Darkest Fears Trilogy: Fallen For Him / Freed By Him / Forever With Him

by Clair Delaney

  “What?” I ask. She looks across at Malcolm, he nods at her, gestures for Rob to follow him and they both leave the room...Uh-oh!

  CHAPTER FIVE

  I BLINK RAPIDLY AT HER, TRYING TO SURPRESS MY ANXIETY.

  “Mom, what’s wrong?” I manage to whisper.

  “Well, a few things actually darling.” She says, coming back over to me and sitting on the edge of the bed – Great! What have I done now?

  “Ok.” I whisper.Gladys takes a deep breath, picks up my hand in both of hers and smiles warmly at me.

  “Well, since what happened with you...” She closes her eyes for a second and composes herself. “Well, it’s made me re-think a lot of things darling, and one of those things is Malcolm and I moving away, it’s made me realise I don't want to’ – “Mom, don't change your mind because’ – “Hush!” she hisses, instantly silencing me.

  “Now, what I mean is it’s made me realise how much I really will miss you if I leave, but I’ll miss Debbie, Scott &Lily too if I stay here. So Malcolm and I have talked about it, and we’ve come up with a solution. We are going to buy a place in Spain and one here, and were going to split our time between the two; we both think it’s a better option. I really don't know why we didn’t think of it in the first place? We can still see our families and keep our friends here in the UK, and we’ll have the time in Spain to make new friends, we’re really looking forward to it,” she says, smiling broadly. No way!

  “Really?” I squeak in surprise.

  “Yes darling, I love you so very much, and I don't want to miss out on seeing you so happy with Tristan. I want to spend more time with you both, as does Malcolm. He thinks you’re lovely Coral, and I know he like Tristan too, thinks he’s a fine young man.” She says.

  “Oh Mom!” I choke back more tears. They’re not leaving!

  “I know you didn’t really want me to leave,” she says. I look down at the bed, hoping she can't see I’m trying to hide the truth. “I know I’m right Coral,” she whispers.

  I look up at her and shake my head.“I...I just didn’t want you to stay because of me,” I whisper.

  “Because you don't think you’re worth it?” she wisely surmises. I go to answer her but I can't find the right words to say.“Darling, look at me,” she says, I lift my head and meet her eyes. “You really are worth it. You deserve love Coral, in every way. From me, Joyce, Malcolm, your sister, Tristan; and I know Rob and Carlos love you very much. Be honest Coral, did you want me to leave?”

  “No, I didn’t.” I admit.

  “Why didn’t you say so?” She questions.

  “Because you looked so happy with Malcolm, I wasn’t going to spoil that for you.”

  “But darling, Malcolm is just a part of my life, not all of it. Don't you understand that?”

  “Yes, I do understand that but’ – “And that’s the other thing I wanted to ask you. How do you feel about Malcolm?”

  “I think he’s great.” I say, smiling up at her.

  “That’s not what I mean Coral.” She says shaking her head.

  “It isn’t?” I question.

  “No. You don't like men darling, which is understandable considering your past.” I instantly stop breathing. “Which is why it took me so long to introduce him to you, but you seem, well, comfortable with him. Am I right?”

  I slowly exhale and nod my head.

  “Tell me what you think Coral, I’d love to know?” She says.

  I take a deep breath and decide to be brave, let her know how I really feel.

  “Well, we haven’t known each other very long, but I already feel like...well, like, he’s the father figure I never had. When I came over last week and Malcolm came down to the taxi with me, I felt so sad that you were leaving...both of you. And at the barbeque, I watched him with Erin and Ellie, he’s so thoughtful and caring towards them both, I just...” I shake my head feeling embarrassed.

  “Go on darling.” Gladys prompts.

  “I know I’ve met Tristan who I love...so much, but the love that you get from a father is very different, and well, I never thought I’d ever have that. I always thought you were happy on your own, but having Malcolm be like that with me feels...” I stop for a moment and try to think of the right words to say.

