Don't Let Me Be Yours

by Kimberly Reese

  I don’t know what I’m going to do, but I’ll figure it the fuck out.

  A shrill ringing interrupts my musings, and I sigh deeply and answer the call without looking to see who it is. If Iris transferred them through, I can’t be too surprised. “Sterling Montgomery.”

  “Lawrence, honey, you sound exhausted,” Rachel’s voice trills through my speaker system.

  “Perfect timing,” I can’t help but mutter.

  “What was that? I didn’t catch that.”

  “I said it was perfect timing that you called. I was just thinking of you.” It isn’t a lie.

  “How sweet.” She sounds happy, and guilt churns in my gut at the thought of what I just did. “I wanted to see how you’re doing and if you wanted me to grab you anything while I’m in Italy. I’m making a stop at Armani in a couple days. Did you need a new outfit for the gala?”

  “Yeah, sure, that sounds fine. They still have my measurements. Feel free to charge that and anything you’d like to my account.”

  “Already planned on it.” She giggles into the line, and I’m not even upset that she plans on spending a ton of my money. It won’t make a dent to my wallet, but it might help alleviate some of the disgust I feel with myself.

  Wishful thinking, but I need to take some kind of action.

  “Is there anything else you wanted to talk about?” I ask.

  She starts to talk about Italian marble, and my mind drifts once she starts explaining the different styles she’s looked at.

  The events of the afternoon slam into me again, and I squeeze my eyes shut at the vivid memory of Perrie riding me as I sat right here in this chair, taking what she had to give. Fuck, when did my life get so complicated? Do I stay with Rachel until I find out if the baby is mine? Do I break it off with her again now and see what happens? If word gets out I cheated, it’ll cause a scandal for my family and Montgomery Holdings, and Rachel is spiteful enough to make my life a living hell. If the baby is mine, she’ll find a way to keep it from me and hold my indiscretion as leverage, and I can’t risk not being part of my child’s life and being at Rachel’s beck and call.

  My head pounds at the convoluted mess my life is becoming, and I groan as I run my hands through my hair.

  “What was that, Lawrence?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Okay, well, I should get going. It’s getting late, and I have breakfast plans with some friends. I’ll see you in a few days.”

  She makes a kissy sound through the phone and hangs up, and my office is blissfully silent once again.

  I need to try and untangle the knots of chaos that make up my life. To do that, I’ll have to bide my time, but I’ll need to stay the fuck away from Perrie so I don’t succumb to temptation again. I pull out my cell and scroll through my contact list until I see her name. I don’t hesitate as I delete her from my phone. That should remove the urge to reach out to her, but it won’t remove the memory of her asking more from me than I’m willing to give.

  Now that I think of it, what does she want from me? Did she just put me in a moral dilemma because she wanted my dick? Does she expect more from me? Why couldn’t she just leave well enough alone?

  Anger seeps into me, and it continues to fester for the rest of the day and over the next couple of days, slowly replacing the remorse and uncertainty I’ve been feeling. I don’t know the answers to these questions, but I’m sure as hell going to find out.

  21

  Perrie

  A few days have passed since my several moments of weakness with Sterling, and I’m still reeling from how he treated me after. Only now, I think I understand his silent treatment a little better.

  He’s in a relationship with the woman carrying his child, and I slept with him and took advantage of his known attraction toward me. We were getting along fine, resuming our road to friendship, but I needed more; I always do whenever he’s around. I made a complicated situation even worse, and I have no one to blame but myself.

  I’m a homewrecker and a cheater.

  Sure, my relationship with Zane is more physical than anything else, and I’m sure he uses me more than I do him, but still, he has no idea I slept with Sterling a short time before getting into bed with him—on the same day, no less. I’m not sure any guy would be okay with that. Scratch that, I know they wouldn’t.

  I groan, rolling my eyes at my own stupidity, and a pang of guilt blossoms in the center of my chest, sinking my stomach.

