Hold Your Breath 03 - My Captain, My Earl

by K. J. Jackson

  “Will that work?” Katalin asked.

  “No. Not fully. But I am at a loss.” Aggie shrugged. “If we create enough bravado about it, it will be harder to pop pins into the narrative.”

  “We are married, Aggie, we need not do this,” Jason said, leaning forward. “I defy anyone to tell me we are not.”

  “This is not about whether you two are truly married or not; this is about keeping Katalin’s reputation above reproach, since the threat of Daunte and his accusations of piracy have not disappeared.”

  Katalin nodded, looking at Jason. “It is true. He is still a real threat.”

  As much as it irked Jason to admit it, Aggie was right. Katalin was right. Daunte was still a very real threat. And not just to his wife. To his daughter as well. He needed to ferret out the bastard and end him.

  But first things first. He looked at his brother-in-law. “We need to get married as soon as possible. You have been through this—can you help with the special license?”

  Devin nodded. “Yes. It may be a day or two.”

  “Good. Thank you. Aggie, can you pull a wedding together in that time?”

  “Yes. As long as you do not continue to steal Katalin away from Killian’s townhouse.”

  Katalin grabbed Jason’s knee, looking at him. “I would like to speak to the duke. I owe him an explanation.”

  It rankled him, but Jason knew that Katalin smoothing this over with the duke would be vital. He gave a crisp nod.

  “Excellent,” Aggie said, clasping her hands together as she resumed pacing. “That will do well. Reanna, can you serve as chaperone tomorrow as Katalin visits the duke? I imagine he will not be pleased, but a direct explanation from Katalin may help curb the stickiness of the situation, or at least keep him from becoming an enemy. That is the last thing we need, the Duke of Letson out for vengeance.”

  “Of course,” Reanna said.

  “And I will be staying here tonight,” Aggie announced, stopping her pace.

  “That is not necessary, Aggie,” Jason said.

  “Yes, it is. You know as well as I that Dowager Delray does nothing but sit at her window all night recording the comings and goings of this block. She has done it since we were little. Four came in, so four must go out. That means, Katalin, you will need to leave now with Killian, Reanna, and my husband. Take my cloak and keep your head down. I will leave from here in the morning, and be obvious in the process. She would not think twice on my presence in the house.”

