“Come with me baby.” He says, staring down at me with wide eyes.
“No!” I don't want this to stop.
“Yes,” he hisses. “Now!” And he climaxes, just as I explode around him – No!
Tristan wraps his arms around me and turns onto his back, so I’m lying on top of him. I can't help smiling as I watch him slowly come down from his orgasm. He really does have a lovely face.Opening his eyes, he grins like a fool in love, leans up and gently kisses the tip of my nose.
“How are you feeling?” He asks.
“Oh you know...” I tease.
“Actually I don't,” he says dryly. “Was that not to your satisfaction Miss Stevens?”
“Yes,” I giggle. I can still feel him inside me so I wriggle, but it sends shooting pains across my shoulder. “Shit!” I wince in pain, and squeeze my eyes shut trying to block it out.
“Coral!” Tristan balks.
“I'm ok,” I whimper.
“Right that’s it,” he snaps. “No more sex until you’re better.”
“No!” I argue. “I didn’t feel any pain having sex, you can't use that one against me Tristan, so stop it!”He frowns back at me.“I mean it!” I say.
“Fine!” He pouts. It makes me giggle. “I'm funny too?” he balks.
“Hey.” I pull on his chin so he has to look at me. “That was amazing Tristan, I don't think I'm ever going to get enough of you like that.”
“Round two?” he asks mischievously. Huh? One minute he’s saying no, the next he wants more?
“Wait!” I say. “What were you and Detective Marsh talking about?”
Tristan sighs, gently pulls out of me, then moves me so I’m lying next to him. Then he lies flat on his back and looks up at the ceiling.
“Tristan?” I prompt.
He sighs again, and closes his eyes. “You remember when we first talked after your accident with Lily and I told you my exes didn’t...” He trails off, running a hand through his hair, and just stares up at the ceiling. I scoot closer, so I’m half lying across him, then lean down and kiss his big, beautiful shoulder.
He shakes his head and smiles wryly at me.“I can't believe I actually believed them, but when you hear it several times, you start to believe it’s true I guess...” he ponders to himself.
“Hear what? What did they say Tristan? I’m climbing the walls here!”
He swallows hard, then smiles shyly at me. “They all said the same thing Coral, that I’m boring and predictable, they all said that I make myself out to be charming guy, but I’m a fake, shallow, cold hearted man, who’s...” He swallows hard again, and runs his hand through his hair.
“They said I’m the worst sex they’ve ever had, and believe me baby, to a man, that’s the biggest blow a woman can make, male ego’s can’t take that. It made me feel so unworthy of them.” He looks hurt, betrayed, heartbroken.
“Susannah!” I hiss, my teeth grinding together, because this is all her fault! “Your nothing like that Tristan, nothing! I know I haven’t had lots of lovers, but you make just being with you feel like magic, and as for the sex...” I shake my head. “You take me so high I don't ever want to come back down.” I smile shyly at him.
“Thank you baby,” he smiles, then his face falls; he’s got his serious head on again.
“Tristan, what is it?” I ask, running my fingers through his hair.
He closes his eyes for a moment. “That feels so good,” he smiles, his eyes still closed. I keep running my fingers through his hair, then lean down and kiss his forehead, then his eyelid, then his nose, his cheek and finally his very soft, very kissable lips.
He opens his eyes and gazes up at me, he looks apprehensive.
“Tell me,” I push, suddenly realising we seem to have to do that a lot with each other – Maybe Edith is right, and we are mirror images of each other?
“My question, from last night,” he softly says.
I smile down at him. “You can ask me baby, you know that right?”
He smiles his shy smile at me, then frowns and nods his head. “It’s not really a question, more like I need answers I guess...but I'm reluctant to ask you because I don't want you reliving it, but I'm also desperate to know. George won't tell me without your permission and well...I keep getting these awful scenarios running through my mind, I think if I knew...how it happened, I can relax a little...” Tristan breaks off, staring up at the ceiling again.
I frown hard trying to work out what it is. “Ask me baby?” I say caressing his cheek, still running my fingers through his hair.
