Adam

by Marie Tuhart

  “Because I never asked before. My mistake. I mean, I know about your family and your childhood, but I never asked you about your job. You seemed content in what you were doing until recently.”

  “I was content.” She had been, but now she wanted more. She had wanted to spend more time with Adam. That was a pipe dream. She’d filed for divorce after all. It was the sane thing to do.

  “Something changed, though. Won’t you share with me?” he asked.

  “Like you shared with me?” The bitterness in her voice surprised even her.

  “What do you want to know?” He settled on the sofa.

  Nicki turned back to the desk. There were so many things, but she was afraid. Afraid of the answers. She fiddled with the envelope holding her designs, making sure it was sealed as she watched him out of the corner of her eye. He stared at her like a scientist studying a bug under a microscope.

  “Why are you staring at me?” she asked.

  ‘‘Bothering you, am I?”

  “No.”

  “Liar.”

  Her nervousness increased. Adam was up to something. He was never this calm when he felt passionate about something. Did that mean he was no longer passionate about their marriage? But if that was true, then why did he say no divorce?

  After a few minutes playing with the envelope, she set it aside and walked into her kitchen. Adam followed. She grabbed the teakettle and put it on the stove. A cup of tea would calm her down. “Would you like some coffee?”

  Warm hands descended on her shoulders. Her blood heated at his touch. She fought against her body’s call to his. She placed her palms on his chest, pushing as she shrugged his hands away.

  “No, thank you.” He took the hint and stepped away from her. “You’re tense.”

  “Your being here isn’t making it better.”

  “Oh, really.” He stepped behind her, and his fingers kneaded the back of her neck. Unable to help herself, her head fell forward. He always had a way of disarming her.

  His touch made her skin tingle, and her muscles began to relax under his ministrations. She could stand here all day. The whistling of the tea kettle broke the spell.

  She shook off his hands and turned to the stove. “Tea?” She lifted the kettle toward him.

  “Nope.”

  Nicki carefully poured the hot water into her cup and made her tea. Then she cradled it in her hands, only to set it back down.

  “Too hot?”

  She didn’t answer him. Adam reached around her, picked up the mug, and brought it to his lips. He blew to cool the tea down.

  Wait a second. Nicki stared at him. Gone was the coldness she sensed earlier. Now, his facial features were soft and his movements gentle. What was going on?

  “That really isn’t necessary.” She reached for the cup.

  “Of course it is.” He took a sip then offered the mug to her.

  Her hand trembled when she took it from him. She set it on the counter before she spilled it all over herself.

  “Why are you trembling?”

  “I’m cold.” Hell, she was hot. Way too hot. Adam did that to her.

  “I can warm you.”

  “No.” But she was trapped between the counter and Adam’s body. Oh, crap.

  “Yes.” His arms encircled her waist.

  “Let me go, Adam.” Hold me closer, her heart screamed.

  “No.”

  “This isn’t a good idea.”

  “It is to me.” He closed what little distance there was between their bodies. His fingers played at the base of her spine.

  She raised her hands to his shoulders to shove him away. Instead, she found herself tangling her fingers in his hair. What was she doing? Why wasn’t she pushing him away? Maybe because she didn’t want to. The thought frightened her.

  “That’s it, sweetheart.”

  His hold relaxed ever so slightly, but it gave her enough. She pushed, and slipped out of his hold before making her way back into the family room. “I won’t fall into your arms.”

  But that’s exactly what she was doing. This was not good. She needed to put more distance between them. She barely made it out of the kitchen before he snagged her around the waist.

  “If you won’t fall into mine, then I’ll fall into yours.”

  “Stop it.” Damn, unreasonable man. She didn’t want nice Adam. She wanted mad Adam the one who would demand things. She could handle him. The nice Adam melted her heart every time.

  “Why did you file for divorce?”

  “What did you expect me to do? I wasn’t going to sit and wait until you decided to resume our marriage.”

  “I was coming after you, and I came as soon as I could.”

  “What, six weeks later?”

  “It was the best I could do. I’m here now.” His voice was calm.

  “You just don’t get it, do you?” She escaped his hold again. Why were men so dense at times?

  “I do get it.” Sincerity flowed from his voice.

  She stared at him, surprised. “Then tell me.”

  “I have to change.”

  “Okay, we’ve been over this before, but you don’t change. You stay away from me. I admit I was the one to leave this time but I had a good reason. Not that I was trying to get you to follow me, but when you didn’t, you gave me no reason not to start divorce proceedings.” She threw her hands up in the air.

  “I had a film to finish.”

  “Your precious film must come before everything.” There was that bitterness again. She was happy he enjoyed his work. She just wished it wasn’t to the extent of ignoring her and their marriage.

  “It’s a lame excuse. It’s just what I understand.”

  “You said you would answer my questions. Say more. What do you mean it’s what you understand? I mean I know your work is home base for you, but why can’t you understand you needed to put our marriage first?”

  “I thought you needed space. Fine, let’s sit down and talk this out.” He gestured toward the sofa.

  “I need to stand.” Or she’d be seduced by his touch once again and they’d make no progress.

