Tangled Dreams

by Jennifer Anderson

  “Oh yeah you are.” He retaliated.

  “Gavin, it’s okay. I’ll talk to him.” I said desperate for this to not escalate any further.

  “Maddie, your not talking to this bastard.” Saying stubbornly.

  “It’s okay. I want to.” I said tugging him back now completely desperate. Not realizing how much I would hurt Gavin by taking Clay’s side. I only did it because I knew neither would back down. I couldn’t have Gavin risk everything just because Clay wanted to talk to me.

  “Fine. You want to talk to him you can.” Now the hurt obvious in his face. Picking up his tux jacket off of the chair, “But, I’m not going to stand around to watch it.” Slipping it on and walking out. I stood in shock, now wishing I would of just let them duke it out. I just realized how much I humiliated Gavin after he stood up for me. I felt awful and pissed. Very pissed.

  “Don’t worry.” Clay called out after him. “I’ll make sure she gets home.”

  And all I heard back was “Whatever.” And that was the moment my heart sank to the ground.

  Getting right up into his face. “Now what was so damn important that it couldn’t wait until Monday at school?”

  “I love you Madison. With every part of me.” He begged.

  “I can’ t let you be with him. You have to be with me. I’ll take care of you.”

  “You don’t love me. You love trying to compete with Gavin.” I said my temper snapping.

  “Madison did you hear me? I do love you.”

  “I heard you Clay. I don’t love you.”

  “What? You don’t mean that.” His face now contorted with hurt and anger.

  “Have you ever known me to lie?” Now grabbing her arm and pulling her into the corner so they would be less obvious.

  “Your just saying that because your mad at me.”

  “Yeah, I’m mad at you, but that’s not the reason I’m saying it.”

  “I love you. Madison. I love you.”

  “I heard you the first time.” I said coldly.

  “I could give you everything. A hell of a lot more than he could.”

  “You know better than to speak of him.” I said now warning him.

  Putting his hands up defensively, “I know, I know, I’m sorry. I just can’t imagine my life without you.” Looking so damn sad and I felt myself softening up for him a bit.

  “Oh Clay. Please quit that. I can’t handle much more.” Now leaning up against the wall with my hands tucked behind my back. Feeling the tears coming to my eyes again for hurting both of them in the same night.

  “Please, say you’ll be with me.” Begging now. “I’ll do anything you want. I’ll get down on my knees in front of everyone. What do you have to lose?”

  Just then Gavin’s face popped in my head, and that’s what I had to lose. That was to high of a price to pay.

  Now getting down on his knees, “Please Madison. Your so gorgeous it makes me want to act stupid just to be with you.”

  “Clay, get up. People are going to start looking.” Thankful now that almost everyone had left.

  “I don’t care.”

  Tugging him back up to his feet I leaned against the wall closing my eyes willing my new stress headache away. Just when I felt him grab me around the waist and pull me in for an aggressive kiss. Trying to pull myself away it was no use, he wouldn’t let me go and I wasn’t strong enough to fight him off. Worse yet we were in a dark corner where I knew people couldn’t see us very good and Gavin had already left. So, instead of fighting I let my body and lips go limp. He then thought that was a victory. I could feel his hands roaming all over my back and had me now pressed up against the wall putting his hands on my chest. That was enough. I kneed him hard enough that he stumbled back. “What the hell do you think your doing?” I said my anger boiling.

  “Showing you how much I love you.”

  “You stay away from me.” I said pulling back slapping him across the cheek. Walking off quickly grabbing my purse and my sweater I brought with me I headed for the doors not sure where I was going. I could feel my tears streaming down heavier and heavier down my cheeks.

  “Madison, come back. Where are you going? Are you going to walk home?” He asked following behind her.

  “Yes, If I have to.”

  “You can’t. You live to far. What if something happens to you? Well, it’s a lot safer than riding home with you.” I shouted back.

  “I’m sorry Madison.”

