Playing at Forever

by Michelle Brewer

  “Pen, I don’t mind—”

  “I insist, Tommy. Go out. Live your life.” She sat at the island, taking a bite of her salad, fully aware of his eyes on her.

  “Penny.”

  “I’m just here for the movie, Tommy. That’s all.” She didn’t even look at him, knowing if she did, he would see the weakness in her eyes.

  “I’ll see you in the morning, then.”

  “See you in the morning.” The moment she heard him leave, she pushed the salad away, suddenly losing her appetite.

  It was going to be a long week.

  She wrapped on Christmas Eve. This was her way of getting out of Christmas with her parents, she told herself. She had told them they would be working—the studio was pushing things as quickly as possible.

  She had very few scenes, as had been promised. All of them were with Tommy, of course.

  Her last scene, rather poetically, Penny thought, was the scene of her death.

  It didn’t take much for her to cry as Tommy sat at her bedside, begging her not to leave him.

  “Take care of the baby, Eric.”

  “I can’t do it on my own—”

  “Yes, you can. I have faith in you.” She felt the tears rolling down her cheeks. This was much easier than she had expected it to be. Her heart rate grew slower on the monitor.

  “Please, Sarah—please, you have to fight—”

  “I love you.” She reached out to touch his cheek. She said the words with such conviction, and she knew that it was because she actually meant them.

  Penny loved Tommy.

  “Sarah,” Tommy’s eyes were red with unshed tears as he leaned forward and touched his lips to hers. She closed her eyes.

  A moment later, the loud beep of the monitor sounded and Penny lay there as she listened to the actors around her attempting to revive her.

  But it was no use, Penny thought to herself.

  There would be no coming back from this.

  “Hey, Pen—there’s a Christmas party tonight, over at Candy. You and Tommy should come.” One of the cast members poked their head into the trailer she was sharing with Tommy.

  “Oh, I don’t know,” Penny shrugged her shoulders, not really up to spending the evening out. “I’ll run it by him.”

  “It’s bound to be amazing—make sure you guys show, okay?” Penny smiled her most excited smile, nodding her head. The girl disappeared and Penny turned back to the mirror, wiping at her makeup. They had made her skin deathly pale and her eyes dark.

  “You did good today,” his voice startled her and she looked up, her smile small and sad.

  “Thanks. So did you.” He shrugged his shoulders, taking a seat. “Cally invited us to a party at Candy tonight.”

  “Do you want to go?” Penny shrugged her shoulders, turning back to the mirror. She felt him studying her as she wiped at her makeup.

  “If you want me to go, I’ll go.”

  “You haven’t done anything since you’ve been in town.” It was true, but she hadn’t really minded. She wasn’t exactly sure she wanted to spend Christmas Eve with a room full of strangers.

  Then again, she wasn’t sure she wanted to spend it home alone with Tommy either.

  “Then we’ll go,” she heard herself telling him, though she didn’t know why.

  “Great—do you want to go straight there? Or should we stop back home first?” She hadn’t worn her most L.A. outfit to the set, but as she thought about it, she didn’t really care. Penny was tired of L.A. She was tired of the fast paced life—tired of dressing to impress and of worrying about what everyone else thought.

  “We can go straight there. I just need to freshen up a bit and I’ll be ready to go.” He nodded, running a hand through his hair. Tommy, of course, needed little preparation. He always looked his best, no matter if in a t-shirt or a tuxedo.

  “I’ll give you a few minutes then,”

  She sighed as she readied herself, applying a new layer of makeup—this time trying to look livelier than she felt.

  “Ready?” He asked as she stepped out of the trailer. It was hard to believe Christmas was less than a few hours away as she glanced around her, the fading California sun still warm and bright. She nodded, following him across the lot to where he had parked his car.

  “We don’t have to stay long.” Penny nodded, hoping they wouldn’t. Her chest filled with dread as they pulled up to the club, which she could tell was definitely not her crowd.

