Silent Lies: A gripping psychological thriller

by Kathryn Croft

  Johnny took every opportunity to make my life miserable. I think he saw how she treated me and knew he could do the same, and the worst thing was that she stood by and enjoyed what he was doing. We fought a lot because I couldn’t just sit back and take his verbal abuse. I had to fight back.

  One day, in the summer when I’d just turned eighteen, Liv had some friends round and everyone was in the back garden. I don’t know how I was allowed out there, or even why I wanted to be, but somehow I was. I can’t even remember what it was about now, but Johnny and I ended up in a huge row that ended with me spitting in his face. Not just a tiny fleck of saliva, more like a spray that ended up in his eyes, his mouth, all over him. Everyone saw it and the whole garden was suddenly silent. The weird thing was, Johnny didn’t say a thing. He just wiped it off and calmly carried on drinking his beer. I took that as my chance to run.

  Blinking back tears, I have to pause for breath. Telling Zach what came next will be like reliving the nightmare. Since giving my statement to the police, I’ve not had to speak these words again. I buried them somewhere they couldn’t find a way out.

  As soon as I begin to speak, the memory hits me like a punch in the gut. I’d just finished my last A-level exam and I was on a high. I knew I probably hadn’t done that well, but hoped it was enough to get me to university. I’d managed to convince a friend to let me stay with her for a few weeks while I found a job and looked for my own place, so I couldn’t wait to get back to Liv’s and pack up all my stuff.

  The house was empty when I got there and I was relieved. Part of me was scared she’d try to stop me, even though she’d wanted me gone, or dead, since the minute I was born. But to Liv, me leaving home meant that I was going to have that life she never would, and I worried she would do anything to make sure that didn’t happen.

  I was so engrossed in shoving all my belongings – not much more than a few clothes, and definitely no childhood mementos – into a bag that I didn’t hear him come in, but suddenly he was standing in my room, his mouth twisted into an evil grimace.

  I’ve never been so scared in my life. And I never will be again. Because once you’ve known – and survived – fear like that, you can handle anything.

  The certainty that Johnny was going to do his worst came even before he flew at me, his fist slamming into my face, knocking me back with such force I crashed against the wall, cracking my head. I was sure my whole skull had shattered. I saw the pool of blood, but was strangely detached. It didn’t feel like it belonged to me.

  I thought that would be it, Johnny had taught me a lesson and that would be the end of it, but I couldn’t have been more wrong. He was only just getting started.

  Zach grabs my hand. It’s smooth and warm. ‘Josie, you don’t have to tell me any more – if it’s too difficult.’

  But now I’ve started I can’t seem to stop. Perhaps this is like therapy, baring my soul, and afterwards the poison will be out of my body and I’ll be free of it. I know what Zach’s thinking: that Johnny raped me. And it might make him uncomfortable to hear those details, but that’s not what happened. That was never what he wanted.

  There were fleeting moments when I thought this might be what Johnny wanted to do, but it never happened. Instead, he battered me with his fists, until there was barely a patch of unblemished skin on my body, and then he used any piece of furniture he could smash into me. But that still wasn’t it. He saved the knife for last, carving slits into my body until I was lying in a bath of blood, which this time I was in no doubt was my own because I could almost feel it draining from my body.

  ‘I enjoyed that,’ he said, as he left me there.

  I turn to Zach, able to look him in the eye again now that I’ve described what Johnny did. ‘But that’s not quite the worst of it,’ I say, and watch as his jaw drops. ‘As he walked out of my room, I saw a shadow in the hall. Liv was there, Zach. The woman who was supposed to be my mother, who was supposed to always protect me. I might have even forgiven her for everything she’d done if at that moment she had tried to stop Johnny, or at least comforted me afterwards, but she just stood there, with a nasty smirk on her face. She must have seen the whole thing.’

  Zach pulls me towards him and hugs me. I’m sure he doesn’t mean to but his whole body presses into mine. ‘I know this might be inappropriate but right now I don’t give a shit,’ he says. ‘You need a bloody hug and that’s what you’re going to get.’

