Finding the Fire Within

by C. C. Masters

  His eyes burned with heat and determination. Damn, he was hot when he went into protective alpha male mode. A wave of heat ran through my body and I licked my lips. His eyes dropped to follow the motion. I felt all the anger that had built up inside of me start to turn to a different kind of fire.

  He reached for me and I didn’t object. After he pulled me close he hesitated and his eyes searched mine. I made the next move, nipping at his lower lip as I pulled his head down to mine. I was a little nervous until I felt him respond to me.

  He gave a low growl and his mouth met mine in a searing kiss. There was nothing sweet or gentle about his kiss, it was skillful but aggressive. He kissed me with a wild desperation that showed me just how much he needed and wanted me.

  I completely let go of all of my inhibitions and surrendered to my own desire for him. He had dropped his walls and let me see what he had been hiding behind his cold exterior, so I could do the same. I channeled all of my pent-up aggression and frustration into passion. My attraction to him had been building all week during our training sessions. Right about now I was ready to explode.

  The blanket was still between us, so I pushed it down impatiently. I wanted nothing more than to feel his body against mine. He groaned when I kicked the last of the blanket away and wrapped one of my legs around him. His hand slid up my bare thigh to grip my ass and I moaned. I used the weight of my body to roll him on his back and straddled his waist.

  He gave a chuckle and looked up at me. “Feeling dominant?” He murmured.

  “Yep.” I grinned at him and placed a hand on either side of his head, leaning down for another kiss. He gave it to me, but ran his hands up my body underneath my shirt. I shivered with desire as his hands grazed the sides of my breasts. I kissed him roughly, pulling his hair to keep his head where I wanted it.

  Being on top of him and in control of the situation helped with my anxiety. I didn’t feel any of the panic welling up inside of me that I had expected. Maybe because I knew that James would never hurt me, I trusted him absolutely. Being intimate with a man was yet another thing that I had avoided because of my fears. I was determined to face this fear head-on. I felt safe enough that my curiosity and desire was outweighing my nerves.

  James sat up, causing me to lean back and break the kiss. He gave the shirt a tug. “Arms up.”

  I hesitated. I wanted him so badly, but he was about to see me naked. The aggression I was feeling was completely out of character for me and I felt some of my more usual self-doubts creep in. He raised an eyebrow at my hesitation. “Is that a no?”

  I took a deep breath before pulling the shirt up and over my head in answer. His eyes devoured my body as he ran his hands over my hips and up to my waist. “You’re so beautiful.” He murmured.

  The tension that had gathered in my body relaxed. He obviously liked what he saw, I had no reason to be nervous. I gasped when he abruptly switched our positions so that it was me on my back, with him positioned over top of me.

  “Feeling dominant?” I teased him, trying to hide my nerves. He gave me a grin that caused a tug deep in my belly. But my breathing got faster as I felt more of his weight pressing down on me and I started to feel the beginning flutters of panic.

  “Oh, yes.” He said in a low growl. His mouth captured mine again as he pinned my arms above my head. I flashed back to another night, years ago, when I had not been in this position willingly.

  I used one of the wrestling moves the twins had taught me during a tickle fight to dislodge him from on top of me. We only grappled for a moment when he made eye contact and realized that I wasn’t playing with him. He immediately released me and backed off with an apology in his eyes.

  “Anna-“ he started to say before I interrupted him.

  “James, I’m not saying no.” I reached out to him to pull him back to me. “I just need to start slow.” I told him shyly, nervous about his response. I was ashamed that I was so damaged. I know he was probably used to women who knew their way around the bedroom. Would he want to be with me if he realized just how messed up I was? It had been almost eight years since it had happened, but I still had not completely moved past it.

  He looked at me with doubt in his eyes. “If you need more time…”

  I shook my head slowly. “I’m ready to go further with you. I trust you. I’m just not ready for certain things yet…just don’t hold me down.” I felt tears in the back of my eyes and I tried hard to hold them in. I didn’t want him to give up on me.