  Rachel and I aren’t true friends, but we do have a small friendship, courtesy of our history together as children. If she ever found out about what I did or my attraction toward her baby daddy, she would be devastated.

  Sure, but then she’d ruin you point five seconds later anyway, fulfilling her revenge.

  My skin crawls at the mere thought of how she would get back at me for doing this to her. I’ve worked hard to build this life for myself, to create a thriving, successful company, and I did it on my own. If something like this got out, especially because it involves Rachel and Sterling, my reputation would be difficult to protect. It’s a sucky situation because I know I messed up and that what I did was wrong, but like before, I don’t regret it, and I’m not sure what that says about me as a person.

  My palm twitches to pick up the phone and call Sterling, something I’ve been fighting since he all but kicked me out of his office and gave me the silent treatment.

  One I know I deserve, but still.

  A light knock sounds at my door, and I glance up to find Blake poking her head in.

  “The day is almost over, thank goodness,” she says in greeting, walking into my office. “I thought I’d come check on you since you’ve been a little out of sorts since our last conversation.”

  “Was that really the last time we spoke?” I question, trying to recall.

  “About something other than work? Yeah, you’ve been burying yourself in all things company-related since you returned.”

  “I’ve been a horrible friend, haven’t I? I’m sorry,” I say sincerely, a new set of guilt building.

  “No, I have, because if this is a result of you taking my advice, then I feel terrible about it,” she all but apologizes.

  “It’s just easier to focus on work. I didn’t mean to basically give you the silent treatment,” I promise. “No one likes that, myself included.”

  “I can’t imagine anyone gives you the silent treatment,” Blake responds with a light laugh.

  “Yeah, well, believe it,” I begrudgingly admit. “I honestly just can’t wait for this week to be over. Heck, even this day.”

  “Everything will work out,” she assures. “If something is meant to be, it will be, and if it isn’t, well then onto the next you go.”

  “You’ve been like an advice column lately, and I’m not hating it.”

  “Dear Blake is in full effect seven days a week, and don’t you forget it,” she proudly proclaims.

  “You’re so ridiculous.” I laugh.

  “On a serious note, you know I’m always here for you whenever you need me,” she says softly.

  “I know, thanks Blake,” I say as she steps back out and closes the door behind her.

  I should tell her about my afternoon with Sterling, but I don’t. I can’t. I’m not even sure how I would explain it. He’s him, and I’m me, and my need for him is far outweighing the guilt over what we did.

  I sigh, glancing at the clock. A few short hours, and I’ll be home.

  “What if he hates me now, and I’ve ruined whatever friendship we built?” I ask myself aloud in frustration.

  Even as the question leaves my lips, I know it isn’t true. Still, my body starts to reel at the memory of his coldness after we screwed, and though I understand his reasoning—what I think is his reasoning, anyway—it still pisses me off.

  I work in anger the rest of the day and jet home in no time, ready to wallow in my own self-pity with a glass of wine and hopefully some zombies, my two favorite comforts.

&
nbsp; No sooner have I changed into pajamas and served my glass of wine than I hear a knock at my front door. I didn’t even have time to set up my zombie show.

  I sigh, debating on ignoring whoever it is. But then more knocking follows, this time more persistent than the last.

  I take a sip from my glass before placing it on the counter and make my way toward the door. Whoever it is, they’re interrupting zombie and wine time and need to go, so the sooner I get rid of whoever it is, the better.

  22

  Sterling

  My fingers rap roughly against Perrie’s front door, my adrenaline pumping so hard that I’m not even thinking fully about the consequences of my actions. I drove to Perrie’s after work, my mind on autopilot, and against my better judgment, I stayed. I’ve been wracked with guilt since our indiscretion in my office, but my anger over the situation and the unknown has turned into a living, breathing thing.

  I knock again after a minute passes and tilt my head back, rolling my shoulders as I wait for her to answer. It’s still early in the evening, and I saw her car in the lot. I know she’s home. I reach a hand out again, but her door finally swings open before my knuckles make contact.

