by Morpheous
Ball gags are fairly inexpensive and can be a great first choice for a new toy.
Floggers. one with a metal handle the other with a traditional braided handle.
OTK: Classic position for spanking—Over the Knee.
When I was finishing up my undergraduate degree I was one of those craftspeople trying to share my skill level and talent with the world, making exotic wooden paddles. Woods deeply nut colored such as cocobolo from Brazil, bright yellow canary wood and pink ivory from Africa, vibrant orange padauk from Southeast Asia and others were shaped into exquisite spanking implements. I put a lot of time and effort into these, finishing them with a nontoxic hand-oiled finish to bring out the beauty of the wood, each one designed to be a little different from the next so that each was truly as unique and individual as the person who bought it. I sold them at kinky craft shows and a few shops in Toronto and of course via email. Business got good enough that I was able to pay my rent for the last six months of my first degree by way of kinky people supporting my work, and for that I was truly thankful. In return those people that did purchase one of my Crimson Paddles supported a new artisan and now have a toy for life. Hang on to them—they are collector’s items now as there will never be any more produced!
Outing: Compromising someone’s personal space or kinky lifestyle nonconsensually by announcing either their orientation or interests to others. NOT allowed.
Flogging and whipping implements certainly are the first toys that conjure up images of kinky play and they are strong contenders for the most popular BDSM toys, but so many other sensations can be created from simple, everyday objects. We have five senses—use them! Olfactory play, as well as using flavors, can add an extra dimension to your love-making. For now, let’s look at the basic PBS.
Penetration
What could be hotter than penetrating someone? Penetrating them repeatedly of course! There is something incredibly intimate in using a toy or yourself to penetrate another person in a safe and caring way. To have them open themselves up to you in a vulnerable position, emotionally, mentally and physically, shows great care and trust. Cherish the trust.
It [penetration] is the most literal, physical form of sexual domination, the initial giving way; like, you are a little tight, and there is something so incredible in that first moment of penetration, and then the whole time it is this kind of back and forth, and just when you think it can’t get much better it does. For me there is nothing better than feeling “full.” The absolute feeling of surrender when somebody is pushing down on you with all their weight, and you can feel the warmth passing from their chest into yours. With a toy, it is a good, but different feeling. More exotic. I love good old-fashioned human penetration more than anything, but I probably get the most wet with a toy. It is nice because it offers more variety and has an element of voyeurism to it; he can sit back and watch everything that it is doing to me.
—Alaris, Switch
A vagina can take a lot; after all, a baby can come through there, but that isn’t to say you can jump in with both feet without any warm-up. Some people love being penetrated by fingers and toes; others like fists; still others love dildos, vibrators and “pervertable” objects like vegetables and hairbrush handles. What is most important is that anything going into someone, whether via the bum or the vagina or the mouth, needs to be smooth, without any rough edges or ends. Taking your time with your partner, warming him or her up, playing with her clit or nipples or whatever turns her on is absolutely important, since if the body is warmed up, it will also be more relaxed and receptive to having things inserted. It isn’t a race to see how fast you can get something in there, or how big it can be. Not at all. Remember this is a special moment you are sharing with someone: either you are going to put something inside your partner or you are inviting him to put something inside you. Forget about porn images you have seen, relax and be in the moment. It is your body and learning about what can and can’t go in “there” is part of learning about kinky sex.
A good guide book can show you how to make the best of your toy collection!
Silicone anal beads and dildos feel beautiful when they’re inside you.
Painslut: A person who enjoys receiving a heavy degree of pain but may or may not enjoy submitting. They are more interested in the sensation rather than the mental aspects of submitting.
It just started out as an erotic set of photos for my Master, who had been out of town for weeks. I opened the fridge, grabbed a box of strawberries and headed to my room with my digital video camera. I got comfortable, undressed and spread my legs. I jumped a little from the coolness of the first strawberry as I rubbed it slowly on my clit, surprised at the sensation of the tiny seeds on my sensitive skin. I rubbed it gently along the soft folds of my labia, slipping the cool strawberry up and away inside me, tingling. I grabbed for a second, third, fourth, fifth…getting more and more worked up, until the entire box of strawberries was inside me. Then one by one, I reached inside myself and pulled out each little red berry, now hot, soft and covered in my juices. I moaned at the sweetness of the berries as I devoured them in front of the camera, making my fingers and lips sticky and pink. It was a lot more fun than I ever expected and a hot way to stay connected while we were apart.
—doll, slave
My favorite toy is my own vanity. I’m the first to admit I turn myself on. Call me vain, call me self-absorbed, but nothing gets me hot like my own reflection. I love watching myself as I get off. I am my best and first lover. I have been masturbating since the tender age of five, “blushing” as my mother called it. Throughout my years of experience I have been quite creative; pillows, armrests of chairs, the traditional washing machine, and the ol’ pool jet. I even used Barbie doll legs, but that’s another story. I’m older now, and have quite a vast collection of toys, but nothing gets me off more than my vibrating dildo, complete with a suction cup, stuck to a mirror with me squatting over it so I can watch myself being penetrated. Some people like to watch another pussy get it while they pleasure themselves; I prefer watching mine.
