I am mesmerised, frozen in place – What is that look in his eyes?
Taking me by complete surprise, his hand splays out across my belly, and he just leaves it there, staring down at it. I frown and stare down too, then rest my hand over the top of his.
“I’m not made of glass,” I grumble.
“No!” He firmly tells me, keeping his eyes fixed on my belly, his jaw tensing a couple of times.
“I want you buried deep within me,” I whisper. “I want to lose myself in you all evening.” I add hoping it’s too good an opportunity for him to miss.
Keeping his hand on my belly, he takes a deep breath and closes his eyes for a moment, when he opens them, they are gazing at my belly again.“As tempting as that is,” he whispers, then swallows hard. “We have something we need to talk about.” He adds.
His eyes meet mine, and I see they are swimming with emotion.
I take his face in my hands.“What is it? Why do you look so sad?”
His head drops again, his eyes gazing at my belly for a moment, then he lifts his head, takes my face in his hands and kisses me softly. Pulling back, he gazes at me again, and I can see it in his eyes, whatever this is, it is serious – Crap!
“What’s wrong?” I whisper, his thumbs skate softly across my cheeks. “This is hard for you to say?” I quickly surmise.
He nods solemnly at me. Fuck! What do I do?
I close my eyes for a moment, trying to work out what to do, when I open them and look at him, his eyes are blazing, and dark.“It’s ok Tristan,” I gently say, stroking his cheeks as I do. “Take your time,” I add, even though the suspense is killing me.
His head drops again, his eyes gazing at my belly for a moment, then he lifts his head, takes my face in his hands and kisses me softly again. “Coral...” he croaks.
“What?” I push, because it seems like he just can’t get his words out. He briefly closes his eyes then places his hand back on my belly. I place my hand over his. “Please Tristan...tell me,” I beg.
“You were pregnant,” he breathes, his eyes are almost black now, his jaw strained.
“What?” I half-laugh shaking my head at him, then it slowly starts to sink in what he just said, ‘You were pregnant’ I swallow hard against the lump in my throat.
“Were?” I whisper, staring down at his hand still splayed across my belly.
“They think it was the stress, the trauma of what happened,” he quietly says.
“I was pregnant?” I whisper disbelievingly, slowly shaking my head.
“Yes, very early stages. One week, maybe a few more days…?” He replies, his jaw tensing again.
“But...but we used protection?” I squeak.
“Coral, don't you remember? After you told me about your past, the test you had done...we spent all that weekend having unprotected sex.”
Shit! He’s right, we did! I stare disbelievingly at him.
I was pregnant?
That means…?
This means…?
I was pregnant!
I start rapidly shaking my head in horror – This can’t be true, can it?
“But I can’t get pregnant,” I whisper in defiance. He’s got it wrong, he must have done.
“Wrong diagnoses, you can conceive,” Tristan says, watching me carefully.
“But…how do you know that?” I whisper, staring at Tristan with wide eyes.
“When you were bought in, and they managed to resuscitate you. They started doing the usual checks before you went down to theatre...” Tristan stops and runs a hand through his hair.“One of the nurses noticed you were bleeding…down there…at first they thought it was internal haemorrhaging, they did all sorts of tests, but your blood was showing high levels of human chorionic gonadotrophin. Apparently it’s what your body produces in the early stages of pregnancy...” He swallows hard.
“I...I miscarried?” I whisper in horror.
Tristan nods, unable to say anymore. His eyes are bleak, his cheeks flushed. I stare down at my belly again.I was pregnant and I didn’t even know it.I didn’t feel anything.
What does that say about me?
“I didn’t know…I couldn’t feel anything…” I breathe staring down at our hands.“How could I not know?” I ask.
“Dr Green is...well she said once I’d told you, that you could go and speak to her, she said anytime, just call. That’s if you wanted to.” So that’s what they were arguing about!
A tsunami size wave of guilt washes over me.“This is my fault,” I whisper. “If I had told you what was going on with Susannah, if she hadn’t tried to...maybe the baby….?” I drift off.
