Darkest Fears Trilogy: Fallen For Him / Freed By Him / Forever With Him

by Clair Delaney

  He frowns deeply and stares down at the floor again. I can tell he’s trying to work it all out.

  “I think it was Susannah outside my door on Monday night too,” I add.

  His head snaps up.“Those are very serious allegations,” he tells me.

  “I know,” I whisper.

  “What’s missing?” he asks me.

  I stare at the floor and swallow hard. “The one and only photograph I have of my family before things went wrong, and one of the pictures of us.” I hear Tristan’s sharp intake of breath. “Tristan, if she knew so much about me, you don't think she would have...” I break off unable to say it out loud.

  “What baby?” he asks a little calmer.

  “My mother,” I whisper.

  “I don’t understand?” he says.

  “You don't think she would have...k-killed her do you?”I manage to squeak out.

  Tristan’s eyes close for a moment.“No, no way,” he says shaking his head.

  I nod, feeling a little better about it.“Ok, well that’s why I got the report. I was so freaked out Tristan, you were away all week, and she kept reminding me of someone. I worked it out in the end that it was my Mother, they both have the same crazy look in their eyes,” I say shivering slightly.

  “I don't believe this,” he chokes, staring out the window.

  “I’m sorry Tristan,” I whisper. Reaching out, I place my hand on his forearm but he pulls away, I instantly feel rejected. “I know this is a lot to take in, and I really wish it wasn’t true, but she needs help Tristan, and we both need to be really careful, and quite frankly, I’m scared to death that she’ll just flip, hurt someone, hurt you.”I end in a whisper.

  He keeps staring out the window – I’m losing him!

  “Tristan,” I place my hand on his cheek and turn his head so he has to look at me. “I'm not doing this to hurt you, you know that right?”

  He closes his eyes and shakes his head. “I…I don’t know what to say,” he murmurs.

  “You don’t have to say anything. It’s up to you what happens now, but whatever you decide to do…just, be careful, please.”I beg.

  He nods silently, then shakes his head again.“This is unbelievable,” he chokes.

  “Tristan’ – “Don't,” he warns again. “I need a few minutes,” he says as calmly as he can, although I can see the anger rearing up inside of him.I watch as he silently walks the length of the hallway, and disappears into his office.

  I can't help wondering what he’s up to, and why he’s walked away. Maybe he’s feeling foolish for not seeing through her pretences, or maybe he’s mad that none of his staff have brought any of this to his attention, especially with the fact that he’s so good to them all.

  Either way, I have more to tell him and there are more questions to ask, so I guess I'm just going to have to be patient and wait for him to come back.

  I suddenly feel really cold, right down into my bones cold.I pull the throw tighter around me and begin my silent prayer.

  Please don’t hate me, please don’t blame me, please don’t leave me…

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  AS I SIT WAITING FOR TRISTAN’S RETURN, I can't help wondering if I'm doing the right thing here. I can't lose him, I just can't. I look up at the clock on the wall, he’s been ten minutes already, another five and I'm marching in there.

  I hear his office door open. I watch him storming over to me, he looks really mad. He sits on the coffee table opposite me, and without a word he reaches forward and entwines our fingers together. Tristan frowns at me then stares down at our fingers.I know I need to continue, he needs to know what I know and I still have unanswered questions. Ok I can do this!

  “Tristan I’ve got to ask, how did Susannah get the job? Her employment records show no prior office based work.”

  “I...” Tristan shakes his head. “It’s irrelevant,” he snaps.

  “No Tristan, it’s not,” I say softly.

  He gazes out the window for a while then starts to speak.“I kept bumping into her, outside work, at the cafe I used to eat at...”Holy Crap, it’s just what I thought!

  “She seemed really sweet you know, we got talking one day in the queue, she said she was looking for a job, that she’d been made redundant. I had an opening so I invited her to come over for an interview, she told me she had no prior experience, I told her that was fine.” Tristan shakes his head in exasperation.

  “She started at the bottom Coral, worked her way up. She became one of the best employees I’ve ever had. I don’t understand how someone with so many problems can do that well?”He looks hurt, confused, his eyes bleak.

