Darkest Fears Trilogy: Fallen For Him / Freed By Him / Forever With Him

by Clair Delaney

  “Ok,” I acquiesce. “Did you get a chance to speak to Edith?” I ask, remembering our conversation last Sunday.

  “You remembered?” he says sounding a little brighter.

  “Yes, did you speak to her?”

  Tristan looks up at me with those big brown, soulful eyes of his. “She’s already with us baby,” he says, looking a little worried.

  “She is?” I squeak.

  “Yeah...I didn’t plan it that way, but after what happened to you...” Tristan shakes his head. “To cut a long story short, I called Edith last Tuesday, asked her to stay for the short term, she how she likes it. I told her what had happened to you, that I wanted someone I could trust to help me look after you, make sure you’re behaving yourself if I have to go to any meetings...” Tristan trails off.

  “You know Gladys would have done that,” I say.

  “I know, but with them leaving’ – “Tristan, they’re not going now,” I say.

  “They’re not?” he questions.

  “No, dividing their time, long story....oh and we have a wedding to go to.”

  Tristan frowns at me. “Who’s?”

  “Ours of course,” I say teasing him. His mouth pops open in shock. “Joking,” I say, laughing at myself then wincing.

  “Does it hurt?” he softly asks.I pout and nod. Tristan smirks at me. “Serves you right,” he taunts. “I nearly had heart failure,” he adds.

  “I thought you weren’t worried about marrying me?” I squeak out.

  “I'm not, at all... I just didn’t know what you could have got planned in such a short space of time?”

  “Oh!” I say, feeling relieved.

  “Yeah, oh!” he mocks. “So who is getting married?”

  “Gladys and Malcolm,” I say. “They got a cancellation.”

  “Oh, ok.” He smiles, then places his head back on my chest.

  As we lay there quietly holding one another, I realise I don't feel sleepy, I feel wide awake, too many thoughts racing through my head. I can't help thinking of what the future holds for us, for me. Life has changed rapidly, and I’m just starting to realise how much of an affect it’s going to have on me.

  For a start, I have no job – I know I have the money from Gladys and Malcolm, but that’s not the point – What am I going to do?I can't not work, that will drive me crazy! Maybe I should just go back to Chester House? Well, when I’m better. Hmm, something to consider!

  And Tristan – I can't believe I’m going to be living with him! How weird is that. But it’s not like I can go back to my studio, not at the moment anyway. I need looking after and it’s either with Tristan or Gladys, and I choose Tristan.

  I wonder if Tristan knows what’s happened to my studio?I ponder that thought for a moment, which brings up another question. If I decide to stay with Tristan – Coral, what are you talking about? – I stop myself and think about what I just said...If I decide to stay with Tristan?...I already know I’m going to stay with Tristan, in-fact since Susannah shot me, all the fears I had about living with him, marrying him, committing to him, seem to have disappeared.

  I’d marry him tomorrow if I could – the sooner the better. Whoa! Where did that come from? – I frown at my own thoughts, then shaking them off I try to get back to my studio. What am I going to do with it? Sell it? Keep it and rent it out? I just don't know...Which makes me think about Bob. Tristan said he was happy for him to live with us, I hope he says yes, I can't stand the thought of him down there...all on his own, it’s just not right!

  So if he does say yes, there will be Edith, Bob and Stuart living with us full time – I don't even want to begin to think about how weird that’s going to be!

  Which makes me think of Susannah, who’s in a nuthouse, like my Mom – I have to speak to Tristan about it, as soon as we’re home.I quickly shake of those thoughts and try to think of what else has changed.

  Gladys and Malcolm. They are staying...well sort off – I'm so happy about that! And we have their wedding to go to. Then I wonder if Debs is still moving to Spain? I’m not sure I want her to, which makes me think of little Lily.

  I sigh inwardly. If they do decide to go, there’s not much I can do about that...I will miss them...badly.

  And lastly, My Mother – Oh Mom, did you try to save me? I want a grave for her. I want to bury her properly. I hate her for what she did, falling apart on me like that, but I also love her...so much, she was my mother after all and she didn’t leave – my Dad did.