  “Save it. I’m leaving.” I said leaving him behind heading out the double doors into the parking lot, totally at a loss on what to do. I felt betrayed, violated, and sad for hurting Gavin. Starting to walk towards the end of the parking lot I didn’t even think to look for Gavin’s car I just assumed he had already left and I had every intention of walking home. I could still hear Clay behind me and I was losing patience fast. Walking next to the school building heading to the road I felt Clay grab me again.

  “Please. I said I was sorry. Please talk to me.”

  Whipping myself around on him. “I tried to talk to you Clay.” I said my anger still boiling over. But, you obviously had other things in mind.”

  “Maddie, I love you. You are my whole world. Please don’t leave like this.”

  “Really Clay? Your starting to sound like a broken record. I’m sorry you think your in love with me. I’m even more sorry your having a hard time with it but, it’s not going to change anything. Plus, that didn’t give you a right to touch me.”

  “That’s it. You are not leaving until I hear that you love me, or you will give me a chance.”

  “Clay what are you going to do? Keep me outside here forever?”

  “If that is what it takes.”

  Looking at him I really believed he was capable of that. That is how desperate he looks at this moment. “Clay you can’t make me stay. Do you even hear yourself right now?”

  “Yes I can. If not here then you can go home with me. You just have to say those three words.”

  “I’m not telling you I love you when I don’t. This is ridiculous. Get out of my way.” I said brushing him off to the side so I could leave. Really wishing that I had tennis shoes on rather than sky high heels.

  “No. Your staying.”

  Grabbing me by the shoulders he stopped me from taking another step. “Clay if you don’t let me go I’m going to scream.”

  “Go ahead. No one is around anymore.”

  It was so dark I couldn’t really see the parking lot very good but there was very few cars left. Trying to walk off again I felt him grab me and throw me over his shoulder. “Clay! Quit! Put me down.”

  “You know I won’t hurt you Madison. But, you’re going with me so we can talk until I decide we’re done.”

  Struggling with everything I had I wiggled out of his grasp and fell harder than I would of liked, to the ground. As he was trying to grab a hold of me again I just started to yell at him to leave me alone. “Clay stop it!” I screamed. Hoping someone would hear now. Closing my eyes I just kept Gavin’s face in my head when suddenly Clay was ripped away from me and the next thing I remembered was opening up my blurry eyes and seeing Clay laying on the ground holding his chin, and looking very pissed. Looking up I could see Gavin standing over him in a stance that told me he was ready to take blood. I was in shock, tears streaming down my face. I couldn’t differentiate the words that were being yelled back and fourth my whole body felt sore and tired. The only thing I could tell was Gavin was yelling at him to stay away from me and threatening him with more bodily harm. Leaning against the bricks I tried to smooth my dress back down to my feet, hoping I wasn’t showing anything embarrassing that might have been exposed in the struggle. My hair felt like it had mostly fallen down and I know my face was streaked with mascara and here I was worrying about how I looked to Gavin. In between the yells and the threats I tried to get my emotions under check. I couldn’t hear myself think it was getting so loud. Covering my face with both hands I said Gavin’s name in what I
thought was a whisper. Either way, it got his attention because I felt him pick me up into his arms and carrying me along quickly feeling the cool night air hit my face. Putting me in the passenger seat, the car started up. I just couldn’t seem to open up my eyes. I curled up in the seat, not caring that my heals were making my feet throb horribly.

  I didn’t care how I looked at that moment I was so upset and ashamed that Gavin had to see me this way. The next thing I knew we were pulling to a stop and we were parked in a different parking lot. Street lamps were shining in on me and I realized we were at the 24 hour mini mart. I could feel Gavin slide over next to me and put his arm around me.

  “I’ll be right back.” He whispered in my ear taking the keys and locking me in. I just sat back and silently cried. I hate crying. It is like someone opens a flood gate and once I start I can’t stop. Gavin came back and slid next to me again with a grocery sack in his hand. Getting out a bottle of water and tissues, he started wiping my face clean gently not saying anything. Looking into his caring eyes. “I thought you left.” I said still crying.

