Captain Awesome for President

by Stan Kirby

  Table of Contents

  1. Gymtastic!

  2. The UnFriender

  3. A Presidential Announcement

  4. Brainstorming Blitz

  5. The Tiebreaker

  6. All Hail the Queen

  7. Sabotage!

  8. Lights Out

  9. Making a Difference

  10. A True Leader

  About the Author and Illustrator

  Gym class could be a scary place for a superhero.

  It was one place where their awesome powers could accidentally be revealed—if they jumped just a little too high, or ran just a little too fast. Just like that time in Super Dude No. 46 when Super Dude, the world’s Dude-iest superhero, nearly revealed his secret identity as he fought the evil Boing-Boing on his Trampoline of Jump Scares.

  What’s that you say? You’ve never heard of Super Dude, the star of the greatest comic books and graphic novels in the history of comic books and graphic novels? Super Dude and his colorful adventures were an inspiration to Eugene, Sally, and Charlie—and the reason they formed the Sunnyview Superhero Squad.

  “Be careful,” Eugene whispered to Charlie and Sally as they entered the gym at Sunnyview Elementary.

  “I know,” Sally said. “Our superior skills might accidentally reveal that you’re Captain Awesome and that I’m Supersonic Sal.”

  “And I’m Nacho Cheese Man!” Charlie announced as he pulled out a travel-size can of spray cheese.

  “Shhhhh!” Sally and Eugene whispered at the same time. Sometimes their superfriend wasn’t very good at keeping his supersecret.

  “We must be ever alert,” Eugene said in his most heroic voice. “Gym can be as dangerous as any supervillain.”

  The whistle blew as Coach Bean ran onto the court. “Okay, dodgeballers, listen up! We’ll split into two teams.”

  He pointed to Eugene. “Your captains will be McGillicudy and . . . Mooney.” He pointed to Meredith, who was dressed in a bright pink dress and matching shoes and socks with a pink ribbon in her hair.

  “Yes! I’ll be the best captain!” Eugene said.

  “Well, I’ll be the better captain.” Meredith stuck out her tongue.

  The two captains stared at each other in a glare-down as Coach Bean picked the students for the teams.

  Must. Keep. Eyes. Open, Eugene thought. He was determined not to blink first. But his eyes! They burned! Maybe this was all part of Little Miss Stinky Pinky’s evil plan to win the game.

  Eugene blinked. Drat! Little Miss Stinky Pinky may have won this glare-down, but she wouldn’t win the dodgeball war.

  Eugene rubbed his eyes and surveyed his team. There was Wilma Eisner, Jane Romita, Howard Adams, Sally, and . . .

  GASP!

  WAIT!

  WHAT?

  Where was Charlie? Eugene glanced at the other side of the court, where his best friend waved sadly from the other team.

  There could only be one reason why Charlie was put on Meredith’s team. Coach Bean’s really the evil UnFriender, and his mission is to break up best friends! Eugene thought frantically.

  “All right, team, gather around,” Eugene called. “Here’s what we do. First, we’re going to dodge all the balls that are thrown at us. Then, we’re going to pick up the balls and throw them back and get the other team out! Any questions?”

  “Uh, Eugene, we know how to play dodgeball,” Sally pointed out.

  Eugene’s team ran onto the court. Coach Bean tossed several balls on the floor between the two teams. “Play ball!”

  Both teams raced for the balls and threw them as quickly as possible. Sally threw an epic toss at Meredith’s team.

  BOING!

  GIL DITKO!

  OUT!

  Meredith, Neal, Charlie, and Dara ran to the centerline, each holding a dodgeball. They threw the balls all at once!

  BANG! BING!

  JANE ROMITA!

  HOWARD ADAMS!

  OUT!

  Eugene, Sally, and Wilma each picked up a ball and threw it back.

  WHAMMO! BAMMO!

  DARA SIM!

  CHARLIE THOMAS JONES!

  OUT!

  Meredith picked up a ball as it bounced and threw it.

  PLOP!

  WILMA EISNER!