  I take a deep breath and clear my head of those thoughts, I could be here forever, which brings me back to Tristan. I think back to the night I told him about Susannah, he was so mad with me, I can't blame him, but I’m not too sure how I feel about him ending it, asking me to leave – What if he does it again?

  What if I marry him, then do something really stupid and he leaves me? Where will that leave me? – Broken, totally and utterly broken, that’s where!

  I sigh inwardly...I guess we have a lot to talk about.

  “Tristan, are you sleepy?” I ask but I get no answer – Jeez, that didn’t take long!

  Poor Tristan, I hope he doesn’t have another bad dream tonight. I’ve had enough experience to know how awful and how real they can seem. I squeeze him closer to me and revel in the feel of his solid, manly body against mine.I may be in hospital, a place I would not send my worst enemy for any length of time, but I feel so happy, so content, that I wouldn’t change a thing, except to take away Tristan’s nightmares. Hmm...Maybe the answer will come to me?

  With a full belly, and my beautiful man lying next to me,I begin to relax.

  I concentrate on the sound of Tristan’s breathing, it doesn’t take long before I’m drifting off into a peaceful sleep...

  CHAPTER SIX

  I AM GOING HOME TODAY. I am in the en-suite bathroom, getting ready. I have cleaned my teeth, and washed my face – I feel so much better for it. Tristan is in the bathroom with me, waiting patiently as usual. I can't believe he’s in here with me while I'm peeing! This is so embarrassing!

  Once I’m done, I place my hand in his and he helps me to my feet, I shuffle round, press the flush and wash my hands at the sink. Ugh, look at my hair, greasy mop!

  “Looking forward to going home?” he asks.

  “Like you wouldn’t believe,” I answer dryly.

  I’ve said my goodbyes to Nurse Jenny, who’s been great, and Dr Green came round this morning,and after a thorough examination, she reluctantly signed me out – I will get it out of Tristan why they are so frosty towards one another! – And I have strict instructions to come back in a week and get a check up with her.

  I guess that’s not so bad.What is bad is that Tristan really has organised a nurse to come and check up on me for the next seven days, I thought he was joking! I am not looking forward to that; she might say I have to go back to hospital.

  “How are you feeling?” he asks. He’s being very serious today, whereas I'm giddy with excitement.I'm getting out of here!

  “Great,” I beam, then involuntarily yawn. “And tired,” I add knowing I can't hide it from him.

  Tristan hands me the towel so I can dry my hands, and stares down at me, his eyes tight, his jaw tense.

  “Don't,” I say.

  “Don’t what?”

  “Look at me like that,” I say. “You don't want me to leave yet, I can see it in your eyes.”

  Tristan closes his eyes and gently pulls me into his embrace, wrapping his arms around me. “I just want to know you’re ok,” he says.

  “I’ll be fine baby,” I say, wrapping my arms around his strong, muscular back. “Thank you for your help,” I add, trying to pull him out of his brooding.

  “You’re very welcome,” he says, kissing the top of my head. “Come on, let’s get you dressed.”

  Placing my hand in his, I let him lead me back into the room...

  I’M SITTING ON THE EDGE OF THE BED in my horrid, hospital nightgown. Tristan has helped me into my new sweats, and
is down on his knees, tying up the laces to my new trainers.He slowly walks around the bed and starts to untie the straps of my nightgown, his hand stills at the top tie, right where my shoulder blade is; and the massive gauze I have strapped across me.

  “I'm ok,” I say, trying to reassure him.

  He says nothing, and walks back around the bed, then slowly, he peels off the nightgown. “Ok?” he asks, as he helps me pull my new support vest over my head.

  “Yes.” I grit my teeth and smile up at him to hide the pain.

  “Arms out,” he says and pulls the zip-up hoody out of the bag of new clothes that Stuart purchased for me, and carefully helps me into it.

  Everything is new, sweats, hoody and trainers.I could give Stu a big kiss for doing this. Although, when he turned up this morning and handed the bag of clothes to Tristan, I did panic for a second, I don’t like the thought of him going through my clothes, but I instantly relaxed when I realised it was all new – I wonder what happened to the clothes I was wearing when I was brought in here?

