Healed

by Rebecca Brooke

  “Hey, baby. Wake up, it’s still early.” Thankfully Andrew’s speech had returned to normal over the last few days.

  “But I’m so tired,” I whined. “I think I’m gonna head to bed.”

  His face paled. “Em, what’s wrong?”

  “Nothing is wrong. I’m just really tired from all the hours I put in this week.”

  I gave him a small peck on the cheek and stood. One step and his hand wrapped around my wrist and he pulled me onto his lap. He cupped my face with his hands. “Please tell me what’s wrong?”

  I rested my hands on his shoulders. “I told you, nothing.”

  His hands were feeling my forehead, checking my pulse. “Maybe we should go to Urgent Care.”

  He didn’t get that I was just tired. It wasn’t like it was the first time I’d gone to bed early on a Friday night. “I don’t need Urgent Care to tell me that I’m tired and I need sleep. I’m going to bed.”

  When I tried to stand, he held me on his lap so that I couldn’t get up. “We’re going to Urgent Care, whether I have to carry you over my shoulder or not.”

  He’d lost his freaking mind. Did he really think I needed to see a doctor?

  “I’m fine.”

  “No you’re not. Something’s wrong and we need to catch it early. We’re going.”

  There was no arguing with him when he got like that. I may have been the one with the temper, but when he had all of the stubborn tendencies. The only way to end this argument would be to go and prove him wrong. Then I could finally get to bed. “If I go, will you let me go to bed when we get back?”

  “Yes.”

  I grabbed my purse and stood at the door. “Let’s go then. So that I can come back and go to bed.”

  My hands were shaking. I was so pissed. He was just being ridiculous. There was no need for me to see a doctor. So much for being tired—the adrenaline running through my system had me wide-awake.

  We spent the next few hours in a waiting room, only to have the doctor tell me there was nothing wrong and I could go home. When we got to the car, I climbed into the passenger seat without a word. We’d just wasted a bunch of people’s time—including my own. Andrew climbed into the driver’s seat and tried to take hold of my hand.

  “I’m so glad everything is okay.”

  I tugged my hand away from his but made an effort to calm the anger in my voice. “I told you that I was fine. You need to listen to me.”

  “I know what you said, I just didn’t want you to brush something that could be serious under the rug because you didn’t feel like getting help.”

  “Getting help? I don’t need help, Andrew. I need a good night’s sleep.”

  “Yes, but now we know that for sure and we can both go home and sleep peacefully.”

  Crossing my arms over my chest, I faced forward. This was ridiculous. In an effort to calm the hell down, I let the silence in the car continue. When we got back to the apartment, I jumped out of the car and walked up the stairs to the door. Andrew was right behind me.

  “Come on, let’s get you to bed,” he said, wrapping an arm around my shoulder to steer me toward the bedroom.

  I shrugged his arm off. “Actually, since you made me run all over town, I’m pretty awake now. I’m just gonna sit and watch TV for a bit.”

  “I’ll stay up with you.”

  “Whatever,” was on the tip of my tongue but I held it back, knowing it would be childish. After another hour or so, my body had relaxed enough that I could fall asleep. Andrew followed me to bed and before I knew it, I snuggled under the covers, teetering on the edges of sleep.

  We hadn’t spoken since we got home.

  It was the first time we’d gone to bed after a fight without making up. It was a weird feeling, but he still pulled me to him as we drifted off to sleep.

  As the days passed, things didn’t get any easier, and I was at a loss as to what to do. It had been a month since Sarah passed away, yet Andrew was still in this strange place. Most days I felt like I couldn’t reach him. The only time he did open up to me were the times when he wanted to correct my behavior—whether it was telling me something was dangerous, or to yell at me for not eating right and exercising. It just went on and on. It got to the point where I really needed to sit down and talk to him. He needed help dealing with his mom’s death, more than I think he realized.