  Jason stood, sighing, holding his hand down to Katalin. “I am afraid we are now utterly powerless, under Aggie’s ever-exuberant guard until the wedding.” He looked to Aggie, eyes narrowing. “And I pray that your conniving mind will never be used for evil, dear sister.”

  ~~~

  Katalin sank onto the settee in the front drawing room of the Southfork townhouse, staring blankly out the window. She and Reanna had just arrived back from their meeting with the duke.

  It went well, as well as could have been expected. True to his title, the duke was a gentleman about the mess, but she knew her actions were inexcusable.

  She could see that quite clearly now. Putting herself out as marriageable—when she was nothing of the kind, especially in heart and mind—was despicable. Thinking she could deny the truth of the past, of her impossibly unyielding love for Jason—it had been a fool’s quest, and she had dragged not only the duke down with her, but her new friends as well.

  She leaned back on the turquoise settee, her head resting on the top curve of the sofa as she closed her eyes. Adding the duke’s meeting to her very difficult conversations with first her mother, and then her father, earlier this morning, did nothing to help her mind set.

  Her mother had coldly listened, then silently left the room. Her father had railed at her for an hour—but her father’s tirades she was used to. She had listened to him her whole life. But her mother’s coldness, she was not used to. She never would be.

  At least she was alone at the moment. Alone and able to wallow in the muck she had created.

  The sudden hand on her forehead should have made her jump, but she had no energy. She cracked her eyes open instead.

  Jason stared down at her, the flecks of brown in his green eyes shimmering in concern.

  “It went poorly?” He didn’t move his hand from her head, tracing a tendril of hair along her brow until he freed it from a pin and could spin it around his forefinger.

  “I do not know if it could have been anything but awful. But I apologized profusely until Reanna kicked me to get me to stop.”

  He chuckled. “She did? In front of the duke? You must have been making quite the spectacle.”

  “I am sure I was. But he was gracious. He said I may still consider him a friend, and for that, I am grateful.”

  “I will have to reconsider my ill thoughts of him. He could have easily made this very difficult for us.”

  Watching Jason, his face upside down, Katalin reached up, her fingers landing on the back of his hand, sliding up past his wrist and under the cuff of his dark blue jacket. She still was not accustomed to seeing him dressed in finery. “Aggie would kill you if she knew you were here. She wants us as apart as apart can be until the wedding.”

  “My sister would like a lot of things to be her way. This is not one that I will grant her.” He rounded the sofa, and Katalin’s head came up as her breath caught. This was harsh. Too harsh. She was so close to touching him, to having him be hers again, but she had to wait—last night had been nothing but a tease. Glorious in the moment, but a tease.

  Jason stood in front of her. “I have to meet her, Kat.”

  “Josalyn?”

  He nodded. “Even if we do not tell her right away who I am. I do not want to scare her. She is still young, so I am not worried about the future. She will not remember a time when I was not her father. But I have to see her. I have thought of nothing else since last night. I know she needs to stay hidden—safe until we wed. But can you bring me to her—safely?”

  Katalin stood, her exhaustion falling away. “I can, and I so want you to meet her, Jason. She is only about an hour outside of London, in a cottage on the estate of Lady Timlad. Do you know of it, where it is?”

  “No, but I will.”

  “But I do not know how I will escape from here for the time needed.” Katalin looked over her shoulder in the general direction of the rest of the household. “Not without a proper chaperone.”

  “Aggie will be of no help, but maybe you can ask your cousin to chaperone? Can she keep the secret?”

  Katalin nodded. “I believe she would. Was it a mistake to not tell everyone last night about Josalyn?”

  “I think the news of our past was more than enough last night.” Jason shrugged. “We will tell everyone come the day after the wedding. But I need to see her, Kat. This afternoon? Can we leave an hour from now?”

  Katalin took a deep breath. There was nothing she wanted more in the world than to have Jason meet his daughter. Than for her to see her little girl again—it had been far too long, and the gaping hole burned by not seeing her daughter everyday weighed heavy on Katalin.

  “Yes. I will talk with Reanna right now. But we will have to take the Southfork carriage. Even I know we are skirting wide on the outer fringes of propriety as it is.”

  ~~~

  Hours later, Katalin heard threads snap as she twisted the white gloves in her hands. She looked down at them, mangled beyond ever being worn again. She needed to see Josalyn so desperately, she hadn’t known how badly until they pulled onto Lady Timlad’s estate.

  “There, there it is. Stop.” Katalin looked at the short row of seven cottages, her eyes focusing on the second-to-last cottage.

  Jason knocked on the ceiling of the carriage and it slowed.

  Katalin looked at Reanna. “Would it be rude—”

  Reanna instantly patted Katalin’s hand, cutting her off. “Nonsense. This is a private affair between the three of you. I am merely here
to ensure there is no chance of gossip before the wedding. We are far enough from London that you can be seen without me in tow. Go.” She glanced down at Katalin’s white knuckles. “Go before you tear those gloves in half.”

  With a grateful smile to Reanna, Katalin followed Jason out of the carriage.

  They were a few steps from the carriage before Jason spoke. “I talked to your father today.”

  Katalin stopped, looking up at him. “You what?”

  “When you were with the duke this morning, your father and I had a discussion.”

  Katalin’s eyes went wide. She knew what a brute her father could be. “How did that go?”

  Jason shrugged. “He was still livid from when you spoke with him—you should have left it for me to explain to him.”

  “He would have killed you if you had explained it.”

  “No, quite the contrary. You apparently did not take him to task for lying to you after the trial. He had no choice but to calm once I pointed out the fact that had he never lied to you—never told you I was dead—all of this could have been avoided. If he had only told the truth and had me delivered to you after Roland broke me out of my cell, we never would have been apart.”

