Uncovering Love

by Kacey Shea

  I couldn’t even explain; every word he spoke was true. “I’m just sorry.”

  “No, that’s not good enough. I want to know, what are you really sorry for? I need to hear you say the words.” His tone was hard and rough and it pushed me to answer honestly.

  “Look, I’m just sorry! I never meant to fall in love with him but I did!” Kate gasped and I covered my mouth with my hands as if that could somehow reel the words back in. I was in love with Tate, full blown love with him and instead of bringing me happiness, I was tortured by the idea.

  “Oh my god, did you sleep with him Evie?” My face flooded with heat at Kate’s pointed question. Embarrassment consumed me as I recalled what Tate and I did in his kitchen. I was sure I looked as guilty as I felt.

  “No. Not exactly.” I answered almost inaudibly.

  “But you did kiss? Did you do other stuff?” She continued to badger.

  At my continued silence and lack of eye contact, Kate continued a little too excitedly, “Oh my god, were you going to sleep with him?”

  “I don’t know. Probably.” I answered finally. She wouldn’t quit until I did. I looked up briefly to see Kate wearing a giant grin and Jon scowling with anger.

  “How could you be so fucking stupid?” Jon yelled and even I was shocked by his words.

  “Okay, that’s it. You can shut the hell up now. Evie doesn’t sleep around just because she feels like it. If she was willing to take that step with Tate they must share something really special. And you aren’t going to ruin it!” Kate yelled at Jon and stepped closer, getting right in his face.

  “So, basically I should give her a gold medal because she’s not a slut like you?”

  Now it was my turn to gasp. You could hear a pin drop, the room was so silent. I couldn’t believe Jon would say something so mean to Kate. She closed her eyes for a second before pinning him with a cold, hard glare.

  “Classy. Way to channel your inner asshole. I’m out of here.” Kate turned on her heel and marched over to me. She gave me a sympathetic hug and whispered in my ear, “You could have told me.” I looked away, hurt again by the disappointment of my friends as she left quietly.

  At the click of the lock I glanced into Jon’s hurt and angry eyes once more.

  “I know it doesn’t fix anything, but I really am sorry. I’m sorry I hurt you.”

  He shook his head and looked away, pulling his keys from his pocket.

  “I’ve had a shit day. I’ll be back later. Don’t wait up.”

  Jon walked around me and slammed the door shut behind him. At that, I finally burst into tears. Everything that had happened was my fault and I knew it. I had hurt the two people closest to me by my own selfish ambitions. I wasn’t sure if they would ever be able to forgive me, and I couldn’t even blame them. I wasn’t sure I could forgive myself.

  JON NEVER CAME HOME SATURDAY night. I finally cried myself to sleep after ignoring several texts and missed calls from Tate. I shut my phone off Sunday and moped around the apartment. I didn’t want to speak to anyone. I had ruined everything, for myself and for my best friend. Jon’s words had hurt, and although they were said in anger, they were true.

  I lay in bed all day watching a marathon of old Grey’s episodes, which only made me sadder. I eventually grew tired and shut the television off. A restless sleep consumed me for the remainder of the day. When the sun had set and my room grew dark again because I never bothered to turn on the light, I finally heard the front door open. A few seconds later there was a soft knocking on my door and Jon’s voice spoke calmly, “Evie, you in there? Can I come in?”

  I didn’t answer him and after a minute I heard the door handle move. I feigned sleep. I didn’t have the emotional energy to deal with him or anyone else at the moment. I heard Jon as he moved closer to the bed. “I’m sorry I yelled at you, Evie. No matter what happens, I’ll always love you.” He spoke softly and then exited my room. At the sound the door shutting I held back the sobs that threatened to break free.

  I knew what I needed to do to make things right. I didn’t want to do it, but I had to. If I was going to stay true to the person I was inside, I’d have to. It was the right thing. I mourned the loss of what was to come in the morning by crying as quietly as I could. My heart was already breaking. I finally made peace with my decision and sleep overtook my tired soul.