  I don’t argue but go with it, breathing in his calming scent. A natural smell, not aftershave or anything stifling. Just Zach.

  We stay like that for too long, yet not long enough, until finally Zach pulls back. ‘What happened to you after that? Did you go to the police?’

  I nod. ‘I woke up in hospital and didn’t know how I’d got there until the police told me. Apparently my friend Alexa had come round to find me. She’s the one I was supposed to be moving in with, and she got worried when I didn’t turn up. Somehow, thankfully, even though Liv and Johnny had gone out to get pissed down the pub, they’d left the back door open and Alexa had found me. Otherwise…’

  ‘Fuck! Sorry, I don’t usually swear, but this calls for it, I reckon.’

  I want to hug him again now – just for being able to make me smile at this painful moment.

  ‘I told the police everything. He’s in prison.’

  ‘Good. That’s good, Josie.’ He shakes his head. ‘I can’t believe you’ve gone through all this and you’re still, well, you. Strong.’

  ‘I can’t let them win, Zach. That’s what stops me being a victim. They wanted to destroy my life but I won’t let them. I can’t pretend it’s always easy, but I’ve got my little brother to think of.’ I tell him about my visit to Brighton, and how although it doesn’t seem that Kieren’s being neglected, I can’t take any chances. ‘I want him to come and live with me, Zach. Once I’ve got my degree and hopefully a good job. I can’t let him be around that woman.’

  ‘Did social services not get involved? I don’t know much about how the system works, but surely after your mum’s boyfriend did that they would be worried about your brother?’

  ‘Oh, Liv knows how to lie. She’s fooled everyone. She told them she’d have nothing more to do with Johnny and made up some lies about me having a relationship with him. And because I was eighteen, and not a child, they didn’t take Kieren from her. But everyone who knows her, and that’s a lot of people in Brighton, knows that she can’t be without that man.’

  Now I’ve filled Zach in on my past, I bring him up to date by telling him about Johnny’s cousin visiting me a few weeks ago.

  He shakes his head and sighs heavily. ‘You need to tell the police he’s threatened you, Josie. Why haven’t you done that?’

  ‘Because I don’t really know who he is. I’m just assuming he’s Johnny’s cousin, but I’ve never seen him before and I was too shocked to think about getting his registration number or anything like that. He told me he has an alibi sorted for that night anyway so there’s no point. And most of all, I just want the past behind me.’

  ‘But it’s not behind you, Josie, if this man carries out his threat.’

  ‘I know. That’s why I wanted to talk to you – to get another opinion. I know it sounds stupid but I really don’t have anyone I can talk to. After the attack, nobody on my estate bothered with me. I guess they thought I was tainted and didn’t want anything to do with me. People are scared of Johnny – they knew what he was like and what he was capable of, even before he attacked me. And Liv. Nobody ever gets on her wrong side. So I really had no one. I couldn’t wait to leave, to start a fresh life in London.’

  ‘What about your friend, Alexa? What happened to her?’

  ‘She was the one person who would have stood by me, but she went to study in Edinburgh not long after and we lost touch. I wouldn’t even know how to find her now. I’ve checked and, like me, she’s not on Facebook or Twitter or anything so that’s that.’

  Zach squeezes my hand bu
t doesn’t let go. ‘Well, I’m glad our paths crossed.’

  I grip his hand back, more tightly than I should, but in this moment I no longer care. Just for this brief flash of time, it feels as though it’s just me and him. Nobody else exists.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Mia

  * * *

  The house has been so silent this weekend, the atmosphere so cold, without Freya. I’ve missed her constant chatter, the way she can distract me from everything, the way that when I’m with her nothing else seems important. Without her here I’ve had too much time to focus on Alison and Dominic. And what happened to Zach.

  But now it’s Monday morning, and before I pick up Freya I will visit Elaine Bradford, and hopefully get some answers. There must be something she can tell me to help me understand Dominic, and whether or not he can be trusted.