  Katalin’s bottom lip went into frown. “I have wanted to rant at him since you showed up alive, but I could not confess who you were, not after…”

  “After I would not claim you as my wife? I know, Kat. I have not made this entire affair easy. Lies on top of lies.”

  “But his lie. I know he thought he was doing what he needed to protect me, but two years, Jason. Two years we lost because of the lie. Years you lost with your daughter. You did not get to see her born. You never got to see her as a baby. Her first steps. Her first words. Her baby giggle—it sparkled. You missed all of that because of my father’s lie.” Tears slid down her face, stopping her words.

  Jason’s arm went around her shoulders, and he prodded them forward, walking down the row of cottages. “I get to see her now, Kat. That is what is most important. Today. The future.”

  “She was beautiful from the first. She always had your eyes. From the moment she opened them, you were all I saw in her.”

  The front door of the second to last cottage swung wide open, and Josalyn’s nanny stepped out, waving at Katalin.

  “Annette, how are you?” Katalin leaned forward, kissing the cheek of Josalyn’s nanny.

  Annette smiled, conspiratorially, and pointed into the cottage. “I saw you coming so I popped out here—she is in the back room and she has not seen you yet. This is such a surprise—I cannot wait to hear her glee.”

  Katalin stepped past Annette into the cottage, and in the next moment, a squeal beyond compare filled the small rooms.

  “Mama! Mama! Mama!”

  Josalyn stumbled into the main room, running as fast as her awkward toddler legs could carry her. Katalin stepped in, scooping her up, smothering her in her arms.

  Katalin would not let her squirm out of her hold for minutes, overwhelmed at how much she had missed her little girl. She hadn’t known how long it would be before she could be with Josalyn again—she had been guessing months—so to hold her again so soon was a gift in itself.

  Josalyn did eventually manage to squirm enough to wiggle her red-blond head up next to Katalin’s cheek, kissing her with loud smacks again and again. And then she spied the man in the doorway.

  “Mama. Who?”

  Katalin spun, having for a moment forgotten just why she was here. Josalyn turned her head so she could still see Jason.

  “Who, Mama?”

  Katalin looked at Annette and Jason by the doorway. “Annette, could you please excuse us for a few minutes?”

  “Happy to, Katalin. I need to fetch water.” She gave a quick glance from Jason to Katalin, and then grabbed the bucket by the doorway. “Josey, I will be back in a moment.”

  Josalyn smiled at Annette, waving a little goodbye to her.

  Jason stepped into the cottage, letting Annette by. He closed the door after her.

  “Oh, how I have missed you my little melon.” She squeezed Josalyn, drawing a tickled giggle from the little girl.

  With a quick glance to Jason, Katalin cocked her head to the chairs set by the hearth, and walked to them. She sat in the rocking chair, Josalyn in her lap. Jason took the seat opposite them.

  Arms still secure around her, Katalin took in her daughter’s beaming face. Big green eyes still twinkling with mischief. Wavy red-blond hair, pulled back with a ribbon from her face and a little longer than Katalin remembered it. Her pudgy cheeks still pudgy. Katalin ran a hand over her head, kissing her forehead again.

  Josalyn was busy trying to turn around to eye Jason.

  “Josey, do you remember all the stories I have told you about your daddy?”

  Josalyn’s face turned to Katalin.

  “How he was big and strong and so very handsome? But that he was gone?” Katalin continued.

  Josalyn nodded.

  “Well, I did not know it, sweetie, but he was alive. He has been found.”

  The little girl clapped, squealing.

  Katalin laughed. “I know. It is very exciting. Do you remember how Poppy is my daddy?”

  “Poppy?” Josalyn looked around, searching the room for him.

  “No sweetie, Poppy is not here right now, but your daddy is. He is right there.”

  Josalyn wiggled to fully face Jason, her eyes narrowing as her mind worked on the man across from her.

  Katalin whispered in her ear. “He is still the same big and strong and handsome daddy that I always told you about, sweetie. Don’t you think?”

  Slowly, Josalyn nodded, her eyes not leaving Jason.

