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The Groundwater Diaries

Page 39

by Tim Bradford


  Waterloo bridge 335, 420

  Waterloo, Battle of 327

  Watson, Dr 170–1

  weasel piss 339

  weather 8, 14, 21, 37, 81, 428

  weeping willows 66, 141, 146, 290

  Welch, Raquel 106

  Wellard, Gordon, Septet 113

  Weller, Sam 102, 361

  wells 105–21, 226, 316, 360

  Wells, HG 100

  Welsh Elvis, the 158

  Welsh Harp reservoir 275

  Welsh women 310–11

  Wembley 275, 278

  West Ham United FC 45

  West Hampstead 207, 384

  West Indies 20, 67

  West Smthfield 120

  West Norwood Hills, the 400

  Westbourne 11, 13, 204–221, 261, 414, 423

  Westminster Abbey 155–6, 166–8, 215

  Westminster Cathedral 162

  Westway, the 210, 222

  Westwood, Vivienne 218, 221

  When Saturday Comes 95, 126, 191, 192

  White Hart Lane 7, 149

  ‘White Man In

  Hammersmith Palais’ 231

  Whitehead, Jack 53

  Whitesnake 403–4

  Wick village, Hackney 73

  Wicker Man, The 9

  Wilberforce, William 217

  Wilson, Bob 64

  Wilson, Harold

  (impressions of) 192

  Wimbledon 285,

  (Chase), 286,

  (Common), 254, 297,

  (FC), 45, (tennis championships), 301–2

  Winnie the Pooh 276; 278

  Winslett, Kate 171

  Winterburn, Nigel 64

  witches 116, 161

  wobbly electric organ 230

  Wolff, Naomi 273

  Women In Love 262

  women in skimpy

  dresses 123

  women:men ratio 132, 272

  Wonderful London 10, 11, 34, 105, 205

  Wood Green 23, 141, 147

  Woodberry Down 27, 29.

  Woodward, Edward 9

  Woolwich Arsenal 48, 372

  Worcester Park 291, 292

  World Cup 126, 145

  World of Leather 278

  World Trade Center 415

  World Turned Upside

  Down, The 325

  World War 165, 194, 329

  World War II 71, 327, 329, 386, 387

  Wormwood Scrubs 245, 247–8

  Wren, Sir Christopher 119

  X-Men, The 35

  yellow broom 58

  yellow hard hats 56, 57, 146, 164, 341

  ‘Yids!’ 150

  yoga 10, 21

  yokel 137, 277

  Yorkshire heaven 230

  Young’s Bitter 107

  Yugoslavian immigrants 77, 394

  yuppies 396–7

  Zen 255

  Zippo’s Circus 87, 99, 299

  zoo 170

  ZZ Top 168

  Acknowledgements

  It all seems so long ago now that I embarked on this series of journeys, the last one in September 2001. Several of the walks in this book were first done with friends or fellow map obsessives – thanks to Tracey Bush, Doug Cheeseman, Karen Johnson, Dave Ludkin, Andy Lyons, Ian Spry, Kelly Thomas and Dominick Weir. Also my parents, Rhona and Tony.

  Thanks as well to Ian Plenderleith, my flatlander writer mate, for his unswerving inspiration and morale boosting; Tony Davis for his photographic genius; Lee Marple for local history tips; Neil Ruane for Bank of Friendship discussions; Jill Sterry for getting me inside the sewage works; Rob and his gang for my trip under the streets; Jonathan Wright for help with early research; Rebecca Skeels for her supply of creative ideas; Edna Crome for local history knowledge; and Andy Major for help with bar surveys in the West End. Thanks to Dominick for dragging me round Portobello Road searching for cheap records all those years ago and helping me find the old volumes which started this quest. And to Seth Weir for walks, pub-crawls, ideas and writing workshops.

  I have met lots of librarians over the last three years. I’d like to say there are too many to mention but the truth is I can’t remember their names. All except for Isobel of Hornsey Library in Crouch End. Librarians are the guardians of our culture. And they’ve got cheap photocopiers. Cheers, library people.

  On the publishing side: thanks to Rosemary Scoular for her positive input; Kate Morris for her keen eye; Steven Appleby for his amazing cover; Nicola Barr for sorting out the paperback; Terence Caven for designing my pile of doodles and sketches into a book; Philip Gwyn Jones for getting the whole project off the ground; and Georgina Laycock for her sympathetic understanding of the East Midlands magical-realist bollocks school of travel writing.