  OUT!

  It was Meredith and Neal against Sally and Eugene.

  “All right, Pee-yew-gene, this is gonna be the end of you!” Meredith promised.

  “Not a chance, Meredith!” Eugene yelled back. “Victory will be my team’s!”

  Eugene and Sally took careful aim. They threw their balls. Meredith and Neal did the same.

  All four balls hit all four kids at once. Everyone was out at the same time!

  Coach Bean blew his whistle. “Game over,” he yelled.  “And it’s a tie!”

  A tie! Ugh! thought Eugene as he watched Coach Bean pick up the four dodgeballs and bag them.

  This tie was all her fault. The UnFriender might have weakened his team this time, but the Sunnyview Superhero Squad would never let it happen again.

  Eugene answered the final quiz question and put his pencil down just as Ms. Beasley dinged the time’s-up bell on her desk. After she finished collecting all the papers, she cleared her throat.

  “Class, if I can have your attention, please,” Ms. Beasley said, “I have an announcement from our principal.”

  An announcement! Eugene was thrilled. It could be anything, he thought. Another trip to the zoo! Early dismissal! Ice-cream snack time! Just the thought of a Triple Ripple brain freeze made Eugene shiver with excitement.

  “Every grade in Sunnyview Elementary is going to elect their own class president,” she said, “and every student is welcome to participate and campaign!”

  The class gasped.

  “Just think,” Ms. Beasley said, “in a country where anyone can grow up to be president, here at Sunnyview Elementary, you don’t even have to wait to grow up!”

  Then Ms. Beasley explained the rules. Each candidate had to come up with a slogan and make posters. Then they would hit the campaign trail and visit each second-grade classroom to try to convince the classes to vote for them.

  All the students started chatting excitedly.

  “YES!” Eugene threw his hands into the air and turned to Charlie. “This will be more exciting than the time Super Dude defeated the Big Bad Boredom Brothers in Super Dude number seventeen.”

  “More exciting than Double Cheese Friday,” Charlie said thoughtfully.

  “Are you guys going to run?” Eugene asked his two friends.

  “I’d love to,” Sally said, “but I’m busy with soccer and gymnastics and piano.”

  “I’m out,” Charlie said. “It would interfere with Cheese Craft.”

  “Cheese Craft?” asked Eugene and Sally.

  “It’s just the greatest video game ever,” Charlie said. “I build worlds out of cheese, and then I play Cheesy Stevie and go hunting for yummy cheese balls that give me power.”

  “Are you going to run?” Sally asked Eugene.

  “Is spandex itchy?!” Eugene cried. “Being president would be like being a school superhero, but without a mask!”

  “We should come up with some ideas for your campaign, then,” Sally said. “We’ll have to convince a lot of kids to vote for you.”

  “Let’s meet at the Sunnyview Superhero Squad headquarters after school,” Eugene suggested.

  “Perfect!” Charlie said. “Today is my day off from Cheese Craft!”

  Who wants chocolate chip cookies?”  Mrs. McGillicudy asked as Eugene, Charlie, and Sally walked into the kitchen. “Can’t brainstorm without a full brain!”

  “Thanks, Mom!�
� Eugene said. “This is just how I think Cookie Blaster smelled in the Super Dude Summer BBQ Spectacular number one.”

  The trio grabbed handfuls of freshly baked treats and raced into the backyard. Their headquarters was also Eugene’s tree house. They climbed the tree house ladder—which was surprisingly hard to do with a handful of freshly baked treats.

  Once they finally did make it safely to the top, Sally called the meeting to order. “So, what’s first?” she asked.

  “I vote that Eugene’s mom makes the best chocolate chip cookies,” Charlie said. “There’s only one thing missing.” He blasted a squirt of canned cheese onto his cookie and took a bite. “Cheesy goodness!”

  “I need some cool promises for the election,” Eugene said. “Presidents always make promises.”

  “Cheese with every lunch!” Charlie suggested. “And also, more cheese at snack time!”

