Darkest Fears Trilogy: Fallen For Him / Freed By Him / Forever With Him

by Clair Delaney

  We talked for a long, long time, she helped me understand why I felt so bad when I heard the news...

  “She was your birth mother sweetheart.”Gladys softly says.

  I frown deeply at her.“But she’s never meant anything to me before,” I croak.

  “Nonsense, of course she did, it can't all have been bad. You must have some fond memories of her?” she questions.

  I nod, knowing full well I do.

  “It’s only natural to grieve for what we have lost, what could have been,”Gladys says, stroking my back.

  I listen to Gladys’s wise words and nod silently.

  “Will she have a funeral?” I croak.

  “I'm not sure darling, but I can find out for you if you like?” I nod feeling totally confused about it all, if my Mother had kept her shit together...

  “Do you think I should go if there is one?” I ask.

  “I can’t really answer that one for you darling. I think you have to look within and listen to your heart,”she says.

  I stare numbly out the window.

  “Tristan’s been calling you,” she tells me. “He’s worried about you, he wants to come and see you.” I sigh heavily, I know I should put his mind at rest that I'm ok, but I feel drained, exhausted.

  “Can you call him for me? Tell him I'm ok. I feel exhausted, I just want to sleep,” I say.

  “Of course, I’ll let him know,” she says.

  “Thanks,” I say blankly and head out the room.

  As I climb the stairs, I feel really weird, like I'm walking up the stairs in someone else’s body.Opening the door to my old bedroom, I collapse on top of the bed, fully clothed, and fall instantly into a deep sleep...

  SOMETHING WAKES ME. TURNING OVER, I search the room. Then I hear it again. Oh! It’s my mobile buzzing. I sit up and spot my bag hanging on the bedpost, reaching forward I find my mobile. Punching in the security code, I see I have a new message, it’s from Tristan.

  *Hi baby. I hope you’re feeling a little better. I want you to know how sorry I am about your Mother,that must have come as a nasty shock. I really want to see you baby, Gladys called me earlier said you were a little better and had gone to lie down. I know you’re in safe hands, but please say I can come over, I want to see you for myself. I need to know you’re ok.

  Your loving husband (to be) Tristan x*

  Oh Tristan! You’re so sweet and caring! I think back to what happened before I got the news. I work it backwards, Stuart dropping me off at work, Tristan bringing me breakfast, getting pulled into the office, being really mad with Tristan, quitting my job! Then I remember reading through Susannah’s report. Shit!

  I have to see Tristan, I have to tell him.

  Launching myself up off the bed and grabbing my bag, I'm about to run out the door when I hear laughter coming from the kitchen. Gladys is with someone,and I know it’s not Malcolm.Walking to the door, I open it as quietly as I can, the loudest person laughs heartily again.

  Hold on a second, I know that voice – It’s Rob!

  Throwing my bag over my shoulder, I dash down the stairs, run the small length of the hallway and bang through the kitchen door, making Rob and Gladys jump, and skid to a stop.

  “Rob!” I squeak in delight, running into his open arms. I hug him tightly. “What are you doing here?” I ask.

  “Popped into work to see you and that hunk of a man of yours told me what happened and that you were here,” Rob says. It’s so good to hear his voice. I have so much to tell him, I don't even know where to begin. Then I remember the hell he’s put me through the past two weeks, yet here he is laughing and joking with Gladys in her kitchen, I pull back from him and slap his bicep.

  “What are you laughing about?” I shout.

  I see Gladys’s mouth pop open.

  “Answer me Rob, you’ve had me so worried.” I slap him again, just for good measure.

  “Alright, alright keep your pants on!” he chuckles.

  “I think I’ll leave you two to it,” Gladys says, she tenderly rubs my arm. “You know where your bed is if you want to stay, oh and Tristan called again, said he’s back at the house,” she adds.

  “Thanks Mom.” I don't know why, but I really feel like I can actually call her that now.Gladys makes a high pitched squeaky noise, sniffs loudly, kisses us both goodbye and heads out the kitchen.Turning back to Rob I narrow my eyes at him, cross my arms in a huff and wait for his answer.

