Hold Your Breath 03 - My Captain, My Earl

by K. J. Jackson

  In one swift motion, his trousers fell, and he was naked in front of her. She was only half naked, the top of her dress ripped open, but it would have to do. She dragged up her skirts as her fingers went behind him, pulling him into her.

  Hands landing on the stairs, he braced himself above her. “You looking like that, I am not about to last long.”

  “I am not either. Too long, Jase. Too long.”

  He came down on her mouth, his lips open, tongue slipping into her, tasting her, just as he moved the last of her skirts and slid into her. Full into her tightness, he groaned.

  He started slow, gentle, and she could feel him shaking, vibrating against his own harsh needs. Katalin would have none of it. She grabbed his hips, drawing him into her hard, fast, not giving him the slightest pause in his movements. Each stroke she drew him deeper, screaming, begging, opening wider to him until he set a rhythm that matched her guttural need.

  Her hands flew up, grabbing the ledge of the stair above her, holding herself solid against his thrusts.

  Jason slipped an arm behind her lower back, shielding it from the step cutting into her spine as he drove faster, not allowing her body to gain space from his.

  Her screams melded with his deep growls, even more fervent than hers.

  His lips still hungry on her skin, the haze of his voice slipped past her screams. “You are mine, Kat. Mine. Always. Come with me. Now, Kat.”

  Breath gone, she arched even further, driving her hips into him, swiveling for contact. Eyes closed, her head hit the stair above and she writhed, reaching explosion as her nails dug into the wood of the stair above her.

  Her body in spasm around him, a savage scream heated her neck, and Jason erupted within her.

  His arm tight around her, Jason would not let their skin part for minutes, and she gripped him, eyes closed, breathing him in and refusing to give up the moment as well.

  When she felt his back muscles flex under her arms, she tightened her hold, willing him into stillness.

  He chuckled as he relaxed his face into her neck once more. “I do not want to move either, but the stair is near to snapping my arm in two.” He nuzzled her neck. “Besides, you do not know how I have dreamt of having you in a proper bed. I just want to move us up into my chambers.”

  “To your bed, and that is all?”

  “I swear. My bed. And then I am going to take you again. You do realize I am going to be insatiable tonight? Probably for the next fortnight. Probably for the next six months.”

  Katalin laughed, swatting his backside. “It better be longer than that.”

  He went upright on his knees and slipped his arm under her legs, picking her up as he stood.

  “I would have said lifetime, but I did not want to scare you,” he said, starting up the staircase.

  “Have you ever known me to be scared, save that once?” she asked, smirking.

  “No.” Jason kissed her forehead and pushed open a door with his bare foot. “But I wish you were scared more.”

  “Ridiculous. Why?” She looked around the room. This was the space that she had seen that was lit earlier, a fire burning brightly in the fireplace opposite an enormous four-post bed.

  “It would keep you safer.” He tossed her onto the bed and grabbed her skirts, pulling her deep purple dress down, stripping her of the last bits of offending cloth.

  Katalin stretched, her naked back burrowing onto the coverlet. “Ready so soon?”

  “Preparing.” Jason sat at the edge of the bed, taking one of her legs into his lap, removing the boot, and then repeating with the other.

  He scooted up next to her, and Katalin turned onto her side, one hand propping up her head, and the other going to his face. Tracing his jawline, she stared at him, still only half-believing this dream she was currently in. There was still so much to say.

  Still so much that could go wrong.

  “What?” He grabbed her hand, sweeping a kiss across her knuckles. “I do not like that frown that just appeared on your face.”

  She gave a small shake of her head, eyes not meeting his. “It is just the past. I do not wish to revisit it, but I need you to understand what happened.”

  “You told me what happened, Kat. I believe you.”

  “But there is more.”

  “More?” He slowly fingered a tendril of hair loose on her cheek, brushing it behind her ear. “Tell me.”

