The Duke of My Heart (Regency Romance)

by Hanna Hamilton

  But now she was lowborn, and Ewan had made it very clear that he could not marry someone who did not share his status. It was a shame for the switch to have brought about such a confusing situation when it had done a lot of good for Iris too.

  With a deep and sad sigh, Iris removed herself from the chair and she forced herself over to the basin so she could wash herself down. It hardly mattered that she could not sleep, she needed to get some rest for the big day tomorrow. She had to be suitably prepared to address Elizabeth.

  As Iris peeled off her dress and she took her underwear off, she tried to find that fear she had before. It was still utterly terrifying to think about, but it wasn’t as powerful anymore. This mess with Ewan had completely overshadowed everything. Iris wasn’t sure if that was a good thing, or not. It was much better not to worry, but mooning over Ewan wouldn’t ever get her anywhere.

  With a clean body and a nightdress on, Iris slid between the slightly scratchy bed sheets at the guesthouse and she wondered what Ewan was doing. Was he fast asleep already, were all his worries gone, or was he lying awake just as she was wondering what could’ve been?

  Iris liked to think of him wrestling with his emotions, wondering what could be if things were different. She enjoyed the image of him daydreaming, imagining a future where they could actually be together. She knew it was unlikely and that he was probably snoring loudly already, but it helped her to think that she wasn’t the only one.

  She actually smiled to herself as she considered it. She felt an unexpected burst of happiness coming deep from within her. If Ewan was as tortured as she felt, then maybe he loved her too. It was a hopeless love, but something that they shared. Something that would bond them forever. Maybe it wouldn’t help her to witness him with a wife who he could actually love freely, but it would get her through this journey at the very least.

  * * *

  Another night of very little sleep, Iris stared at her weary face in the mirror, noticing the darkness under her eyes. Her skin was also a little pale, like it needed much more beauty sleep. Unfortunately, that seemed to be the one thing that Iris could not offer it. She had done a little makeup to cover up the worst of it, but she couldn’t hide it all. She was exhausted, on the biggest day of her life.

  It is finally time to face the music, today is the day I will see Elizabeth.

  There was one wonderful thing to this, at least she would get to spend some time with her big sister. It was going to be fraught and stressful, but this was someone who knew the real her inside and out. Someone that she didn’t need to hide a single thing from. The mask could slip totally away. Iris felt like she could finally let out a deep breath that she’d been holding in.

  But first... breakfast. She could vaguely recall a mention of food being served in the dining area this morning, and although no plans were made she assumed that was where she would be meeting Ewan.

  After one final check that she had packed all of her belongings away, and a last glance out of the window, Iris clicked the door to her guest house bedroom behind her. Then she slowly made her way down the spiral staircase until she spotted a selection of fine-looking men and women entering a room.

  Iris did not care that she was underdressed when she spotted Ewan standing next to the queue as if he was waiting for her. What did it matter what anyone else thought of her when this man didn’t mind being seen with her? He did not mind that she had a simple pale dress on, or that her hair flowed freely down her back. If Ewan was not worried, then she couldn’t be either.

  It seemed that Ewan cared about how he appeared in society, but seemingly not today. It felt like another sweet moment that was just for them. Just another memory that they could take with them when everything changed tomorrow.

  As Ewan’s eyes connected with Iris’s, she instantly felt her pulse race. It was almost as if her knees had turned to jelly and she could barely hold herself upright any longer. Then he smiled and she actually trembled a little.

  “Good morning,” Ewan smiled brightly as he spotted her. “Are you hungry? I thought that we could eat something before we start again.”

  “Yes, that sounds wonderful, thank you.”

  Iris almost went to curtsy, but fortunately, she managed to stop herself at the last minute. She did not want to make their apparent differences so obvious when they were having such a nice time acting almost as equals.

  Ewan’s hand hung near hers as they walked into the dining room, which made Iris feel even more excitable. There were electrical bolts fluttering all over her body until she was almost out of control. The knowledge that he could just reach out and touch her at any moment was too much to handle.

  He did not touch her, he didn’t take her hand, but that didn’t stop Iris from dreaming.

  They took their plates of food and sat at one of the smaller, mahogany tables opposite one another. There was something very intimate about the moment, they were nearer to each other than when they were in the pub, but for some reason, Iris felt much less awkward this time.

  She wasn’t sure if it was her, or if it was Ewan, but someone was very different, and that change affected everything.

  Ewan had dreamt of the beautiful young woman that sat in front of him all night long, and although he knew that none of what had happened in his imagination was real, it had felt that way and now changed everything.

  He knew that he shouldn’t love Daisy, she was a lowborn maid who would wreck him, but he couldn’t help himself. He didn’t intend to make any life changing decisions without speaking to Amy first, but he already had a feeling that she would not mind. From what he understood, Amy adored Daisy and would want her around no matter what.

  Or so he hoped.

  Now that he’d made the choice to live his life in a much freer manner, he could not take his eyes off of Daisy. He didn't even care if anyone saw him gazing at her like she was the most beautiful woman on the planet... that was exactly how he felt.

