Shenandoah Christmas

by Lynnette Kent

  "Enough," Cait said, laughing. "Enough, already. David, take everybody into the living room to sit down. I'll be in shortly with coffee and pie."

  "Sounds good," he said, leading a protesting Peggy down the hallway.

  "Sure we can't help finish up?" Harry asked.

  Cait stretched out her arm and pointed to the front of the house. "Go!"

  Smiling, shaking his head, he followed orders. Ben came through the same door just a minute later, carrying a pile of napkins and the empty breadbasket. He hadn't said much all evening, and he didn't say anything now as he put the napkins on top of Anna's washer, and set the breadbasket on the table beside other silver dishes that would need hand-washing.

  "Thanks," Cait said, to be polite. If he didn't want to admit she'd done a decent job with the meal, that was okay. She would have thought he would be a better sport, but maybe not...

  "You are incredible." His deep, soft-voweled voice

  came from just beside her. She realized suddenly that he had leaned his hips back against the edge of the kitchen counter, just inches from where she was pouring cream and sugar into serving pitchers. 1

  "Urn..." She glanced at his face, caught the intensity of his gaze and looked away again, flushing. "I told you I'd make a decent dinner." ]

  "And I should have believed you. There's not much you couldn't do if you set your mind to it. Obviously, the pot roast issue was just lack of focus." 1

  "Thank you...I think." I

  He grinned. "But it's the whole package I'm talking about. You're about to break into the big time, yet you take off several months to help out your sister. You're beautiful and talented and thoughtful. Good with kids. What's not to love?" 1

  Something like fear rushed through her from head to toe. "Are you trying...not to...love me?" I

  Ben turned to face her, curled his hand around the back of her neck and drew her up against him. "Oh, yeah," he said, almost in a growl. "I'm fighting as hard as I know how." He touched his lips briefly to hers. "And losing."

  Cait hadn't let herself think about kissing him. There was no advantage in dreaming about what she couldn't have. But now his arms enfolded her and his mouth was taking hers and it seemed she could have anything she wanted.

  She twined her arms around his neck and pressed close, trailing kisses across his cheek, along his jawline, before returning to his beautiful, devastating mouth. His hands slipped under her sweater, and Cait felt the rough pads of his fingers smoothing her spine with a gentle stroke, tracing her ribs, easing between their bodies to cup her breast. She moaned as the curve of his flesh fit hers. At the sound,

  [

  Ben nudged her lips apart, taking her into an intimacy so deep, Cait wasn't sure where she ended and he began.

  Wrong. All wrong. A small, rational corner of Ben's brain screamed at him, but the caution was lost beneath the roar of desire and need and pure conquest rushing through him. For the first time in as long as he could remember, he felt good.

  Which was why he didn't understand how Cait could be pulling back. "What? What's wrong?" He couldn't get his voice above a whisper.

  She took a deep, shuddering breath, made a circling motion with her hand. "This. We can't...your family..." Propping her hands on her hips, she dropped her chin to her chest, still shaking her head. "Neither of us needs this."

  With his body screaming, he couldn't agree. But a woman always had the right to say no. "Sorry." He ran a hand over his face, dug deep for some self-control. "I— I'll take out the garbage." Grabbing up the full container, he let himself out the back door before he could do or say something he'd regret.

  Ten minutes of standing in the twenty-degree darkness cleared his head and tamed his body. He returned to the empty kitchen, carefully put the garbage can in its place and inserted a plastic bag, then made his way slowly to the front of the house.

  Still absorbed in the movie, Maddie and Shep were eating cookies shaped like pilgrim hats. Harry had taken one of the armchairs; Cait sat on the sofa between David and Peggy. Ben glanced at her and quirked an eyebrow. Did she think she needed that much protection?

  She blushed and looked away. "Help yourself to pie and coffee."

  He bent to the coffee table and poured a cup, then

  looked at Cait one last time. "Is it okay if I have a cookie, instead? I'm not much of a pastry fan."

  "Of course. As many as you want." Ben took two, then went to his seat on the far side of the room. How soon would they be able to leave?

  Conversation was sparse—the adults watched Miracle on 34TH Street with the kids, commenting occasionally to each other, comparing this version of the story with the one they remembered. The evening ended shortly after the movie did. Dave brought their coats, they all looked into the bedroom to say good-night to Anna, and then they were standing at the door, wrapping up to go out into the cold.

  Ben knelt to zip Shep's jacket. Just behind him, Peggy gave Cait a hug. "This was just lovely. Thank you so much—it was a real treat not to have to cook this year."

