Cuts like a knife

by Dana Monahan

  “Ben’s dead.” He finally blurted out for lack of anything better to say. Her curious expression turned sad, making James wish he’d handled that with a little more tact. “Sorry. That was a little blunt.”

  “That’s the best way. My reaction would be the same no matter how long you prolonged it.” Taking a deep breath, Karen willed herself not to cry, and then shot James a curious look. “So you tracked me down to tell me the news personally? I appreciate that, but I don’t buy it. Why are you here?”

  “I’m not sure.” Leaning forward, James looked directly into blue her eyes. “Do you think Ben murdered Sierra?”

  She didn’t hesitate. “I know he didn’t. I saw him up in his room that night. He was so drunk he couldn’t stand up. A few minutes later he passed out cold. There were a lot of people that hated Sierra, but Ben wasn’t one of them.”

  “What about you?” He leaned back against the seat, but still watched her closely for her reaction.

  Karen took a cigarette out of the small case she’d brought with her to the table. Taking her time, she lit it, and blew a few smoke rings while she decided how to answer. “I’ll be honest. I hated her. She was a real bitch. She’d come on to guys, play with them for a while, just to prove she could get them.”

  “I thought you were friends.”

  Karen let out a bitter laugh. “When you’re in the drug

  scene you don’t have any real friends. It doesn’t matter who you’re with as long as you’ve got a line in front of your face. Look at Kelly and Trent. They all had their matching scars on their palms to prove what good little pals they were. She tried to burn Kelly by going after you and she led Trent around by her little finger. If you’re looking for motive, you should ask them. Or better yet, why don’t you drop it. It’s old news.”

  After grounding out her cigarette in the ashtray, she stood up. “Maybe I’ll see you at Leroy’s sometime. You can buy me a beer to make up for wasting my time.” The point was made, but her tone had been friendly enough before she walked away.

  Waving the last remnants of smoke away from his face, James dropped his chin in his hands. She was probably right. He should drop it. Here he was, running around like some Sherlock Holmes wannabe, and he wouldn’t recognized a clue if it dropped in his lap. What was he hoping to find anyway, another confession? It was time to go home and put the past firmly behind him.

  -------------

  Billie drove up just as Kelly was taking her groceries out of the back of the truck. As she stepped out of the car, the rain started coming down. Rushing over, she helped carry some bags in before they got drenched. In the kitchen, she set her bags down on the table and dropped her purse in a chair.

  “Good timing.” Kelly laughed, wiping the wetness off her face with a dish towel. “I tried to call you last night and this morning.”

  “Mom, dad’s not here.” Matt frowned then he noticed Billie and his face lit up. “Aunt Billie! Do want to play Nintendo? Did you bring your dog?”

  “I don’t think Aunt Billie really has a dog. No one ever sees it but her,” Kelly teased while putting a carton of milk in the fridge. “Why don’t you let us talk for a while? She can go in your room before she leaves.”

  Matt’s shoulders slumped as he sat at one of the chairs.

  While Billie and Kelly chatted and put groceries away he idly played with the envelope on the table in front of him. Peeping inside, he saw the pictures. Thinking they might be of him, he pulled one out. Sliding off his chair, he started to walk forward and show his mom the picture when he turned it over in his hand. Green eyes widened in surprise and he glanced up quickly to make sure he hadn’t been seen with it. He could get in real trouble for looking at something like this. Matt hid the picture in the closest spot and ran out of the room before he got caught.

  “When do I get to see James? Where is he?” Billie asked while taking the seat Matt had just vacated.

  “I don’t know. My car’s not out front and he didn’t leave a note, so he should be back soon. There, all done. Now let’s gossip.” Kelly cleared the empty bags off the table and sat down across from Billie.

  “Okay, I’ll start. How does it feel to be back in the saddle?” Billie asked, grinning at Kelly’s pink cheeks.

  Giggling, Kelly leaned and spoke in a hushed tone. “We’ve been making up for lost time every chance we get. I want to touch him all the time. James is so great with Matt, too. They’re already inseparable.” With a dreamy smile, Kelly shrugged her shoulders. “I swear, I’m living out the happily ever after.”