  When I woke the next morning I listened for sounds of someone else in the house. I still wasn’t ready to speak to Jon. I was more than a little hurt, and I couldn’t handle any more looks of disappointment from him. When I was satisfied I was home alone, I dragged myself from the bed and into the bathroom. A look in the mirror confirmed what I already knew. My eyes were bloodshot, the skin around them swollen and puffy from hours of crying. My hair was tangled into a horrible case of bedhead. I was in desperate need of a shower.

  As the steam from the shower filled the small room, the face in the mirror slowly faded from view. I was glad I didn’t have to look at the reflection. I was disgusted with myself. I was eager to make amends for what I had done. After I took a hot shower I hoped I would have the strength to follow through with what had to be done.

  I closed my eyes as I stepped in the warm stream and let the water wash away the tears and grime of the previous day. I steeled myself against the course of emotions that threatened to erupt in tears, determined to not cry anymore.

  After a long shower I slowly readied myself, taking time with each task. Lotion, hair, makeup, clothes. I glanced at the clock in the kitchen as I came out and made myself a cup of hot tea. I still had not turned my cell phone on. I didn’t want to hear or see anything that might make me lose courage. It was almost eleven o’clock. I had a PT session scheduled with Tate right at that time and I was purposefully dodging it. I needed to speak with him, but not during a workout. What I had to say was too important to have any distractions. I knew he would probably leave the gym as soon as he realized I was a no show. I needed to leave now so I could catch him in the parking lot. I gulped down the rest of my tea and grabbed my bag, pulled a pair of dark shades from my purse and locked the door on my way out.

  I listened to soft music on the short ride over, internally rehearsing the words I wanted to say so I was prepared. My stomach twisted into knots but I resolved to stay focused. I spotted Tate’s white Charger at the far end of the parking lot and pulled into the open space beside it. I got out of my car and closed the door, leaning against it for strength. I felt close to a full blown panic attack. I hoped I wouldn’t have to wait for him much longer.

  I watched the building and felt a second of relief the moment I saw Tate’s muscular form exit the doors. He walked slow and steady, focused on his cell phone in hand. As he neared his car he looked up and noticed me. He grinned and jogged the rest of the distance between us.

  “Evie! I’ve been trying to get hold of you! After the way you ran out Saturday I’ve been really worried! Is everything okay?”

  He stood before me with a concerned look and reached one hand forward to rub my arm. I flinched at the contact. Not because it didn’t feel good but because I didn’t deserve his kindness. He misread my reaction and took a step back, attempting to study my face through my dark sunglasses.

  “Evie, what’s going on?”

  I shifted nervously on my feet, finally bracing myself to speak the words I had practiced in the car.

  “Tate. I can’t be with you. I’m here because I respect you too much to tell you this sort of thing over the phone. I’m sorry, but I need to end things between us before they get out of hand.”

  “What are you talking about, Evie? I thought we both had a great time Saturday night and now you’re saying you don’t want to be together?” He shook his head in confusion and laughed nervously. “I’m sorry. I just don’t get it.”

  “It’s the right thing to do. I’m sorry, Tate.”

  “Evie, don’t do this. I know you’re scared; I’m scared too. The feelings I get when we’re together are the st
rongest I’ve felt for anyone. I promise we can take this as slow as you want. I just want to give this a chance and see where it leads us. I think we owe that to each other.”

  “No, Tate. I’ve already made up my mind. I can’t be with you. I’m sorry. It’s just not right,” I choked out and a few tears escaped my eyes. Tate stepped forward and gently pulled the sunglasses from my eyes.

  “Why isn’t it right? Are we back to this again? Because I’m your trainer? Then I quit. Problem solved.” He spoke slowly and calmly as he cupped my face in his hands and wiped the tears from my cheeks with his thumbs. His touch was so comforting I couldn’t help but close my eyes and lean in to him. Tate stepped closer, pinning me against my car with his body, still holding my face. He leaned down purposefully and I couldn’t force myself to pull away as his lips met mine. I wanted him so badly. I let myself enjoy this one last kiss. Each second that ticked by took the kiss to another level. What had started innocently enough had quickly moved to indecent. My heart cracked a little more. I needed to stop.