  He wanted to tell her that he’d changed his mind about everything and that he didn't mean to let her believe that he did not like her because she was lowborn, but he did not know how to form the words. Nor did he think it was wise to get her hopes up when they might be dashed once more.

  He also wanted to be cautious of the fact that Daisy was about to lose her father. This was a sensitive time for her, and she could be very emotional. He did not want to throw this into the mix.

  “Did you sleep well?” he asked her kindly, deciding to stick to a safe subject. “You look really well today.”

  “I do?” Iris gasped in shock. She had seen herself in the mirror this morning, she knew that she looked worn out. “Oh, well thank you.” Despite that, she didn’t want to argue with Ewan’s kindness. “I slept perfectly,” she lied. “Thank you. You look well yourself like you are very prepared for your business meeting today."

  “Ah, yes, my meeting,” Ewan mused. “That should be a lot of fun, I am sure.”

  “It sounds terribly exciting to me, working with boats and trade. It seems like an adventure.”

  “It can be,” Ewan nodded and smiled. “But as with everything, the amount of paperwork involved can be a nightmare. I am certain you can imagine.”

  Iris smiled but didn't answer that. "I think I would love to cross the ocean," she commented idly. "To see other lands. I imagine it would be a lot of fun to get to know new cultures.”

  “You mean societies without as many rules,” Ewan only half-joked. “Yes, it would be exciting.”

  “So, you have never been anywhere else? You work with boats but you have not ever been anywhere?”

  Ewan’s expression shut off again as he was reminded of the very things that he wanted to forget for now. “I have always had too many responsibilities for that. Even if I wanted to, I would not be able to.”

  “Because of Amy?” Iris knew that she was being too forward, but she didn’t care anymore. “You do not want to leave her?”

  “I suppose not.” He shrugged. “But s
he is my sister and I love her. She needs me. I do not mind sacrificing certain things for her.”

  “I do not think she needs you so much anymore,” Iris commented honestly as she thought about the wonderful girl they had left behind. “She is blossoming into a confident young woman.”

  Ewan knew that was because of Daisy and her hard work, he had seen an immense change in his sister since she had started working with her, so he grinned at that remark. It was lovely to see his sister gaining more confidence in herself, it was all that he truly wanted for her. He knew that he hadn’t been around as much as he would have liked, and he hated how that affected her. Daisy working for him was the best thing that could’ve happened to them both.

  “Yes, I suppose you are right. It is hard to think of her as anything other than my younger sister. But soon she will have her own life, a husband and a family of her own.”

  That was when Ewan would have to begin living his own life. Having been handed so much responsibility at such a young age, it was hard to think what his life would be like then. The only thing he knew for sure was that he wanted to be happy during that time, he wanted to finally live. He had earned it, hadn’t he? Had he done enough to deserve that?

  He certainly hoped as much, or he was not sure what he would do with his life!

  Chapter 26

  Iris was not sure how to take this change within Ewan, it was almost too much for her to handle. He had spent the previous day subtly letting her know that nothing could happen between them because of her status, and now it seemed that he was acting as if that statement had never left his lips. He was giving her the distinct idea that the opposite was possible.

  Just as Iris had accepted that Ewan was out of reach, he took her on an unexpected rollercoaster of emotions. She felt dizzy and confused with it all.

  “So, what will you do once your responsibilities are gone?" Iris leant in ever so slightly as she spoke. There was a slight lilt to her voice that had not been there before, but she chose not to wonder what it meant. This was the best conversation that she'd ever had with Ewan, she didn't want self-doubt to wreck it. “Once Amy is married, what will you do with yourself?”

  “I have not thought about it much,” Ewan admitted bashfully. “I guess I have spent so much of my life making things right, that I have not had time to plan what will come next?”

  “What do you mean ‘making things right’?” All Iris wanted to do was know him, really know him, even the boring parts that most people might wish to miss out on. To her, all of it was fascinating.

  “Well, with both of our parents dead, there were a lot of things that I had to take control of. As it turned out, my father was not the best with money, he lost a lot while gambling which came as a bit of a shock to me. I have had to ensure that my family has kept afloat financially to ensure that my sister and I do not lose everything. It was a lot of responsibility for someone so young.

  He had been a boy when it had happened, which forced him to grow up far too soon. Maybe that was why he enjoyed breaking the rules with Daisy, he had spent longer than most following them.

  “But you have done so well,” Iris replied admirably. “You would not be able to tell that your family has suffered any money worries. You must have worked very hard.”

  “I have been fortunate that my trading business has been successful,” Ewan replied modestly. “But thank you for your kind words. It is always nice to hear that you have done right with your life.”

  Iris did not want to wonder whether or not she had done right with her life, that was a subject far too complex for now.

  “Maybe it will be time for you to do some travelling then.” Iris smiled as she decided to stick to the safer topic of him. “You could travel on one of your boats and see the world.”

  Ewan enjoyed thinking about that, it was a wonderful idea to imagine seeing the world, but it was only a fantasy, it could not ever be real. After all, even without his responsibilities to his sister, he would still need to keep the estate going, and society held certain expectations of him. Just because he did not go to as many events as he would like, it didn’t mean he could give it up completely. He had a name to maintain, and over the years that had become everything to him. It would have all been a waste of his time if he turned his back on it now.