  His eyes widened momentarily before he reached out to hold me close. “Of course.” He murmured in my ear. “Are you going to tell me who I need to kill?”

  I laughed nervously and pulled away to look him in the eyes. “I don’t need you to kill anyone, karma already took care of it. I need you to give me a positive sexual experience. I want to replace all of those painful memories with new pleasurable ones. Show me that I have nothing to fear.” I told him with resolve.

  He took a deep breath. “Are you sure…that you want me?” He asked gruffly, and I saw the doubt and hurt in his eyes that he was trying to hide from me.

  I looked at him in surprise. Was James doubting himself? Was he just as nervous as I was? I didn’t think James was capable of feeling that way.

  “Yes.” I told him simply, looking into his eyes. “I want you.”

  He gave me a smile that caused me to melt on the inside. The shadows in his eyes disappeared and were replaced with desire. I was still a little nervous, but I trusted him.

  I gave him a teasing smile and tugged his shirt up, encouraging him to take it off. He obliged, and my eyes explored his muscular chest and chiseled abs greedily. He took my mouth with his again, this time more gently, and I used the opportunity to explore his body with my hands.

  While we were kissing he ran his hands lightly up my back and down my sides, moving in circles. His touch was so light it was almost like a tickle, but it was driving me insane with desire for more. My breasts ached as my nipples brushed against his bare chest and I rubbed myself against him. Warmth pooled in my core.

  He leaned me back on the bed so that I was lying in front of him. His eyes moved up my body, taking in everything.

  “I want to worship every inch of you.” He told me lovingly. It surprised me that James was so open with his affection, I had not expected that. He was normally so gruff and closed off.

  He walked on his knees towards me, nudging apart my thighs so that he was kneeling in between my legs. I felt vulnerable and exposed in this position, but it gave me a thrill of excitement instead of fear. “This might work better if you took off your pants.” I suggested shyly. I shouldn’t be the only one naked and exposed here.

  He gave a dark chuckle that made my nether regions clench in apprehension. “There’s no need to rush this.” He ran his hands over my body to caress my breasts. My nipples pebbled under his administration and I let out a gasp when he lowered his head to take one into his mouth. I squirmed with pleasure as he used his hands and tongue to tease me.

  When I couldn’t take it anymore, James started to kiss his way down my abdomen. He wrapped an arm around each one of my thighs, spreading them further. He started at my knee and gently kissed his way down my thigh.

  He raised his head to meet my eyes. I could feel his hot breath against my mound. Was he going to...?

  I writhed in ecstasy when his mouth found my clit. He used his mouth and his tongue to tease me until I was panting with need. “James…please.” I groaned. He increased the intensity until I was shaking and trembling, right on the verge. I finally let go and the pleasure was so intense I felt like I left my body as the waves of orgasm swept through me.

  James nibbled his way up my thigh as I trembled with the aftershocks of the most mind-blowing orgasm I’ve ever had. I gathered what little strength I had left in my body to sit up a little, “Your turn.” I told him breathlessly.

  He gently pushed me back down with a hand. “I want you to stay just like that for my
turn.” He told me gruffly, a dark look in his eye. He reached for the buckle on his belt and I watched with eager anticipation. My body was completely relaxed after the orgasm, but I still felt little flutters of nerves in my belly. Was I really ready for this?

  My body was humming with desire and I was curious about the experience, but I still had a kernel of doubt inside of me. I trusted James, but what if I were permanently damaged? What if I couldn’t handle this? What would happen to our budding relationship when he realized I was defective? I tried to swallow all of my fears and just try to immerse myself in the experience.

  James tilted his head and got a glazed look in his eyes that I recognized. I groaned and pushed my hair back impatiently. This was not the time for a discussion with one of our pack-mates. Whomever had interrupted better have a really good reason.