  “It feels like the hole that’s always been there is being filled, I guess. I have a wonderful mother and sister, but meeting Tristan and then Malcolm...it’s like everything’s come together at the right time, and I knew if I let them both in, I’d feel fulfilled. I’d be one of the lucky girls that have a real family, a mom, a dad and sister, and the bonus of a loving husband.”I take a deep breath and look up at Gladys, she has silent tears streaming down her cheeks – Mom, stop crying!

  “Mom!” I scold. “Stop it! You’re going to start me off again!”

  “Oh, I just never knew you felt like that darling.” She squeaks.

  “Everything happens for a reason.” I quote her words back to her.

  “Yes darling.” She says patting my hand again, she looks bone tired.

  “Mom, please go home, get some rest. Rob’s staying with me until Tristan gets back, all I’m going to do is eat, then sleep,” I say feeling exhausted.

  “Are you sure darling?”

  “Absolutely positive,” I say brightly.Malcolm knocks on the door. I wave him inside. Rob follows and plonks himself in the chair again.

  “Come on Malcolm, take me home. My daughter needs her rest,” she says looking so much brighter than before, she leans down and kisses me one last time. “Night darling, sleep well,” she adds, hugging me to her.

  “Night Mom, please get some rest.”

  “I will,” she sniffs.

  “And please, don't worry. Give me your word that you won't worry?” I look up her, my eyes pleading.

  “No more worrying,” she says as she sombrely nods her head. “But I couldn’t help it at the time darling! I feel better now I’ve seen you awake though,” she adds, softly stroking my cheek.

  Malcolm leans down and gives me a kiss goodbye.“Take care of yourself Coral,” he whispers, then smiles and winks at me.

  “Don't let her worry Malcolm,” I whisper back.

  “I won’t,” he says smiling broadly at me. They both say farewell to Rob, and I wave at them as they walk out the door.“Hey, have you eaten Rob?”

  “Yes. Actually Carlos and I were just at George’s for tea.” Holy crap! George and Will, they don't know!

  “Where’s my mobile?” I squeak in panic.

  “Tristan has it, why?” Rob answers.

  “I need to call George and Will, apologise to them both’ – “Coral,” Rob chuckles. “They’ve both been here to see you. The moment Tristan called me I let everyone know.”

  “Everyone?” I question.

  “Yes, Gladys, Joyce, George, actually George was out, so I told Phil and then I left a message for Will.”

  I sigh in relief. “Thanks Rob, you’re the best!”

  “I know,” he answers smugly.

  “Yeah, I kind of love you,” I say smirking at him.

  “Love you too sunshine, now about this dress –” The door swings open, we both look up again and see Tristan walk through the door. I stop breathing. My gorgeous man – he still looks so tired! – Then I'm hit with his fresh shower smell...Hmm Tristan, shower gel, and aftershave all mixed into one.Delicious!I notice he’s changed into jeans and a t-shirt, but his beard is still there.

  Rob sighs. “Another time,” he says getting up from his seat and shrugging into his jacket. “Behave,” he whispers as he kisses my cheek.I stifle a giggle and watch him pick up his magazines. “Tristan, she’s a mess,” he laughs, teasing him.

  “Oi!” I retort, wanting so badly to throw a pillow at him, but I know it’ll hurt. “I won't be like this for long Delgado!” I warn.

  Rob laughs and shakes his head at me, turning to leave he shakes Tristan’s hand. “See you both later,” he says.

  “See you Rob, thanks for t
oday,” Tristan says. I guess they’re friends again!

  “Anytime,” he says.I wave at Rob as he heads out the door, he throws a wink at me then disappears from view.

  “Thought you said you weren’t leaving here without me?” I tease.

  “Yes, well, I didn’t plan on leaving, but Gladys is’ – “A force of nature” I interrupt, giggling as I do.

  “She certainly is, wouldn’t take no for an answer. Makes a damn good pie though,” he says, placing an empty plate in front of me.

  I cross my arms and pout at the plate.“Did you eat my dinner Tristan?”

  “Your dinner?” he questions.

  “Yes, Gladys said you were bringing some back for me, but all I can see is an empty plate,” I say gesturing to it.

  “You’re grumpy when you’re hungry,” he states.

  “Yes, I know,” I sigh. “Sorry, I don't mean to be, it’s just all the talking and I’m just so tired all the time, it’s starting to piss me off. All I want to do is eat and sleep, I’m being very boring,” I admit.

