Chez Stinky

by Susan C. Daffron

  Kat looked over toward Maria. Behind her, Larry Lowell was heading toward them through the smoky haze. His eyes were locked on Maria, and he was obviously quite impressed with the red dress and Maria’s shapely form. Kat waved slightly at him. The poor guy was almost drooling.

  Larry stood next to Kat’s bar stool, and Kat waved toward Maria. “Larry, this is my friend Maria. She works with me and is visiting for the weekend. Maria, this is Larry Lowell. He’s the lawyer that’s handling my aunt’s estate.”

  Larry stood in silence for a moment, staring at Maria. He suddenly jerked out his hand and blurted out, “Hi, I’m Larry.”

  Maria smiled demurely, took his hand and shook it gently. “So I heard. Why don’t you sit down?” Larry nodded and pulled up a barstool next to Maria.

  The bartender stopped by with Maria’s drink. She picked it up and looked over the glass at Larry. “Do you know if there are any places around here where you can get a drink that has something other than orange juice in it?”

  Larry looked dumbfounded by the question for a moment, then said, “There’s another bar down the street. I can show you. We can walk.”

  Kat rolled her eyes and listened as Larry made small talk about the weather with Maria. This was going to be one long evening. So much for sexy farmers. One boring lawyer seemed to be the best they could do.

  After Maria finished her drink, true to his word, Larry led them down the street to another bar, which had a sign above it with old wooden letters that read “Mystic Moon Soloan.” Although both bars were on the main street, few people were out and the one traffic light in town had been turned off for the evening. The flashing red light gave the street a sort of eerie glow. All the little storefronts were dark and the only people out were a small group of high-school students clustered around a No Parking sign, enjoying a clandestine cigarette break.

  Maria, Larry, and Kat stood outside the bar, each silently evaluating whether or not to enter the establishment. Kat looked over at Larry. “Mystic Moon Soloan? Okay, I give. What’s a soloan?”

  Larry shrugged. “It’s supposed to be saloon. The story goes that the guys who made the sign had a few too many beers and mixed up the letters. No one ever got around to fixing it. If you walk around to the other side, it’s spelled correctly there.”

  Kat and Maria walked down the street past the door to look at the other side of the sign. Sure enough, Larry was right. Spelling obviously wasn’t a big priority in Alpine Grove.

  The trio walked into the bar. Like the 311, it was dark, but the Mystic Moon seemed smaller, older, and shabbier, which was quite an accomplishment given the ambiance of the 311. The dark walls had an impressive collection of mirrored beer signs. An antique neon Schlitz sign flickered over the mirrored bar.

  Several grizzled-looking older men sat at the bar, hunched over their beer glasses. In the back of the room, a burly man in a leather vest leaned over a pool table, preparing to take a shot. There was no music; just a general mumbling hum of conversation interspersed with the occasional clacking sound of pool balls crashing into each other.

  Larry looked over at Kat. “This place has a group of regulars who spend a lot of time here. I don’t come here often.”

  Kat glanced at Maria, who had a frown on her face. “I’m not sure about this place. I’m happy to leave if you are.”

  Maria nodded. “There is not one sexy farmer here. Those guys might have farms, but there’s no way I’d get on one of their tractors.”

  The trio turned around and went back outside. Standing below the Soloan sign, they looked up the street.

  “Okay Larry, you’re the local. Do you have any other ideas?” Kat asked.

  Larry shook his head. “I should go home. I have an early appointment tomorrow. Maria, it was a pleasure meeting you. I hope I see you again before you return to the city.” He reached out to shake her hand, but brought it up to his lips instead.

  When he released her, Maria flipped her dark curls back with her hand. “It was nice meeting you, too.”

  Larry walked around the building and disappeared into the night, leaving the two women alone again on the empty street. Kat looked at Maria. “I think he liked you.”

  “What’s not to like? I’m totally hot in this dress. And I didn’t see many women in either of those bars. What’s the deal? Don’t they have females here?”

  “I haven’t been out much at night. Maybe there’s some place that’s not so filthy. Larry took me to an Italian restaurant that is nice. I don’t think you’d be able to pick up a sexy farmer there, but we could get something to eat.”

  “Italian? I love Italian! It’s my heritage. Let’s hit it, girlfriend. I’ll work on the sexy farmer program tomorrow.”

  While she was lying in bed the next morning, something poked Kat in the back. She rolled over and found herself face-to-face with Linus’s large black nose. Perhaps it was time for breakfast. Sleeping upstairs in the dog-free area had advantages beyond the reduced dust level. Kat sneezed, which startled the big dog, who sat down with a thump next to one of the boxes.

  Kat pushed the blue bedspread down and sat up. “Good morning to you too, Linus.” The dog wagged his tail slowly and then sank to the floor with a sigh. He gave Kat a forlorn look and put his head between his paws. Clearly, the human was not making motions toward getting out of bed and providing food.

  Kat reached down and picked up the photo album she and Maria had been looking at the day before. After they got home from dinner, Kat had gone through the other photos, which were a chronology of the little girl’s childhood through adolescence. Kat leafed through the photographs again, wondering if the girl was Louise’s daughter. Clearly, they were good friends with Abigail and had spent a lot of time together over the years.

  One photo that had obviously been taken after an Alpine Grove Frontier Days parade particularly amused Kat. It was another posed photo with Abigail, Louise, and the little girl, but for some reason they were wearing grotesquely ugly matching turquoise pantsuits that had been adorned with glittery silver studs. The image was emblematic of the worst of 1960s fashion and the little girl was obviously unhappy to be seen looking like a rhinestone cowgirl.