  After work one night I got a text from Angie, asking me to stop by on my way home. Apparently she had something she needed research for. She could have emailed it but I knew she wanted to see me as much as I wanted to see her. Classes had started for her again so I had no problem making a quick stop on the way. Maybe it would give me a chance to talk to Angie and Caleb about ways to help Andrew. Not that the things he was doing were bad—they were just completely out of character. We’d even put the wedding planning on hold neither of us ready to broach the subject.

  The minute I arrived I felt more relaxed than I had in ages. With everything that was going on we really hadn’t seen our friends—not since the funeral, at least—so it was hard to stop by and run out again. Stepping through the door, I wrapped Angie in a bone-crushing hug.

  “I missed you,” she squealed in my ear.

  “I missed you too.”

  When she loosened her grip enough that I could breathe, I pulled back and looked at her. She was positively glowing. In all of the years I’d known Angie, Caleb was the only person to be able to make her that happy, and I was so glad she’d found him.

  “How was the cruise?”

  “Oh my God, it was perfect,” she said, taking my hand and leading me to the living room to sit down. “The beaches were beautiful, and the water was so clear.”

  Caleb came in from the kitchen chuckling. “Not sure if you have enough time for the question you just asked. She’ll talk your ear off, given half the chance.”

  “Shut it, I’m just excited. Anyway, you thought it was as wonderful as I did.”

  He sat down next to her, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. “Most of it was because I was with you.”

  It was almost disgusting how cute they were. It also made me a little sad because that closeness was what I felt like I was losing with Andrew. Some of my thoughts must have shown on my face because Angie grabbed my hand.

  “What’s wrong? You have that look in your eye,” she asked.

  As well as Angie usually read me, this time it was Caleb who figured it out. “How’s Andrew doing?”

  “That’s the golden question,” I said with laugh that lacked humor. When both of their brows drew together, I continued. “So far he’s pierced his tongue, got a dragon tattoo, freaked out on me for not texting him when the laundry needed a few minutes to get done. Oh, and how about dragging me to Urgent Care the other night because I was tired.”

  “He did what?” Caleb gasped. “He pierced his tongue and got a tattoo?”

  “Yep,” I said, popping the p.

  “Is this the same guy who said he never wanted tattoos because he was afraid it would impact his job choices?”

  “One and the same. Only it’s not him. He’s not acting like himself at all.”

  “Wow. I don’t think I know how to react to that.”

  “And what do you mean he freaked out when you were downstairs?” Angie asked.

  “Lately, it seems that he’s constantly worried about me. Which would be sweet if he weren’t being unreasonable. Take last Friday for example. I worked sixty hours playing catch-up and I was exhausted. He was so freaked out that something was wrong with me, he made me go sit at Urgent Care for three hours, only to be told that I was fine.”

  Angie’s mouth dropped open. “And you went? Without freaking out on him?”

  “Actually, I haven’t freaked about any of it. I know he’s grieving and I’m trying to be patient, but there are so many times when he just withdraws into himself. I just wish I knew how to reach him.”

  “I’m impressed,” Angie said. “Did you tell him you were coming he
re tonight?”

  “No, but he went to his dad’s after work today.” I reached in my bag for my phone, only to remember I’d plugged it in to charge in the car earlier.

  “I would say he needs time,” Caleb said. “Though it doesn’t sound like things are getting better at all. Has he talked to his dad? I know that whenever Andrew has had problems in the past, his dad is the first person he’s gone to for advice.”

  “I don’t think he has. Mainly I think he just does his best to keep his dad from drinking too much, and helps take care of the house.”

  “That’s what you need to get him to do. Get him to speak to his dad.”

  “You think that’s the key?”

  Caleb nodded. “I do. I think that once he talks to his dad, he’ll feel better about things and he’ll start to find a way to cope.”

  “I’ll talk to him about that when he gets home tonight.”

  Angie reached over and squeezed my hand. “You’ll let us know if you need something, right?”

