Darkest Fears Trilogy: Fallen For Him / Freed By Him / Forever With Him

by Clair Delaney

  I was only going to see her so I could come to a decision, and then she – “You promised me,” Tristan says, his voice raw.

  “I know,” I whisper, feeling guilty for not telling him, but if Susannah hadn’t have done what she’s done, I’m sure this would be a different conversation.

  “Then why?” He asks, dropping his fork onto his half-eaten plate of food.

  “I didn’t want you to worry. I just thought...if I see her then I can make a decision. I don't like not having the answer to something, and I didn’t want it hanging over me before I married you. I wanted to know, one way or the other, what direction my life was going in once I’d committed myself to you.” I state. “I didn’t know she was going to do that Tristan...” I add in a whisper.

  He squeezes his eyes shut for a moment. Ok, he’s not mad, he’s fuming!

  He silently picks up his fork and continues shoving food into his mouth.

  The silence stretches between us.

  I sigh inwardly and try to eat some more pie.

  Thankfully, Tristan’s mobile begins buzzing on the table in front of us.

  With one furious glance at me, he picks it up and answers it.

  “Freeman!” He snaps and listens for a moment. “Detective Marsh...yes’ he looks across at me, glaring again, ‘we’ve heard the news.” Releasing me from his glare, he listens again, nodding his head several times.

  “No, I don't...Detective, I really think, considering the tragic circumstances that all charges are dropped.....No, let them be, I want them to get on with their lives as we will endeavour to do....Yes, thank you Detective.” Tristan hangs up.

  “What was’ – “Should I tell you?” He questions, his voice low.

  He is furious with me – Great!

  “Yes, you’ – “Why should I tell you?” He shouts, his hand slamming down on the table, making me flinch. “Yet again Coral, you did something behind my back, instead of telling me you were going to do it!”

  He is apoplectic with rage.

  I look down at my plate. I will not cry!

  “I’m sorry Tristan,” I whisper, twisting the fork round between my fingers.

  “Sorry!” He chokes, almost bouncing off the chair.

  “You’re only this mad because of what Susannah did,” I say.

  “No I’m not!” He shouts. I look up and meet his glare. “This has nothing to do with that!”

  “Tristan...” I reach out for him.

  “Don't!” He warns, recoiling from me – I hear Edith disappear into the Utility room.

  “Do I scare you so much that you don't feel like you can be honest with me, talk to me?” He questions, his voice shaking.

  I glance down at his body, he’s bristling with tension and his hands are balled up into fists. Crap!

  “No!” I bark, glaring back at him. “You don't scare me!”

  “Then what?” He shouts. “You don't trust me?” We’re back to that?

  “I’m sorry!” I repeat, shaking my head and looking down at my plate.

  “Not good enough!” He shouts.

  “No-one is perfect Tristan, everyone makes mistakes!” I shout back.

  “Mistakes yes, but purposely not telling me, is hiding the truth from me. I know you did that Coral, I just don't understand why? What, did you think I was going to stop you?” He asks, laughing sarcastically at me. I’m about to answer him, but he cuts in. “Because let’s get something straight’ – he’s still being sarcastic – ‘no-one tells you what to do, do they Coral!” He says, throwing my own words back at me.

  Now I’m getting pissed. I look up and grit my teeth at him.

  “No they don't!” I snap.

  “So what’s the reason Coral?” He booms again. “What, cat got your tongue?”

  I am no good at this, at confrontation – I want to run and hide!

  “You are making me doubt us, doubt what we have!” He bellows.

  I gasp aloud and look up at him. “What?” I tremble.

  “You heard me!” He booms, launching to his feet, knocking his chair back in the process. “How am I supposed to build a trusting relationship with you? You tell me about that fucker who abused you, the slime ball that raped you, but you can't tell me something as simple as this? All you had to do is pick up the phone and say ‘Hi Tristan, just to let you know I’m going to see Susannah’ It’s that fucking simple!

  “Jesus Christ Coral, every time I think we’ve taken a step closer to one another, you do something or behave in a certain way that takes us ten steps back! It’s like your purposely self-destructing us.” He stops shouting and starts pacing the room, looking up at the ceiling, running his hands through his hair.