  “No one deserves it more than you, Kel. I’m envious.” Pulling her fingers through her damp hair, Billie sighed wistfully as her bangs fell down again to frame her face. When Kelly got up and grabbed a beer, she stretched out her long legs beneath the table and smiled ruefully. “It shows, huh? I think my hormones are just out of whack.”

  “Come on. What’s the matter?” Shaking her head, Kelly leaned back in her chair and grabbed herself a beer out of the fridge. “Never mind, I already know. Why don’t you just go for it? You and Brody were meant for each other. Haven’t you figured out how he feels about you yet?”

  “It’s not that easy.” Drumming her nails on the table didn’t help her agitation, so she clasped her hands together in front of her. Billie’s fear made sense to her, but she was afraid it might sound trivial to someone else. “I was married to Brad and it didn’t work out. Fine, it’s over, I can handle that. But I miss him as a friend.” Without realizing it, Billie had turned her hand over and was tracing the long scar on her palm. “There are times when something happens or I just want to talk to him, but I can’t because we’ve lost that special bond between us.”

  Sitting up straight in her chair, Billie took a swig of beer to wash down the lump in her throat. She hated getting all emotional, but she’d already come this far. “Remember, Kel, remember this scar.” Placing her hand, palm out, she pointed to it. “Friends are forever. I cut my hand, and it hurt, but it meant something to me. I lost Brad because we tried to be more than friends. I couldn’t handle it if I lost Brody, too.”

  “They’re two different men. Think about it. You married Brad for all the wrong reasons. You wanted someone to love you and he did. But did you really love him, the way you love Brody?” When Billie started to interrupt, Kelly put up her hand and finished. “Or was Brad just a safe bet. You were scared of your feelings for Brody because you didn’t think he returned them. You felt rejected. Brad was there telling you what you’ve always wanted to hear, and bam, you told yourself you were in love. And you probably were for a while, but not like you could be.” With a smug smile, Kelly leaned back in her chair, rocking on the back legs. “Am I good or what?”

  “You’re good, not bad,” Billie chuckled, “So why don’t you lay some more words of wisdom on me and put me out of my misery.”

  “Must I do everything?” She rolled her eyes. “First, call Brad. Tell him how you feel. Chances are he feels the same way.”

  “Then I’ll tell Brody how I feel.” Billie finished. “I love him so much, but I don’t want to cause any hard feelings between Brad and Brody.”

  “They have scars, too. That pact meant something to all of us. Friends are forever.” When Billie jumped up to hug Kelly, she lost her balance and they both fell over together. That’s how James found them.

  “Hi, Billie, how are you?” Leaning against the counter, James watched them as if it were an everyday occurrence to come home and find his wife on the kitchen floor with her friend.

  “Hi,” she giggled and reached out a hand. James pulled her up and she gave him a hug. “It’s so good to see you. I’m fine now. Kel’s a gem. Lucky for me she’s not charging for this session. I’d stay and chat but I have something to take care of.” Grabbing her purse off the chair, Billie pulled Kelly up, gave her a quick hug, and dashed out the door.

  James cocked his head to the side as he watched Billie run to the front door. “She’s looking good. Didn’t s
he used to always wear baggy clothes or something?”

  That’s none of your concern,” Kelly playfully slapped at his shoulder. “She’s on her way to tell Brody she loves him.”

  “The girls are still throwing themselves at him? That is real tough luck.”

  “You’re home. I’ve been waiting all day for you.” Matt whined and leaped up to be held. He’d discarded his clothes to run around in his underwear and cowboy boots. Flexing his thin arms, he became serious. “I’m underwear man! Hey, where did Aunt Billie go? She was supposed to play with me before she left.”

  “I’ll play with you, Sport. Go turn on your Nintendo and I’ll be right there.” As soon as his feet touched the ground, Matt raced down the hall. James turned and kissed Kelly. “Duty calls,” he grinned boyishly, before grabbing the envelope off the table to throw it away.

  Chapter 22

  Lightning flashed across the sky and Billie ducked her head down as she rushed in her house to get out of the downpour. Thunder rumbled seconds later as she pushed her door closed against the wind. It was going to be quite a storm. Now that she was safely inside, she could enjoy it. There was something about the rain banging against the house, or the sound of thunder so loud it rattled the windows that soothed her nerves.