  “I know, I have a theory about that,” I say.

  “You do?” he says, cocking his head to the side.

  “It was never about the job, it was about getting close to you, I think she planned it all Tristan. People who are sick like that, they can seem really...well normal, as though they are functioning properly.” Tristan shakes his head in disbelief.“I think when she first saw you she saw her dead husband, I mean the likeness is uncanny don’t you think?”Reluctantly, he nods. He can't disagree with that, they could be twins.

  “I think she did everything she could to get close to you, I think you were her obsession and you still are.” I take a moment and let that sink in.“I think she stalked you Tristan, that’s why you kept bumping into her. Then she tells you some cock and bull story about losing her job, so you offer her one, she knows that’s the best way to get close to you, in your life, and in less than a year, she’s also got the woman you love out of your life.”

  “Jesus...Oli,” he whispers. Does he mean Olivia? – Bile rises in my throat, if Olivia still loves him…and he her…my stomach twists with anxiety – No, stop this Coral!

  I take a deep breath and think about my next question.

  “How did Susannah react when you turned her down? You told me she was ok about it, was she?” I tentatively ask.

  Tristan shakes his head.“No she wasn’t, she was a little snappy, erratic. I gave her some time off. When she came back she was good as new.”

  “It was Susannah who told you about Olivia, wasn’t it?” I say.

  His head snaps up.“How do you know her name?” he asks, his voice icy cold.

  “I…I spoke to her,” I whisper, instantly feeling guilty.

  “You did what?” He growls, launching himself up from the coffee table, his hands balling into fists. “How could you Coral,” he adds then starts pacing the room, up down, up down – This is going nowhere!

  “Tristan, please sit down,” I plead.

  He shakes his head and carries on pacing, his jaw tensing every now and then.“How did you get her number? Did you get information on her like Susannah?”He asks, his cheeks deep red.

  He’s not going to let this go.

  I sigh inwardly. “Yes, I asked for her info, I wanted to speak to her. I was suspicious that it might have been Susannah who split you up,” I say, feeling downhearted.

  “You shouldn’t have done that Coral,” he says between clenched teeth.

  “Tristan, I am sorry I did this behind your back, but my intentions were good. You have a mentally unstable member of staff who has close access to you…I…I was afraid…afraid she would hurt you, hurt me, I just didn’t know. Olivia clarified it for me, I’m sorry I called her, ok?”

  Tristan turns away from me, shaking his head as he does, then he crosses his arms, and stares out the window – Now I’m getting mad with him!

  “Was it Susannah?” I ask again. He doesn’t reply, he doesn’t even turn around to look at me. “Fine! You don't want to talk to me about it, I may aswell leave.” I stand up from the sofa.

  Tristan is instantly over to me.“Don't go,” he pleads.

  “Why not, there’s no point staying,” I choke. “You won't listen to me, just like you didn’t listen to Olivia.” I turn on my heel and storm towards the door – I’m so mad at him right now.

  “Yes!”
he shouts, stopping me in my tracks. I turn and face him. “She told me,” he says hanging his head.

  “You lied to me!” I bark.

  “How?” he questions.

  “You told me that Susannah didn’t know anything about you and Olivia.” I snap.

  Tristan hangs his head in shame.“I know,” he says staring down at the floor.

  “How can you ever expect me to trust you if’ – “Trust me?” he shouts, his hands balling into fists again. “And how am I supposed to trust you? I think that’s a bit hypocritical of you darling, considering how much you’ve been keeping from me,” he snaps. Ok, he’s got me there.

  “You’re right,” I say running my hand through my hair, trying to figure a way of getting us back on track.

  “I was going to tell you,” he says, surprising me.

  “Oh really, and when would that have been?” I ask, trying not to sound sarcastic.

  “After your training Coral, you don't like her and I couldn’t tell you something like that incase...” Tristan puts his hands on his hips and looks up at me.

  “Incase what Tristan?” I snap.

  “In-case you fucked it all up!” he shouts.

  “What?” I screech. “That doesn’t make any sense?”