  The most special thanks are due to Cindy for her love, encouragement and belief and to Cathleen for help with local research and for the loan of her Pingu videos. And hello to Seán, watching patiently (and dribbling slightly) as I write this. You’re probably wondering what sort of shite your dad is on about this time.

  About the Author

  Tim Bradford is a freelance writer and illustrator. He has written for the NME, When Saturday Comes and Empire. His first book, Is Shane MacGowan Still Alive? was published by Flamingo in 2000. His drawings have appeared in the Observer and the Express. He has a regular cartoon column in the Guardian. He is married with two children and lives over a hidden river in north London.

  Further praise for The Groundwater Diaries:

  ‘Tim Bradford is a frontiersman of curious guile, with a mission to explore the lost rivers of London. His river tour is part labour of love, part elaborate excuse to unravel the mystic presences that should matter to Londoners. The Groundwater Diaries is a big slab of a book that defies conventional wisdom. It’s all text-play and cartoons, stray columns and observations. Discovering the secret history of what lies around the corner is the book’s raison d’être. But it’s about the journey rather than the arrival. Where else could one find ladyboys who look like a young Patrick Swayze, empty accordion shops, drink-addled young skinheads and how to make dowsing rods from twisted coathangers? The Diaries come into their own when Bradford weaves London’s musical heritage into his ever-growing litany of hare-brained connections. His inspired theory that the Westbourne River traces the history of punk drops another rag-bag of references into the drink. There’s water under the Moonlight Club, where Ian Curtis sang, under Kilburn and its High Road and the ghost of Ian Drury, past The Adverts at Paddington, The Clash at the Westway, Mark E. Smith and The Jam at the Bayswater hotels. Other alternative routes include a tour of top London buskers, and a dissection of N 10 through the lyrics of Ray Davies. In essence, its crackers. But brilliantly crackers. A mass of daft streams of consciousness – with pun firmly intended. Half-crazed flights of fancy that could only emanate from an abuse of cheap lager, and from the eternally, endearingly, insane streets of London.’

  JUDE ROGERS, Word

  ‘An absorbing tale of an obsessive’s search for the underground rivers of London. It’s a hunt for natural features, long since subsumed into the urban landscape. Better still, it’s not some dry historical tome, but rather the exceedingly amusing story of a man on a mission. Bradford neatly balances his descriptions of the urban decay of the modern city with historical reference and a healthy dollop of tall stories. What you’re left with is an affectionate tale, told by a man who clearly loves the capital and all that life within it encompasses. From rhyming slang to Thomas á Becket’s views on the cinematic works of Steve Martin, through systems for a new world financial order based entirely on beer-mat economies, all of life is here. An utterly entertaining travelogue that gets you absolutely nowhere but leaves you loving it.’

  Venue

  ‘Bradford takes you on a fragrantly comical journey interspersed with his unique philosophy on such life and death matters as jazz, football and jellied eels.’

  What’s On in London

  ‘Irresistible. In this bizarre but quite brilliant altern
ative guide to the capital, Bradford – a self-confessed river obsessive – explores hidden tributaries of the Thames, taking in such essential sights as a Raynes Park model railway shop and a late night police bar in Smithfield.’

  Bookseller

  ‘As packed with jokes, meditations, and digressions as it is with historical facts. Reads like a cross between Bill Bryson and Laurence Sterne.’

  Wood & Vale

  ‘Anarchic, hilarious, inspired. Entertains, informs, and even makes you laugh out loud.’

  Northern Echo

  Other Works

  Also by Tim Bradford

  Is Shane MacGowan Still Alive?

  Copyright

  Flamingo

  An imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers

  77–85 Fulham Palace Road,

  Hammersmith, London W6 8JB

  Flamingo is a registered trade mark of HarperCollinsPublishers Limited

  www.harpercollins.co.uk

  www.thegroundwaterdiaries.com

  www.freetherivers.org.uk

  Published by Flamingo 2004

  Previously published in Great Britain by Flamingo 2003

  Copyright © Tim Bradford

  Tim Bradford asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work

  All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.

  EPub Edition © JUNE 2012 ISBN 9780007404957

  This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, re-sold, hired out or otherwise circulated without the publisher’s prior consent in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.

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