  Katalin took a deep breath and moved closer to him on the bed, slinking her top leg between his calves and setting her hand on his waist. She stared at her thumb rubbing along the ridge of Jason’s muscle from his hip-bone, watching the fire light dance off his skin, debating about where and when to start.

  He was silent in front of her, not asking, not demanding. As patient as he had always been with her. Steady. He was back. Real and alive and himself.

  She took a deep breath, her eyes meeting his. “You have always been my captain, Jase. You always will be. When you were on trial I knew I would not get a chance to talk to you again, and I needed you to know that. If I could leave you with nothing else, I had to make you know that one thing. Even if it made you hate me. Even if you believed it was a betrayal. It was all I could do at that time, claim you as my captain.”

  “Why?”

  “I had no choice, Jase. I knew I was never going to see you again. The deal I made with my father—I would never see you again, and he would get you out of there. That was the deal. He promised.”

  “And you believed him?”

  “Yes. It was my only hope to free you, because I could not do it myself. I had to save the one thing that was more important than you. More important than me.”

  “Your father?”

  His words were soft, but lined with remnants of bitterness, and they cut into her soul, pulling bare all the regret she had harbored in the past years. A tear slipped down her face as she shook her head.

  “No, not my father, Jase. My child.”

  “Child?” He whipped upright, sitting on the bed.

  Katalin followed suit, keeping her watery eyes on his. “Your child.”

  He moved away from her, standing from the bed, staggering backward as his palm went up to her. “My child?”

  Katalin moved to the edge of the bed, her toes touching the wood floors. “Your child, Jase. I was pregnant. I figured it out when we were in those cells, and I could not tell you. Not with a stone wall between us…Not with what could have happened. If I had died, and you had known and survived…I could not do that to you…I could not…” Her hand went to her throat as it collapsed in emotion, the long past terror still taking a hold on her.

  Jason turned from her, facing the fireplace.

  She watched his back, watched the stillness of all the scars lining his skin.

  “I had to get out of there, Jason. At all costs, I had to save my baby—your baby.”

  Not turning around, his chin went on his shoulder, his profile to her, but he refused to look at her. “I have a child?”

  “A girl.” Katalin stood, slowly approaching his back. Watching his profile carefully, she stopped just shy of touching him.

  “What…Where…Alive?”

  “Yes.”

  He still did not turn to her, but his eyes lifted and he caught her gaze. “How could you not tell me, Kat?”

  She needed to touch him. But she did not dare. She could see the rage pulsating along his jawline, his muscles that were beyond taut. “Your honor. After what happened under the willow. After you denied me. I could not tell you. I could not have you pitying me, being with me just because of her. Nothing would be crueler. Trapping you. Trapping you with your own damn sense of honor. Not when you hated me.”

  She swallowed the hurt the words caused. “I was not about to do that to you. To do that to me. Nor was I going to take the chance she would be deemed a bastard—not after everything I have learned about English society. I would not do that to her.”

  His eyes didn’t veer from hers. “What is h
er name?”

  “Josalyn.”

  “Where is she now?”

  “Safe. She is with her nanny at the home of one of my mother’s friends, just outside of London. No one knows of her except my mother. We could not risk her safety. We do not believe Daunte knows of her existence, but my father is not sure. Daunte has only threatened me, and I could not risk him knowing of her. She is my life, Jason. She is why I even came to England. To keep her safe. I could not let her grow up without a mother—not like me…”

  “Which was why you were so desperate to marry.” The words were slow and measured, and he finally turned to her.

  Katalin held her breath, waiting for judgment, praying that its harshness would not destroy them. He had every right to hate her for not telling him of their daughter.

  In the next instant, he encapsulated her into a hard embrace. “God, Kat. What you have been through. Hell. What I put you through. You did this for her. For our baby.”

  At that, Katalin broke.

  All of the fear and pain and worry that she had denied herself for two years rushed from the pit of her stomach, sending her body into racking sobs, clutching desperately to Jason’s chest.