  “Coral, anytime her name has been mentioned you go off at the deep end, I know you do. You might not say it, but I can see it in your eyes.” I cross my arms and huff loudly – Ok, he’s right about that part, but right now we’ve got bigger issues.

  “Fine! What did she say?”I ask, walking back over to him.

  “Who?” He snaps.

  “Susannah, when she told you about Olivia?” I bite.

  “Why?” He asks, looking exasperated.

  “Because I'm curious how a woman you’d known less than a year, could convince you that the woman you loved and shared a home with, was seeing her ex behind your back.”I bite.

  Tristan stares up at the ceiling for a moment then sits on the edge of the sofa with his face in his hands.“What did Olivia say?” he breathes.What? Why does he want to know what she said?

  My heart instantly sinks into the pit of my stomach –He does love her still, No!

  “Why?” I tremble.

  “Just curious,” he says.

  “Can we get back to us?” I say a little harshly.

  Tristan glares up at me.“You want to know what she said?” he snaps.

  “Yes,” I say a little exasperated.

  “She didn’t say anything,” he snaps.“She showed me a photo.”

  “A-a…p-photo?” I whisper, stuttering slightly.

  “Yes, when she saw it was Olivia, she took out her phone and...” Tristan trails off.

  I think hard for a moment, and quickly come up with a plausible scenario.Yes, of course, that’s easy to do!

  “What!” he barks at my smug expression.

  “Photoshop,” I answer crossing my arms in defiance. He’s not going to like this.

  “What?” He snaps, crossing his arms.

  “Tristan, all she had to do was take an innocent picture of two people kissing each other goodbye, pull it up on her laptop, and change the image.”I tell him. Tristan shakes his head in disbelief.“That’s why you were so adamant it was true, you thought you had proof,” I say.

  “I did have proof!” He booms stepping towards me. I stare back at his wide eyes, I can see he’s angry, but I can also see pain and regret behind the anger.

  “How long did Susannah wait before telling you that she loved you?” I ask, ignoring his anger.Tristan laughs sarcastically and shakes his head at me, then runs both his hands through his hair. “I know she said she was in love with you Tristan. She got rid of Olivia and you were a free man, how long?”

  He sighs heavily, wraps his hands around his neck and stares up at the ceiling.“A year,” he finally whispers.

  “So she leaves it long enough so it doesn’t raise your suspicions and you have some time to get over Olivia,” I mumble to myself.

  “I need a drink, you?”I shake my head.He storms off into the kitchen.

  I follow him. “Do you know if she’s still in Brighton?” I ask.

  “No, Sunday morning she called me, asked for some time off, I said yes.”Is that why he was so happy on Sunday, because he’d spoken to her? I shake off the stupid thought.

  “Did you tell her you’re moving here permanently?” I ask.

  “No, not yet. Only Karen and Claire know. I was waiting to speak to Susannah,” he answers.

  “Then why is she making plans to move here....”I’m suddenly filled with a dreadful thought. I think I know the answer. “Can I have your mobile?” I ask.

  “Why?” He snaps, totally exasperated.

  “Because it wouldn’t surprise me if she’s bugged you’ – “Enough!” he bellows.

  I cower away from him. “I can’t take anymore Coral.” I wince at his words. “I’ve just found out the girl I trust, who has been the best member of staff I have ever had, is a complete lunatic who sabotaged my relationship with Olivia, who…”He squeezes his eyes shut, his hands bawling into fists again. In his anger, he reaches up and slams both fists down on the kitchen counter.

  Ok I think I need to go!

  “Look, I know this is’ –“No you don't know!” he bellows. He storms off, picks up his jacket and heads for the front door.

  “Where are you going?” I call outas I walk around the breakfast bar.

  Tristan stops and slowly turns to me, his jaw tense, his eyes full of pain.“I need some space from you...I need to get out of here,” he chokes.

  “Tristan,” I shout, stopping him from walking any further. “I know you need time to process this, but I’m warning you now, if you walk out on me, I won’t be able to trust that you’ll stay if we get back on track. It’ll feel just like it did when my Dad left, please don’t do that to us,” I tremble, praying he stays.