  “Well?” I snap, my foot tapping involuntarily.

  “I'm sorry about your Mom’ –“Rob!” I screech.

  “Ok, ok...Carlos found a lump.” I gasp in shock. I'm speechless. My heart starts thumping wildly.“We went to the hospital, got the biopsy done, then went to his parents. We were told we had to wait a week for the results.”So maybe I did see him at Montefiores?

  “And?” I whisper in shock.

  “Benign, he’s ok!” Rob says with relief.

  I launch into his arms again.“No wonder you were so upset,” I squeak, fighting back my own tears.

  “Yeah well, wait for the shocker.”He says teasingly.

  I pull back and look up at him with wide, worried eyes.“What?” I ask.

  “We are going to be parents,” he says matter-of-factly.

  I frown deeply at him.“But you don't want kids,” I say knowing he doesn’t.

  “Yeah well, when you think you might be on deaths door things change, and it did for both of us. We talked all week, Carlos told me he’s been thinking for a long time about having a family, but he didn’t say anything to me because he knew I didn’t want them, but seeing him so upset about it all, and knowing he was going to be ok, I realised I’d do anything for him, including kids.

  “I don’t want to lose him, and now I know how badly he wants a family and well…I love him, so I said yes, as long as he deals with the nappies’ Rob makes a funny face ‘I can't do that. Carlos will be at home as he always is, and I’ll bring in the bread.”Rob shrugs, then smiles brightly at me.

  I clap my hands to my face.“No way!” I squeak in delight.

  “Yes way,” he laughs. “But it won't be for a while, we’re adopting from china.”

  I launch myself into his arms again and squeeze him tight.“Oh Rob, I'm so glad you’re ok and Carlos, I was so worried. That must have been so nerve wracking waiting for the results.”

  Rob squeezes me tight. “It was,” he says darkly. “The worst week of our lives,” he adds solemnly.

  “Don't you ever do that to me again,” I scold. “I had all sorts of horrible things racing round my head.”

  “Sorry, but Carlos didn’t want anyone to know.”He tells me.

  I sigh heavily. “That’s understandable, but you could have just told me anyway. I wouldn’t have said anything to anyone!”

  “I know…” Rob shakes his head. “Nevermind about us, are you ok?” he asks pushing me back so he can look at me. “Look at the state of your eyes woman!”I smile back at him. “Come on,” he says grabbing my hand and leading me outside to the table and chairs.

  “No!” I say, pulling on his hand.“I need to see Tristan. Can you drive me over to his place?” I ask. I have to see him now! He has to know about Susannah.

  “Why?” Rob questions seeing the panic in my face.

  “Please,” I beg. “As soon as I’ve seen him I’ll come straight over, see you and Carlos, tell you all about it, but I really need to see Tristan – now!” I add.

  Rob frowns at me then pulls me into him for a hug.“You ok?” he asks, his voice sounding worried.

  “No…yes…I don’t know,” I croak, feeling anxious about seeing Tristan.

  “Has he hurt you?” Rob asks, his voice going deep.

  “No,” I pull back from him.I really need to see Tristan. “Rob, please can we go?” I ask jigging up and down.

  “Alright, alright let’s go!” he says waving his hand in the air.

  “Thank you!” I kiss his cheek.“I’m so glad your home.”

 
; “Me too,” Rob takes hold of my hand. “Come on let’s get you over to him.”

  On the short drive over, I briefly tell Rob about Susannah, what’s gone on and the report I’m about to show Tristan.

  “Your fucking kidding me!” he gasps. “You think she was in your place?”I nod my head at him.“Jesus, you need to be really careful Coral,” he warns. “She sounds like she’s really lost it,” he adds.

  “I know,” I whisper.

  Rob pulls up outside the gates and whistles. “You’ve certainly fallen on your feet there kiddo,” he says.I sardonically raise an eyebrow at him.“And he’s gorgeous to boot,” he says, teasing me.

  “Rob!” I scold.

  “Sorry,” he chuckles. “Good luck,” he adds.

  I lean forward and we kiss each other.“Thanks for the lift,” I smile weakly at him.

  “Anytime,” he says.