  I could see the moment he came back to me because now there was regret in his eyes as he ran a hand up my thigh. “Austin is back with a guest.” He told me with a sigh.

  I huffed. “If it’s his mother than she can wait. We’re busy.”

  He laughed out loud before nipping at my thigh. “I don’t want to rush this, I want to take my time with you.” He told me seriously.

  I sighed in reluctant agreement and sat up as he buckled his belt again. It was obvious that he had to have a serious case of blue balls right now because I could see the erection straining his pants.

  I surprised myself with my boldness when I reached out to trail my fingers gently across the bulge in his pants. “Maybe we have enough time for me to help you out with that?” I asked him, red staining my cheeks when he looked at me with surprise.

  He hesitated. “I told Austin you need time to shower and get dressed…”

  I rose to my knees, so I could give him a kiss and run my hands over his spectacular abs. He groaned and responded to me with just as much passion as before.

  James reluctantly pulled away from me. “I should probably shower with you.” He told me seriously. “You might still be feeling the effects of the tranq. I wouldn’t want you to slip and hit your head.”

  I just smiled at him and climbed off the bed to head for the shower. I glanced back at the sound of his pants dropping to the floor to see him stalking after me with a wicked glint in his eye.

  Chapter 23

  Anna

  I stepped out of the shower and tossed a towel at James before wrapping on around myself. I couldn’t help but smile in satisfaction. I really enjoyed having the aloof and tightly wound James unravel at the touch of my hands. Giving a guy a hand job in the shower was a first for me, but let’s just say I figured it out quickly enough.

  I don’t think James was used to anyone else being in control. It had thrown him off when I asked him to put his hands behind his back and let me explore his body. I had been hesitant at first, but once I realized the effects my kisses and touches had on him I had felt empowered. He had been helpless in front of me and I been in control of the situation. There was nothing for me to be afraid of but my own inexperience. Next time I would be able to go further, and eventually I knew I would be able to conquer my fears entirely.

  I felt more confident in myself; I wasn’t as intimidated at the thought of intimacy as I had been before. We hadn’t actually done the deed, but I had proven to myself that the sight of a naked man in front of me would not cause me to run in terror. I could do this, I could become a normal person.

  I stepped out of the steamy bathroom with James right behind me. I headed towards my closet but a pounding at the door stopped me. “Anna! Are you naked?” I rolled my eyes. Jason really needed to stop with that.

  “Yes!” I yelled back.

  “Excellent.” I heard him reply as he opened the door. His jaw dropped when he saw James standing by the bed in a towel and looking for his clothes.

  James unwrapped the towel from his waist and used it to rub his hair dry, standing there completely naked with a challenge in his eyes.

  Jason narrowed his eyes at James but didn’t back up or say a word. Tension gathered as the guys stared each other down. This is exactly what I was afraid would happen, I didn’t want to be the source of discord in the pack.

  “Um, guys.” I said hesitantly.

  Jason turned his gaze to me. I was relieved to see that he didn’t look hurt or angry, but he did look curious.

  I let out a breath of relief. I think the best strategy here would be to act causal, even though this was anything but a normal situation. Or maybe it would become our normal? Would the guys really be able to handle this?

  “Who’s our guest?” I asked Jason as if James wasn’t pulling on his pants next to the bed.

  Jason flicked a glance at James but then just shrugged. “Not sure. I was just sent up here to see if you were ready.”

  “I just need to get dressed.” I told him, but hesitated before going into the closet. I looked at Jason’s jeans. “Do I need to dress nice or anything?”

  He shook his head. “The usual Anna wear is fine. We’re going back to the range to investigate with our mysterious guest.”

  Now I was even more curious. “Anna.” James grumbled as he walked in my direction.

  I turned to face him, and he gave me a surprisingly tender kiss. “I’ll see you downstairs.” He murmured. The softness in his eyes completely disappeared when he turned to give Jason a nod before heading out the door.

  I gazed after him until the door clicked shut. Jason let out a breath. “It looks like you tamed the dragon.”