  “I think we should have more running in the halls,” Sally offered. “Kids could get to recess faster.”

  “Or lunch,” Charlie agreed.

  “I think no quizzes,” Eugene said. “And no tests, either! And somebody should apologize for all the tests so far!”

  “I’ve got one,” Charlie said. “Every day is a Get Out Early Day!”

  “How about five more minutes of recess if we do well on a quiz?” Sally suggested.

  “How about a Superhero Day!” Eugene said.

  “That’s a great idea!” Sally agreed. “Everyone can dress up like their favorite superhero! We could all go as Super Dude!”

  “That would be great!” Eugene said. “It’d be just like that time in Super Dude number nine, when Super Dude teamed up with the Dude Twins to fight the Triple Triplets.”

  “You’ll still need a slogan. ‘Vote for the Cheesiest President Ever!’ ” Charlie suggested.

  “ ‘The Speedy President!’ ” Sally said.

  Eugene cried out. “Wait, I’ve got it! ‘An awesome president for an awesome school!’ ”

  Good morning, Terrible Trio,” Meredith said as Eugene, Charlie, and Sally entered school the next morning. “So, I just wanted to let you know that I’ve decided to let you vote for me. No need to thank me.”

  “Why would we vote for you?” Charlie asked.

  “Because I’m running for queen,” Meredith replied.

  “Don’t you mean president?” Sally asked.

  “Only if you spell it q-u-e-e-n,” Meredith replied.

  “Well, I’m running for p-r-e-z . . .” Eugene trailed off as he tried to puzzle out the spelling.

  “P-r-e-s-i-d-e-n-t, president,” Sally helpfully finished. “We’re on our way to sign Eugene up.”

  Meredith gagged. “Really? Looks like we found our tiebreaker for yesterday’s dodgeball game, Eugerm. Whoever wins the election wins the tiebreaker. And that will, of course, be me!” She looked down the hallway.  “And we can start . . . NOW!”

  Meredith took off down the hall.

  Eugene chased after her. There was no time to change into his Captain Awesome suit for this patriotic race.

  As they sped around a corner, Eugene almost ran into the Hot Lava Bucket the janitor used to burn the bathroom floor clean. The lava bubbled and boiled in the metal bucket. Eugene leaped over it.

  The door to the Basement of Fear was open. Eugene quickly swerved to the side. That was a close one, he thought. Who knows what’s down there?!

  Meredith was not far ahead now. Eugene had a chance. He used his Awesome-Powers. His feet sped up even faster.

  Just then the pink ribbon fluttered out of Meredith’s hair. It flew into Eugene’s face.  “Argh!” he cried out. “I can’t see!”

  Eugene yanked the ribbon off himself just as his feet slid out from under him.

  “Aaah!” Eugene slid toward his classroom on his stomach.

  Sometime during the night, Super Waximina must have broken into the school to spill her superslippery liquid Wax of Doom on the floor.

  Ms. Beasley stood in the doorway, holding a clipboard with the sign-up sheet. Meredith came to a sudden stop.

  “Look out!” Eugene cried. He crashed into Meredith, and she fell on top of him. “Another tie!” he groaned.

  Ms. Beasley helped her students up. “How many times do I have to tell you kids? You’re not allowed to run in the hall!” She held out the clipboard. “However, you are allowed to run for class president. Do you want to sign up?”

  “You bet I do, Ms. Beasley,” Meredith said.

  “Me too,” Eugene said, and signed his name.

  “And I’m running too!” Dara Sim exclaimed.

  “Excellent!” Ms. Beasley said. “Good luck to you all.”

  Now this is what I call a race! thought Eugene excitedly.

  The three friends met at school bright and early the next morning to hang all the posters Eugene had made overnight. Sally complimented his super art. But Charlie thought it wasn’t cheesy enough. He added one or two quick squirts from his trusty can to brighten up a few posters while the others worked farther down the hall.

  The school bell rang just as they finished hanging the last poster at the entrance to the Basement of Fear. Perfect timing!