  “You can go over to him if you want to, Josey. He is your daddy and he is so happy to meet you.”

  Josalyn watched him for a very long minute, deciding what she wanted to do about this strange man. Katalin studied her profile, waiting with held breath.

  Her daughter had never been cautious around any of the myriad of characters that came through her father’s estate on the island, and all of them were much scarier looking than Jason. Of course, Katalin had never told her daughter that any of them was her daddy. Katalin guessed cautiousness was inevitable in this situation. Even for an almost two-year-old.

  Jason watched her, the look on his face just as serious. And then he slid down off the chair, going to his knees on the rug in front of the hearth.

  “Your mama is right, Josalyn—Josey. I am very happy to meet you. More than happy.” His voice had gone incredibly thick, and Katalin was surprised his words managed to come out.

  Josalyn bit her lip, sucking on it hard. And then she slid from Katalin’s lap, toddling slowly to Jason. She stopped an arm’s length away from him, and her thumb went into her mouth as she stared at him, eye to eye.

  “I understand you have a birthday coming up, Josey? Two years old, correct?”

  Josalyn’s eyes went wide and she nodded, her face even more serious.

  “Turning two is a very big deal,” Jason said.

  Josalyn nodded again.

  “I thought you might like a little early present for the occasion.”

  Josalyn looked over her shoulder at Katalin, and Katalin gave her a reassuring smile but said nothing.

  “I wanted to get you more things, but I first want to hear from you about what you like. In the meantime, I want to give you this.” Jason reached into his jacket and pulled out a small brown and black spotted stuffed horse, the size of his hand. The mane and tail were real horse-hair, glossy black.

  Josalyn’s thumb instantly left her mouth, and she reached for the horse with both hands, giggling. She held it up, turning back to Katalin to show her the prize. “Mama, look.”

  “It is beautiful, sweetie. Maybe your daddy can tell you where he got it.”

  Josalyn looked back to Jason, and Jason switched positions, sitting on the floor, legs crossed. Josalyn teetered a step closer to him.

  Jason kep
t up steady chatter to her about how the horse was made, what to name it, where it could go on adventures, and within minutes, Josalyn was in his lap, laughing and copying her father’s neighing sounds for her new horse.

  But most important, she beamed at her father. Jason kept his voice light and fun, even as Katalin watched his eyes water and the slightest tear slip out onto his cheek.

  She swallowed hard. She was watching exactly what she had hoped for herself when meeting her own mother. Tears. Joy. Disbelief.

  Katalin had had none of that when meeting her own mother. But this was everything she had hoped for. Her own mother could not give it to her, but Jason gave it all willingly to their daughter, holding nothing back.

  She hadn’t imagined she could love this man any more than she already did, but in that instant, her heart expanded tenfold.

  He was exactly where he was always meant to be, how she had always imagined him to be. A father. A husband.

  A family complete.

  { Chapter 20 }

  Katalin looked in the silver-framed mirror on the dressing table in her room at the Southfork house. Her hair still drying from an early morning bath, she pulled at the damp tendrils, tousling air into them. For as nervous as both Aggie and Reanna had been the entire day before and this morning, Katalin had felt none of it. Any nervousness, any doubts she had of her marriage, of her life with Jason, were put to rest when he had met their daughter.

  They belonged together, and the wedding—only hours away—was merely a quick obligation that had to happen in order for them to move on and live the life they were always meant to live.

  But she still wanted to put on a proper show out of respect to Aggie and Reanna and all the hard work they did in pulling together a wedding in three days.

  The door to her room opened, and the maid that had been assigned to her, Mable, came in. She stepped behind Katalin, looking at her in the mirror. “Your hair ‘bout ready for plaiting, miss? I be itchin’ to get a go at it. Oh, but first.” Her head went down as she rummaged in the front pocket of her apron. “There be lots o’ congratulations rollin’ in downstairs, miss. But the man below that delivered this to Mr. Albertson was insistent ‘bout this one getting into your hands right off. Maybe from his lordship?”