  I shook my head. “I wouldn’t want to see him tamed.”

  Jason followed me into the closet looking even more curious. I shot him an annoyed look. “I need to get dressed, Jase.”

  He rolled his eyes but turned his back on me to give me some privacy. “Hurry up, I want to get downstairs to see what’s going on.”

  I didn’t argue because I was just as eager to get down there. I dressed hurriedly, but put some warm clothes on since we were going to be going outside.

  Jason turned back to face me as I pulled on my boots. “Is it weird if I ask if the two of you…” Jason’s voice trailed off and he looked unsure.

  I looked up at him. “I’ve never been in a situation like this before.” I told him honestly. “We are going to have to figure out what we want to talk about versus what we want to keep private. Honestly, if you started talking about being with another girl I would want to bite your face off.”

  Jason laughed heartily. “It’s going to take some getting used to. But I see how much he cares about you. I never thought I would see James like that.”

  “Naked?” I joked.

  He rolled his eyes. “I’ve seen him naked more often than I’d like. Wolves, remember? But I never thought I’d see him…exposed.”

  “It’s probably in your best interest if you never tell anyone else that.” I told him seriously.

  Jason smirked at me. “I don’t have a death wish.”

  I stood and smiled at him. “I’d offer to race you downstairs, but we should probably pretend to be serious adults if we have a guest.”

  Jason bumped my shoulder with his. “I was going to aim more for ‘scary wolf’ than serious adult, but I don’t think you could pull it off.”

  I growled at him playfully. “I could be scary if I wanted to.”

  He tried to hide a laugh but the sparkle in his eye gave him away. “We’ll see.”

  We started to walk out of the bedroom, but he grabbed my hand to pull me close. “In all seriousness, you did scare me earlier.”

  I searched his eyes to find worry lurking there, so I wrapped my arms around him in a hug. “I’m sorry, Jase. I was out of line.”

  He hugged me back tightly. “You know I’ll always have your back, but please don’t ever block me out like that again. I felt like I couldn’t reach you.”

  I inhaled his scent deeply to settle my nerves. “Next time I have the overwhelming need to chase down Evelyn’s killers, I will clue you in on it instead of rushin
g off on my own.”

  “That’s all I ask.” He murmured quietly into my ear. We held each other for a moment before he pulled back reluctantly. “You know I’m always down for a chase, Anna. Just let me know where and when.” Jason told me with a faint smile.

  “I’m hoping I will need you sooner than later.” I told him grimly. I was hoping our mysterious guest downstairs was a lead on the killer that had gotten away earlier.

  I reached out for Jason’s hand as we made our way down the stairs and he took it with a smile. I was incredibly lucky to have Jason in my life. How many guys out there would want to hunt down murderers with me on a Saturday night? I was guessing not that many.

  Jason had stuck by my side during my earlier moments of insanity and made sure I was safe. I owed him for that. I blushed a little bit when I started of thinking our ways I could show him just how much I appreciated him, and my mind went into the gutter.

  He caught my blush and raised an eyebrow with a smirk on his face. He probably guessed what I was thinking but thankfully didn’t call me out on it. I could hear voices coming from the office downstairs and Jason tugged me to him before we got to the door. “We can talk more later.” He murmured to me in a sexy voice that sent shivers down my spine.

  I licked my lips but went through the door as Jason held it open for me. Austin, Cody, Trevor, and Mike were there with a female. I tried to get closer to her without seeming like a huge weirdo, so I could pick up on her scent.

  “Anna.” Austin said with a frown. “I’d like to introduce you to Jade, she’s going to be helping us track down the assailant from earlier.”

  “Nice to meet you.” I greeted her with a smile.

  She just gave me a cool nod in return and turned to Austin. “Can we get started?”

  “We just need James.” Austin frowned at Jason in question. I guess he must have been sent to get both of us, not just me.

  “I’m here.” James strode into the room and eyed Jade warily.