  Her eyes widen comically in surprise as she looks out from behind the door. “Sterling? What...what are you doing here?”

  A look of alarm flashes across her face, and I’m pleased I could stop by unannounced and catch her off guard, just like she did to me. “Finishing our conversation from the other day. I suggest you let me in, unless you’d like your neighbors to hear this.”

  She wisely steps aside, and I enter her home, a tinge of curiosity creeping in as I take in the warm colors and comfortable furniture. The door clicks softly behind me, and I wait until she moves to stand in front of me.

  “I know what you’re going to say…” she starts.

  I scoff at her words. I don’t even know what I’m going to say yet, so I humor her.

  “And what is it you think you know I’m going to say?”

  She shuffles as she stares up at me nervously, and the movement catches my eye, drawing my gaze up and down her body greedily. Even when she isn’t trying, she looks more appealing than any woman I’ve ever known. Her shapely legs are bare, and the edge of what must be tiny shorts peeks out from beneath her baggy zombie shirt. She’s braless, her nipples pointing at me and begging for my attention, and I force my eyes back to her face and away from the temptation her body poses.

  Clearly, this is a mistake. Her bottom lip is captured between her teeth, and I clench my fists as she gnaws at the plump flesh. She crosses her arms self-consciously, but it only serves to squeeze her breasts together. Finally, she huffs out her answer, her tone somehow vulnerable and annoyed.

  “That you regret what happened, and that it can never happen again.”

  “Oh, that’s just the tip of the fucking iceberg of what I want to say, Perrie. Do you realize what you’ve done? You’ve turned me into someone I never wanted to be!” My words are rising in volume, my chest heaving from the roiling emotions swirling inside.

  Her head snaps back, and that familiar spark of anger I’ve come to associate with her surges to life as she looks at me. “I may have initiated what happened in your office, but last I checked, it takes two people to fuck, Sterling. You could’ve turned me away. And as much as you’d like to think otherwise, there’s been something between us since that first night at the bar.”

  “You’re right, I should have turned you away. No pussy is worth losing my dignity over. This,” I say as I step closer to her, “whatever this is, stops now. We made a goddamn mistake, one we’ll never make again.”

  “You’re such a fucking coward!” she shouts into my face, color blooming hotly on her cheeks.

  “What did you say?” I whisper softly.

  A look of fear flits across her eyes before she steels her resolve. “I said,” she breathes out, “you’re a fucking coward.” She glares at me, daring me with her words, but I don’t take the bait. “You may regret what happened, but I don’t. Unlike you, I go for what I want. I take it. I may have gone about it the wrong way, especially since we’re both seeing people, but I don’t regret it. We can’t ignore our connection. Why can’t you just admit you want me back?”

  “Don’t ever call me a coward again,” I warn. “I may want to fuck you, Perrie, but I’ve always considered myself a man of integrity. Until I met you, that was never a problem. Now, I can’t seem to keep my dick in my pants around you. What the fuck do you want from me?”

  I don’t realize I’ve stepped closer to her until she moves a step forward, her tits brushing against my chest.

  “I want more!” Her voice cracks on the last word, but she rallies quickly. “I want a chance to explore our attraction, Sterling. What else would I fucking want? I don’t want anyone else. We seemed to be on that path before, but then life happened, and our fair shot went away. I get that you can’t control what happens, and I get why you’re back with Rachel, I do, but it’s not fair. Just be real with me. Do you want the same, or am I just a warm hole for you to stick your dick in?”

  Her honesty is like a sucker punch, and my own truth tumbles past my lips. “You’re not just a warm hole, Perrie, but we can’t fucking do this. We can’t. I may be an asshole, but this is wrong. Rachel is pregnant with my child, and I promised to give our relationship another chance. It isn’t our time.”

  “Will it ever be our time?” She eyes me as I stand here, unsure of how to respond. “I thought so. It won’t ever be our time. You’re shackled to Rachel whether you like it or not. Child or no child, I always knew you’d get back together.”