  Her office is in Muswell Hill, a part of London I’m not familiar with, but my satnav gets me there in just under an hour. It’s in the completely opposite direction from Reading, but I should still make it in plenty of time to pick Freya up after lunch.

  Bradford Estate Agents is a large office in a row of upmarket high street shops. I should have called ahead to check Elaine was actually in this morning, but I couldn’t think of any reason why I’d need to ask that. Still, I’m happy to take this chance. I have no clients scheduled in and at least it feels like I am doing something.

  Before I step inside, I scan the faces sitting at desks, but see no sign of Elaine. I know from her website picture that she’s got dark hair, almost the same colour as Dominic’s, and it’s cut in a neat bob. She is definitely not in there.

  But I walk through the doors anyway; it’s likely she’s out on a showing or something else work-related.

  A tall young man, smartly dressed in a suit, comes to greet me, jangling some keys in his hand. ‘Hi, how can I help you?’

  ‘Um, I’m looking for Elaine, if she’s around.’

  His smile fades a bit. He must have been hoping for my commission. ‘She’s in her office. I’m just on my way to a viewing, but it’s right over there.’ He points towards a glass door at the back, where I can just about make out a dark-haired woman sitting at her desk.

  ‘Thanks,’ I say, but he’s already disappeared.

  As I walk towards her, the first thing I notice is how different Elaine Bradford is from Alison. Not everyone has a type – Zach and Will couldn’t be more different in looks – but the woman before me is so much more together, so much more confident than Alison. I can tell this within two seconds.

  She smiles at me. ‘Hi, how can I help you?’ she says. Then she frowns. ‘Don’t I know you?’

  It’s impossible. I’ve never seen her before and she wasn’t with Dominic at the funeral, so there’s no way, unless of course…

  ‘No, that’s it – you’re Zach Hamilton’s wife. Sorry, I recognise you from the Internet.’ She offers a half-smile. ‘Oh, I know how awful that must sound, but, well, there’s no point pretending it’s anything other than it is.’ Her smile widens and she holds out her hand to me. ‘Nice to meet you anyway. It’s a small world, isn’t it?’

  I take her hand, puzzled that she recognised me so quickly. I look different now, I’ve made sure of that. I needed to shed the past, so my hair is now shorter and a chestnut colour, no longer the almost black that it was, and I iron out my natural waves with straighteners. But it hasn’t fooled Elaine – or others, probably.

  ‘Don’t worry about it,’ I tell her, taking her hand. ‘And yes, I’m Mia.’

  She offers a warm smile. ‘Well, for what it’s worth, it’s no reflection on you. I heard years ago that you had some trouble from people. I just wish everyone would mind their own business.’

  As much as it’s painful to hear this woman talk of the abuse I received, allowing her to discuss it could be my way to bring up Dominic. ‘It was hard,’ I say. ‘I couldn’t even leave my house without someone confronting me. Most of the time they’d just scream and shout in my face, but sometimes it got even nastier than that.’ Memories flood my mind of smashed car windows, abusive words spray-painted onto my front door. It got so bad that I barely left the house for months.

  Elaine shakes her head. ‘I can’t believe the nerve of people. It’s outrageous that you had to go through that. They claimed to be friends of that student, didn’t they? Although by all accounts she didn’t really have any close friends. Not surprising, given the way she carried on.’

  ‘No close friends apart from my husband,’ I say.

  Elaine’s eyes widen and she stares at me for a moment, probably wondering just how far I will let this conversation go. ‘Yes, well, we don’t always choose right the first time round, do we?’ She snatches a glance at my left hand. ‘I certainly didn’t. You probably know my ex-husband, Dominic? He worked with Zach.’

  ‘Yes, we only met briefly at the funeral—’

  ‘Oh, I’m so sorry I didn’t go, but Dominic and I had been having so many problems and I’d actually left him by then. Thank God!’

  ‘Don’t worry about that. You didn’t even know Zach so I wouldn’t have expected you to be there.’