  "I'm so glad you could come." That voice was enough by itself to get him worked up all over again.

  "So," Harry said, "I guess we'll see y'all Sunday morning."

  "Not me, I'm afraid." Cait had stepped back from Peggy, as far away as she could get and still be in the hall. "I'm leaving for Las Vegas early tomorrow to do some shows. I'll be back on Tuesday." ^

  Harry gave a low whistle. "Very impressive. Well, good luck. Or break a leg—whatever is the right thing to say."

  Wishing he could break something himself, Ben got to his feet. "Must be important, to travel so far for such a short time."

  Cait looked up at him. "My career is important. To me." The emphasis was slight, but real. "These shows will help me get more performance dates." +

  "And that's the name of the game," he said, as lightly

  as he could manage. "Have a good weekend. Night, Pastor Dave. Come on Shep, Maddie. I'll race you to the car."

  Both kids had to give Cait a hug before they came outside, so there was no race. After buckling them in, he turned on the engine just as Harry and Peg passed on the way to their car.

  "Bring Maddie and Shep anytime tomorrow," Peggy told him when he rolled down the window. "I want to make some Christmas cookies—get an early start on the season."

  "Oh, boy, oh, boy." Maddie clapped her hands. "We'll be there right after breakfast."

  "Or maybe sometime in the afternoon," Ben suggested. "I'll call first."

  Peggy waved and disappeared into the dark. As the two cars drove away, the Remingtons' front porch light clicked off.

  Good-night, he thought. Goodbye.

  "Daddy, did Miss Caitlyn say she was going to do some concerts?" Yes, she did." Can we go to one?"

  Not this time. She'll be way out in Nevada. You have to go to school Monday."

  "Oh." Maddie thought for a minute. "But maybe she'll do one close to us, since Miss Anna's here, too. I'd really like to see her sing her songs with a band and everything."

  At the moment, Ben couldn't think of anything more frustrating. "We'll try to do that sometime, sweetheart."

  But if he was lucky, he could delay so long that Maddie would forget her crush on Cait and move on to another passion.

  He only wondered if he ever would.

  c

  •

  i i-

  Landing in Nevada was like going to another planet. After the relatively simple pleasures of Goodwill—blue mountains and white snow, green pines and black night skies filled with glittering stars—Cait felt disoriented in the brashness of Las Vegas.

  Russell met her at the airport. "Hey, babe. Glad you made it." He took her arm, dragged her along as he dashed toward the exit. "We've got a rehearsal at ten, sound check at four. First show's at eight. Band's waiting for you. Wardrobe's already in your room. Got you a nice suite, whirlpool, the works. Rooms are packed for each show. Not sold out—but I'm betting that'll happen after you knock 'em dead tonig
ht."

  In the back seat of the Cadillac—she didn't yet rate a limo in Vegas—Cait slumped down and closed her eyes. She hadn't slept much. She'd left the kitchen as clean as she could, since Peggy would be in and out all weekend. Then she'd gone to bed, only to relive the interlude with Ben over and over and over. She should have slept on the plane, but Cait hated to fly. She had to stay awake to keep the damn thing in the air. ]

  So she'd spent the last four hours thinking about Ben, about that word he'd used— love. He hadn't meant love, the kind he'd had for his wife. Had he?

  That would complicate everything beyond belief. Because it would be perfectly easy to love him back. What would they do then? ■]

  She got to the stage a few minutes before rehearsal was due to start and spent time catching up with the guys in the band. They hadn't played together since September, so there were rough spots to smooth, some changes to make, innovations to work in. For a good three hours, Cait

  stopped thinking about anything outside the notes and the words. It was a relief to get back into the songs, to know that she could lose herself in her work. Problems always took a back seat to music.

  In her hotel room at last, she collapsed on the bed, exhausted enough to sleep through the ringing of the phone when Russell called at three to get her up again for the sound check. He had to bang on her door and pour coffee down her throat before she could function.

  But then the adrenaline started leaking into her system. The spotlights in her eyes, the bounce of the stage under her feet, the smiles of the guys as they played around with the songs—this was what she'd always wanted. This was where she truly felt at home, where she knew exactly what she was doing. This was her world.

  She dressed for the show—boots, black leather pants and vest over a soft white shirt. Her hair flowed from a black ribbon tied at the nape of her neck. Heavy makeup turned her into a person she hadn't seen for a while.