  Tristan starts laughing at me.

  “What?” I grumble.

  “Ok, I’ll stop teasing you,” he chuckles.Leaning down into the bag he brought with him, he re-appears with a round Tupperware box; it’s lime green in colour and has two locks on it. Tristan pops the locks and carefully lifts off the lid, and there inside is my steaming pie, with mashed potatoes, broccoli and green beans, my stomach grumbles in appreciation.Producing a spoon, Tristan starts to plate it all up for me, when he’s done he clips the little container back together, leans down and reappears with a knife and fork and another little green container.

  “What are those?” I ask.

  “Thermal containers, Stuart got them from Argos,” he says.

  “He did?” I squeak in surprise.

  “Yes,” Tristan chuckles. He pops the caps on the little container, steam rises as he lifts the lid, I look down and see dark brown, thick, delicious gravy.

  Tristan continues. “When he took me to Gladys’s, she insisted he come in and eat too, which he did, and when I said about bringing some dinner over for you he said he’d used one of these when he last went camping, so he’d see if he could get hold of one. When he picked me up, we got your dinner into the container and it’s stayed hot while I got ready, pretty neat don't you think?”

  “Definitely,” I beam.

  “Here.” Tristan hands me my knife and fork – they feel heavy, or I feel weak – I’m not sure which?

  “Yummy,” I exclaim with delight.

  “Let it cool a while, these things really work and I don't want you burning yourself,” he says.

  “What am I, five?” I retort.

  “No, I just’ – “Tristan, don't treat me like a child,” I warn.

  “I wasn’t – Christ!” He runs a hand through his hair in frustration, then closes his eyes for a moment.

  “Did you manage to get much sleep?” I ask.

  “Yes, I slept with you last night, remember?”

  “How could I remember. I was out of it, so please, just answer my question, because you don't look like you’ve slept much,” I say smartly, watching him.

  “I can't sleep,” he barks at me, then starts to pace the room.

  “Tristan, what’s wrong?” I instantly start to worry.

  “Nothing, I’m just...” He keeps pacing, looking up at the ceiling.

  “Tell me?” I plead. He stops pacing, puts his hands on his hips and stares back at me. I see the broken man again; he looks like he did when I left him. I wince at the memory.“Baby, what’s wrong?” I ask and lift my arm, stretching my hand out to him.

  “I won't have an argument about this Coral, there’s no discussion. It’s happening,” he snaps, the tension now evident around his eyes.

  I drop my arm and frown back at him.“Go on,” I say, hoping I’m not going to freak out.

  “Stuart’s moving in with us,” he says.

  I cock one eyebrow up. “Why?” I question.

  “Coral!” He warns.

  “I’m only asking, not disagreeing,” I say with my hands in the air. Jeez, keep your pants on!

  “Fine! I won't take the risk of anything like that ever happening again. I want security in the house and I want it to be Stuart, I trust him, I already asked him, he said yes. End of discussion,” he snaps.

  “Actually that wasn’t a discussion, I was being dictated to,” I snap back. “It’s not like anything like that is ever going to happen again, I think you’re being over the top.”

  “Coral!” He closes his eyes and pinches his nose in frustration. “You nearly fucking died!” he growls menacingly – Ok Mr Snappy Pants is cranky when he’s tired!

  But as I really study him, as I really take him in, I start to notice something else...something he’s hiding from me maybe, I don't know? Either way, he looks tense, really tense – Yep, tense and tired, not a good combination, better not push his buttons.

  “I know I did,” I say. “I don't need reminding. But fine, you want Stuart with us, you got it.” I say and start tucking into my meal.

  Tristan sags with relief, walks back over to me and sits on the edge of the bed. “Thank you,” he softly says, then leans down and kisses my temple.

  “What’s really wrong Tristan?” I ask between mouthfuls.

  “Eat!” He snaps.

  “I am. What’s wrong?” I argue. Really could do with a glass of vino!

  “Coral’ – “Tristan!” I mock tone his voice. “I think we’ve both learned a valuable lesson here don't you?” I question.