Tristan briefly looks at me, then closes his eyes and sighs. “How...how were you raped,” he gushes, then his words start coming out at rapid fire speed. “Was it on the beach, in a dark alley, did someone see and not help you’ – I silence him by placing my finger against his lips.
I feel the blood drain out of my face. “Tristan, have you really been worrying about how and when?” I ask, completely mortified.
“Yeah...every now and then it comes up and...I...I just think if I knew...” He stops and gazes back at me. I swallow hard. I really don't feel like going through this now, but I can't have him thinking the worst.
“Ok,” I breathe. “It...it was at a hotel.” I blurt.
Tristan frowns back at me. “A hotel?”
“I'm not like that Tristan, you know that right?” I squeak in panic.
“Like what?” he asks, he seems baffled.
“Well...you know. I don't sleep around.” I whisper.
Tristan sighs with relief. “Of course I know that, but how did you’ – “How did I end up in a hotel room with a man I didn’t know?” I say.
He nods solemnly at me.
“I told you I made a stupid mistake, and I did. Long story short, I got on with him really well, so much so that I didn’t want the evening to end. We’d been sat at the bar in the hotel drinking for hours, and when the bar closed, he asked me if I wanted a night-cap. I said no, that I'm not that kind of girl, he said he wasn’t thinking of that he just wanted to stay in my company - he was very convincing.” I add.
“Oh I bet he was,” Tristan growls.
“Well, that’s it. I'm sure you can figure out the rest...” I murmur.
“Didn’t anyone hear you?” he asks.
“Hear me?”
“Didn’t you scream?”
I slowly shake my head.“Tristan, he hit me when I tried to fight him off, then he tied me up, I was pretty out of it. And I know it sounds really, really bad, but compared to what happened to me as a kid, it was...mild.” I shake my head and swallow hard.
“Once I got my mind round the fact that it was going to happen, I just went away, blanked it out as though I wasn’t there, like I used to as a kid.” I take a deep breath.
“Honestly, I thought that was it. I thought he was one of those psycho’s who rape and torture women then kill them, so I was...preparing more for the pain of being killed.” I close my eyes and wince, remembering it all too clearly.
“Baby stop’ – “No, you should know. He was so rough with me that I was more worried about him killing me than what it felt like when he was raping me. I can remember thinking, this hurts really badly, how much pain am I going to feel if he kills me? But I guess I must have passed out at some point.”
“Oh baby.” Tristan pulls me to him, I lay my head on his chest. He wraps his arms around me and we lay quietly for a while, both deep in thought. I can't believe he’s been thinking about that, the how and where...My poor baby!
“If he tied you up, how did you escape Coral?” Tristan asks, pulling me from my musing.
I look up at him. “Escape?” Tristan swallows hard and nods again. “When I came to, I realised my hands and ankles were free. Then he stirred next to me and went off to the bathroom. The moment he locked the door, I grabbed my jeans, my t-shirt and my bag, then I ran.”
“You...you ran out of there completely naked?” He balks, his eyes wide.
“Yes, it
was chance to escape, I was going to take it. I ran to the stairwell yanked my clothing on and ran all the way back to Gladys’s.” I say, remembering how saw my feet were.
Tristan clenches his jaw. “But if he hit you, didn’t Gladys question it?”
I lean up onto my elbow and stroke his cheek. “Gladys had been away the weekend. It happened on a Saturday night, by Sunday afternoon she was back and I...well I lied. I told her I’d been attacked by some drunken idiot when I went to pick up my pizza, that he’d hit me and fled with my dinner.” I can't help the smile that starts to spread across my face.
“Are you laughing?” Tristan chokes, a look of shock plastered across his face.
“Yes, I'm sorry. I just got an image of some random drunken dude running down the high street with my pizza box in his hand. He’s pretty drunk, so in my head he falls over a lot. I find things like that funny, as long as no-one gets hurt.” I say, trying to hide the smile.
Tristan grins back at me. “You’re the type of person to laugh at people who fall over in the snow, aren’t you?” Oops! Guilty as charged!