  But as Eugene was about to follow Sally and Charlie into their classroom, Ms. Beasley blocked him. “Stop right there,” she said.

  Uh-oh! If his teacher hadn’t had her morning coffee yet, she sometimes morphed into the dreaded supervillain . . . Miss Beastly!

  “You’re supposed to be campaigning in Mrs. Duncan’s class,” his teacher continued.

  Oops! Eugene turned right around and sprinted back down the hall.

  “No running!” Ms. Beasley called out after him.

  Eugene arrived in time to join Meredith and Dara Sim at the front of Mrs. Duncan’s second-grade class. Collin Boyle was also there.

  “Okay, class. Now we’re going to hear from the students who are running for second-grade president,” Mrs. Duncan explained. “They’re going to make short speeches and introduce themselves.”

  Eugene stared silently at the twenty-eight faces staring back at him. SPEECHES? Oh, man! We have to make speeches?! In front of people?!

  Dara Sim went first. Eugene couldn’t hear what she was saying because he was too distracted by the deafening sound of his pounding heart.

  Was Super Dude this nervous when he made a speech about his new Super Dude Superhero Underwear at the superhero costume convention in Super Dude No. 77? Eugene tried to calm himself down. No! He just talked about its superstretchiness!

  Eugene looked down. Maybe I should talk about my underwear too?

  It felt like a thousand butterflies were riding a roller coaster in Eugene’s stomach. But then he had a great idea. Eugene snuck into the hallway as Dara finished.

  “Okay, Eugene. You’re next,” Mrs. Duncan said.  “Eugene?”

  “Looks like Eugerm decided to run away,” Meredith said, and laughed.

  The classroom door flung open!

  “Hold, pink one!” a heroic voice called out. “Eugene asked me to speak to the class for him.”

  “Ah . . . you must be Captain . . . Possum?” Mrs. Duncan said. “Ms. Beasley’s told me a lot about you. A whole lot.”

  “The name is Awesome,” Captain Awesome corrected. “As in, ‘It’s awesome to meet you, ma’am.’ ”

  Captain Awesome stepped in front of Meredith. She crossed her arms and stuck out her tongue.

  “Students! Lend me your ears!” There were no nervous butterflies doing ninja kicks in Captain Awesome’s stomach. “If you vote for Eugene McGillicudy for president, he’ll make sure none of your teachers are supervillains! He will outlaw any homework that would melt your brain, and he’ll make sure all food served in the cafeteria isn’t really an alien body snatcher. Thank you.” Captain Awesome turned to leave, then remembered to add, “Oh, and he’ll be an awesome president!”

  The kids clapped as Captain Awesome raced from the room so fast, Meredith didn’t even have time to stick out her
tongue again.

  “Um, well, that was inspiring,” Mrs. Duncan said. “Now it’s your turn, Meredith.”

  Eugene slipped back into the room as Meredith started her speech.

  “If you vote for me,” Meredith began, “I promise the cafeteria will only serve pizza, hot dogs, potato chips, and any food that’s dipped in chocolate. There will be less homework on Wednesdays and no homework on Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays. Every day will be Bring Your Pet to School Day, and every third Tuesday, the teachers will have to stay home and we’ll run the school. Thank you.”

  Meredith bowed and the class burst into cheers and happy shouts. Eugene felt the butterflies come back. Winning wasn’t going to be as easy as he thought, especially if Meredith was making crazy promises.

  “Are you sure it’s a good idea to promise all those things, Meredith?” Eugene asked quietly. “I doubt the school will let you do any of that.”

  “By the time everyone realizes that, it’ll be too late. They’ll have already voted for me, and I’ll be their new queen,” Meredith whispered back.

  “Don’t you mean president?” Eugene asked.

  “No, Eugerm,” Meredith said, “I do not.”

  The rest of the week went by faster than Super Turbo’s Turbomobile on a rocket. Eugene, Meredith, Dara, and Collin hung more posters, visited more second-grade classrooms, shook hands, and continued making big promises. With each classroom visit, Eugene became more and more comfortable . . . . But then Friday came.