  “I miss her so much, Jase. I miss her.” Her words choked out between shudders. “She is my life and I have not seen her in so long and I miss her. My baby girl…I just miss her…”

  “Damn me, Kat. Damn my stupidity. Damn me for believing you could have betrayed me. Damn me for not coming for you. For not knowing. You have been too damn strong—you always have been—and I was not there for you.”

  Her legs buckled. But Jason had her, and he picked her up, bringing her to bed.

  He didn’t let her go, didn’t loosen his hold on her. Just laid her down, his hand cradling her head to his chest as her sobs soaked his skin.

  Taking her tears. Taking the weight of all she had gone through.

  { Chapter 19 }

  The harsh knock came out of the darkness, pulling Jason from the deep thoughts he was immersed in. Deep thoughts of imagining Katalin and a little girl that looked just like her in the gardens at the Clapinshire estate.

  The pounding echoed up through the house again, but Katalin was still asleep on top of him. She had cried for an hour, and Jason could not blame her. Only hold her. And take comfort in the fact that she clung to him, not willing to give him up, or to rail at him for what he put her through.

  For that, he was beyond grateful. Her sobs eventually petered out, and she fell into a hiccupping sleep, which eventually turned into her back rising and falling in peaceful rest. Peace that Jason prayed could be sustained. Peace he needed to give to her.

  He rolled to his side, settling Katalin’s limp form on the bed, and pulled the coverlet over her nude body.

  Grumbling at the intrusion, he yanked on a robe and thundered down the stairs.

  The last thing he wanted to see greeted him at the door.

  His sister, brother-in-law, Southfork, and his wife. The four of them, all standing with accusing glares on their faces.

  Jason cleared his throat. “What, Aggie? I was sleeping.”

  “I doubt that.” Aggie pushed past him, and the other three followed her in. “Do not even try to feign innocence on this one.”

  Shutting the door, Jason turned around to the small mob.

  “Is she here?” Aggie asked, arms crossed over her chest.

  “Who?”

  “You know exactly, who, Jason. When Reanna stopped in to check on Katalin, she was missing. We are worried sick. Is Katalin here? Tell me she is here. That looks like her cloak on the floor.”

  “I am.” Katalin appeared in the balcony above the entryway, one of Jason’s linen shirts haphazardly tossed atop her small frame, a grey sheet wrapped around her lower half and dragging. “I am so sorry to have worried you all. Does my mother know?”

  Reanna ran up the flight of stairs, her hands going to Katalin’s shoulders. “No, she was sleeping, and I did not want to wake her and worry her if we could find you. Are you well? Injured? Why would you disappear on us?”

  “I truly am sorry to have caused such a fuss. It is just that…” Katalin’s voice trailed and she looked down at Jason.

  Even in the low light, he could see the distinct flush filling her cheeks and spreading across her forehead. She knew how to explain this even less than he did.

  Jason looked at Aggie. “We have some explaining to do. But first, afford us the dignity of some clothes. Please, the lot of you into the library. We will be down in a moment, and will answer any and every question you have.”

  “I have a number of them,” Aggie said.

  Jason hid his eye roll. “I imagine you do.” He looked at Devin. “The staff is gone at the moment, so if you could light a fire, that would be helpful.”

  Within ten minutes, Jason and Katalin had dressed and made their way to the library. Jason had found one of his mother’s simple muslin dresses for Katalin, since hers was torn beyond any and all modesty.

  They had been silent upstairs, and Jason had watched as all color, bit by bit, had left Katalin’s face. And now, standing outside the library doors, she looked like she was walking to her execution.

  He grabbed her hand, squeezing it as he leaned down to her ear. “We have done nothing wrong, Kat. You are my wife. You are the mother of my child. We merely have to explain the debacle I have created this past month.”

  She looked up at him, eyes huge, and nodded. His words did obviously little in assuaging her panic at how the four people on the other side of the door would regard her now.