  “You know nothing.” As much as I’d like to air out all my doubts about Rachel’s pregnancy and my future, I don’t. I need to get the hell out of here before I do something stupid, like take her in my arms.

  “Yeah? Well, neither do you. Like I said, you’re a coward. I guess I’ll look elsewhere to get what I need.”

  I’m not sure who moves first, but the miniscule distance between our bodies is nonexistent as we grasp at each other with greedy, frustration-fueled hands.

  “You and this fucking mouth,” I grit out, my words reminiscent of the first time we were together. “This is so wrong, but you’re the only thing that feels right.”

  My words are tortured, but my candor rings through. She tilts up, offering her lips to mine, and any remaining doubt I feel is soothed when our lips finally meet. It feels like coming home, and I eagerly taste and drink from her willing mouth. Touching her is the sweetest agony, and all argument and sense of right and wrong leave me as our bodies and lips meld together seamlessly.

  I’m not sure how much time passes, but when I pull back to gasp for air, we stare at each other.

  “I can’t leave Rachel. I can’t.” Not right now, not yet, I tack on in my mind. My words provide a glimpse of hidden truth, but my next ones ensure I’m going straight to hell. “This and my friendship are all I can give you until I sort shit out, and I’m not sure when that’ll be.”

  She weighs my words for a moment. “What happens after that?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “I’m willing to take that chance.” Before I can respond, she rips her shirt up and over her head, baring her upper body to me. Turning, she starts to walk down her hallway, and my eyes zero in on her ass.

  I follow after her, helpless as I give in to the turbulent connection we have. My strides quicken so I can catch up to her, and I lift her body from behind. She squeals when I grab her and toss her onto the couch so she’s lying on her back, looking up at me.

  Without words, I strip free of all my clothing, and precum leaks from the tip of my cock when she licks her lips and eyes me with hunger and passion shining from her eyes. I reach down and shed her of her barely-there shorts, finally baring her to me completely. Her body is ripe for the taking, and I admire the dips and hollows and curves that drive me to madness.

  Her full tits and pebbled nipple
s beckon my mouth, as does the shining slit of her pussy. I shudder with excitement at the realization I’ll be able to explore her body fully. Wasting no time, I cover her body with mine and place a bruising kiss on her lips. My earlier frustration and anger at myself hasn’t gone away, but it’s quickly redirecting itself to this impetuous passion.

  We battle each other with our mouths, our teeth nibbling and our tongues licking fervently. With a final nip to her bottom lip, my mouth begins to travel down her exposed and willing body.

  “I’m going to remind you of something tonight, Perrie.” My words are guttural and rough.

  “And what’s that?” she pants, breasts heaving.

  “That I’m the best you’ll ever fucking have,” I say before lavishing her nipples with the attention they’ve been desperately seeking.

  I swirl and suck and graze at each of her taut nipples as I palm the heavy globes of her breasts in my hands. Once she’s writhing beneath me, I kiss my way down her body and to the part of her I’ve been dying to taste.

  I’ll show her what my tongue can do, I think as I dive into her pussy and eat her out like a man possessed. I spread her legs wide with my broad shoulders, exposing her dripping center to me, and savor her tart flavor as I lick and suck at each fold. She’s moaning incoherently above me, and a glance up her body shows her playing with her nipples as I go down on her. Her pussy sucks me in when I place two fingers into her tight entrance, and I feel around for the spot I know will drive her wild. As soon as I find it, her hips jerk and a surprised, elated moan greets my ears. I press and pump my fingers against it roughly as I skillfully suck her clit into my mouth. She cries and bucks against me as she comes, and I slap her thighs open when she tries to clench them around my head.

  She whines in protest, but she rides her orgasm like it’s the last thing tethering her to this earth. My tongue has since replaced my fingers, and I lap at and enter her tight sheath as it contracts around me, my thumb fluttering gentle circles around her swollen clit. This kicks her into another shuddering orgasm, and the trembling of her thighs has me smirking against her wetness.