—Ava Destruction, opportunistic hedonist
What’s in My Heinie?
Panic Snap: A type of snap sold in hardware or tack shops that can be released with a load applied to it, typically used with horses.
I have a game I like to play with newbies called Guess the Object where they are first stretched out comfortably and blindfolded, and then penetrated with a mystery object. The seductive qualities of having to guess what object is inside them can help focus their attention and increase their excitement level. Lots of improvised toys can be inserted and moved around, provided the object is smooth and rounded and the appropriate size. The handle of a butter knife is great, slender shampoo bottles, candles, mixing spoon handles—in fact, the kitchen is the place you will find the most easily pervertable objects. And that’s where you’ll find my favorite: vegetables, particularly the Japanese eggplant and zucchini that are soft-ish and don’t break off inside someone like a carrot might. You can be sure that you aren’t the first person in the history of kinky sex to use these vegetables for more nefarious reasons than a nice salad! Wash them first, make sure there are no stems or other hard-edged bits poking out, and pull a condom over them before beginning. Using a condom is a great way for maintaining happy pussy pH balance in the vagina. Lots of lube is necessary to make sure everything is wet wet wet before beginning. If it is something going in the ass, hang on to it! The vagina is a dead end but the ass is not. If you lose something up a bum, refer to chapter 8, Safety. The best way to avoid a trip to the hospital to find out how far your ersatz sex toy went in the bum is to make sure it has a flared base or some other way to maintain your grip on it so it can’t disappear inside your partner. No bottles or lightbulbs, please, if the glass isn’t Pyrex (which some dildos are made of now); the chance for an accident to be catastrophic is more present than with other toys that are solid. If in doubt, ask your local sex shop for advice.
When penetrating the ass start with fingers and be gentle. You want to have your partner relaxed and receptive. Take as much time as you both want and don’t be discouraged if he or she wants to try something else. What would be a better way to warm up a new bum?
“Okay honey, I have the whole evening to violate your ass. Did you get the lube? This plug is going in there at some point tonight, and I hope it doesn’t take too long because I have other stuff to do!”
Or:
“Hey sweetheart, I picked up the cutest little butt plug today and I thought we might play with it sometime tonight. Oh, by the way I also got some new massage oil and I thought maybe first I would treat you to a nice long sensual massage to relax you after your long day.”
Pansexual: Relates to inclusivity of all sexes, gender identities and orientations for play or events.
Which statement do you think is going to have them all warmed up and excited and eating out of your hand and ready for that cute little butt plug sometime later on that evening? People who are new to anal sex can be a little scared of it, so take your time and make it a warm and wonderful experience the first time. Massage their cock and balls or their clit; helping them achieve an orgasm the first time they have something in the “back door” will open them up to future possibilities. Above all else, don’t rush it. If it isn’t working or they are too tight, move on to something else for a little while and then revisit it. If you try to revisit it more than twice in one evening though, it will seem like you are getting pushy and you should save it for another evening. You have all the time in the world to explore with them, so take that time and make it a positive experience. For other anal toys like beads, again use lots of lube, take it slow and easy, and when they are getting close to an orgasm, pop the objects gently out in time with their orgasmic waves. This works best for men. Pull slowly—you aren’t starting a lawnmower! One soft pop at a time does the trick.
My butt plug was such an eye-opening experience my first time: inserting it was like putting a 90-watt bulb in a 40-watt socket! One day my partner surprised me with a cute little blue butt plug. For a moment I was scared—despite its cuteness, it looked hard and thick—but I trusted him and wanted to try it out. Taking his time, he first relaxed me with an orgasm, then my new “friend” was introduced and he used lots of lube and was really gentle with my bum. After he slipped it past the first tight ring of muscle it settled in naturally like it belonged there. Going down on me again and eating my pussy, he then gently pushed two of his fingers into my pussy. I was receiving pleasure in three major erogenous zones and it was blowing my mind. When I reached orgasm, it was bigger than I ever felt before: a current oscillated though me endlessly, wave upon wave wracked my body. My little blue butt plug and I are now friends for life.
—Indiana, Stubborn Little Concubine
A new term in the mainstream of sexual exploration is “pegging,” which used to be called “strap-on sex.” The old term may have intimidated some straight guys. Now that the act is being called “pegging” by marketing geniuses at sex toy companies it has become the new big trend. Straight boys are finally finding out what gay men have known for years: a prostate massage can feel great!