  After tugging off her boots and socks at the entry way, Billie dropped her purse on the kitchen table and headed to her room to change into some dry clothes. She rummaged in her closet until she found a long night shirt that hung mid-thigh. The blue color had faded considerably through the years and the hem had loose threads, but it was comfortable. Using her fingers to comb through her wet hair, she went back into the kitchen and stared at the wall phone. It seemed like such an easy thing to call Brad on the way home from Kelly’s, but now she was hesitant. As she reached out to make the call, there was a loud bang at the door. Billie jumped in surprise then sighed in relief. It was Scamp. On her occasional visits, she would throw herself against the door to let Billie know she was there.

  When it was obvious that Scamp was going to stick around, Billie had bought a small bag of dog food. Squatting down to the cabinet under the sink, Billie filled up a bowl and took it to the door. When she opened it, the force of the wind threw her back two steps and the door wrenched out of her hand to bang against the wall.

  “Here you go.” Billie placed the food down outside and petted Scamp’s wet fur ignoring the strong force of wind. “You’re drenched. You’d better sleep under the porch tonight. I’d let you in, but you’d make a huge mess. Besides, I get the feeling you can take care of yourself.” Billie gave her one last pat and went back inside.

  After washing her hands, she stood in front of the phone again. With a deep breath for nerve, she picked it up and dialed the house in Big Bear. It was the weekend, so maybe she would catch Brad at home. The phone rang three times as she paced as far as the cord would let her. Before the fourth ring the answering machine came on. She was surprised to hear her own voice. It brought on the memory of Brad tickling her while she tried to make the message. Then there was a beep.

  “Brad. Hi. It’s Billie. I need to talk to you. I miss you and I want to be friends again. Please,” the machine beeped again, cutting her off.

  It was done. Replaying it back in her mind, she decided she sounded nervous and breathless, making her feel foolish. It was too late to turn back now. She still had one call to go. Billie stared at the phone with her hand stuck in midair for a full minute, then lost her nerve. Maybe a beer would loosen her up; she decided and grabbed one out of the fridge. Between sips, her eyes kept straying back to the phone and then she was standing in front of it again.

  “That’s it. No excuses. Just go for it.” She said aloud and dialed the number. It rang three times and she was about to hang up when a woman answered. For a second her mind went blank and she couldn’t speak. Who was it? Was it too late? Did he already have someone else? Then she heard the woman ask who was on the line and recognized the voice. “Mandy? Hi, it’s Billie.”

  “Oh, hi, I was beginning to think it was a prank call.”

  “Sorry about that. I didn’t recognize your voice at first.”

  “I just took a big bite of salad,” Mandy laughed. “I picked one up at the pizza place last night. It was so good that I braved the storm to get another one tonight. They’ve got the best dressing in town.”

  They engaged in small talk for a while, school, the weather, and then Billie couldn’t wait any longer. “Is Brody there?”

  “No. He went up to see his dad. That’s why I came here. I’d have the place to myself. He’ll back sometime tonight.”

  “Okay. I’ll call later.”

  “I was thinking of coming over for a visit. Are you doing anything?”

  Billie could hear Mandy munching on another bite of salad. The thought of visiting with her didn’t sound all that appealing, in fact she was surprised that Mandy offered, but she didn’t want to be rude. “Sounds great,” Billie said.

  Twenty minutes later, Mandy was knocking at the door. Wiping the crumbs of a ham sandwich off her mouth, Billie answered. Mandy hadn’t changed a bit with those long stick legs and beak-like nose, Billie noticed, taking in her appearance while she shed off her rain slicker. A frilly pink sweater underneath just added to the illusion of Trent’s description of her looking like a Flamingo. It was still accurate and Billie almost chuckled at the memory of him standing straight with his one leg bent at the knee in imitation.

  “You look great. It’s been a long time.” Taking her rain coat, Billie led her into the kitchen and placed it over one of the chairs. “Would you like something to drink? I’ve got soda or beer.”

  “A beer,” she said looking around the kitchen and into the living room. “It looks different.”

  “My dad had new carpeting put in and of course there’s different furniture. It was kind of eerie living here at first as if Sierra would come walking out of her room at any time, but I got used to it.” Handing her the beer, Billie sat across from her.