  “Yes, maybe that is what I shall do. I will find a brand new world to live in,” he teased, going along with the idea for now. He enjoyed the idea of at least sounding exciting, even if that was not the case.

  “I have always heard that America is wonderful.” Iris paused for a moment before another thought hit her hard. "Why have you not married?" she enquired curiously. "The Oakley name would surely attract a wealthy lady with a large dowry for you. Surely, that would help you to ensure that you keep financially afloat.”

  Ewan’s expression darkened. He looked like this thought pained him. “I have received that advice before, but it is not for me.” He blew out a deep breath of air, recalling that everyone seemed determined to wed him. He did not enjoy the concept of a marriage of convenience one bit. Maybe it was a silly notion, but he wanted more... or not at all. “I even met a selection of young ladies who wanted to be my wife, but that only confirmed that it was not what I wanted.”

  “Why ever not?” To Iris, that felt like the obvious solution. That way he could have enjoyed his youth much more. He did not need to work so much.

  “I would much rather work hard and marry for love.”

  Marry for love. Those words struck a chord with Iris, it was all that she’d ever wanted in her life. The notion that she wanted to marry for love was the reason that all of this had happened. If she hadn’t spent so much of her life daydreaming about finding the perfect man for her, she would be wed to Duke Pembroke now. Marrying for love was the only thing that had kept her going. Having someone share that sentiment blew her away.

  Ewan's words were a revelation, but still, something needed clearing up before she could truly think it through. “Marry for love, as long as she is born with the right family name.” She smiled as she spoke, trying not to let her bitterness through, but she could feel it seeping out regardless. “You have left yourself a very narrow window of opportunity there.”

  "Yes, maybe too small," he mused while tapping his finger thoughtfully to his chin. “I think I might have been wrong to make my options so limited.”

  Then he gave Iris such a heart-stopping look that she knew, he meant her. Despite all the odds being stacked against them, he was suggesting that he might like to marry her. The sweet desire behind his eyes said it all.

  Iris’s suspicions were right. Maybe Ewan had been lying awake all night long thinking about her, and the conclusion was that he wanted to be with her no matter who she was, just came to him.

  Iris was not sure whether or not she should be elated by that news. It certainly sounded positive, but complications remained. She wanted to be nothing but happy, she could feel that emotion deep within her... but there was no escaping from the fact that it was not her he loved. He loved ‘Daisy’. Yes, it was only really her name that was different, but could Iris enter a loving marriage with a man that did not know her true identity? Daisy hadn’t shared that sentiment, she had married Duke Pembroke pretending to be someone else, but then her wedding was not one for love. Maybe that made a difference.

  “Why have you not married?” Ewan asked as he tried to bring the conversation back around. He did not like the distant look she now had in her eyes. “I imagine you have had plenty of interested parties.”

  He was grateful that she hadn’t because it had led her to him, but he could only imagine the amount of attention she must have received with that gorgeous face of hers. That sweet buttery blonde hair, and her big blue eyes, never mind the softness of her features. She was so beautiful that even he was considering breaking all of the unwritten rules that he’d given himself just to be with her.

  There was no way he was the only one who felt that way.

 
“No, no one wants to marry me.” Iris blushed, but she also grinned as she spoke. "But that does not matter because I have not found the man that I want to marry either.” Iris jutted her chin out defiantly as she giggled. It felt good to pretend that she wasn’t married through choice...although technically it was the truth. Sort of. “If someone is going to be mine forever, they have to be a very special man.”

  “Yes, I can see that,” Ewan nodded seriously as he tried to imagine Daisy married to someone that was not him. The fact that the image caused him a physical pain in his chest was evidence enough that he had to ensure that it was him whatever the cost... somehow. “Your husband and the father of your children will have to be a very special man.”

  Iris rubbed her belly automatically, picturing a child growing within there. Even the process to make that happen did not seem like such a terrifying idea with this gorgeous man sitting in front of her. She felt like she might not have minded carrying Ewan’s child.

  But only if he knew the truth.

  “Well, we shall see. Maybe that is what my future holds, maybe that will be my life adventure, I am not so sure.”

  “Yes,” Ewan replied. “We shall see.”

  Eventually, Ewan forced himself to stand up from the table to put an end to their conversation for now. He hated to break the magic when they were having such a wonderful chat, but he was acutely aware that they had a journey to continue on with.

  “We must go, I have my business meeting, and you need to attend to your father.”

  Iris instantly rearranged her features as Ewan said that. She remembered what this trip was supposed to be about; her father’s untimely death. She dragged up the feelings she had felt when her father was actually dying and her face immediately fell. It did not matter that she was not close to him, it was still very sad to lose the man who raised her.

  “Now, where is your home so I can give the driver your address?”

  As Iris reeled off where Elizabeth lived, she suddenly recognized her mistake. There was no way that she could pass off being Daisy Jones if she was headed towards a grand building such as that. She had to think of an excuse and quickly.