  Finally... showtime. "Let's hear it for Miss Cait Gregory!" The audience obeyed the announcer's order with polite applause.

  Standing at back stage center, Cait waited for her intro, the opening chords of her first number-one hit. Then she put on her show smile, tossed her head and took the stage because it belonged to her.

  Two hours later she was sweating buckets, dizzy from hunger, blinded by the lights...and singing her third encore after a standing ovation. She'd put everything she had into the show. Now the audience was giving back. The waves of approval coming toward her touched her skin, wrapped her in a tangible embrace.

  Why would she give this up for any thing... any one... else?

  CHAPTER NINE

  Peggy spent much of the holiday weekend taking care of Anna. Harry missed having his wife at home, but he wasn't sorry to avoid her. Talking to Peg was getting harder by the day. There were so many things he just couldn't say.

  When he came in Tuesday evening, after spending hours driving aimlessly through the mountains, the aroma of roast beef greeted him like a long-lost friend. He put his coat in the closet and followed his nose. "Peggy?

  Peg?"

  She was whipping potatoes at the counter. ' 'Dinner will be ready in five minutes."

  Something about the tilt of her head, the set of her shoulders, kept him from coming close enough for a kiss. ' 'Want me to set the table?''

  "I thought we'd eat in the dining room for a change. I've set the places already." i

  "Ah." The two of them usually ate in the kitchen and saved the dining room for bigger groups...or important occasions. Each time Peg had told him she was expecting a baby, they'd been sitting in that room. Then, after all the miscarriages, Harry had dished up hamburgers there the night they'd brought Valerie home from the hospital. They'd eaten birthday dinners and anniversary meals at the long mahogany table.

  What did they have to celebrate now?

  He sat in his usual chair near the front window while Peg brought in the roast, the potatoes, hot rolls, broccoli casserole and salad. "Looks good," he said, though he really had no appetite.

  Peggy bowed her head. "Let's say grace."

  They passed the serving dishes back and forth without talking to each other, and ate for a long time in silence. Harry invented, then rejected, a series of comments designed to break the ice. He'd never had trouble talking to Peg before. And she was always the chatterbox. Tonight, they might as well have been strangers.

  "What's wrong, Harry?"

  He looked up from the potatoes he'd been pushing around the plate. "Nothing. It's all delicious."

  Peg didn't answer his grin. "I don't mean the food."

  In all honesty, he couldn't pretend to misunderstand her. He shrugged. "I...guess I'm at loose ends, not having the job to go to every day."

  "Anna suggested you might want to talk to a therapist."

  A shrink?" His chest tightened. "I'm not crazy." Of course not. But if you won't talk to me, maybe there's someone else... David, perhaps?"

  He couldn't imagine consulting the minister about his personal problems, not when a major financial and personal catastrophe loomed over the church. Harry pushed back from the table, got to his feet and went to look out the window. "What's there to talk about?"

  "Feeling useless? Having no purpose?"

  Obviously, he'd said too much at Thanksgiving dinner. "Tell Anna I don't appreciate the interference. I'm fine. Just fine."

  "But you don't sleep. You're not eating. And we're not...making love."

  i i

  < <<

  Fear filled his lungs. "If you're not satisfied..." Before he realized it, Peggy stood beside him. She put a hand on his arm. "Harry, please. It's you I'm worried about. You're the one who's not being...satisfied."

  Pride kept him from pulling out of her hold. "I'm not complaining."

  "You're not doing anything at all." J

  "I worked every damn day for thirty-five years. Maybe it's time I just didn't do anything. Did you think about that?"

  "Harry—"

  Pride be damned. "I'm going for a drive." i

  He walked away from his wife, away from the questions, from the knowledge that he was failing her at every level of their relationship. 1

  But he couldn't walk away from the despair.

  "We have four Wednesdays left," Cait told the children's choir at their first rehearsal after Thanksgiving. "So we want to start practicing the staging for the program, along with the songs."

  Maddie raised her hand. ' 'Mary and Elizabeth and their angel come first."

  "That's right. So we need Tina and Lindsey and Tiaria on the platform." Three of the older girls self-consciously climbed to their places. "Tina and Lindsey, you're sewing and talking, laughing a little." The two girls blushed, giggled, pantomimed using a needle and thread on cloth. "Right. Tiaria, you're going to come in from the right side...." !

  The kids were quiet as Cait worked through the scene and rehearsed with them the Advent songs that would bracket the action. Mary and Joseph arriving at the inn went well, too. "Mr. Tremaine has a background all

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