Playing at Forever

by Michelle Brewer

  “I couldn’t agree more.”

  Then why had he changed so dramatically, seemingly overnight?

  “Well, we’ve seen some pictures of the home in Ravenside. It’s just gorgeous. We’ll have to come up and take a look. Maybe for Christmas,” Marion continued.

  “Sure, Christmas would be great,” Tommy told them and Penny glanced at him sharply.

  Christmas…how different would everything be by then?

  “How was the benefit?” Her dad asked.

  “Penny did an amazing job.”

  “She usually does.” He agreed, continuing the conversation with Tommy. Penny didn’t mind—it was easier, sitting there with a smile on her face, laughing where she knew she was supposed to laugh.

  Before she knew it, several hours had passed. “Here, Pen, why don’t you come help me get everything ready?”

  “Of course, Mom,” Penny excused herself from the living room.

  The tradition came back naturally, Penny working alongside her mom to make the mashed potatoes and vegetables while the older woman took responsibility for the pie. She liked the familiarity of it all, distracting her from the mess her life had fallen into.

  There was a time, she remembered, when Tommy had spent Thanksgiving with them and they actually were happy, rather than putting on a show.

  She missed those days.

  It wasn’t long before Marion called the boys in, the table set and the turkey ready to be carved. “Everything looks great,” Tommy complimented as he took in the table of food before them.

  “Well, it tastes even better than it smells.”

  “I believe it. You guys usually put on a pretty mind-blowing Thanksgiving dinner, if memory serves.” He looked around. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

  “You can pour the wine,” Marion told him. “I learned a long time ago—leave nothing but the simplest of tasks for the men.”

  “Carving the turkey is a very intricate process—”

  “Sure it is, Dad. Sure it is.” Penny smiled, handing him his carving knives before taking a seat at the table. Tommy joined her a moment later, the two of them absorbed in watching the older couple.

  Penny wondered if she would ever find that. Her parents had been together for going on forty years, and here she couldn’t even manage ten.

  Who was she kidding? She couldn’t even manage a pretend relationship, much less a meaningful one.

  Out of the corner of her eye, she risked a glance at her husband. He almost looked at home as he laughed at something her dad was saying, the two of them acting like old friends. She looked down at her empty plate.

  Her dad had never had that kind of a relationship with Kevin. He’d never even tried.

  “Tommy, why don’t you lead the thanks this year?” Her mom suggested once her father finally sat down, satisfied with his masterpiece. Tommy seemed taken aback for a moment, but recovered quickly.

  “Where to begin? It’s been a good year for me.” He sighed, shifting his eyes to the table. “I’d like to give thanks for second chances. For finding love, and for living life as best I could—even if just for a moment.”

  Penny felt her eyes fill with tears, unable to bring herself to meet his.

  He was only acting, she told herself. Only playing a role.

  “And for family,” Elliot added, raising his glass into the air. Penny smiled sadly, unable to look anyone at the table in the eye as she joined in on the toast. “Now, let’s eat!”

  The table buzzed to life as everyone passed around the various dishes, complimenting Marion on a job well done.

  “So, Tommy, what’s next on the agenda? Anything big in the works?” Elliot asked, always interested in the latest movie news.

  “I’ve just signed on for a film that I also wrote the script for.”

  “Oh, really? You write, too?” Marion asked.

  “Just something I was messing around with.” He took a sip of wine. “Actually, Penny’s playing a role, too.”

  “Really?” Marion sounded very surprised.

  “Oh, I always knew Penny would return to the acting world.”

  “It’s just a small role, Dad. Nothing to get too excited about.” Penny tried to blow it off.

  “Penny, it’s a film. That millions of people are going to see.”

  “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves…” Tommy interrupted, chuckling a little. “But she’ll be great. I’m really excited to work alongside her one more time.”

  Oh, the irony, Penny thought, taking a long sip of her wine.

  That night, Penny and Tommy retired to bed at a fairly late hour, both of them trying to avoid the small bedroom waiting for them upstairs. Finally, though, Penny had given up, seeing how exhausted her parents were.

  Now, she stepped out of the bathroom, trying her hardest to avoid looking at him. He passed by her without a word, closing the door behind him.

  Everything was so strained, now.

  “I wish you wouldn’t have said that about Christmas.” She found herself saying a moment later as he exited the bathroom.

  “What was I supposed to say? ‘Sorry Mom and Dad, but I don’t think Christmas will be happening this year. Penny’s contract expires that week.’”

  “You could have just said we’ll see.” She glared at him. “Don’t give them hope for a future there’s no chance of.”

  “Maybe you should listen to your own advice. Telling me not to give them hope—did you see the way your mom was looking at you when you were talking about kids?” Without asking, he was making a bed for himself on the floor.

  “I was talking about Darla and Amber.” Still, she hadn’t missed the way her mom had lit up at the mention of kids. Marion Lang was growing very impatient for grandchildren. Penny couldn’t blame her—she felt the same. And more and more every day, she started to believe it was never going to happen for her.

  “Just go to sleep, Penny. We’ll put all of this behind us just as soon as we head out in the morning.”

