What if this ‘fan’ was my mother? She knew how to weave a story and sell it to the paparazzi.
“Are they looking for the suspect?”
“Please, don’t worry about it. It’s not a big deal,” he said casually, as if we had discussed the weather. We were talking about a stalker. It was a big freaking deal.
The pit of my stomach churned. “You wouldn’t be hiring security and planning on moving out of that house if it wasn’t a big deal.”
“We’ll figure everything out. We’re staying at the Four Seasons for the next couple of days. We can decide what to do tomorrow,” he said with conviction.
I wished I could see his eyes. They never lied. I wished I could know if he was as afraid as I was. His voice was perfectly steady. I closed my eyes and took one slow, shaky breath after another to calm myself. I was breaking down. What was happening? Was I overreacting?
We arrived at the hotel where a man opened the door for me. He looked familiar. I just couldn’t place him at that moment.
“Miss Hades,” he greeted me. “Follow me.”
I did. Gage joined us by the elevator banks a couple of minutes later with another man. Both were as tall as him. One had brown hair, green eyes and broad shoulders. The other one had the same body complexion, but his eyes were deep brown.
“Tess, meet Hawk and Tiago. They’re part of the team I hired.”
“Hawk?” I tilted my head. “Aren’t you a tattoo artist?”
He shrugged and smirked.
“You’re a tattoo artist?” Gage frowned. “If you have time, I would love a tattoo on my back.”
I stared at them and shook my head. “This might be normal for you, but I need to know what’s going on.”
“Everything is under control,” Hawk assured me. “There’s nothing to fear. We’re just following a few precautions.”
“I told you, a groupie, fan, or stalker got into the house,” Gage said reassuringly.
My legs felt like jelly. I couldn’t think much as the three of them stared at each other and then at me. Were they hiding something?
“It’d be safer if you guys stay in San Diego,” Hawk suggested. “We’re trying to find the person who broke in, though.”
“We’ll continue the same routine we’ve followed for the past few weeks,” Tiago said as we reached the top floor.
“Thank you, gentlemen,” Gage nodded and grabbed my hand.
When he opened the door, I looked at Gage.
“There’s more to it, isn’t there?”
“It’s going to be okay,” he reassured me.
Gage was so put together, and I felt like a wreck. I was exhausted, scared, and I wanted to lie down in my bed. I felt anxious and sad. As if all the work I’d done for the past five years with my therapist had been wiped away in a single argument. I walked pass the sitting area and into the main room. Lying on the bed, I put my head on the pillow, trying to piece myself together.
Lying there, hopeless and empty, I began to cry.
“Sorry, Turtle. I swear I won’t let anything happen to you.”
“What if something happens to you? I’m scared of losing you,” I cried harder.
He turned me around and kissed me. It was slow and soft, loving and long. He might’ve called me Turtle, but we were more like two penguins who had found their soulmates.
Thirty
Tess
The months following my return from Reykjavik were paradise. Though it was sad that we had to sell the house, we found a perfect property with a better view of the lake. It was in a gated community and there was twenty-four-seven security. The high security company Gage hired to protect him also made sure that the house had the best alarm system on the market.
Gage and I worked harder to be in each other’s lives. If he was traveling, we saw each other every weekend. I slayed my classes, even though I had to study during layovers or backstage at his shows. When he wasn’t on tour, he stayed with me in San Diego.
I had no idea that our relationship was fragile. That we’d activated a ticking bomb that was about to explode. How could I, when Gage continued to drop hints about our future? He even suggested wedding destinations where we could save turtles. I liked the idea, but I couldn’t commit to it. We were so young. Sadie didn’t marry Dad until she was older. I wanted to be like her, enjoying my twenties by his side, of course.
It was early April when our time was up. It began with a call around five in the morning.
He grunted when he reached for his phone, “Hey, why are you calling? Is everything okay?” he whispered trying to sound normal, but I could feel his heart beating hard, scared.
After that, he left the room. I didn’t listen to the conversation, but I waited. Ten minutes later he came back to the bedroom. He went into the closet, and in less than five minutes he was dressed and carrying his duffle bag.
He kissed me hard, deep and desperate. The way he did before he left for a tour.
“There’s an emergency. I’m flying to Atlanta,” he pressed his lips to my forehead. “I love you.”
I opened my mouth to ask him what was happening, but he rushed out of the room and the house. I waited for hours to hear from him. I never did.
Every little step he took that night was so unlike Gage. He usually called or texted when he was about to board a plane. He’d send me messages through Facebook once the flight took off and he connected to the Wi-Fi service. If I was free, we’d chat for hours until he landed.
This time he was radio silent. I called him and texted him, but he ignored me. Two days after his departure, I changed the settings on my phone and blocked my caller ID. He answered almost immediately.
“Are you okay?” he asked concerned.
“I’m fine,” I said casually. “I’m just wondering why you’re not answering your phone?”
“Oh, Tess, I wasn’t expecting to talk to you this soon.” His voice was off, I couldn’t tell if he was busy, worried or just tired. “But we have to talk.”