  “Okay. Look, I know I’ve made some mistakes in our marriage, but my intentions were always good.”

  Nicki let out a sigh. “The road to hell—”

  “Is paved with good intentions.” Adam finished the cliché for her.

  “I—” The house phone rang, interrupting her words. She went over and picked up the receiver. “Hello? Hi, Chris.” She kept her gaze on Adam. When his fingers flexed at his sides, her stomach did a belly flop.

  “Hey Nicki. Is Adam there?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Great, can I talk with Adam?”

  “Ah, yeah, just a second.” She held the phone out to him. “He wants to talk to you.” Why was Chris calling Adam on her phone? And how did Chris know Adam was here?

  He took it from her. “Hey Chris, what’s up?”

  Nicki crossed over to the large window by her drawing board to give Adam some privacy. She looked out the window. Her yard bordered a large, grassy area that was almost like a park. It was part of the housing community she lived in with its open-space plan. A mother and child sat on a colorful blanket with the sun shining down on them. The baby laid on its back, its hands and feet waving in the air while the mother watched, smiling.

  That could have been their child. For once, her thoughts didn’t bring the sharp, heart stopping pain—only an ache. Nicki took a deep breath and let it out. She was finally forgiving herself and the world for the loss of her child.

  Adam moved behind Nicki. He gazed out the window to see what had caught her attention. He froze. “Chris, I need to go.”

  Chris had given him a pep talk and some coaching, but Adam no longer needed his advice. Seeing Nicki looking at the smiling mother and child on the grass…something clicked inside his head. He ached to pull her into his arms and hold her. She looked so lost and alone. Holding her was the right instinct. He crept up behin
d her, grief piercing his heart.

  He stiffened as despair pierced through his veins. He never thought of how painful it would be for Nicki to see a mother and child together. His arms slipped around her waist, pulling her back against him, trying to give her some comfort.

  “One day, you’re going to make a terrific mother.” He looked forward to the day when he could hold their child in his arms.

  “Maybe. Maybe not.”

  “There is no maybe about it.” His lips brushed her temple.

  “What did Chris want?”

  She wasn’t pulling away, but she also wasn’t melting into his arms. He didn’t want to blow this. And he couldn’t exactly tell her what he and Chris talked about.

  “He was reminding me I have a deadline for the film.” Which wasn’t a lie. The film was already on its way to Chris. But Adam didn’t tell her Chris was letting him know the cabin was ready for them.

  “Then you better get back to your film.” Bitterness rang in her voice.

  He sighed. He’d said the wrong thing. Words were not his strength. “There’s more. It’s not about the movie.”

  She angled her head up to study him. “What else?”

  “A cabin”

  She gaped at him. “Huh?”

  He cleared his throat. “Uh, Chris has a cabin. I have the key. It’s ready. For us.” If he only had a script writer. Well…the words were out, their meaning clear if not romantically stated. How would she react?

  “A cabin. No, I don’t think so. It’s too late, Adam. But since you’re here, at least we can get the divorce papers signed. Then we can move on with our lives.” She bit her lip and stepped out of his arms.

  “Here are the divorce papers.” He pulled them out of his pocket.

  She lifted her chin, squared her shoulders, and stared at him with clear blue eyes. “All you have to do is sign them, and I’ll be out of your hair.”

  “I don’t want you out of my hair.”

  “I have my own life now.” She waved a hand. “A life without you.”

  “Your life is with me.” He fought to control the helplessness building inside him. He held up the divorce papers up and tore them into pieces. “This is what I think of the divorce.” He let them fall to the floor.

  “Why can’t you do anything the easy way?” She let out a sigh.

  “There will be no divorce.” Hopefully.

  “You can’t stop me.”

  No, he couldn’t. But there was something else at play here. It was what she wasn’t saying. “What is going on, Nicki? There’s something you aren’t telling me.”

  “You know as well as I do what our problems are.”

  “The problem is me. I get that. But I’m going to try more. Hell, get help if I have to. But you seem determined to split. Is it because I blamed you for the leak and didn’t trust you? I get that. But I can tell you still want me. So why divorce papers now?”

  “When Chris called me in Oregon about designing for Miralar, why did you close down on me?”

  He shrugged. “I didn’t want to be interrupted.” How could he admit he was jealous over any man she paid attention to? It wasn’t something he was proud of. He trusted her. She wouldn’t cheat on him.

  “It’s more than that. Are you jealous over Chris?”

  Leave her to call him on it. “Hell, no.” Well, not anymore anyway.

  “I might buy that if you didn’t see the need to control me and everything around you.”

  “What do you expect? I’m a dominant male. Are you saying I’m a control freak?”

  “You are. You won’t change, Adam. I understand that. But I want a partner in my marriage, and you don’t seem to be able to be a partner. We’re better off divorced.”

  His gut clenched. A partner? Had he failed in being a husband? His lungs burned as he took a breath. The helplessness coursing through his body threatened to drag him into the black hole where he stored all his unwanted emotions. “Why can’t you see things my way?”

  “Your way is for me to conform to what you believe the way our life together should be. I’m not like you. I can’t be an unfeeling machine.”

  Is that how she saw him? As a machine? He had feelings and emotions. Just because he was taught not to show them didn’t mean he didn’t have them.