  Tristan leans forward and zips me up, then takes a step back.“You’ll do,” he says. He still looks so tired.

  “Did you sleep last night?” I ask.

  His eyes instantly go darker, hooded, trying to hide the truth.“Baby, I don't want you worrying about me,” he says.

  “Tough!” I bark, frowning back at him. How can I not worry?

  He leans downand kisses me softly, his tongue gently teasing mine, my brain instantly goes foggy and my legs go to jelly. Will his kiss always have this effect on me?

  “What was that for?” I say trying to catch my breath.

  Tristan doesn’t answer me, he just gazes down at me, his jaw tense, his eyes strained. He softly strokes my cheek and it’s in that moment I have an epiphany.

  “Tristan, I’ve got it,” I say hoping this could be the solution.

  “Got what?” he questions.

  “Hypnotherapy,” I say smiling up at him. “It might help you with the dream,” I add.

  Tristan eyes widen with surprise, he runs his hand across his new beard and slowly starts to nod in agreement.“It’s worth a try,” he says.

  “Do you have my mobile? I could call George and see if he can get you an appointment with Cindy?”

  “It’s at home baby,” he answers blankly.

  “Well don't let me forget to call as soon as we get in, ok?”

  “Ok.” He leans in and kisses me again. “Ready?” he asks.

  “I’m more than ready to get out of here,” I answer dryly, trying to hide how anxious I'm really feeling.I'm am dying to get out of here, but I haven’t told Tristan this, because he looks tired and stressed enough as it is, but I’m really nervous about going back to the house.

  I’m afraid I’m going to freak out when I step inside the door, or worse still, I won't want to live there anymore – which sucks – because I love that house.

  “Arms up,” Tristan says pulling me from my revere.

  “What?” I frown up at him.

  “Coral, you can barely walk a few steps without being in pain, so please don't be difficult.” Rolling his eyes at me, he leans forward, and effortlessly lifts me into his arms.

  “You are not carrying me out of here!” I scold.

  “Yes I am, or we’re not leaving,” he argues.

  “Tristan, please, just let me walk a little, if I get tired or I’m in pain, you can take over. I feel so stiff from lying still for so long, please let me loosen my legs up a little,” I plead, he stares down at me with narrowed eyes.

  “God you’re frustrating,” he huffs and carefully, reluctantly, stands me upright, keeping hold of both of my arms.

  “Thank you baby.” Taking a deep breath in I stare at the door. Ok, you can do this!

  I take a step forward, then another and smile up at him, trying my best to hide the pain. Tristan is frowning down at me, he doesn’t like it, I can tell, but it’s tough – I need to do this!

  I keep shuffling forward until we reach the door, Tristan pulls it open for me and I slowly walk through – Boy this is going to take a while!

  “Feeling ok?” he asks, closing the door behind him.

  I look back and say goodbye to my hospital bed.“Yeah, I’m good,” I say, feeling drained already.Tristan readjusts my bag on his shoulder, and we slowly head down the stark white corridors. He doesn’t moan about how long it’s taking, he’s so good, so patient with me.

  “How far is it to the car park?” I ask a little breathlessly. My legs are shaking so badly it’s really pissing me off – I hate feeling like this!

  “At this rate we’ll get there by tomorrow morning,” he answers dryly.

  I stop and look up at him. “Very funny!” I sarcastically say.Tristan smirks at me – Ok, he’s finding this funny, so I decide to wind him up about the surprise!

  “What shall we do when we get home?” I ask, keeping my eyes straight ahead as we carry on walking.

  Tristan instantly stiffens next to me. “What do you want to do?” he tries to answer casually.

  “Snuggle up to you,” I say turning to look up at him. “Peace and quiet, just me and you. Let’s just veg out, get a pizza and watch a movie. What do you think?” I ask trying to hide my smile.

  “Um...yeah that sounds good,” he says trying to act nonchalant.

  “Is that what you want to do?” I ask. Oh dear, he doesn’t know what to say or do.

  “Um...sure,” he says.I turn away from him trying to hide my smile, and accidentally catch my foot on a food trolley; it sends a thousand shock waves of pain up my body.Holy crap!