  Then he stops pacing, and still staring up at the ceiling he starts laughing, hysterically. It’s unnerving. Then he turns and glares at me, his hands on his hips, he’s deciding something, I can tell.

  I watch his facial features change from anger to completely impassive, like he’s turned to stone, there’s no emotion there at all. I try to breathe, but no air will come.

  “Tristan...I,” I break off, he looks like a complete stranger to me; his expression is so cold.

  “I love you and I wanted to marry you, but you decided this on your own, so I’m deciding this on my own. Until you can learn to communicate effectively with me, the wedding’s off!” He tells me, his voice as emotionless as his face.

  “What?” I breathe. I try to stand, but my legs are shaking so badly that it doesn’t happen. So I just stare up at him, mouth open, trying to think of something to say.

  “Oh fuck this!” He snarls stomping away from me. I turn and watch him pick up his jacket, and his keys, open the front door and slam it behind him. Ok, that did not just happen!

  I stare blankly at the front door. He didn’t mean what he said, surely? I swallow hard. He was just threatening because he was so mad, he must have been? Or maybe he wasn’t? Stupid, stupid, stupid Coral!

  I should have told him I was going to see her. I turn back around and stare blankly out the window, hoping and secretly praying he’s going to come back through that door. I imagine him running over to me, we fall into each other’s arms, both forgiving, both loving one another. Then I see his face again, the unemotional, faceless expression he wore before he walked out, it was so cold.

  Not like my Tristan with his warm cheeks and eyes that crinkle sweetly at the corners when he smiles. Not my Tristan with eyes so warm and soulful, I could spend the rest of my life swimming in the depths of them. Not my Tristan with his cute freckles and dimples on his face, and a smile so beautiful that he must be straight from heaven, my own personal angel.

  No, the man that walked out on me was not my Tristan.

  A shiver runs right from the top of my head all the way down to my toes. I suddenly feel very, very cold. A hollow sob tries to escape me. I slap my hand to my mouth and choke it back, I will not cry!

  I take a deep steadying breath, and it’s in that moment of complete numbness that I realise that I need to prepare myself for the possibility that he was being truthful, that he really does feel that way – I’m not even sure if he’s coming back – Oh God!

  His words start reverberating around my head, over and over...

  ‘You’re making me doubt us, doubt what we have’

  ‘How am I supposed to build a trusting relationship with you’

  ‘It’s like your purposely self-destructing us’

  ‘I love you and I wanted to marry you’

  ‘Until you can learn to communicate effectively with me, the wedding’s off’

  I inhale sharply and grip my stomach, trying to stop it from turning over. I hear Edith coming out of the utility room, I guess she went to hide, or give us some privacy. Either way, I don't want any kind of conversation with her right now, so I get to my feet and make my way into the library, locking the door behind me.

  I curl up in the recliner, wrap my arms around my legs and stare numbly ahead, wondering if I will
see Tristan tonight, wondering if he’ll ever come back? I can't even think about not seeing him, or what it would feel like not to have him in my life – But then something happens, a shift within me, and I actually start to feel really pissed off.

  I mean, there’s a part of me that understands his frustration that I didn’t tell him, but that’s no excuse to go bonkers at me – Who the hell does he think he is?

  I get to my feet and start pacing the room, clenching my fists in anger. I just watched a woman die, a woman take her own life. He should be comforting me, not shouting at me. The more I think about it, the more I just think screw you Tristan Freeman, you don't want to marry me, well the feeling is mutual!

  I don't want to marry a man who acts like that, in-fact, what the hell am I doing marrying a man I hardly know? This is unbelievable! How dare he walk out on me! – And how dare he threaten to call off the wedding!

  God, I’m so mad, furiously beyond pissed off. And I can't go and punch the crap out of the punch bag to relieve the tension. I squeeze my fists tighter trying to relieve some of the tension. Then I stop pacing and take a deep breath to calm myself. Getting this stressed is not good for me, I know that, but I’m still so mad, so hurt...