  The moment they walked through the door, Tommy was pulled away from her. He wasn’t exactly protesting as the wave of actors led him across the room and Penny sighed, having experienced something similar to this at the premiere.

  Like she had done before, she mingled around the room, smiling and striking up conversations with a few people. She was grateful when she bumped into Ryan Wilson. “This isn’t the way I’m used to spending Christmas,” he told her as they settled on a couch. She took a drink of the beverage he had given her. “I’m used to snow and pine trees.”

  “Same here. Well, except for the snow part. We only get that every once and awhile. But definitely pine trees. And lots of hot chocolate.” Penny agreed.

  “That sounds pretty nice,” Penny closed her eyes, smiling softly as she thought about Christmases past. “Well, maybe next year.”

  “Maybe next year,” she agreed again, nodding sadly.

  “So, where’s that husband of yours?”

  “Oh, he’s around here somewhere. He was swallowed up by a pack of rabid actors—and actresses—the moment we walked through the door.”

  “He usually is, isn’t he?” Penny nodded. “He’s lucky he has you, though. I can tell that you really care about him.”

  Was it that obvious?

  “I do,” she finally admitted, nodding her head. She shifted her gaze down to her drink, thinking about what she had just said.

  She did care about Tommy. Much more than she should, she knew. But she couldn’t help it.

  Love was a crazy emotion.

  “He’s a good guy, Penny. I know he’s got a few things going on, but he’s got a big heart.”

  “Oh, I know,” she told him, nodding her head. Having this conversation wasn’t helping. In fact, it was only serving to remind her of how hopeless she actually was. “Hey, I’m going to run off and powder my nose. Any idea where the bathroom is in this place?” Ryan laughed, pointing her toward the stairs. “Thanks,” she told him.

  She didn’t notice them on her way in to the bathroom, but as she stepped out, she turned her head at just the right moment.

  Tommy was sitting on a couch, the lighting low.

  For a moment, she couldn’t breathe.

  There, sitting on his lap, was a dark-haired girl, wearing a very revealing Santa-outfit. She had a leg on either side of him, her hands touching his chest, the top few buttons of his shirt undone as she kissed his neck.

  Penny felt the tears in her eyes before she realized she was crying, the pain in her chest overwhelming.

  And, to make matters worse, he met her gaze.

  She took off down the stairs, hurrying through the crowd, desperate for an escape. “There you are—”

  “Can you take me back to Tommy’s place?” She asked Ryan, her head spinning.

  “Sure—is he—”

  “I just need to get out of here, Ryan.” Ryan glanced over her shoulder, where Tommy was descending the stairs, the girl trailing behind him.

  “Yeah, no problem, Penny.”

  She made sure she thanked him for the ride as he pulled up to the house. The crowd of paparazzi hadn’t budged since she and Tommy had left this morning—but as she pulled up with Ryan, the flashes flared to life.

  It didn’t even matter, though.

  She was done.

  She hurried upstairs, her eyes blurred with tears, dialing the number for the airport as she began to undress, taking the first flight they offered her.

  The bed was cool as she climbed into it, her tears soakin
g into the heavy pillows.

  It didn’t take long for the bedroom door to open. She heard him stumble into the room. Felt the weight of his body as he sat on the bed.

  “I’m sorry, Pen.” He whispered. “I’m sorry.”

  She could tell he was drunk. She remembered he and Graham sitting at a table, doing a round of shots.

  “Nothing happened. Not tonight or any other night.” His fingers stroked her hair lightly. “I swear it didn’t.”

  Did that really matter, she asked herself? Was that even the point?

  “Please talk to me, Penny.” She sniffed quietly.

  “Merry Christmas, Tommy,” Penny finally whispered, the tears obvious in her voice. She felt Tommy lay down in the bed beside her, though he didn’t try to touch her.

  “Can’t we just pretend, Pen?”