  “I bumped into Karen when I got my salad. She said James came to see her.”

  “Karen?”

  “Karen. You know. She’s got red hair.” When Billie still gave her that blank look, her voice took on a note of irritation, “The girl that got you and Sierra in trouble for cheating in eighth grade. Does that ring a bell?”

  “Oh, yes. Now I remember.” Shaking her head, Billie chuckled. “That was a long time ago. Brody got her good for that one.”

  “I heard. Anyway, she said that James came in to ask her questions about Sierra’s murder.” When Billie didn’t reply, she just shrugged. “She just thought it was weird. I mean why is he bringing it up again since they know who did it?”

  Billie had no idea and didn’t bother to answer. It was awkward, just sitting there trying to make small talk with Mandy. They had really never formed a friendship, just a sort of common ground since they knew the same people. The truth was that Billie never really liked her. Judging by her bitchy tone, it seemed that Mandy returned those feelings, so why did she come over? A strange silence settled between them and Billie struggled to think of something, anything, to say. “Kelly and James are doing really well. He was thrilled to find out he was a father.”

  “Yeah, I was going to call, but I don’t have her number. Brody doesn’t have it written down anywhere. I guess since you guys are so close he knows the number by heart.”

  Happy to be doing something other than sitting there twiddling her thumbs, Billie reached back in her chair to grab her purse off the counter. “Here, I’ll write it down for you. I’m sure she’ll be happy to hear from you,” she lied pleasantly, and opened her purse. “There’s a pen in here somewhere,” she remarked, and grabbed her wallet and a few other things out to place on the table giving her easier access. “Here it is.”

  When Billie looked up, Mandy’s face was pinched in anger as she stared at something on the table. Curious, Billie followed her gaze and gasped in surprise. Next to h
er wallet was a picture of Sierra and Mandy, naked together on a bed and actively engaged in sexual acts. How did that get in her purse, she wondered in horror? With eyes wide, Billie glanced back up as she heard Mandy’s chair slide across the floor, but it was too late. With her leg, she kicked Billie directly in the chest. The impact sent Billie flying backwards, and her head rammed against the edge of the counter before she hit the floor. For a second, Billie was able to rise up slightly and open her eyes, then her eyes rolled back and her head dropped to the floor with a thud.

  A sharp pain was throbbing in the back of her skull and Billie reached back to rub it. Whimpering in pain, she tried to lift up her head and her eyes slowly came open. Something was desperately wrong, and she tried to remember where she was. Her eyes came into focus and she gingerly moved herself up into a sitting position. There was such pain exploding in her head, she couldn’t think. Hearing a movement above her, she looked up to find Mandy hovering her. Bending at the hip, Mandy rested her hands on her knees and brought her face so close Billie could smell the beer on her breath. Billie cringed at her menacing smile and cold eyes, instinctively pulling back away from her. Mandy’s hand shot out, grabbing the back of Billie’s hair, and yanked her forward. When Billie screamed in pain, she laughed.

  “I was hoping I’d killed you, but I guess this just gives me the chance to do it again. Did you think you could prove something with that picture? Well, think again.” Releasing her grip, Mandy reached behind her to grab something off the table. Billie cowered at the sight of one of her cooking knives outstretched in Mandy’s hand. Ordering Billie to get up, she placed the sharp tip under her chin.

  “Sit in the chair. I need to think for a minute. I guess I jumped the gun a bit, but that’s okay, I have always wanted to kill you.” When Billie swayed a little on her feet, Mandy used her free hand to grab her under the arm and shove her into a sitting position.

  Mandy laughed, a harsh barking sound, as she noticed the pain and bewilderment in Billie’s expression. Keeping the knife under her chin, she leaned forward. “You’re pathetic. I used to hate the way Sierra used to go on and on about all the happy memories of you two growing up together. But I fixed that. She was so easy to control once she got hooked on crank. I convinced her that you and Kelly hated her. Get this,” she spoke with relish, “I told her that I overheard you and Kelly telling Brody he was too good for her. Man, was she was pissed. When she started going after Brad and James to get you back, it was done. Once I got her away from you, she was all mine.” While Mandy bragged about her powers of manipulation, Billie was trying to think of a way to escape.