  Not dropping her hand, they stepped into room, now lit by a bright fire. Devin and Killian had already helped themselves to glasses of brandy, and Devin, good man that he was, handed Jason a full glass as he and Katalin walked to the center of the room.

  Jason sat on the leather tufted sofa, tugging Katalin to sit down next to him.

  “Please, sit,” Jason said.

  All but his sister did. She was too busy pacing in front of the fire. She paused in her steps when everyone was seated and pinned Jason with her eyes. “You need to tell me this instant what is happening here, Jason.”

  Jason dropped Katalin’s hand, leaning back on the sofa and putting his arm around her shoulders. “The short story is that Katalin and I are married.”

  “What? How?” Aggie’s face skewed to shock. “You better tell us the long story, brother.”

  He sighed, taking the smallest sip of the brandy. “We met a bit more than two years ago after I had been captured and tossed onto that first ship—forced into captive labor. I was on a ship called the Rosewater that Katalin and her crew took when she was privateering. She kept me.”

  “Kept you?” Devin asked, eyebrow cocked.

  “She sent the lot of the crew—my captors—to the sea in a long boat, but kept me aboard as an extra hand. She saved my life, even if it was not her intention.”

  “What was your intention?” Reanna asked, her eyes swinging to Katalin.

  “My intention was that Jason was strong, and he took up arms against his own shipmates, so I took the risk that he was not a threat to my crew. I figured his hands would be helpful on the Windrunner, and in exchange, I would get him to dry land. I never imagined…”

  Jason squeezed her shoulder as her voice faltered. “She never imagined we would fall in love. We married. But soon after, we were captured by pirate hunters. I was on trial for being the captain of the Windrunner, and Katalin’s father saved her from the noose, but I was left behind. I thought I had been betrayed.”

  Aggie’s hawk look veered to Katalin, instant protector of her brother. “You betrayed Jason?”

  Katalin didn’t flinch from the question. “No. And yes. I thought I was saving him, but in doing so, yes, I betrayed him. I never would have left Jason had I known what was to happen. Never would have said what I did. And then I thought he was executed. It is why I acted so oddly when I saw him at Curplan—why I fainted. For near two years I
believed Jason was dead. And he was not.”

  “Jason, this is too fantastical, even for you,” Aggie said. “Why have you never told me any of this?”

  “It was not something I wanted to remember. It was something I was trying to forget. Trying to black out with copious amounts of alcohol.”

  “You two hid all of this at Curplan?” Reanna asked.

  “Yes,” Jason said. “I did not understand what Katalin had tried to do—how she had tried to save me. And I was still too angry with her to even want to acknowledge her.”

  “So you thought to be an ass to her instead? Do you know what she has been through—what we all have been through trying to land her a title, and you were sitting there all along—married and you wouldn’t acknowledge it?” Aggie asked, hands on her hips. “Really, Jason, this is beyond—buggers, the duke. Buggers, buggers, buggers. That is going to take some explanation.”

  His sister started to pace again, finger tapping her chin. She stopped abruptly. “Who married you?”

  “A man of God on one of the islands—but he is self-proclaimed,” Katalin said. “It would be as legally binding as anything else in that part of the world, but here…” She shrugged. “I am not sure.”

  “We are married, Kat.” Jason’s arm tightened around her. “Do not question that.”

  Aggie went back to pacing. “We will need to smooth this the best we can. You have already been to too many functions at the same time, but apart. So it is awkward. We will have to float the rumor that there was a marriage ceremony in the Caribbean, but neither of you believed it to be truly valid. That will have to suffice as the reason Katalin was now seeking a match.”

  “That is dreadfully thin,” Reanna said.

  “I know—but what are we to do? We have to save Katalin from scandal somehow.” Aggie looked at Jason and Katalin. “But then you both had a change of affection, and realized you were meant to be together. Which is true and a love story, and the gossips adore a tantalizing love story. But we will need to marry you two again. A large affair. It is not usual, but we need an event that gives not the slightest hint of embarrassment or scandal in your past. A proud wedding that no one will be able to question.”