  “I think we’ve done enough pretending.” She told him, feeling her heart break.

  He lay there quietly for the rest of the night, eventually passing out. Penny didn’t sleep, instead waiting for the sun to rise. The view from his bedroom wasn’t nearly as good as the view from the beach, but she took it in anyway, doing her best to let go of the past.

  She rose, packing her bag as quietly as possible. A cab was waiting for her outside and she hesitated at the doorway for a moment, her heart holding her back.

  Finally, she turned around and hurried back to the kitchen. She pulled a stack of papers she’d had prepared before she’d left Ravenside out of her bag and set them on the island in the kitchen, knowing he would find them there.

  After a moment of staring at the simple band on her finger, she tugged it off, placing it on top of the divorce papers.

  It was time to let go.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Time seemed to move much slower when she returned to Ravenside. The days seemed longer, the nights quieter.

  She moved out of the house and rented a small one-bedroom apartment in town. She spent her days at The Seaside, like she always had. Amy had started working alongside her, after Kevin and Gina had walked away.

  It was nice, Penny thought, having the company.

  And it was easier to push all of her feelings deep down inside her, not having to face every day alone.

  The months passed. Tommy didn’t call. He didn’t write.

  She’d been through it all before.

  That didn’t mean it didn’t hurt, of course. No, the pain was much worse this time than it had been last.

  Before, she’d only lost her best friend.

  Now, she’d lost something that had become so much more.

  Still, she went through the motions every day. She continued on, laughing where she was supposed to laugh and smiling where she was supposed to smile. Doing exactly what was expected of her.

  The tabloids were insane, especially at first. They claimed that Penny had had an affair with just about everyone, from Ryan to Graham to someone she had never even met. A few had placed the blame at Tommy’s feet, but mostly it was she who was at fault.

  She figured Graham had a good deal to do with that.

  Eventually, though, it stopped. Another celebrity couple took the stage, leaving she and Tommy to fade into the background.

  Which was exactly what she wanted.

  It was a nice day—one of those kinds of days where winter finally gave way to spring, melting the ice and filling the sky with a bright, warm sun. Penny stood toward the back of the restaurant, clearing a table, a smile on her face.

  A smile that, upon turning around, instantly faded.

  “Hello, Penny,” Tommy looked like he hadn’t slept in days, she noted right away. He wore a suit, but the tie hung loosely around his neck. His hair was more disheveled than she’d ever seen it, his eyes dark with exhaustion.

  “What are you doing here?” She asked him, the walls around her heart suddenly cracking.

  “I was in the area.” He told her. “My dad died.”

  “Oh, god—Tommy, I’m so sorry—” Her first instinct was to reach out to him and she had to stop herself, crossing her arms over her chest. “Are you okay?”

  “I’ve seen better days.” He shrugged his shoulders. “The funeral was this morning.”

  “I’m sorry, Tommy.” Her heart was breaking for him.

  “It’s okay,” he shrugged again. “If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have even had the couple of good months I did have with him.” Penny’s eyes welled up with tears. “How have you been, Penny?”

  “I’ve been good,” she lied, nodding her head. “Business is good.”

  “You moved out of the house.”

  “I’m renting an apartment now.” When had things become this difficult? “Is there anything I can do for you, Tommy? I can get you—”

  “You’ve done plenty.” He shook his head. “I shouldn’t have come here.”

  “Why did you?”

  “Because I missed you, Pen.” His response was so simple, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. She fought against her tears. “We finished the movie. It’s premiering next week.”

  “I’d heard that.” She nodded, pulling her arms tighter around her.

  “You should come.”

  Now that was just asking for a world of heartache.

  “None of it would have happened without you. It wouldn’t be right without you there.”

  “I don’t know, Tommy…” She bit her lip.

  “It’s okay, Pen. Just think about it, okay?”

  “I just don’t think it’s a good idea.” Tommy nodded his head, though she could tell by his eyes he was disappointed. “Get some sleep, Tommy. You look like you could use it.”

