce’s office and I'm on the sofa. Tristan is sat beside me, Joyce kneeling in front of me.

  “Coral,” Joyce says softly. I look down and meet her eyes. “Do you remember what happened?”

  “My Mother is dead,” I answer blankly.

  Joyce nods solemnly at me, patting my hand.“Yes darling.”

  “How?” I croak, my throat feeling bruised.Tristan passes me a glass of water, I take a tentative sip.

  “There not sure darling. There’s going to be a post-mortem.”

  I gasp at this news and close my eyes, silent tears starts to flow down my cheeks. I don't understand why I'm crying for her. Then I think about my photograph that’s missing and swallow hard. What if Susannah killed my Mom?I shake the thought away, she can't have done, it’s a secure facility.

  I swipe angrily at my tears and jerk to my feet.“I'm sorry I was sick,” I say to Joyce then begin to walk towards her door.

  “Darling, where are you going?” she asks.

  “Back to work,” I answer numbly.

  Tristan is at the door before I can open it, shaking his head sympathetically at me.“Coral, Gladys is coming to pick you up,” he tells me softly.

  “Why?” I snap, fighting back the tears that will not go away.

  I feel someone’s hand rest on my shoulder, I jerk it away, whipping my head round I see Joyce lower her hands and stare at the floor. I think I’ve offended her, but right now I don't care, I just want to go back to work.

  “Coral,” Joyce soothes.

  I whip my head round to her.“Stop Coraling me both of you!” I shout.

  “Coral!” Tristan shouts. “That
’s enough!”

  I whip my head back round to him and swipe at the tears, glaring angrily at him. I’m still mad at him about Susannah.

  “Let me past!” I bawl – I want to run, far, far away.

  “Coral,” Tristan pleads, reaching up to touch my arm.

  “Don’t touch me,” I jerk it away and take two steps back, I don't want anyone to touch me.

  Tristan backs away with his hands held high looking bruised.

  “Why can't you just leave me alone!” I shout just as Gladys flies through the door. I feel my resolve falter as I stare back at her, then completely disintegrate as she envelopes me in her arms.

  “I'm here darling,” she softly says as I break down and let out loud, cathartic sobs.

  All I can see is a picture of my Mom’s face smiling down at me, she’s healthy, happy, her eyes filled with love for me, and at the same time the voice keeps telling me My Mother is dead!

  I want it to stop –No! – I can't handle this!

  “Hush now darling,” I hear Gladys say. “Hush now!” she squeezes me tighter as my crying slowly softens. “We need to get her home,” she says.

  “I can get Stuart back here,” I hear Tristan offer.

  “Good idea darling,” Gladys says.

  I'm aware Tristan leaves the room.

  “Have some Brandy Coral, it’ll help with the shock,”Joyce softly says.I let go of Gladys feeling completely bewildered and turn to Joyce, she’s smiling tentatively at me.

  “I’m really sorry Joyce,” I whisper.

  “It’s alright,” she says. I take the glass of brandy, she knocks one back herself and hands another to Gladys.“Drink,” she tells me.

  I bring the glass to my lips, open my mouth and neck it back. Joyce takes the glass off me, and stuffs a load of tissues in my hand. I blow my nose several times, but no matter how I try, I can't stop the tears.

  “Is your bag at your desk?” Gladys asks.

  I hear her speak, but I can't answer.

  “I’ll get it,” Joyce walks out of her office.

  I feel waves of hollow black pain lance through me. I hug Gladys again as another set of raging tears overtake me...

  I DON’T REMEMBER GETTING BACK TO THE HOUSE, but I do remember Gladys making me a hot chocolate, sitting me down on the sofa in the living room and helping me make sense of it all.