  “I would never leave you.”

  “Where did you go?”

  “I went outside for some air. I had no intentions on leaving you with him. And when I went back in to look for you. You were gone. I thought you went home with him. So, I went to the car and happened to look over and seen you two.”

  “Thank God you were there.” I said now ashamed I couldn’t handle myself yet again.

  “Madison? Did something happen in the gym with him also?”

  Great just when I thought I was going to stop crying. “Yes.” I said hanging my head low. “That time I was able to knee him and get away. The second time he wouldn’t let me go”

  “What happened? Did he follow you outside?”

  “Yes, he wanted me to tell him that I loved him and I refused.”

  “Madison, from what I could see you were fighting like a champ.” He said his eyes blazing with anger and a new respect. “Your to trusting. You have got to stop looking for the best in everyone. Sometimes it’s not there.” His anger mounting. “I’m going to go find him and this time his mom won’t recognize him.” Sliding back over in the drivers seat.

  “Gavin, no. I’m sure he won’t bother me again.” I pleaded. “Please, don’t let this ruin the rest of your prom night.”

  “Madison. I hate to break it to you, but prom is over.” He said leaning his head back against the head rest feeling exhausted.

  “It’s not over.” I whispered sadness overwhelming me.

  “Then what do you suggest?” His face unreadable.

  “I’m sorry I ruined your last dance.” I whispered tears streaming down again. Sliding back over to me he gathered me up in his arms.

  “You didn’t ruin anything. If I hadn’t let my temper get the best of me I would have let you talk to him, and I would have gotten you out of there. I should have never underestimated him. It’s my fault. Besides, we were having fun before that. That is what I’ll remember forever.” Kissing the top of my head.

  “If you want to take me home and go to your after prom parties I’ll understand.”

  “No, I would rather stay with you. Besides I can’t leave you like this.” Staring over at me.

  “I’ve handled worse Gavin. I can get through this by myself.”

  “Can I ask you a question?” He asked clearly annoyed by something.

  “Anything.”

  “Why did you want to talk to him”

  “God Gavin. I didn’t want to talk to him at all. I thought it was obvious. I just said that because I didn’t want you two getting in a fight. He had nothing to lose, but you had everything. Mostly your scholarship. I couldn’t let that happen and be able to sleep at night.” I confessed.

  “So, you went through all of that for me?” Asking now amazed.

  “Yes, of course. I didn’t realize he was going to do that, but I would do it all over again if I had to. You do anything it takes to protect me and I would do anything it takes to protect you also. You’re my only family I’ve got Gavin.”

  This of course made him happy and sad at the same time. Happy that she thought of him so highly to think of him as her only family. But, sad because he didn’t want to be just family, he wanted to be her boyfriend, her best friend, her everything. Looking up at her, “I appreciate it Maddie, but don’t ever do that again! You hear me? I don’t want you ever to be hurt trying to protect me.”

  “Oh, so what’s alright for you isn’t alright for me?” I asked now a little pissed.

  “Yeah, pretty much.” He said still staring at her.

  I really didn’t know what else to say to that. I was expecting an argument, not for him to agree with me. “Well, okay then.” I said drying my tears looking out the window.

  Chuckling, Maddie, don’t get me wrong it was very nice of you to think about my well being, but you don’t mess with guys like that. You never know what’s going to happen.”

  “Dually noted.” Sighing I look horrible. I hope Julia isn’t waiting up for us.

  “Well, she probably is. If you think she’s going to let the night pass without pictures your mistaken. She’ll stay up as long as it takes.”

  “Great.” I said pulling out my purse reapplying makeup and trying to pin my hair back up.