  “I will.” He told her. “I guess I’ll see you around.”

  “I guess so,” she told him, fighting the urge to hug him. He looked so broken—so sad. She held her breath until he turned around, disappearing through the door.

  “Was that Thomson Davis who just left?” Amy approached her best friend a moment later. She had taken to calling him Thomson again after having declared him a jerk unworthy of Penny’s love, though deep down, she knew Amy was only trying to comfort her friend.

  “His dad died.”

  “Oh no,” Amy’s expression grew soft. “That’s a shame.”

  “It really is.” Penny turned around to finish clearing the table.

  “Did I hear him say something about a movie premiere?”

  “Fate is premiering.”

  “And you’re going, right?” Penny turned around, surprised that Amy would even ask such a question. “This is the movie you played a role in, is it not?”

  “Yes, but—”

  “But nothing. Why didn’t you mention this sooner?” Amy took the tub full of dishes from Penny. “You’re going.”

  “It’s just a silly movie, Amy. I really don’t think it’s necessary for me to go.”

  “You’re going, Penelope Davidson, if it means I have to drag you there myself.”

  “He’s going to be there, you know.”

  “Good, give him a taste of what he’s missing.”

  “I can’t, Amy. I just can’t do it.”

  She couldn’t risk the pain again.

  Unfortunately for Penny, though, Amy had a way of making her do things she didn’t want to do. She found herself on a flight to L.A. the night before the movie was set to premiere without even the slightest clue of what she was supposed to do.

  A taxi dropped her off at the hotel she had made reservations at. After checking in and dropping her small bag off at her room, she decided to walk around a bit and take in some of the scenery without a train of photographers behind her. As she passed a restaurant, she heard someone call her name—and she was surprised to find it was Graham.

  “Hey, what are you doing here?” he asked her. She noticed right away that he wasn’t wearing his usual attire, but instead a pair of jeans and a plain t-shirt.

  “I’m here for the premiere,” she told him, her guard rising. “Tommy didn’t tell
you because he doesn’t know I’m here.”

  “Tommy didn’t tell me because he fired me about a month ago.”

  “He did what?” Penny questioned, surprised. Tommy hadn’t mentioned anything about firing Graham when he’d visited her a week ago.

  “There were a number of things he and I didn’t see eye to eye on, as I’m sure you’re aware of.” Penny only nodded. “I was just making things worse for him.”

  “He really fired you?” Graham nodded.

  “We decided we shouldn’t mix business with friendship.”

  “I think that’s a good policy to live by.” Penny agreed.

  “So you’re going to the premiere, then?” Graham ran his eyes over her. “Do you have anything to wear?”

  “No, I was thinking about maybe doing a little bit of shopping…” It was hopeless, of course. She knew that.

  “You won’t have much luck—not tonight, anyway.” Penny sighed. “Why don’t I call for a car tomorrow morning? It’ll be slim pickings, but maybe—”

  “You don’t have to do that.”

  “I know, but I want to. Despite what you may think, I actually do care about Tom, Penny. And I think it would make him incredibly happy if you were there tomorrow night.”

  She sighed, contemplating her options for a moment.

  Finally, she nodded.

  She didn’t really have much choice otherwise.

  The following morning, Penny woke to a very impatient sounding knock on her door.

  A knock she found oddly familiar.

  She pulled herself out of bed and opened the door. “Good morning, sunshine!” Diego cried excitedly and Penny squealed, throwing her arms around him. “Graham told me to send his apologies. He said to make sure you look absolutely ravishing, and make sure I put it all on his tab.”

  “He said that?”

  “Oh, he did. So I hope you’re ready for another long day, sweetheart, because we have a lot of work to do.”

  And, while Penny was groaning, she couldn’t help getting just a little bit excited.

  Graham had also arranged for a limo, Penny discovered later that evening. She stood in front of a proud Diego, his eyes shining happily.