  “I can’t let you go. I need you.” The admission shocked him. There was nothing wrong with admitting he needed her, yet he could hear his father’s voice taunting him, telling him he was making a mistake by letting a woman know his vulnerability.

  “You don’t need me. I can count on one hand the number of times you’ve come to me asking me for help or advice. Even just coming to me for a hug to make you feel better.”

  His father’s voice was like a tape in his head. I told you she’d make you feel like a wimp. Be a man. Show her who’s boss.

  Adam worked at ignoring his father’s words. This was Nicki. The love of his life. His fears of failing her—as a husband and a man—slapped him in the face, pushing his father’s hateful words away. “You are my wife.” He couldn’t find any other words to say.

  “Not for long.”

  “Forever.”

  “You’re impossible.”

  “And you love me in spite of it.” Was he right about that? Could he trust that instinct, too? As long as he kept her talking, maybe she could help him put the past where it belonged—in the past and move forward.

  “That’s it. Don’t tell me how I feel.” She surged to her feet, charged down the hallway, and opened the door. “If you’re not out of here in thirty seconds, I’ll….”

  But his instincts weren’t wrong. Or she wouldn’t have reacted so strongly. “You’ll do what?” He sauntered over to her.

  “I don’t know.”

  Her admission made him smile.

  She glared at him then closed her eyes. “Why are you doing this, Adam?”

  He took a gentle hold of her arms and perused her face, her shuttered eyes. “I’m fighting for my marriage.” His voice came out as a croak. No matter. He wasn’t giving up, and he wasn’t leaving. Not this time. “We can’t run away from this.”

  “I’m not the one who ran in the first place.”

  “No, I did.” His stomach clenched at the memory. He ran from her, from his emotions, from the words his father drummed into him. “I’m here now. Let’s work out our problems.”

  Her hand fluttered to her throat and her fingers played with the gold chain. His blood froze in his veins. She still had them on. A glimmer of hope bloomed in his heart. He reached up, hooked the chain around his finger, pulling it until it cleared her blouse. Her engagement and wedding rings were on the chain.

  A lightning bolt hit him. And hope spread through him. She wouldn’t be wearing her rings if she didn’t believe in them or their marriage.

  “It’s too late for us.” She opened her eyes, lifted the rings from his fingers, and began to unhook the chain.

  “No, it’s not.” He stilled her hands. “You’re committed to our relationship, just as I am.”

  “Don’t make me laugh. You’ve never been committed to our marriage, only your job.”

  “Wrong.” He smoothed the chain over her neck and put the rings back under her shirt. “You’ve got twenty minutes. Be packed and ready when I get back.”

  Without another word, he walked out of her house. Twenty minutes wasn’t a long time, but he’d get everything done if it was the last thing he ever did.

  ****

  Nicki paced around the room with Adam’s words echoing in her head. Who did he think he was? My husband.

  “So what?” she said aloud. It didn’t give him the right to boss her around. No, she wasn’t going to give in to him. But what to do when he showed up in twenty minutes?

  Not answer the door? No, wouldn’t work. Adam would stand there pounding until she opened it. She could call the police. Yeah, and watch the headlines explode in the gossip rags. That was the last thing she needed. What was she going to do?
>
  Did she dare give Adam another chance? She remembered her conversation with Maggie. She’d been married to the same man four times all in the name of love. She did love Adam, but…she shook her head. Love only went so far.

  Chapter Eleven

  Nicki looked at her watch. She’d wasted fifteen minutes standing in the hallway, waffling over what to do about Adam. He’d be here in five minutes. Could she go to her parents? Yes, that was the ticket. Adam wouldn’t think about coming after her there. She’d buy what she needed when she got there. She grabbed her purse, jacket, and opened the front door.

  “I thought you might try and run.”

  Nicki jumped when Adam stepped in front of her on the walkway. “Adam, I…” Her face grew warm. She was a grown woman. No need to be embarrassed by what she was doing.

  “No excuses.” His fingers encircled her wrist. “Let’s go.” He tugged her toward the waiting car.

  “I’m not going with you.” She held her ground. Her heart pounded in her chest. Instinctively, she was aware Adam would never hurt her, not intentionally.

  “Okay, the hard way.”

  Before she could figure out what his words meant, he bent down and scooped her up into his arms.

  “Put me down,” she yelled as her arms instinctively curved around his neck.

  He ignored her. The back passenger door was opened by the waiting driver.

  “Thank you, Paul.” He set her down on the seat then climbed in beside her.

  Nicki had no choice but to scoot over or be sat on. When she reached for the latch, Adam’s hand closed over hers.

  “I don’t think so.” He removed her hand from the door handle and reached for the seatbelt. He clipped it then sat back and did his own.

  The door locks clicked, and the vehicle started up.

  “Adam, be reasonable.”

  “I’m through being reasonable.” The car pulled away from the curb.

  “Where are we going?” She started running her options through her mind.

  “Someplace where we can talk without interruptions.”

  “I don’t want to go with you.”

  “At this moment, I don’t care.”

  “Kidnapping is a federal offense.”

  “Your point?”