  And then it hits me – George! I need to speak to George. Maybe he’ll have some words of wisdom, something that will help calm me down. Because right now, Tristan is not the only one re-thinking our relationship – Right!

  Marching out of the library, I grab my mobile, stomp back into the library and make the call...

  HALF AN HOUR LATER, I say goodbye to George – He has helped calm me down a little bit, and also explained that relationships can be like this, that they take work, patience, understanding. He understood my point of view, but he also understood Tristan’s, although he didn’t completely agree or disagree with him walking out on me.

  So once again, I feel lost, out of my depth and really confused. I still don't know what to do. Part of me wants to pack a bag and go stay with Rob, but the other half wants to stay. I can't keep running away from situations I find difficult or challenging – And I think, tonight, Tristan has been both of those.

  At some point during my internal battle, I fall asleep in the chair...

  I JERK AWAKE. THEN I HEAR A STRANGE NOISE. Shit! I’m still in the library, what time is it? Though the room is pitch-black, I stagger to my feet and look down at my watch – 3.35am? A shiver runs through me. I feel so cold. I’m guessing Tristan isn’t home? Surely he’d come to find me if he was? – The sinking feeling washes over me again – What if he says we’re through?

  Then I remember I’m mad with him too, well sort off, it’s kind of faded a bit now. I shake my head and try to push those thoughts away, then I hear it again, the strange noise.

  My heart starts hammering against my chest. What is that? I hear it again, sounds like someone moving furniture around? Then I hear a loud bang, which makes me jump, but it’s quickly followed by an epithet – Tristan?

  I launch myself forward, un-lock the door and take a cautious step into the living area. The room is eerily silent, the only light coming from the full moon, making strange patterns across the floor and the furniture. I look to my right and see the front door is wide-open – Holy fuck!

  “Tristan?” I whisper. Stuart silently appears opposite me, at the foot of the stairs, which makes me jump. He lifts his finger to his mouth, telling me to be silent. Then he holds his hand up flat, and beckons me to move away, back into the library, into safety. Fuck!

  I nod once and take a step back. My mouth is dry, my fingers tingling – Both our heads whip round when we here another bang. It’s coming from the kitchen!

  Then we hear what sounds like hysterical laughter. Stuart warns me to stay, and silently walks over to the kitchen. My heart feels like it’s going to explode – Who the hell is it?

  Smiling in relief, Stuart looks up at me. “Coral, there’s no danger,” he says.

  I dash over to the kitchen, and find Tristan in a crumpled heap on the floor, and I can smell what I think is pizza? Stuart flicks on the lights, and I gasp aloud at the state of him. There’s pizza slices splattered all over the kitchen floor and a broken plate – Oh Tristan!

  “Hey baby,” he slurs as he tries to focus on me. Holy crap! Tristan is drunk!

  “Hi,” I squeak, kneeling in front of him. “Tristan, look at me. Are you hurt?” I ask, holding his face in my hands.

  “You...are in...trouble,” he slurs. I want to shout at him that he is too, but I don't. There’s no point trying to put your point across to a drunk person!

  I sigh inwardly. “Where have you been?” I ask.

  “Joyce,” he says.

  “You went drinking with Joyce?” I question, that’s odd!

  “Yes...she really loves you...” He looks up, barely able to focus on me. “And so do I.”

  I stare back at him feeling embarrassed because Stuart is right here, hearing all of this. “Coral, I’ll get the door and reset the alarm,” he says, he must have sensed my unease.

  “Thanks Stu.” He nods once and walks away. I sit down on the cold tiled floor next to Tristan. “So I’m guessing you were hungry?” I say, sighing heavily.

  “Yes...” he slurs. “Didn’t eat much dinner...” He tries to look angry, but he just looks like he’s pulling silly faces.

  “Me neither,” I whisper.

  “Joyce said...you are challenging...” His eyes close, I think he’s about to pass out.

  “Tristan!” I shout, shaking him. “Open your eyes.” I have to get him to the sofa. He can't sleep on the kitchen floor, although, the state he’s in, he probably wouldn’t be able to tell the difference.