  He shut the light off and Penny stared into the darkness for several moments.

  “Is that really all I was to you, Tommy?” She heard her voice before she realized she was actually talking to him. It had been plaguing her since she’d heard the words, though. “Just another notch on your bedpost?”

  “You’ve said it all along, Penny. This is just business.” Tears flooded her eyes almost instantly.

  “I wish you’d never come back, Tommy.” She whispered into the darkness, the sorrow obvious in her tone.

  The very same sorrow that tore Tommy apart inside.

  The goodbyes had been quick. Marion had cried, because she always did. And Elliot had made Tommy promise that he wouldn’t wait so long before coming back.

  Tommy, of course, felt like a jerk. He hated making promises he knew were going to be impossible to keep.

  With a sigh, he navigated the car toward the expressway.

  “Didn’t you say your dad was living in Florida?” Penny asked suddenly. Tommy was so surprised that she was even talking to him that he stuttered for a moment before finally providing a response.

  “He does. An hour or so away from here.”

  “Don’t you think you should go visit him?”

  “Why, so he can tell me what a failure I’ve been?” Penny turned to look at him.

  “You gave thanks for second chances last night. Don’t you think you owe him the same courtesy?”

  She was right, of course. She was always right.

  “He can’t be that bad.”

  “You don’t know him.”

  “The only way I’m going to do this movie with you is if you go and visit your dad, Tommy. Otherwise, you can just count me out.”

  He stared at her for a long moment before finally giving in.

  Fine. She wanted to see how bad Colonel Davidson was? He would show her.

  The drive wasn’t too bad. He’d made it a couple of times before—though he hadn’t actually seen his father. He hadn’t be
en able to drudge up the courage to even get out of the car.

  But today, he had a point to prove.

  They pulled up to the modest house in a quiet little suburb, Tommy not even stopping to take a moment before jumping out of the car.

  He didn’t want to lose his nerve.

  His father was already approaching the door before Tommy could knock and when the older man opened it, his complexion paled dramatically. “Hello, Colonel,” Tommy greeted his father.

  “Tommy? Is that you?” The Colonel—once a strong, overbearing presence—had seemed to diminish significantly over the years. He stepped out onto the porch, squinting at his son. “What are you doing here?”

  “Oh, I was just in the area.” Years of pent-up anger boiled beneath the surface of Tommy’s calm demeanor. “Thought I’d drop by.”

  “I’m Penny.” Suddenly she was there beside him, reaching out to shake the older man’s hand.

  “I know exactly who you are.” Tommy was confused. His father had never even met Penny. “I’ve seen you two in the papers. You’re married now, eh?”

  “That’s right,” Penny told him. “Tommy and I met in Ravenside.”

  “Why don’t you two come on in? I just put some coffee—”

  “No, Colonel. We were just passing through.” Penny glared at him.

  “Don’t mind him. We would love a cup of coffee.” She smiled warmly at the Colonel, allowing the older man to slip his arm through hers and lead her into the house. Tommy stood outside for a moment, unsure of what was going on.

  When he finally joined them inside, Penny was sitting on the couch while his father brought out a pot of coffee. Tommy glanced around the room while the two of the spoke—something about the weather.

  And he was stunned to find every single Christmas card he’d sent his father standing on the bookshelf. On the walls were posters from his movies.

  For a moment, he wavered, his anger fading just a bit.

  What was all of this?

  “I’ve been keeping tabs, even if you haven’t.” The Colonel spoke. “Seen every one of those movies in theaters.”

  “You hate movies.”

  “I didn’t hate yours.” Tommy felt a ball form in his throat almost immediately. “I think you could do something with a little more plot every once and awhile. Believe me, there’s more to life than fights and explosions.”

  “He’s actually written something, Colonel Davidson. I think it’s something you might appreciate.”

  “Oh yeah?” The older man looked at his son expectantly, but Tommy couldn’t find his voice. He was too thrown by the pictures on the wall.

  “It’s about a father, actually. A father who loses the love of his life, and with it, his will to live.”

  “That sounds like something I could understand.” When Tommy turned around, he was surprised to find tears glistening in his father’s eyes. “Actually, that sounds a lot like something I should have faced a long time ago.”

  The Colonel looked down at the floor.

  “I can give you two a minute, if you’d like,” Penny offered.

  “No, you can stay, Pen. Whatever he has to say, he can say it in front of you.” He didn’t have to look at her to know she was biting her lip nervously, not wanting to intrude on anything.

  “Tommy’s right, dear. You should hear this, too.” The older man took a heavy breath before he began speaking again. “You never had the pleasure of knowing your mother, Tommy. But she was, without a doubt, the most beautiful woman in the world. You remind me a lot of her, with your hair and your eyes.

  “You have no idea how hard it was for me, looking at you every day. Being reminded of what I had lost. And to make matters worse, I didn’t know how to take care of a baby. I didn’t know anything about parenting. All I knew was the Military.”

  “That much was obvious.”

  “Tommy,” Penny snapped at him.