“Are you okay?” I asked, and a tightness gripped my chest.
My pulse accelerated. Did somebody hurt him? His groupies were insane.
“Look, this isn’t a good time,” he was cutting me off.
“Gage, what’s going on?” I wouldn’t let him leave me hanging again. I clutched the phone tightly, pressing it against my ear.
That’s when I heard a little coo in the background. It was so faint that I almost missed it. But I recognized what it was because I had listened to those for years while on the phone with my parents when my brother and sister were babies.
“Was that a baby?” I mumbled.
“I’ll call you later.” He hung up immediately.
I called Dad right away.
“What’s going on?”
“Where’s Gage?” I asked with urgency.
Dad used to know his calendar, and if anything changed, he was the second one to know—I was the first.
“Sweetheart, if you don’t know, why would I?”
“You’re his manager or something like that,” I reminded him.
“That’d be Duncan. I don’t handle his career anymore. We make decisions together because I’m his mentor. He trusts me to look out for him, but Duncan is the one who knows what’s happening in his life. Why?”
“He—I don’t know. I just had some free time, and I wanted to see him.”
“You want to surprise him?” he asked, confused. “What about your classes?”
“Dad, this is important,” I pushed him a little with my daddy’s little girl voice.
“Give me a second. Let me check with Duncan.”
Dad called me five minutes later. “Sorry, Kiddo. Duncan said that he took some time off. He has no idea where he is.”
“Okay,” I whispered, defeated.
“What’s going on?”
“Nothing, Dad,” I answered frustrated.
I wish I knew what’s going on with Gage. It was the second time he’d left me in the dar
k.
“You don’t sound fine,” he insisted.
“It’s really nothing,” I said, trying to sound confident. “He’s acting weird. That’s all.”
“Hey, whatever is going on you two will solve it. I’m not a fan of the guy, but I know he adores you. Give him a break, okay?”
“Did you ever cheat on Mom?”
“Tess.”
He didn’t have to say more. I knew the answer.
“Why did you do it?”
He was quiet for some time and then cleared his throat. “She was sleeping around with my bandmates.”
“Uncle Jax too?” I screeched.
“Nope. The point is that I thought it was over between us. Instead of talking it through and ending the relationship, I behaved like her.”
“Did you cheat on Sadie?”
“Never.” He didn’t hesitate to answer, and I knew he loved her more than life.
“Gage wouldn’t do it. Whatever you’re thinking, stop,” he said, defending Gage.
“He’s hiding something, Dad.”
“Give him time.”
“Okay. Thank you, Dad.” I hung up and tried to continue my day as if nothing was happening.
After talking to Dad, I decided to call Gage’s brothers. In the absence of Keane, Gage went to East for advice. That’s why I called him first.
“The last time I heard from him, he was in San Diego, with you,” he said.
When I told him what happened he didn’t interrupt me, but then he said, “Look, I have no idea what he’s involved in, but if there’s anyone whose loyal as fuck, it’s him. Your imagination is making you think shit that’s not possible.”
“You agree this is uncharacteristic of him, don’t you?”
“Look, I don’t feel comfortable talking to you about this. You two will figure your shit out when he’s ready.” He hung up, and I could feel that he was already taking sides.
* * *
Gage: Are you awake?
Tess: Yes.
Gage: Can I call you?
Tess: Please.
The phone rang. It was a call, not FaceTime. I picked it up but didn’t greet him.
“Hey,” he said.
“Where are you?”
“It doesn’t matter right now,” he said.
“What’s going on?”
“Look, things got complicated.”
“You have a baby,” I jumped into the conversation.
The silence between us lasted an eternity, or maybe a few seconds, but the stillness was killing me.
“It’s a yes or no answer, Gage. Nothing complicated about it.”
“Yeah,” he said.
“How old is he?”
“She’s a couple of days old,” he said.
“April sixth,” I said as if answering my own question of when she was born.
He remained quiet.
“Who’s the mom?” I asked. I felt numb, my mind tried to stay in control while my heart crumbled.
I wasn’t a math genius. But with my career, I added and subtracted pretty fast when I had to handle dates. The months between the time I went away to Reykjavik and when his daughter was born were just too close for me to ignore the possibility that something more than just a fan breaking into our house had happened.
Did he cheat and couldn’t get rid of the groupie? Had she trapped him with a baby? Just the way my mother trapped my father.
My entire life suddenly collapsed. The old Tess woke from her emotional coma. I summoned enough strength to get through the call. My heart froze, but my anger burned like flames during a wildfire.
“You lied to me. You fucking lied to me,” I screamed. “We had a fucking open relationship. The only condition was that you’d tell me so I’d be safe. Did you even wear a fucking condom? Should I get myself checked for STD’s? Was she the only one you fucked while we were together?”
“Tess!” He snapped.
“Am I upsetting you?” I chuckled. “Oh, is the new daddy upset because his fucking girlfriend wants to know if he’s fucking clean or if she should get tested for fucking herpes.”