CBT
1 Take a nice soft piece of cord and a nice soft submissive to play with.
2 Find the middle of the cord.
3 Loop it under the balls and up around to the base of the penis.
4 Make one overhand loop and tighten it so it’s snug but not too tight.
5 The pull each end back down under his balls.
6 Tie another overhand loop and tighten it as well.
7 Now, start carefully winding the cord between the shaft of the cock and the balls.
8 Keep winding the cord, not too tightly, letting it pull his balls away from the base of his cock.
9 Finish it all with a bow that can easily be untied, and enjoy!
Pervertable: Everyday, household objects like clothespins or candles that can be “converted or perverted” for kinky play.
It was quite by accident that I discovered the lure of strap-on sex. My lover had picked up a leather body harness for me while away on a business trip. The top portion was straps that made triangles to showcase the breasts; the bottom straps wrapped around my hips with a ring in the center. One afternoon while I was playing with it by myself, I placed my dildo through the hole toward me while I masturbated. That was fun. Then I placed the dildo the other way, facing out. Wow! What an intense feeling of power. Then I remembered how turned on I had gotten when I read the scene in the book Exit to Eden where Mistress Lisa takes Elliott with a double dildo. Since then I’ve experienced great pleasure just walking around my apartment wearing the strap-on, feeling powerful and conquering. I feel the same thing when I fuck a guy up the ass while wearing the strap-on: watching the look in my lover’s eyes as he experiences the pleasure of penetration, seeing a stronger climax as I own his ass.
—Mercury Kittie, Domme
Bondage: “Let’s Get ’Em Tied Up!”
Bondage elicits feelings of helplessness, loss of control and being at someone’s mercy. Helplessness is hot! Rape and gang bang fantasies when you are restrained are hot too! Real sexual assault: not so hot. Knowing that there is a big difference between the two will keep your fantasies and reality healthy.
You can do bondage without rope—the classic necktie or long silk scarf. Belts work too, as well as elastic athletic wrap. (Note: play should be fun but safety should be serious. One of the best books you can read on bondage safety before you get anyone tied up is Jay Wisemans Erotic Bondage Handbook.) What else can you use to tie someone up with? Saran Wrap? I like to introduce newbies to bondage by using long women’s scarves if they are shy or a little unsure about bondage in general. The restraint is there, yet they are extremely comfortable because the pressure is spread widely, and their excitement isn’t tempered or cooled off by the scary looking three hundred feet of heavy hemp rope or chain spilling out of the closet. It isn’t so important that you tie someone with super-expensive hemp rope imported from Japan; make the rope an indication of your intent, or your desire and will, rather than strictly fetishizing the rope itself.
Ropes and a sturdy bedframe can open up a whole world of possibiities!
A collar can help your sub to remember that they belong to you.
Percussion Play: Using an instrument designed to strike with force, typically a flogger, belt or cane.
Handcuffs are sexy. Really sexy. And someone will usually pick up a pair in travels through life and think, “Hey, I would like to try being handcuffed while having sex!” We all do. Really. However handcuffs are terrible for kinky playtime. They suck. Keep in mind their primary purpose—to restrain a captive in an authoritarian (i.e., the police) manner. Handcuffs are made of hard metal, which is unforgiving. They bite in the wrong places and can damage the tender nerves and tendons in the wrists. They are designed to be uncomfortable—it keeps a suspect from moving around too much. They also have a tendency to be put on too tightly. And you will lose the key. That is pretty much a guarantee. Leave them at the store. No one ever had to unlock a scarf or man’s necktie when playtime was over. I will show you how a simple four feet of a woman’s scarf or piece of cotton rope will make for better and safer bondage in the bedroom!
You can never have enough lube! Get a variety of types for different play.
Play Party: A BDSM event involving many people engaging in scenes.
For both scarves and rope you want to use easy-to-untie knots. It doesn’t need to be complex at first. For those of you that fetishize knots and rope I highly recommend Two Knotty Boys Showing You the Ropes (see Resources), which will keep your fingers flying for a long time. Keep EMT scissors or a sharp knife handy and a pair of needle-nose pliers for knots that were put on with an extra bit of zeal.
Quick release is convenient if someone needs to get out quickly but it also allows for adjustment during “on-the-fly fucking” as people do squ
irm and ropes can get a little slack. You can just throw the quick-release end out of their reach but well within yours. Make the loop longer than their hand to keep it out of reach. When tying a submissive or slave to something the number one rule is make sure the object is stable! Lying down on an object such as a bed is a lot safer than standing on one foot. As a Top, you should always be asking yourself, What is the probable risk? You are going to juggle that extra ball in the air as well as many others flying in front of your face, such as scene atmosphere, role-play scenarios, impact, safewords, pinchy things, communication, and how to get your own desires and needs met as well. If you have someone tied to something and it falls over, immediately assess the situation and give first aid. You don’t have first aid training? Why not? First aid certification is now being delivered especially for BDSMers. There are weekends where you get certified by the Red Cross for first aid and cpr, and all within a BDSM context. Organizers like me present these courses. After all, blunt force trauma is blunt force trauma, a sprain is a sprain regardless of whether you got it from a paddle or a rake handle that you stepped on à la some Warner Brothers cartoon.