  “Rob,” I look up at the house. “If this goes wrong…” I swallow hard. “Will you come and get me?” I squeak.

  “You don’t even need to ask that,” he says.

  “Ok, good,” I say, taking a deep breath.

  “Let’s go for it does work,” he adds.

  I smile weakly at him andexit the car. Rob holds his hand up and waves, I wave back as I watch Rob drive away. Taking a deep breath, I head down the driveway to Tristan’s house – our house – I can't get used to that.Using my keys, I take another deep breath, and open the door.

  The moment I step in the house, I see Tristan running towards me.

  “Baby!”He breathes pulling me up and into his arms, squeezing me tight.

  I don't know why I don't hold him back – maybe I'm subconsciously protecting myself from the onslaught I may receive – and I'm still feeling sore about earlier.

  “Come, sit down. What do you need? A drink, something to eat?” he frantically asks as he walks me over to the sofa.

  I shake my head in reply. I seem to have lost the courage to speak.

  “I'm so sorry about your Mother,” he says solemnly, sitting next to me on the sofa.

  “I'm sorry too, for freaking out at you. I shouldn’t have,” I say feeling ashamed that I did.

  Tristan smiles tenderly at me, picks up my hand and kisses it.“You don't need to apologise baby,” he says. “And I'm sorry about earlier,” he adds.

  I stare down at our entwined fingers.“Why did you act like that?” I whisper.

  Tristan shakes his head, he looks mortified.“I was angry you hadn’t told me…that I had to hear it from Joyce,”he says. I keep my gaze on our fingers.“I can't be seen to be taking sides,” he reiterates.

  “But it was just me and Joyce, you could have given me the benefit of the doubt,” I squeak.

  “I know, I was wrong, and again I'm sorry. You’re not really going to quit are you?” he asks.

  “Well yeah...you...you’ve given my job to her,” I say.

  Tristan shakes his head at me, his lips twitching with a smile. “No, I haven’t,” he tells me.

  “But you’ –“No you said it, not me. I just didn’t tell you, that’s all,” he interrupts.

  “But that doesn’t make any sense, why would you do that?” I ask in astonishment.

  “I needed to see your reaction when I told you about the complaint.” I frown back at him. “Please say you’ll stay in the company.”

  I shake my head at him, I’ve quit, made my decision. In a way, I think what happened today made me realise I won't like it, that it won't be the same without Joyce.

  “Can you forgive me?” he asks with puppy dog eyes. “Because I don't quite know how to live without you,” he says melting my heart all over again.

  “Of course I forgive you,” I tell him. He leans down to kiss me, but I push him back with my hand.“I need to know Tristan…do you believe I threatened Susannah?”

  I swallow hard, waiting for his answer.

  “No,” he says after an eternity.

  “Then why didn’t you say that earlier?” I question.

  “Why didn’t you tell me she upset Joe?” he asks, ignoring my question.

  “Joyce told me not to get involved,” I repeat. This is getting us nowhere!“Look Tristan, there’s something I need to tell you. I don't think you’re going to like it, so I'm going to ask you to wait until I'm finished before you judge me,” I say scrutinizing his reaction.

  His cheeks flush and his pupils dilate with worry.“Ok,” he murmurs, looking down at our hands.

  “Ok,” I breathe. You can do this!“Firstly, I need you to keep an open mind. Can you do that for me?” I ask hesitantly.

  “Anything for you,” he tells me. Ok, here goes!

  With shaking hands, I reach into my bag, open the envelope and pull out Susannah’s report.“Here,” I place it in his hands.

  “What’s this?” he asks, his eyes going darker.

  “Just, read it,” I say my heart in my mouth.I watch Tristan open the pages and start reading, then he stops, and his eyes shoot up to meet mine.

  “This is a report on Susannah,” he says, frowning deeply.

  “Yes,” I whisper.

  “Why do you have this Coral?” he questions.

  “Just…please read through it. You can ask me whatever you want when you’ve finished.”

  Clenching his jaw several times, he carries on reading it.“Her husband died?” He whispers.

  I say nothing.I keep watching as he turns over to the next page, the medical history one, and continues to read, he looks horrified –Good, maybe he won’t think she’s all holy and great anymore.