  I instantly freeze and wince in pain, squeezing my eyes shut while I try to control it – Ouch! Damn it that hurt!

  Tristan wraps his arms around my waist and gently pulls me up against his body.“Enough,” he whispers in my ear, and I crumble.

  All I want is to be in his arms.I open my eyes and nod at him, I feel knackered and I only walked a few steps.This is going to drive me crazy, I know it is – I start to cry in frustration.

  “Oh baby!” Tristan lifts me as carefully as he can into his arms. I wrap my arms around his neck, close my eyes and bury my head under his chin, I hate feeling this helpless.

  Tristan starts walking, keeping his steps steady. I try to calm myself down and take a deep breath in, his scent invades my senses, knocking me for six – I wish I could bottle it and carry it around with me.

  “You smell so good,” I whisper, softly pecking his neck.

  “You do too baby,” he says planting a soft kiss on my hair.

  “Tristan, I haven’t showered in twelve days, so I don't know how you can say that,” I grumble.

  “You still smell good to me,” he says.

  I grip him closer to me and try to relax, suddenly Tristan stops walking.I open my eyes, look up and see we have reached the hospital reception – Wow!It’s so bright outside!

  I squint at the sunlight as Tristan walks through the electric doors – I’m free! – I glance at Tristan with the biggest grin spread across my face.

  “Happy?” he asks, his grin reflecting mine.

  “Yes, very,” I say and peck him on the lips.

  Stuart pulls up in the Jag, hops out, runs round the car and opens the backdoor for Tristan.“Thanks Stu,” we both say, he smiles and nods at us both.

  Tristan slides inside, and gently moves me off his lap, then leaning across me, he clips my seatbelt into place.Stuart gets back in the car, starts the engine and we head out of the hospital car park. I'm instantly drawn to the song playing on the radio – ...Ah music...how I have missed it!

  Maria Callas is singing O Mio Babbino Caro – I love this piece. Gladys has her album; it’s so beautiful, I close my eyes and let her amazing voice soothe me.

  “You like this piece?” Tristan interrupts.

  I open my eyes and look across at him.“Yes, now be quiet,” I tease.

  He smiles, takes hold of my hand, and we both sit silently until the piece
has finished. Stuart must have it on Classic FM, because another classical piece I don't know begins, it’s good!

  “You know, I thought everyone would be here today, to see me leaving,” I say, pouting sorrowfully at him.

  “Well, Gladys did say she was popping round at some point today,” he says, his cheeks flushing.

  “Oh!” I purposely put on a sad face.

  Tristan squeezes my hand, but as I look out the window and see we are almost home, the fun of winding him up about the surprise instantly dissipates.

  “Ok?” he asks, I turn to look at him, trying my best to hide my nerves, but when I smile at Tristan, I see he’s just as nervous as me, and trying his best to hide it too.

  “You’re nervous,” I whisper.He swallows hard and turns away from me, I squeeze his hand.“Me too,” I add.

  As Stuart takes the left turn onto The Cliff, I get an instant flashback of hurtling towards the house in Rob’s car, not knowing what I would find, I quickly hide my hands from Tristan and clench them into fists.

  As we reach the open gates, and Stuart gently glides down the driveway, my heart starts to hammer against my chest – Why am I freaking out about this?

  Susannah is gone!

  Tristan’s ok, and so am I!

  Stuart pulls to a stop outside the house, switching off the engine he nods to Tristan and exits the car.I decide I am over-reacting, I just need to be brave and get on with it, but as I think about going back inside the house, my mouth instantly goes dry and I start to feel a little nauseous.Gritting my teeth at myself, I take a deep steadying breath and try to think logically about it all – Susannah is gone, the house is safe!

  Ok, I just need to get this over with! Taking another deep breath, I unclip my seatbelt and go to open the door, but Tristan’s hand stops me.

  “Tristan,” I grumble – I know what he wants.

  “Don't argue, it’s happening,” he says.

  I huff in my seat and cross my arms – This is ridiculous!

  Tristan quickly exits the car, walks round the back and opens the car door for me. I try to use it as my opportunity to duck under his arm so this isn’t about to happen, but Tristan’s too quick for me, he leans down to me with both arms held out, effectively blocking me.