“Coral don’t,” Tristan says, running his thumb across my lips. “You have nothing to feel guilty about –Nothing!” He firmly adds.
“I lost our baby Tristan, so don’t try and tell me I shouldn’t feel guilty.” I bite.
We stare at one another again, two stubborn fools.
“Do they know…?” I squeeze my eyes shut unable to finish.
“Know what baby?” He whispers, stroking my cheek.
“What is was…boy or girl?” My voice is barely audible. Suddenly the dream I was just having makes perfect sense...the baby...the newborn baby! Maybe my subconscious was trying to tell me?
“No Coral, they don’t know.” I nod my head. “How do you feel?” He asks.
“Confused, worried, shocked...” I stare out into space. “Sad…” I add wistfully.
“Coral, I am so sorry,” he softly says.
“Me too,” I whisper. I stand up from him, walk over to the ceiling height window and stare out at the view, trying to assimilate some rational thinking, but my head is swimming – I was pregnant with Tristan’s child – I look back at him.
He has his head hung low, his eyes to the floor, being patient as usual. In-fact, I’d say he looks lost, and just as cut up about the news as I feel – Oh Tristan!
I walk back over to him, and carefully straddle him again.
He looks up at me. “I...I don't know how to make this better Coral, tell me what to do?”
I shake my head at him. “I don’t even know where to start…there’s a whole myriad of emotions,” I choke.
“Do you want me to ask George to come around?” He softly asks.
I shake my head at him. “No, I want you Tristan. I want you to be my first port of call, always, not George.”
“Really?” He looks confused and surprised.
“Yes. Isn’t that how it’s supposed to be?” I whisper.
“Yes, but’ – “Tristan…when Susannah attacked you and I found you lying on the bed…” I close my eyes remembering, there was so much blood. “There was a split second when I thought you were dead, that I’d lost you forever,” I swallow hard. “I vowed to myself that I would never shut you out again, that I would let you in, despite how scared it makes me, only when I thought that there was no more fear.Almost losing you made me realise I want to be open with you, always. I want to tell you all the things I’m feeling right now, even if you don’t like what you hear…” I end in a whisper.
“You do?” He says, surprised.
“Yes.” I answer firmly.
“Oh baby.” He pulls me into his chest and wraps his arms around me. “That’s like hearing you say you loved me for the first time.” He softly adds.
“Want to know my first question?” I say.
“Yes.” He whispers.
“How are you feeling?” I question.
“What?” He pulls back, gripping my upper arms and frowns at me.
“Hearing that I was pregnant…then losing it. How has it made you feel?” Tristan is quiet for a really long time, but I bide my time, and try to be patient with him.
“I...I’ve thought about a lot of things,” he finally says, staring at my belly again.
“And the first thing is…?” I prompt.
“That you can have children. You have that honour back, it wasn’t taken away from you,” he softly s
ays. It suddenly hits me – This is why he’s been so reluctant to have sex with me!
“Are they really sure?” I question. “I was definitely pregnant?”How can I feel sad about losing something I didn’t even know I had?
“Yes, that’s probably why you’re so up and down. The nurse said that you’ll be fine one minute, crying the next, your hormones are all out of whack.”That explains the crying!
“Oh…” I stare down at the bed. “We were going to be parents?” I say, trying to get my head round it.
“Yes,” he breathes.
“And how do you feel about that?” I question.
“Over the moon,” he admits.
My heart sinks. “You did want children,” I tremble, remembering our conversation in the kitchen.
“Hey.” He pulls on my chin. “Less of that, when we discussed it I was completely honest with you. Then when I was told in the hospital that you had fallen pregnant...I…I thought it was the most wonderful news, second to you saying you love me and you want to marry me...” Tristan takes a deep breath.
“Then when they told me you had miscarried, I was so angry. Why did that have to happen to you? Hadn’t you been through enough?Then, after a while I started to feel a little more positive, you could conceive and I thought that...over time, after me giving you the news, you might want to try again…maybe.” He looks up at me with dark, sad eyes.