  It felt good to have my friends supporting me in this. Nick and I talked almost every night, but I liked having another set of ears. I swallowed past the lump in my throat. “I know.” Shaking off the feelings, I focused back on the newlyweds. “Enough about me—I want to hear more about this honeymoon!”

  Angie and I talked for the next hour about their trip. She’d never been on a real vacation before and it was fun to see her excitement. She told me about her classes and what she needed help with. I realized it was getting late and I wanted to be home when Andrew got there so that we could have dinner together so I said my goodbyes and promised we’d all have dinner soon. Things were much more hectic now that we weren’t free spirited college students. Now, life got in the way.

  When I climbed in the car, I picked up my phone so that I could text Andrew and see what he wanted for dinner.

  “Shit.”

  Fourteen missed calls.

  This was going to be a long night.

  Andrew

  MY EYES GLANCED AT the clock again. She should have been home over an hour ago.

  Where was she?

  Had something happened to her?

  I paced back and forth across the bedroom, trying to keep the overwhelming fear at bay. Thoughts of me never being able to see Emily’s beautiful eyes again racing through my mind. The worry and need to know where she was at all times had only increased over the last month. It was like this compulsion I couldn’t shake, especially seeing my dad suffering the way he was. The once jovial, energetic person, whom I used to go to with all of my problems, was now a shell of the man. I couldn’t lose Emily and follow him down that path.

  The clock on the nightstand kept ticking, the numbers increasing as time continued to pass, the weight of the phone in my hand a constant reminder that it had been silent for the last hour. Every few minutes, I tried her phone again and each time I was greeted with her voicemail.

  The worst part was that I had no idea where she could be. The fear that something might have happened to her was eating away at my insides. When she was five minutes late, I’d started calling. Nick wasn’t home yet either, but I didn’t expect him until later because he had plans to see Morgan that night.

  After another five minutes I’d had enough. Storming to the living room, I yanked my keys off the table and stalked to the front door, but as it flung open there was Emily, reaching for the doorknob. With a sigh of relief, I grabbed her shoulders and pulled her to my chest, taking in my first deep breath in over an hour. As the shaking in my limbs subsided, a different type of tension took hold of my muscles. It took less than a minute for that fear to turn to anger. Letting go of Emily I took a step back, crossing my arms over my chest.

  “Where the fuck have you been?” I snarled.

  Her eyes widened, only to narrow a second later. “Hi, how was your day? Yes, I had a nice day. Now if you’d let me inside, maybe we can talk?”

  She pushed past me, her shoulder slamming into my arm as, without a word, she put her bag by the door and walked down the hall to the bedroom. I ground my teeth together and followed her down the hall. When I reached the doorway her back was to me and she was changing her shirt.

  “Where—”

  She held up a hand. “Wait.”

  My hands dropped to my side, clenching and unclenching, the desire to put my fist through the wall consuming me. Didn’t she understand I’d been worried about her?

  She finished changing and turned around. One eyebrow was raised and her lips pinched into a thin line, so I knew she was annoyed. Emily was displaying all of the warning signs that her temper was going to flare, but for the first time ever, I didn’t try to calm her down.

  “Where were you?” I snapped.

  She closed her eyes and rolled her shoulders back. “I’m sorry I didn’t call, but I thought you were going to be at your dad’s.”

  “You should have called anyway.”

  Her hands plunked on her hips. “Oh really. And why is that? If you weren’t going to be home what did it matter?”

  “So I knew where you were.”

  Her eyes widened. “Now you need to know where I am every minute of every day? What’s next? You need to know if I decide to go out to lunch with my friends from work? You want me to call and ask permission before I say yes?”

  “I need to know you’re safe, Emily.”

  “Safe?” Her voice exploded through the room. “You’re acting like I go out and do all kinds of crazy things. You forget that’s been you lately, not me.” She stalked past me and out of the room, but before I’d even made it all the way down the hall, she whirled around and started back in on me. “You really need to know where I was? I went to see Angie and Caleb. I haven’t seen my best friend since she got back from her honeymoon. And since you have some giant opposition to being out of the house and around our friends, I figured I would go while you weren’t supposed to be home. That way I could spend some time with you when you got back.”