  “I can’t frickin’ believe this! I knew it! You bitch!”

  We separated at the sound of the shrill voice, and I immediately knew it belonged to none other than Stacey Mills-Sandoval. She stood before us in her designer suit and tall heels, makeup and hair perfectly done but with a harsh scowl upon her face.

  “I hired you to look into him, not frickin’ steal him for yourself! I can’t frickin’ believe this shit. You will never work another PI job in this city. Hell, this state for that matter! I will ruin you and your partner. You hear that, Evelyn Harper. You are frickin’ ruined. Oh, and in case it wasn’t obvious, you’re fired!” Stacey ranted and tears flowed freely down my face. I peeked at Tate. He glanced warily between Stacey and myself.

  “Evie? What’s going on here?”

  “Oh, that’s rich!” Stacey laughed callously. “You didn’t even tell him? What, you just expected to get away with this without anyone finding out?”

  She turned her attention back to Tate. “Evie was hired to look into you. Did she never tell you that? I frickin’ hired her to see if you were good enough for me and my family.” She laughed again. “Screw both of you. I’m higher class than all this shit!”

  She turned wildly on her five inch stilettos and marched over to her Maserati before peeling out of the lot.

  I looked to Tate and met his troubled gaze. “This is what I was trying to tell you.” I murmured. Tate blinked back tears.

  “Did I mean anything to you? Was this all just an act to you?”

  “It started out as a job, yes. But once I started to have feelings for you I didn’t know how to confess. I was planning to admit everything, that’s why I came here today. This is real. What I feel for you is real,” I implored, but Tate just backed further away from me, a look of distrust evident on his beautiful face.

  “I don’t believe you. Were you even going to tell me or were you just here to break things off so I’d never find out?” He shook his head and added, “If you were so quick to throw away what we had to save face, I can’t trust you. I can’t even look at you. I’ve gotta go.”

  I wrapped my arms protectively around my body and let the sobs free as Tate jumped in his car, slammed the door and drove off without another look. I was dismissed. I didn’t even bother to try keeping him from leaving. He didn’t want me now. He wouldn’t want me after he learned the truth. That’s why I broke things off. My heart was shattered into pieces. My entire being wrecked to the core. I drove mindlessly back to my apartment, feeling empty and broken. I walked inside and went straight inside my room, shut my door on the world and all the trouble I had caused.

  I WAS USUALLY THE CALM one, the level headed one, the person who kept it all in perspective. This past weekend pushed me to my edge. Between the bar fight Friday night, stopping Harold from committing not one but two murders on Saturday afternoon, and learning of Evie’s deceitfulness Saturday night, I was done with the world and everyone in it. I said things that were harsh but I didn’t regret my words.

  I left Evie’s apartment hurt and angry, and drove aimlessly to cool the rage burning beneath the surface and threatening to explode. Finally I gave up, stopped at a pharmacy for a box of sleeping pills and a gallon of water. Next, I pulled into the first cheap motel I spotted, rented a room for the night, and locked myself inside. The practical thing would have been to go back to my bed at the apartment or call a buddy from the club and bum a spot on his couch, but I wasn’t feeling myself. I didn’t know what I was capable of if pushed any further.

  I took off my clothes, and clad only in a pair of boxer briefs, turned on the television, clicking the remote until I settled on an action film. I pulled back the covers and sat on the edge of the bed, pulled out the box of medicine and read the suggested dosage. It said one pill was enough so I took two, guzzling down half a gallon of water while I watched the movie. A few minutes went by before the screen started to blur. Sleep found me wanting and ready. I clicked the TV off, blanketing the room in darkness. I rolled to my side, settling in for what I hoped would be a peaceful night of rest.

  I finally woke on Sunday, well past my check out time, with the taste of cotton in my mouth. I was dehydrated and though I slept soundly, as I always did when medicated, I still felt unrested. I took a shower which helped bring me back to life. After checking out of the motel, I headed to a sports bar to eat and spend the rest of the afternoon enjoying college basketball.