“Yes, as long as they’re not hurt,” I reiterate.
“Ok, your drunken pizza guy is funny. I can see him in my head too now!” Tristan laughs.
The laughter in me quickly fades. “Why didn’t you tell me this earlier Tristan? I could have put your mind at rest.”
His face falls. “I know,” he sighs. “I just didn’t want you having to you know...go through it all again.”
I nod, then I remember him talking to George at my party. “Tristan, what were you talking to George about at the party? Does he know I was pregnant?”
“No, he doesn’t know baby. I wouldn’t dream of telling anyone until you knew. And we were talking about you.” He adds.
“Me?”
“Yes.”
“What about me?” I ask. Tristan shakes his head at me.“I thought we agreed. No secrets?”
“It’s not a secret. It’s a surprise.” Oh! Another present? A girl could get used to this!
“Ok,” I smile and lean forward to kiss him. “You know, Rob’s gonna kill me if we don't get these wedding rings organised.”
Tristan grins widely. “Why don't we take a look after dinner? I thought we could have an early night in bed together, watch a film on my laptop, what do you think?” Hmm, more time in bed, more chance of more sex, I'm in!
“Good idea,” I beam, leaning in to kiss him again, then I remember. “Oh...just so you know, I'm going over to Rob’s tomorrow afternoon. Carlos is going out, so were having a girlie afternoon.”
“You are?” He says surprised.
“Yes, I am.” Does he expect me to ask for his permission or something?
“Coral, you’re doing too much’ – “No I'm not. Tristan I miss Rob, and I haven’t really talked to him since he got back. I'm his friend, he needs me. I think he wants to tell me about Carlos, about what happened, and I want to catch up with him too.” I tell him.
“Are you going to stay in?” He asks, his brow furrowed.
“Yes, I told you we are. I’ll only be a few hours.”Tristan half smiles at me, but I can see the worry in his eyes.“I'm not going to drink,” I say smirking at him.
He still doesn’t look too happy.
“What’s wrong?” I question, trying to keep my cool.
“I'm going to miss you,” he whispers, completely throwing me. “And I can't help it Coral, I’ll worry, I know I will. You’re not healed yet and if something happened’ – “Hey,” I lean down and press my lips against his.“Nothing is going to happen to me, I know it seems like Rob and I are a little crazy when we’re together, but it’s not always like that. We’ve had plenty of non drunken nights in where we just talk...and laugh...” I trail off, not really knowing what else to say.
“Just promise me, you’ll be good. That you’ll come home if you’re in pain, or you’re tired, or' – “I will, I promise I’ll be good.” I say pressing my lips against his again – He seems placated.“Now, I don't know about you, but I'm ready for round two,” I tease.
“Why don't we make it three rounds,” he teases back.
I giggle in delight and we start all over again...
WE ARE SAT AT THE BREAKFAST BAR, eating Edith’s delicious Bread and Butter Pudding; she even made her own custard. I must ask her to teach me how to do that.
After our lovemaking, Tristan took me into the shower and gently washed my hair, just like before, only this time I did the same to him, but I couldn’t help kissing the scar and stitches on his head, trying to soothe it better as he bent his head down for me to wash his hair; it was a very sweet, intimate moment.I never knew being with someone, someone you love so much could feel like this; so close, so connected and together.
But the more we sit here, both quietly contemplating, the more I can feel myself getting pissed off with Tristan.I’ve spent three days questioning why I have felt so tearful, god knows how many times I have said this to him, that I don't understand it, yet all this could have been avoided if he’d told me that I had fallen pregnant and...I shake my head, I can't even say it – Point is, if he’d have told me, I would have understood all this crazy crying.
I’m trying to understand his reasons for holding back. I keep trying to put myself in his shoes, thinking what I would do, and it’s making me mad to know, that even though we have promised each other to be honest and have no secrets, he has kept this from me from the very moment I woke up in hospital.
My appetite suddenly plummets – I feel sick.
I place my spoon down and stare blankly ahead. I don't want to fight with Tristan about this, I think we’ve done enough of that, but I’m angry and I don't know what to do with it.Normally I’d go train with Will, get rid of the pent up frustration, but I can't even do that.