  She growled and rubbed the heels of her hands over her eyes.

  “And what if something had happened to you while you were driving? How would I know?”

  She took a deep breath, visibly trying to maintain some level of control over her anger. “Nothing happened to me. These are places I go all the time. Routes I take all of the time.”

  “Yeah well, no one expected my mom to die of a stroke at her age. Sometimes unexpected things happen.” Saying those words was like pouring acid in my mouth.

  Her eyes softened and she reached out her hand to me. “Come sit with me so we can talk.” All traces of her anger had vanished, and her calm demeanor and the love in her eyes went a long way in dispelling some of my irritation. My body didn’t feel like it was wound tight, like a coiled spring anymore.

  Ignoring her hand, I went around her and sat in the chair and waited. She looked at me and waited a moment before coming around to sit on the couch closest to me. She captured my hand in hers.

  “Andrew, you know I love you with all of my heart and want to be here for whatever you need, but we can’t keep doing this. You need to see someone to talk to. Yelling at me every other day and doing all kinds of crazy shit is not helping you.”

  “I’m fine,” I said, trying to pull my hand back.

  She held on tight. “No you’re not.” She looked away for a moment before refocusing her gaze on me. “Have you sat down and really talked to your dad. I know you guys always talked about everything, maybe that’s what you both need?”

  I thought about it and I couldn’t remember a time we’d sat down and talked since Mom’s passing. I looked down at our hands. “No, I guess we haven’t.”

  “Look at me. I think you need to go see your dad tomorrow after work and not just for a quick house cleaning. It might be good for you to remember that you still have each other.”

  Come to think of it, Dad and I hadn’t even sat down long enough to talk about what actually happened to Mom. All I knew was that she’d had a st
roke. I think we were all so focused on surviving the next day, we’d forgotten to talk to each other. Even Jess was keeping to herself more than normal.

  “You’re right. We need to talk.” Standing, I moved over next to her on the couch and wrapped my arm around her shoulders. “I’m sorry I freaked out. It’s just, lately, I’m so worried about you.”

  “I know and I understand. I just want to see you smile again.”

  “I smile sometimes.”

  “Yes, but they’re not genuine smiles. They never reach your eyes.”

  “Maybe tomorrow will be a step in the right direction.”

  I tilted her face upward and sealed my lips over hers. It was the first time we’d kissed in weeks. Most of the time I was so wrapped up in my own thoughts that I hadn’t really thought about the feel of Emily’s lips. She immediately opened, letting my tongue slip in, moaning as if she’d just gotten a bite of her favorite dessert. Her body shook as she giggled. “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that.”

  “Used to what?”

  “The feeling of metal in your mouth.”

  I was nervous driving up to my parents’ house the next day. It seemed stupid. I’d spent a ton of time talking to my dad over the years, so why should this conversation be any different?

  Because this time we’re going to talk about how Mom died.

  All that I could hope for was that Emily was right, and this would help us both. Not that we’d ever forget Mom, but the constant pain of her being gone would begin to lessen with each passing day.

  As I pulled into the driveway, I noticed that the lawn needed to be mowed. Yet another thing that had fallen by the wayside since her death. She wouldn’t have been happy, of that I was certain, and it made me sad to realize that I wouldn’t ever get to hear her bitching about an untidy yard being a reflection on the family. When we were younger, Jess and I used to toss a coin—the ground was awkward to mow so neither of us liked doing it—but I always ended up out there, grass in my mouth, my shirt sticking to my skin as I pushed our ancient mower over the lumps and bumps. Dad would watch from the window, and always flicked me a few dollars as a thank you—because if I’d done it, it meant he didn’t have to. The thought made me chuckle, in spite of the situation. As tempting as it was to see to that and avoid the conversation ahead, the grass could be sorted another day.