  I wasn’t ready to face Evie. I was hurt because the entire time I trusted her on this case she was apparently falling in love with Tate. She had basically lied by omission, and her capability for deceiving me was troubling. I usually had better radar for that type of behavior, and it pissed me off that I let my trust in her blind me to what was really going on.

  I was also hurt she hadn’t picked me. This entire time I was hoping there might be a chance for us, and she hadn’t even noticed me. Sure, I was her friend, but what the hell was so great about Tate that he got bumped to boyfriend status and I didn’t?

  It was my bruised ego talking, but I didn’t get what was so special about Tate that he had women swooning all over him. Sure, he seemed like an okay guy, I guess, but I didn’t understand how Evie was so quick to throw away everything we worked on for some guy. That was the other piece. Our company was over, I was sure of it. Miss Mills-Sandoval was the bitchiest blabbermouth I knew, and because of her family ties she had connections everywhere. Just as I started to get excited about the possibilities for our new business venture it was gone.

  I recalled Evie’s face last night. After everything that happened I found myself worried about her. I hoped she was okay. I should have at least sent her a text to make sure. I pulled my phone from my back pocket and fired one off. Sure, I was mad, but the reality was I still cared about her. She made a stupid choice but who was I to sit back and judge? I had made my fair share of bad choices in life and she always accepted me despite them.

  As it neared dinner time I still hadn’t heard back from Evie and any anger I had was washed away by concern. I paid the check and drove home to the apartment. When I entered all the lights were out and it seemed as if no one was home. Maybe she had gone to her sister’s? Her room door was closed and I knocked.

  “Evie, you in there? Can I come in?”

  There was no answer but I had to be certain. I inched the door open and the light from the hallway illuminated the dark room. She was curled up on her bed, and I could tell she had been crying. Her face was relaxed and her breathing steady. I stepped closer. She looked so broken and sad, even in sleep. I couldn’t help but apologize out loud, even though she wouldn’t hear my soft words.

  “I’m sorry I yelled at you, Evie. No matter what happens, I’ll always love you.”

  She continued to sleep and I turned, closing the door on my way out to let her rest. I suddenly felt tired as well and turned in for the night. As I drifted to sleep I resolved that tomorrow would be a better day; I had sulked
long enough. I had been through much worse in life. I needed to focus on taking one day at a time and not worry about the rest. Really, what more could I do?

  Monday morning I headed to the gym early. I liked starting my day before most people had even opened their eyes, and getting in a good workout was the best way to begin. I was practicing deadlifts near the benches when Jerry Smith came over and proceeded to set up by the squat rack. I gave him a head nod. He came over to say hello and then asked if I wanted to lift with him.

  I enjoyed working out with Jerry. He was a good guy and didn’t give up easily. His enthusiasm and drive encouraged me to push myself harder. I was sure the feeling was mutual. Usually we cracked jokes throughout our workout, but this morning I was still a little out of sorts from the weekend. Apparently, Jerry noticed.

  “You okay, man? You don’t seem like yourself today.”

  “Yeah, it’s been a rough weekend, actually.”

  “It’s a woman, isn’t it? Only a woman can ruin an entire weekend. They are trouble, I tell you!” He laughed and I smiled.

  “Yeah, I guess you’re right there.”

  We moved to restack the weights.

  “So Jer, you having women problems too?” I joked, trying to be friendly.

  “Nah, man,” He looked away. I’d embarrassed him. “I actually haven’t met anyone since I moved here. It’s hard getting to know someone new, and I don’t do the club scene.”

  “I hear online dating’s the way to go.”

  “I don’t know, man, I just can’t get myself to go there. When women hear I’m a dentist all they care about is how much I make. She finds out my mom’s a lawyer and my dad’s a doctor and she’s practically foaming for a marriage proposal. I do well for myself, sure, but I’d like to date someone who doesn’t care about my portfolio, you know?”

  I nodded even though I had no idea what that was like. Neither of my parents had much money, and although I had a nice savings from my time in the military, it had more to do with frugal living than my salary. Jerry looked at the clock on the wall and raised his eyebrows. “Oh crap, I’ve gotta run. My first client is in an hour. Nice lifting with you, man.”