  Tristan shakes his head in frustration. “And what lesson is that may I ask?”

  “That we shouldn’t keep anything from each other. If I’d have told you about Susannah from the start, maybe it wouldn’t have got into this mess, it might have been solved some other way?” Tristan’s eyes darken with the mention of her name.“Point is, we have to be honest and open with one another. I know something’s on your mind, you look tense, I can see it in your face and I can read you just as well as you can read me,” I say feeling quite proud of myself and to my great surprise, Tristan nods in agreement.

  “You’re right,” he says.

  “So....?” I push.

  “Eat, then I’ll talk,” he says staring blankly ahead.

  “I’m done,” I say. Tristan cocks his head to the side.“No really baby, I’m done, I think my stomach’s shrunk and that was a huge portion, did Gladys portion it out by any chance?” I see the smile starting to creep around the edges of his eyes.

  “Yes, she did,” he says losing the grin and pushing the table down the bottom of the bed. “Are you tired?” he asks.

  “Tristan...” My bottom lips starts to wobble, giving me away. I suddenly feel very emotional, very tired, and extremely overwhelmed. – Why? Why do I feel like this?

  Tristan is up on the bed and has me in his arms in a split second.

  “Sorry,” I sniff.“Why do I keep feeling like this?” I say, weeping into his t-shirt.

  “Darling, you’ve been through a traumatic event, you got shot, your heart stopped, you had major surgery. I’m sure it’s very natural to feel overwhelmed by it all,” he says kissing my hair.

  “It is?”

  “Yes.”

  “Tell me what’s worrying you?” I croak.

  Tristan sighs heavily. “I don't want to,” he answers.

  “Why?” I lift my head and look into his wide, worried, beautiful chocolate eyes.

  “Because you have enough on your plate,” he says.

  “Hey, what worries you, worries me too you know. Everything that affects you affects me, we’re supposed to be a team aren’t we? Isn’t that what couples are? They share everything?”

  Tristan doesn’t say anything he just stares blankly at me.

  I shake my head feeling stupid for saying that. “I can't help feeling like that Tristan,” I sniff.Suddenly he’s griping me to him, gently pulling me against his chest and
kissing the top of my head.

  “Oh Coral,” he croaks. “I feel like that too baby,” he adds, sounding so exhausted.

  “So tell me,” I push.

  He sits back up and looks down at me. “I can't sleep because...I keep...” he breaks off and looks away from me.

  “Tristan,” I whisper. “I told you my deepest darkest fears, stuff I’ve never told anyone. Can't you trust me like that?” I question, softly turning his face so he has to look at me.

  “Yes, of course I can, it’s just...” He takes a deep breath. “I keep having the same nightmare, and it doesn’t matter what I do, I can't save you, every time I dream it, I try to wake up because I know what’s going to happen...” He breaks off running a hand through his hair.

  “What happens?” I whisper – although I think I know.

  “You die,” he croaks, his eyes glistening over. Oh baby!

  “Tristan!” I pull him into my arms and squeeze him tight.Remembering my nightmare...my nightmare that had Susannah in it, the nightmare where she stabbed Tristan and he died, right in front of me. I wonder if I was having another premonition? – A premonition of what Susannah was prepared to do, kill me or Tristan, whether it be a knife, or a gun.

  “Tristan, I'm not going anywhere baby. I give you my word I’ll never die on you.”Tristan lays his head on my chest, right under my chin, it hurts but I’ll take the pain to comfort my man.

  I cradle him in my arms and try to soothe him as he soothes me, by rhythmically running my fingers through his hair, I try to think of a way to help him, but nothing comes to mind.

  “Baby,” Tristan says, lifting his head to look up at me.

  “Yeah?” He looks so lost. I want to take his pain away for him, but I don't know how?

  “I forgot to say, we’re going home tomorrow.” I close my eyes with relief. Thank god we can get out of here.“That’s awesome baby, thank you,” I say, opening my eyes and kissing his full soft lips.

  “Yeah, it’ll be nice to get back home,” he says.

  “Yes, it will,” I answer agreeing wholeheartedly. “Am I getting a Nurse?”

  “Yes, just for a week,” he says.