  “Well, it’s true, Pen. You have no idea how many times I heard that I was never going to amount to anything—”

  “You didn’t make things any easier for me, Tommy. Always running around, acting out. I didn’t know how to take it—I had never gone through that phase. I’d always had your mother there.” The older man sighed a very haggard sounding breath. “If I could take it all back, son, I would. I didn’t realize how much I really cared about having you in my life until you were gone.

  “It’s tough, losing the love of your life. It’s even harder when it happens twice.”

  Tommy looked up at his father, the ball in his throat painful now.

  “I didn’t realize how talented you were. You and I are so much alike, I just thought you’d be best suited for the same life I lived.”

  “But I wasn’t.”

  “I know, I see that now. I saw that years ago, when I watched you on that stage.”

  What stage? What was he talking about? Tommy’s head was spinning.

  “The night you took off for L.A., we argued about it beforehand. I didn’t want you to go, and you didn’t want to stay. So I went to see your play.” He smiled now, as people did when they remembered a moment in life during which they were truly happy. “You two made quite the pair, up there on that stage. It brought tears to my eyes.”

  “Why didn’t you…?” Penny asked quietly, and Tommy was glad that someone could speak for him.

  “Pride, mostly. I was too proud to admit that I was wrong. But I was, you know. You made the right choice, taking a chance on this life. Look where it’s brought you. I’m proud of you, son.”

  Tommy didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know how to feel.

  After all of these years of anger, he almost felt purposeless. The desire to prove his father wrong had fueled him for so long—now what was he left with?

  “Thanks, Dad,” Tommy found his voice several moments later.

  “I’m sure you two have to get going—”

  “No, we can stay for a bit.” Tommy told him, suddenly eager to stay. “If you don’t mind, that is.”

  “No, I don’t mind. I don’t mind at all.”

  By the time they left Tommy’s father’s house, the sun was already setting in the sky. Penny sighed as she stepped out onto the porch, thinking over the reunion she had just witnessed.

  “You take care of our boy, Mrs. Penelope. I know he’s stubborn—but you just have to keep at him. We’re thick-headed, the both of us. But I think you’re exactly what he needs to keep him in line.”

  “I’ll try, Mr. Davidson.” This, of course, was not entirely up to her.

  “Please, call me Tom.”

  “It was nice meeting you,” she told him, smiling. He leaned in and touched his lips to her cheek.

  “It was lovely meeting you, dear.” She waved as Tommy backed the car out into the street, navigating toward the airport.

  “I’m not flying back to L.A. with you, Tommy.” She told him after a few long moments of silence. “I think it’s best if we…take some time.”

  “You’re probably right.” He nodded, the air in the car suddenly very stiff. “Besides, I wouldn’t want to intrude on whatever deal you have arranged with Gary. That was his name, wasn’t it?”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “You can be honest, Penny. I know you might be wearing my ring on your finger, but we both know that it’s all a lie.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Tommy.” Penny wracked her brain, trying to think of what he might be referring to.

  “I’m sure this break didn’t come free. So what kind of deal did you make? Are you going to start offering your services all around town, or is Gary going to be just another ‘old friend’?”

  And then it made sense. Penny felt her eyes water.

  “Do you really think that low of me?”

  “Well, a girl’s gotta make a living, doesn’t she?” She couldn’t believe he was saying these things to her.

  She didn’t speak until they were at the airport, walking through the ter
minal. Finally, they neared the commercial flight that would be taking her back home, to Ravenside. “That deal that you were asking about—I didn’t make it for me. I made it for you. Gary wanted to use to The Seaside as a set for one of their movies. I told him I wouldn’t even consider it unless he looked at your script.”

  She wiped angrily at her tears. “I’m sorry I even bothered.”

  And with that, she turned and hurried away, trying her hardest to keep it together until she had a few moments privacy—which she didn’t find until she stepped into the house she had spent the last several weeks sharing with the man who was now her husband.

  But the moment she did, Penny sunk to the floor and pulled her knees up to her chest, sobbing quietly into the emptiness.

  Nearly a month had passed by the time filming started, and even longer before she was required to be there. Penny returned to L.A., as she had promised, determined—this time—to make sure everything went as smoothly as it was supposed to.

  It was nothing but business, she told herself.

  Rumors of a rift in their marriage were plentiful, but neither had addressed them. Tommy had been spotted around town with a few different girls, but Penny had decided she didn’t care.

  What was the point? Penny thought.

  A car had picked her up and brought her back to his house, though he hadn’t been there. She made her way around the quiet house, used to it after having spent so much time alone at the house in Ravenside. “I didn’t know you were coming.” His voice startled her and she jumped.

  It was strange, being as angry with him as she was—yet still, her body reacted to even just the sight of him. She suddenly longed to throw herself into his arms and forget about everything.

  She couldn’t bring herself to do it, though.

  “I’m supposed to be on set this week.” Tommy nodded. She was sure he could have found that information out easily.

  “I’ll cancel my plans for tonight—”

  “Oh, no. Don’t trouble yourself.” She told him, shaking her head as she poured some dressing onto the salad she had thrown together. “I’ll be fine here by myself.”