“Oh Tristan!” I wrap my arms around his neck and cradle his head under my chin. “Tristan, I’m not ready for a baby yet,” I croak. “I just want you all to myself for a while.”
“Hey.” He leans back and takes my face in his hands. “Whenever…whatever you want Coral, however you want this to work, it’s all up to you.” He says, gazing up at me.
“Don’t you get a say?” I question.
Tristan smiles enigmatically at me. “I want whatever you want.”I shake my head at him. “What?” He questions.
“Is that why you’ve been denying me?” I whisper, staring at his full lips.
Tristan sighs heavily. “Partly, if we started...we would have had to use protection and I know you would have questioned that, but mainly I want you better first, I'm worried about hurting you.”
“Thought so,” I say.
“Baby.” He snakes his thumb across my bottom lip. “You’re taking this all too well.”
“Am I?” I gaze down at my belly again. “I don't think I am Tristan. I think I’m in shock. Plus, this crying is a new thing for me, and I seem to be doing an awful lot of it lately, and I hate it!” I hiss. “I hate feeling up and down.”
“I know,” he whispers.
We sit in silence for a while, just holding one another, both deep in thought...
“Hey,” Tristan lifts my head to look at him. “What do you want Coral, some food, a bath, a shower?” He softly asks.
“I want you to make love to me then shower with me. I need help washing my hair.” There I’ve said it, he likes it or he doesn’t.
He sighs heavily and briefly shuts his lids. “Baby…your still in pain,” he says gazing at me with wide, worried eyes.
“I don’t care,” I bark. “I’ll take the pain. I just want to feel you.”
“Can’t you feel this?” He questions, wrapping his arms around me, squeezing me gently.
“It’s not the same,” I scold. “And you know it.”
Pulling back to assess me, he smiles wryly at me then shakes his head in frustration– He’s saying no!
“Please,” I beg. “We’ll go slow…please Tristan, I need to do this with you.”
“Why?” He questions, searching my face.
“Because it’s my way of being closest to you, like I’m part of you, connected to you…I’ve missed you like that, I’ve missed us like that, I just…” I take a moment trying to think of the right words to explain how I feel.
“It’s like, being with you like that, after what happened to me when I was young, it’s like….like I kind of completely lose myself in you. It’s the only way I feel I can express myself, express my love for you. When we make love, all I feel is pure love flowing through me, it’s magical,” I say.
“Oh baby,” he breathes and gently takes me in his arms, kissing me sweetly.
“Is that a yes,” I murmur against his lips, teasing his tongue with mine.
“Yes,” he whispers. He’s breathing hard, and his eyes are dilated.
“I guess we’re going to need that box of condoms after all,” I whisper, smiling coyly at him.
His face falls to his broody look. “If this hurts you,” he warns. “I’m stopping,” he adds in tone that’s not to be argued with.
“Ok.” I submit, not wanting to rock the boat.
He cocks one eyebrow up at me then laughs with sarcasm.“Well now I know what to do when I want you to do something,” he muses.
“You do?” I whisper, running my hands through his soft hair.
“Yes, deny you sex. You’ll do anything for it,” he laughs.
“Anything for you,” I right him.
“Yes, for me,” he smiles, making me melt.
“I'm all yours baby,” I giggle, holding my good arm out. “You better take me before I internally combust.”
“Coral,” Tristan stills me. “I know you’re strong, much stronger than I originally thought, but’ – I place my fingers on his lips.“I need time,” I tell him. “Time to process it, but right now I just want to forget about everything and be with you.” I gaze back at him, mentally pleading he doesn’t change his mind.
“You’re sure?” he questions.
“Yes, I'm absolutely positive,” I say and leaning forward I softly kiss him. Desire unfolds deep within me, I pull back panting. “Take me,” I whisper.