  “Maddie, you don’t have to worry you still look beautiful.” Reaching over with both hands pulling up both sides of my dress. I obviously had yet to notice that it had slipped down with the whole Clay thing and now the top of my bra was showing. Frankly he felt sorry for me but, it was driving him wild at the same time. He could hardly keep eye contact. Looking down to see what he was doing I blushed with embarrassment.

  “There.” He said smirking.

  “Now your ready.”

  “Thanks Gavin.” I said still looking down. His hands were still on my side and I could feel the warmth of them, him still staring at me. Looking at him he was so close I swear I could hear both of our hearts beats. Leaning in he pressed his lips to mine and I was thrilled and terrified at the same time. I couldn’t do it. Not after my not so Uncle William saying those things. He would force us apart. I would lose him. I couldn’t handle losing another person I loved. “No.” I said pulling back.

  Stunned “I’m sorry.” He said now embarrassed. “I’ll take you home.” Slipping back across the seat he started the car and drove in silence. I felt horrible and I just wanted the night to end. When we got home, it was probably around 1 am. I thought Julia would be asleep but she was the only one up. He still hadn’t said another word to me and we quietly got our pictures taken, not saying anything to each other. He went up to his room first and I felt guilty. I felt like he should be at an after party. Every senior goes to an after party. I thanked Julia for everything she did for me. Especially buying the gorgeous dress I was wearing and excused myself up to my room. She followed me up to her own also talking about going to bed. Stopping at my door I listened for any movement inside Gavin’s room. I heard the faint murmur of his television and thought about going in, but decided I caused enough damage for one night.

  Chapter Nineteen: Confessions

  Walking into my room it felt big and empty. Maybe it was just me feeling empty. Sitting down on my bed I looked over at my vanity mirror. I now looked the same as I did when I left thanking God for that because I didn’t need any questions from Julia. Sitting here thinking about the night, it felt magical and a nightmare all at the same time. Leaning back onto my pillows I didn’t even bother taking my heals off turning over I looked at the picture of Gavin and I. One of my most favorite possessions now. Closing my eyes I didn’t feel tired. But, the next thing I knew I was being transported back to that night like every other night. I was again in my old apartment being told that daddy was dead. Waking up crying uncontrollably I hated this. Every night I traveled back and every night I relieved the pain over and over again. And every night it felt like the first night I found out.

  Ga
vin in the next room heard her like so many other nights. Usually he waited until he heard her quiet down for a while and then he would go check on her to make sure she was alright. He hated she had to go through this every night. Turning over he was exhausted slipping down to his boxers he crawled under his blanket. Willing images of the confusing night to go away.

  There was something different about this dream. I was having a hard time remembering, but this time Gavin was on his knees right beside me on the floor in the living room consoling me with his arms wrapped around me. My dream never changed. It never added any extra “characters” in it. It was merely a reenactment of previous events. I was dumbfounded even in my dreams he was helping me. I knew it was my subconscious. What if it wasn’t? What if it was dad showing my a sign? I knew I was probably over thinking it. However, either way it meant something to me and I couldn’t ignore it. Walking over to the adjoining room door, I opened it quietly. The only light came from the glow of the television he left on like he did almost every night. I gave serious thought to turning around and leaving him be. I had to do it while I had the courage. I wasn’t sure if I would ever have the courage again. Walking over to his bed he was turned on his side sleeping quietly, looking peaceful. He was so absolutely gorgeous. I couldn’t believe my luck having him in my life. I didn’t want to push him away any more. Touching his shoulder gently he jerked awake and looked at me confused.

  “Maddie, what are you doing babe? What’s wrong?” He asked his eyes adjusting to the dark.

  My voice cracking, “I just wanted to see you.”

  “Maddie, your still in your dress.”

  “I know I don’t care.” I said breaking down.

  “Come here babe. He said lifting up the blanket for me to get inside.”

  “Ouch, you still have your heals on to.” He said his foot getting jabbed.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s okay babe. What is wrong?”

  “Nightmare.” He knew she had nightmares every night. What made this night so different?

  “Can I sleep with you for a while?”