  ‘Actually, I did meet him. Well, “meet” is probably the wrong word for it, but I saw him at the university once when I went to visit Dominic. He was… I’m sorry to say this now, but he was with that girl. They were just walking along the corridor and I remember he held the door open for me. Very polite man. I thought nothing of it at the time, but after what happened it stuck in my mind.’ She finally pauses for breath.

  Elaine is right about that. The whole time I was with Zach I never heard him say a bad word, or even an angry word, to or about anyone. He was always so calm, able to keep level-headed about everything. It’s hard to understand how he could have snapped that night.

  An awkward silence hangs between us for a moment until, to my relief, Elaine attempts to move the conversation on. ‘How are you doing anyway?’ she asks, as if we are suddenly close friends.

  ‘Time heals all wounds, doesn’t it?’ I say this to avoid directly answering her question.

  She studies my face for too long. ‘Yes, but it must have changed you. Something as horrific as that is bound to have scarred you, you poor thing.’

  There is no way I want to talk about all this to Elaine, even though I can tell she means well and her concern is genuine. But if I want her to open up then I’ve got to be prepared to do that myself. So I tell her that it has changed me, more than I can put into words. I used to be a sociable person, making time for my friends whenever I could, but afterwards I could barely bring myself to look anyone in the face, even those I knew wouldn’t make any judgements. Eventually, I cut myself off from the world, and the loneliness and isolation might have finished me off if it wasn’t for Freya. It was only three years later that Will’s kindness and warmth brought me out of myself.

  Elaine nods as if she knows exactly what I’m talking about, as if she’s been through something similar herself, rather than being on the outside looking in at the spectacle that was my life five years ago. ‘I’m so glad you met someone special. What do you do now? You weren’t working at the time, were you?’

  I start to feel on edge. This woman knows too much about me and I know nothing about her other than who she was married to. We are on unequal footing. This can never be a good thing. ‘No, I took some time off work to look after my young daughter, then when she started school I trained as a counsellor and now I have my own business. Like you.’

  ‘Well, that’s fantastic! Good for you. I know it’s not an easy thing to do. So what brings you to see me?’ she asks, changing the subject. ‘Did you say you were looking for a property?’

  She must know full well I haven’t even had a chance to explain my visit. ‘I could be. My partner and I are considering moving in together and, to be honest, a move from Ealing might do me good.’

  ‘You still live there? In the same house?’

  I’m not ashamed to admit
it. It was my house too, and I can’t let what Zach did taint the memories it holds. I tell her this and she seems to understand.

  ‘I suppose I get that. I’ll tell you this much, though – after my divorce I couldn’t wait to sell up and move away. Even this side of London didn’t seem to put enough miles between me and that part of my life.’

  This is perfect; she has referred to her divorce without me having to. ‘I’m sorry to hear that.’

  Her expression changes and her eyes seem to darken. ‘It’s a time of my life I’d rather forget. But then, a divorce is nothing compared to what you had to go through.’

  ‘Well, that doesn’t mean you haven’t suffered. Was it really acrimonious? It’s funny, Zach always spoke so well of Dominic.’ She won’t know that until the funeral I had no idea who her ex-husband was.

  ‘Well, that’s the trouble when people have two sides to them. Their colleagues only see the good – the kind, helpful man who will do anything to support them – while the wife gets the bitter, twisted and resentful part when he gets home. Perhaps all those hours of being nice get too much and they just have to let it out.’ She laughs but I can tell it is forced, that this is hard for her to speak about.

  I recall talking with Dominic in the park. It really is hard to picture him being the man she is describing – the man Alison described, too – but then maybe she’s right about people having a side they keep from the world.

  ‘It was a totally loveless marriage,’ Elaine continues, seeming not to notice I haven’t responded. ‘Pretty much right from the start. Wasted years. I would have loved to have children but now it’s too late because I spent so much time with him.’ She looks around her. ‘Mind you, I might not have done all this if I’d had kids, so maybe things work out for the best. Anyway, I haven’t actually seen him for years and don’t even know what he’s doing or if he remarried or anything. It’s easier this way. Pretending he doesn’t exist.’