  “Tristan!” I shout again.

  His one eye pops open. “Are we home?” Ok, that’s funny!

  “Yes.” I can't help chuckling to myself.

  “There are two of you...” He grins, and lunges forward grabbing hold of me, but he’s so drunk that he sinks down on top of me, his body weight crushing me – Holy fuck!

  Edith appears in her pyjamas, gasping when she she’s what’s happened to her spotlessly clean kitchen, and seeing Tristan on top of me.

  “A little help!” I gasp to Stuart and Edith. They pull Tristan off me, then all three of us, lift him to his feet, he’s still awake and grinning like an idiot. I go to throw his arm over my shoulder, but Stuart stops me.

  “There’s an easier way,” he says, smirking at me.

  Making it look effortless, he takes hold of Tristan, bends down and lifts him up, so his torso is across his shoulders, his legs to the right, his arms to the left. Stuart steadies him and carefully carries him over to the sofa. As Stuart places him down, Edith flicks on the small reading lamp next to the sofa, while I sink down in front of Tristan.

  “Will that be all?” Stuart asks.

  I sigh inwardly. “Yes, thank you Stuart.”

  “He’s gonna have one helluva hang over tomorrow,” he says, shaking his head as he walks away. Yes, he certainly will!

  “Can I get you anything?” Edith asks, she still looks fast asleep.

  “No, thanks Edith,” I whisper. “I’ll get Tristan settled then clean up the kitchen. You get yourself back to bed.”

  “Are you sure?” She asks, yawning widely.

  “Positive,” I whisper, smiling up at her.

  “Alright then, goodnight Coral,” she says, smiling warmly at me.

  “Night Edith,” I watch her walk away and turn back to Tristan, he’s still grinning like a fool. Then his head falls back and his eyes close.

  “Tristan, wake up!” I shout. “I need to undress you.” His t-shirt and jeans are covered in pizza sauce.

  I pull him forward so I can grab his t-shirt. I manage to yank it up over his back, and pull it over his head, before he flops back against the sofa – Hmm even in his drunken state one look at his sexy body has me wanting him.

  I shake my head at myself, throw his t-shirt to the floor, take his belt in my hand and
unbuckle it.

  I glance up at him; he has his sexy grin going on.

  “Want some?” He slurs, trying to flex his hips towards me.

  “I always want you like that Tristan, but not tonight!” I tell him.

  He pouts at me. A brief smile flits across my lips.

  “Come on, lift up.” I tell him. He tries three times to push his hips up, eventually, he makes it and I manage to pull his jeans down to his feet. I pull his trainers and socks off, then slide his jeans off, leaving his clothes on the floor.

  “I think I’m a little drunk,” he says, the sweetest grin spreading across his face. Ok, that’s just too cute!

  “Yes.” I smile. “I think you are.”

  “I love you Coral Stevens...my beautiful wife,” he slurs, gazing lovingly at me.

  “Not yet,” I say.

  “In here...” He says, trying to hold his hand against his heart. “You are...” My heart swells with love for this drunken man before me.

  “Hungry?” I ask, trying not to get overwhelmed. Honestly, one minute I’m mad as hell, the next I’m almost blubbering – What are you doing to me Tristan?

  “Hmm...” He lunges forward again.

  “Hey!” I push him back. “Not that kind of hungry!”

  “I want...you,” he says, his stomach rumbling. He needs food!

  “Later, let’s eat first, ok?” I say, trying to placate him. “Don't you dare move!” I warn.

  He grins a sweet - I’m drunk but so in love with you - smile.

  I dash over to the kitchen. There’s several slices of pizza on the floor, next to the broken plate – What was he trying to do? Shaking my head, I pick up the pizza box from the floor, open the lid and find that half of the pizza is still intact.

  I grab some kitchen towels and dash back over to him. I grab the throw off the sofa, lay it across his legs and place the pizza box on top, opening the lid, I take a slice out and hand it to him.

  “Here Tristan, eat this.”

  “Thanks...” He grins at me, then demolishes the slice.