Tristan wraps his arms around me and carefully lays me down on the bed. The full length of his body is lying on top of me, his elbows supporting his weight. I can feel his erection digging into my belly...Oh God I want him...so badly.
“I really do love you Coral Stevens,” he softly says....
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
HIS LIPS SWOOP DOWN, crushing hard against mine, making me moan with pleasure. Passion unfurls thick and heavy in my body as our tongues tease and tantalise each other. I wrap my legs around him, pushing his erection into my groin, grinding against him.
“You’re a hungry little thing,” he growls.
“Yes,” I pant. “For you, always.”
Standing to his feet, Tristan bends down and takes off his shoes, then in double quick time, he strips off his clothing. My sexy man! I watch him walk over to his bedside cabinet, open the draw, pulls out the box of condoms and throw it on the bed.In my haste to feel him inside me, I rip open the box, pull out a condom, rip open the foil and take out the horrid thing.
Maybe I should go on the pill?
I look up at Tristan with hungry eyes and see his eyes reflecting the same thing. Wow, he really is a site to behold. So gorgeous, so fit...my beautiful man...
Tristan slowly and seductively crawls up the bed to me, kissing every inch of me as he does.
My head cranes back, and I moan in delight. God I need this!
“God you’re sexy,” he breathes.Reaching my bra, he pulls the material aside on each cup so my nipples are exposed, they are already hard and aching for his touch. Slowly, he leans down and gently sucks my right nipple.
“Ahh...Tristan!” I feel it right down below.Then he moves and does the same with my left nipple. “Tristan!” I moan my eyes involuntarily closing.
“We’re going to take this real slow baby,” he says then he starts to nip, kiss and suck his way down my torso, stopping when he reaches the material of my lacy thongs.
Jesus, I want him in me now! I don't want to take it slow...
Peeling the material of my knickers to the side, his mouth swoops down and his tongue starts to gently flick my clitoris, over and over, round and round, then up and down. It builds so fast inside me that I don't have any time to think abo
ut it – and I come, hard.
My body bowing as the waves ripple through me...
“Coral,” he chuckles.“You’re so responsive to me, you turn me on so much baby,” he adds.
Reluctantly, I open my eyes and smile up at him. He holds his hand out to me, I know what he wants, but I want to taste him, I want him in my mouth.
“But I want to’ – “No!” he softly scolds, freakily reading my mind. “Not until you’re better,” he says, so I place the condom in his hand.
Kneeling up, he carefully places the condom on his fine manly parts, smiling wickedly at me as he does, then his body is on top of me again, his elbows supporting his weight, the head of his erection teasing my sex.
I push my hips up and grind against him.
“Slow baby,” he whispers staring down at me.
“Ok,” I relent. I’ll behave!
“Good.” He smiles wickedly at me again, and slowly starts to enter me, inch by inch, until he’s completely filled me – Yes!
I close my eyes, my head craning back, wanting friction. I need to feel him moving inside me.
“Oh baby,” he breathes, and starts to slowly move – in and out, in and out. I want to move, to grind against him, work with his rhythm, but he wants me to be careful, and I know if I push it he’ll stop. “Coral,” he softly mewls.
I open my eyes and gaze up at him. “Oh Tristan...I have missed this,” I pant as we keep up the slow, sexy rhythm.
“Ah...” Tristan suddenly moves hitting the right spot inside me. I feel myself tighten around him – Oh no! Not yet...please...
“Jesus,” he hisses, moving a little quicker.
And the build up just doesn’t stop. The more he moves, the heavier and thicker it seems to build within me. I feel like I haven’t done this before, it’s all happening so fast...
“Tristan,” I moan trying to hold onto the sensation, tightly gripping his biceps.
His mouth swoops down on mine, and we can barely kiss each other for panting so hard. Tristan moans, a deep sexy sound and closes his eyes. He’s hovering above me, his lips inches from mine as he moves in and out of me, he smells so good...tastes so good...Oh Tristan!
Darkest Fears Trilogy: Fallen For Him / Freed By Him / Forever With Him Page 107