“What’s wrong?” Tristan asks.
I grit my teeth and stare straight ahead.
“Coral, we have to talk to one another,” he says. Ha! He’s got a cheek saying that.
I turn and glare at him. “Yes, you should have talked to me,” I quietly hiss so Edith can't hear me.
“Baby,” he breathes, staring back at me with wide, guilty, heart melting chocolate brown eyes – No!
“Edith,” I call.
She turns and smiles at me. “Yes Coral?”
“Can you give us some privacy please,” I say.
Her face falls, but she nods reading my expression.“I’ll be downstairs if you need me,” she says, quickly wobbling away.
The moment she turns the corner and she’s out of view, I turn to Tristan.
“I know what you’re going to say,” he mumbles, reading me easily again.
“Well I’m gonna say it anyway!” I snap. “You should have told me in hospital Tristan. I’ve been walking around thinking I’m falling apart at the seams, but I’m not...it’s just fucking hormones!” I shout.
He puts down his spoon and closes his eyes for a moment. When he re-opens them, he doesn’t look at me, he simply takes my hand in his and gently squeezes it.“I know I was wrong,” he says staring down at the floor.
“I realise that now, I should have told you straight away. And I’m so sorry for not doing so, I thought – Christ!” He runs his free hand through his hair, then meets my eyes.I can't help glaring at him.“Dr Green’ – “Dr Green?” I interrupt.
It suddenly hits me again, that this was the reason they were arguing.
“She wanted to tell me,” I snap, I feel myself getting tearful again – I want to scream!
“Yes,” he quietly says, staring at the floor again.
I swipe my hand over my cheeks, dashing the silent tears away.“I’m so fucking mad with you,” I hiss, scowling at him.
“I know,” he says, taking me by surprise. “I’m mad with me too,” he adds in the most sorrowful voice – No! Don't do this, don't be nice, fight back!
“Ugh...” I dash his hand away and slide off the breakfast stool.
“Whe
re are you going baby?” He softly asks.
“To see if I can speak to Dr Green!” I storm off into his office, slamming the door behind me....
I REPLACE THE HANDSET AND LAY MY head back on Tristan’s large, leather chair. Now I really do feel sick. Dr Green has told me that we need to be really careful because it’s very easy to fall pregnant after a miscarriage, and that she advises – as I don't want children yet – to go onto another form of contraception, that using condoms is not the safest way.
But I really don't like the thought of having to take a pill every day, and I don't like the thought of some implant in my body – that’s a bit X-Files for my liking – and the thought of having a coil fitted – Ugh! When she mentioned that I automatically crossed my legs – No definitely not going for that one!
I sigh inwardly and close my eyes. What am I going to do? I’m still really pissed at Tristan, and to be honest I want to run. I want to get away from this place. Then it hits me, there’s only one place I want to be right now – the beach.
I know we promised we wouldn’t walk out on one another, but I need to get out of here, which makes me suddenly see things from Tristan’s perspective. How he must have felt when he went to walk out on me, after I told him about Susannah. He wasn’t leaving me, he just wanted to get away from me, just like I need to do now – Right!
Launching myself out of the chair, my shoulder throbbing painfully at me, I yank his office door open. I’m surprised to see Tristan is still sat at the breakfast bar, with a wounded look on his face. Tough! – I need to do this, for my own sanity!
I march over to him. “Where’s Stuart?” I snap.
“In the library,” he softly says.
“Right!” I march over, yank the door open and find Stuart sitting in one of the chairs, reading a book; he looks up at me in surprise.
“Coral? Is everything ok?”
“I’d like to go down to the beach. Will you take me?” I ask, my voice firm and hard.
“O-of course,” he stutters, his eyebrows pinching together.
“Good, I’ll be down in a minute,” I say, closing the door and heading back past the kitchen.
“Coral, what are you doing?” Tristan softly asks.
Darkest Fears Trilogy: Fallen For Him / Freed By Him / Forever With Him Page 108