  “You’re already waiting for that to happen anyway,” he snaps. Ouch that hurt!

  I know what I need to do.“You know what, don't bother leaving, I’ll get my bags,”I snap.

  Running up the two flights of stairs, I grab my overnight bag, shove my toiletries and some of my clothing inside, then I pull my mobile out of my bag and call Rob.

  Running back down the stairs, I wait for him to answer.“Ola’ – “Can you come get me,” I croak, fighting against the waterfall that’s breaching the gates.

  “Oh…of course,”he solemnly answers.

  “Thanks,” I croak and hang up.I spot Tristan leaning against the breakfast bar, his head hung low, I tentatively walk over to him.“Are we through?” I tremble.

  He doesn’t answer me, he just stares straight ahead, his jaw clenched.

  I grit my teeth and take a deep breath.“Here,”reaching into my bag I place Olivia’s paperwork on the counter.“Olivia’s number,” I tell him, his eyes shoot up and meet mine.“She’s still mad at you, I can’t say I blame her, maybe you should call her and apologise… Oh, and she said to mention Cathy, Rebecca and Sarah, apparently Susannah screwed those potentials up for you too. And now you’re letting her do the same to us,”I say, my voice trembling.

  Tristan clenches his jaw several times and glares back at me.“Just go Coral,” he snaps.

  Oh my god, we’re through, it’s over!

  I take one last look at the man that I love, that I adore, the man I was about to marry and walk silently out of the house.

  I feel numb – I have no tears.

  I know the emotions of anger, hate and fear so well. Where is the rage that should be pulsing through me? I have lost another person that I loved. I should have unbelievable, unimaginable pain lancing through me, just like I did when I left him, but I feel nothing, nothing at all.

  I look up and see Rob’s car coming up the hill. I start walking towards it, he pulls up beside me and I get inside.

  “Hey,” he softly says. Reaching for my hand, he squeezes it once.

  I don't look at him and I d
on't say anything – I have no words.

  “Back to mine?” he asks, I stare straight ahead not really registering his words.“Ok,” he says, the car moves forward and we head back into town.

  I feel like I'm in some sort of weird dream, nothing seems real, not the drive over, getting out the car, or the elevator ride up to Rob’s apartment.I barely register Carlos sitting in the room when I walk in, but he walks over to me and hugs me tightly.

  “If he doesn’t believe you, he doesn’t deserve you” he tells me, but again, I feel like I'm in a completely different dimension, not of this world. They walk me over to the sofa and sit me down between the two of them.

  “Do you want a drink?” Carlos asks, but all I can do is stare blankly ahead.

  “Would you like something to eat? Rob asks.

  I look across and shake my head. I shiver slightly, I feel so cold. I know somewhere in the back of my mind I shouldn’t, we are having a really nice summer, but it doesn’t really register.

  Kicking off my shoes I pull my knees up to my chest and hug myself tightly, trying to hold myself together, then I curl up on the sofa, trying to generate some heat.I feel something heavy and warm being placed across me, but I don't know who’s done it.

  I stare at the wall, trying to understand where I went wrong. I can't even begin to imagine what it’s going to feel like not having him in my world.Squeezing my eyes shut tight, I try to block out the scream that’s building within me, a scream of his name.

  Pulling the warm blanket tighter around me, I start a mantra – It’s all a bad dream, just a bad dream – I keep repeating this to myself, until my eyes become heavier, and I slip into unconsciousness...

  SOMETIME LATER I REALISE I’M BE MOVED. My eyes open for a second, I'm in Carlos’s arms andhe’s carrying me somewhere, he opens a door and places me on a bed.

  “Do you want to get changed?” he asks.Looking down in a daze, I realise I'm still in my work clothes, I nod silently to him.“I’ll get your bag,” he tells me.

  I watch him walk out the room, then return with the bag I hastily packed at Tristan’s, opening up the zip, he pulls out a pair of jeans and a long-sleeved t-shirt, and with a sorrowful smile, he hands them to me.