“You’re clean, Tess,” he said. “Can I talk now?”
“I’m listening.”
“Look, things got complicated.”
“Stop using that fucking word. There’s nothing complicated. You fucked another woman and knocked her up. It’s pretty simple.”
“Tess,” he warned me.
I exhaled loudly but stayed quiet.
“Look, I have some responsibilities. Right now, I have no idea what’s going to happen to my future. It’s uncertain.”
“You should try to figure things out for your kid.” I gave him an out, trying to sound mature, even happy for him. “Who is the mother? Did Marti come back or did you knock up some groupie?”
“Tess,” he grunted.
“What’s the baby’s name?” I asked curiously. He liked to think of names and even made a list for our non-existent kids.
“She doesn’t have a name, yet,” he said.
That’s the weirdest thing I’ve ever heard. The man that liked to plan didn’t have a name. It was on the tip of my tongue to ask if Marti had come back into his life. Maybe he never sold the house and she lived there. Did he have two lives?
“You have a list if I recall,” I reminded him, stupidly. “Jojo was one of the top five names. Well, you wanted to call her Jojo and weren’t sure what name to use. Jolene or Josephine.”
I had detached myself from my body. If not, I’d be crying, defeated.
“Tess,” he repeated my name. “I don’t want to lose you.”
“You lied to me,” I said coldly.
“I … Tess,” he mumbled.
His words, the sorrow in his tone, and the emptiness that this baby caused me felt like a wave of sadness crashing against my chest. As much as I tried to hold back my tears, I was about to lose the battle when I said, “You have a baby, but she’s not mine.”
I hung up on him because I couldn’t stand it anymore. My future disappeared. Our dreams had been blown apart by an unnamed hurricane. The ecological equilibrium changed, and my non-existent kids had been eradicated from the map.
Gage: I wish things were different. I don’t want to lose you.
Tess: What does that even mean?
Gage: I can’t live without you, Tess.
Tess: Then what happened? Tell me so I can understand it. Understand you.
Gage: I wish I could explain.
He wasn’t making any sense, but I could feel in my heart that he was as destroyed as I was.
Tess: Can I see her?
He sent me a picture of a little-bundled baby. Her nose was tiny, her eyes closed, and she wore a hat. I wanted to hate her, but I couldn’t. She was a part of him. My hands itched to touch her; my arms craved to hold her. She was so beautiful and innocent. I wanted nothing but to wrap her inside of a bubble. Being Gage’s child came at a price. I knew it.
Tess: What’s the deal with her mom?
Gage: It’s complicated.
I laughed and cried. He swore I was the only one, but I fucking knew that someone would take him away.
Tess: You can’t have everything. Either you’re with her or with me.
Gage: Do you want to be a part of this mess?
Tess: I don’t know what’s going on. And you have to think about your daughter. You need to protect her from everyone—even her mom if she’s not good for her.
Gage: Jojo, let’s call her that.
Tess: Jolene Rodin.
Gage: I think it fits her.
Tess: Why the fuck am I helping you name her?
I erased that text and stared at the blurry phone. The tears just couldn’t stop rolling, one after another.
Gage: Look, I’d hate to lose you. I won’t lie to you, but I won’t tell you anything about Jojo, her mother, or what happened.
Tess: Where are you going to live?
Gage: Seattle.
Tess: I’m so conf
used.
Gage: All I know is that I love you and I’m trying to do the right thing.
Tess: Please don’t say that, not when things are so … fucked up.
Gage: It’s the truth and I need you to remember that. Tess, I’d love if you could be a part of my life. It’s so fucking hard to breathe when you’re not around.
Tess: What about the baby’s mom?
Gage: We can work around this. I’m not sure how, but we can make it work. We always do.
Tess: I can’t understand how it is that you swore I was it for you and suddenly you have a baby. We had an agreement, an understanding. You could’ve told me when you slept with this woman—or Marti. I told you, I can move on from that, but not from a lie.
Gage: There are things I can’t tell you. I’m sorry. Please, forgive me.
Thirty-One
Tess
I couldn’t eat or get out of my bed for a couple of days. My phone rang nonstop until the battery died. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. George, my tortoise, was the only one who didn’t give a fuck about my emotional state and made sure that I fed him.
On Saturday morning, there was a knock on my door. I ignored it for a long time until I heard her voice, “Open the door Tess or I’ll have to call your dad.”
I gave in and opened for her. It was better to deal with Sadie than my father who would want to kill Gage.
“Hey,” I greeted Sadie, holding George who liked to escape if we got distracted while opening the door.
The little guy was fast and hard to catch. Gage wasn’t around to chase him. I couldn’t help but start crying knowing that he wouldn’t come back again.
“This is worse than I thought,” Sadie said, entering and shutting the door behind her. “What happened?”
Between sobs and cries, I told her everything from the time when I came back from Reykjavik to the last text we exchanged.
“Nothing makes sense,” she said. “He … he didn’t give you a real explanation.”
“I know, and I wouldn’t even believe that he had the baby, but I heard her and then saw her.”
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