  “Jesus,”he whispers running his hand through his hair. He stops reading and looks up at me.“She lost her husband and her baby?” he says.

  I nod once. “She’s really sick Tristan, she needs help,” I say.

  Tristan looks down at the paperwork again. He looks totally shocked, he runs his hand back and forth through his hair, messing it up. I can't help swooning at him for a moment, then I snap out of it.

  “I still don’t understand though, why do you have this Coral?” He asks.

  “Turn it over,” I say.

  Tristan turns to the last page, the image of her husband.“Fuck!”he hisses.

  “He really looks like you don’t you think?” I say softly.

  Tristan nods, totally mesmerized by what he’s seeing. Finally placing the paperwork down next to me, he stares at the floor for a while, deep in thought.

  “Tristan,” – “Don’t” he warns, with his forefinger.“Why do you have this?” he questions again in a deep, low voice.

  “Lots of reasons,” I say, not knowing where to start.

  “Enlighten me,” he snaps. He’s mad at me.

  I take a deep breath and begin.“Would you agree that men and women are different, that we pick up on different things?”He narrows his eyes at me. “Yes or no Tristan,” I bark.

  “Yes,” he growls. Ok, he’s really pissed.

  “I could tell from the very first time I met you that Susannah liked you, I even thought you were sleeping together, you know a couple maybe. Of course, I never thought for one second that she was in love with you; that she’s obsessed with you, and now I know why. Tristan, everything she said I did to her,was exactly what she did to me.”Tristan’s face pales.

  “She deleted the Google images I had of you, and said that if you found out, I would lose my job. Her behavior was totally erratic, up and down like a yo-yo, she snapped at me, she upset Joe, and I know she said something to Joyce.” I take a deep breath and continue.

  “When she told me she was getting divorced and moving down here, it raised my suspicions, especially given the fact that you told me she was happily married. When I called to speak to you on Tuesday and Karen answered, we got chatting, she’s really nice by the way, I wish you’d sent her down to train me,” Tristan cocks one eyebrow up at me, I look away and continue.

  “Anyway, I told Karen that Susannah had upset Joe, I asked her what she thought of Susannah,” I st
op talking because Tristan is glaring at me, like I’m the one to blame for all of this.“I only asked her that because I thought it was just me being me,” I snap, he squeezes his eyes shut, so I continue.

  “Karen confirmed that no one within the company actually likes her, that she’s all sweetness and light when you’re around, and when you’re not she’s well...weird. She also said that everyone knows she’s in love with you, and hardly anyone believes she’s actually got a husband, guess she was right about that part…” I break off shivering slightly.

  Tristan stands, wraps the throw around me and softly strokes my cheek.

  “Go on,” he says, his brow furrowed his eyes dark. He is not a happy man.

  I shake my head remembering her words.“Susannah threatened me Tristan, she said she figured we were together, she caught you winking at me on Monday before you left, she told me to stay away from you. She said ‘he’s mine’ and……and…and she said you would never be interested in someone like me, someone in constant therapy. And the worst part, is that she said that you two are secretly engaged, mad about each other…” I stop for a moment and take a breath.“So not only does she know I'm seeing George, but she also knows where I live.”

  “How do you know?” he asks.

  “She made a comment about my studio,” I say and continue.“Then at lunchtime on Wednesday I went out, I wanted to write something down but when I searched for my little note-pad it was missing. I emptied my bag in a panic only to find my keys had gone too.”Tristan looks horrified.“When I got back to the office I found them on my desk with a note from Susannah, she said she found them on the floor. When I was out Wednesday night, she entered my property, drank a beer and stole two items from me.”

  Tristan eyes widen. “How do you know it was her?” he whispers, horrified.

  “Bob heard a noise and went outside to investigate, he saw a blonde woman entering my studio so he questioned her. She told him she was my friend, picking something up for me.”

  Tristan shakes his head at me.“That doesn’t prove it was Susannah,” he argues.

  “I know, but who else would it have been? I don't have any female friends Tristan. Debs is blonde, but she doesn’t have a key and she doesn’t drink beer.”