  The dejected expression on the girl’s face reminded Kat of herself in family photos of her with her sisters. It was like the Sesame Street song that proclaimed “one of these things is not like the other.” She was always the weird one. But that feeling was probably because she didn’t get along with her mother particularly well. Maybe she could call her mother and find out if she knew who the little girl in the photo was. Or not. It might be better to just feed the dogs and forget about it. Listening to her mother’s disapproving voice this early in the morning didn’t have much appeal. Besides, her mother was probably working on her morning vacuuming project and wouldn’t hear the phone anyway.

  Kat got out of bed and Linus leaped up with glee, shaking his head, flapping his ears, and cavorting around the room. “Yes, Big Guy, I’m really going to feed you now. Thanks for being patient.” Linus scampered out of the room, presumably to share the good news with the other canines in the pack.

  After a joy-filled breakfast, the dogs settled down for their post-feeding nap. Kat sat at the kitchen table holding her coffee mug in her hands. She knew that Maria liked to sleep late, so she had some time to call her mother now. Her curiosity about the little girl in the photographs trumped her dread of talking to her mother. Kat picked up the phone and dialed the familiar number. She recognized her sister Kim’s voice greeting her.

  “Hi Kim. It’s Kat. How are you? I didn’t know you were at the house.”

  “Yes, I have an audition early in the morning, so I decided to spend the weekend here. And Rick and I had a fight, so I left.” Kat could imagine Kim sticking out her lower lip in a pout. Kim’s on-again, off-again relationship with Rick generally moved to the off-again setting after she rediscovered his unauthorized activities with other women.

  “Another fight?”

&nbs
p; “Yes. I’m leaving him for good this time. I just need to get this commercial and then I’ll have enough money to move out.”

  Kat doubted that would happen, but her sister’s optimism (or delusion) would probably help for her audition. As far as Kat knew, Kim had never gotten a paid acting job in her life. “How is the job at the cafe going?”

  “Well, you know it’s temporary. And yesterday I saw a director there. You know all the studio guys hang out at the cafe. Well, maybe the guy I saw was actually an assistant director. Or maybe he said he was the guy who loads the film in the camera. I’m not sure. I’m sure he’s important.”

  Kat rolled her eyes. Kim thought everyone was important with a capital I. “Is mother around? I need to ask her something.”

  “She’s vacuuming. Hold on.”

  The sound of the phone thunking on the counter came through the receiver. Kat heard her sister yelling at her mother over the noise of a vacuum cleaner. A few moments later, her mother’s voice came on the line.

  “Katherine? Is something wrong?”

  “No. Everything is fine. Can’t I just call when everything is fine?”

  “I’m just checking, dear. What is it? I’m vacuuming.”

  Interrupting vacuuming was invariably a major issue for her mother, but Kat pressed on. “I am in Alpine Grove, and I have a question.”

  “Alpine Grove? Why on earth would you be there, dear?

  “You know I inherited Great-Aunt Abigail’s house, right?”

  “Good heavens. No one told me. Abigail is dead? That’s too bad.”

  Given the tone in her voice, her mother didn’t seem terribly broken up about Abigail’s demise. “Yes, I’ve been here for the last week or so, cleaning up the house.”

  “You cleaned? Will wonders never cease!”

  “Yes, it has been known to happen, although I’m sure it’s not up to your antiseptic standards. I need to do a few repairs to the house, as well. But that’s not why I’m calling. I found some photographs. Do you know Louise Johnson? She was a friend of Aunt Abigail’s.”

  The long silence on the line was oddly awkward. Finally her mother said, “Yes, I met Louise a long time ago.”

  “Do you know if she had a daughter? I found a lot of photographs of a little girl and I was wondering who she is.”

  Kat’s mother paused again before answering. “Louise might have had a daughter. I wouldn’t bother worrying about it, though. I think the little girl may have died, and Louise might not want to talk about it.”

  Kat raised her eyebrows. “Really?”

  “Why don’t you just forget about all this? Alpine Grove isn’t where you should be, anyway. You are a city girl with a nice apartment. What about your job? What is it you do again? Something with computers?”

  “Yes, mother. I’m a technical writer. As I have been for a number of years now. But I like Alpine Grove. And Abigail wanted me to take care of her pets. I found out that I like dogs.”

  “That’s nice, dear. But they must shed so much fur! How could you ever keep the place clean? That reminds me. I really should get back to my vacuuming now. The Carrharts are coming over, and I still have some dusting to do as well.”

  As Kat hung up the phone, she could envision the pinched look on her mother’s face as she contemplated the diabolical nature of dust.

  Conversations with her mother were not usually a lot of fun, but her mother had acted weird about Kat’s visit to Alpine Grove. The question was why. Maybe her mother had a bad experience here. Or maybe she and Abigail had a fight. Or maybe her mother had a torrid affair. That seemed unlikely and definitely not something she wanted to think about. Yuck. Kat gave herself a mental head shake and as usual, tried to avoid dwelling on the fact that her mother seemed to like spending time with her vacuum cleaner more than with her daughter.

  Having discovered first-hand that the nightlife in Alpine Grove was limited, Kat convinced Maria that staying in that evening might be a better option. But they needed provisions. At the local Save-a-Lot, Kat pushed the grocery cart as Maria scanned the shelves for the evening’s Wine and Whine session.

  Maria rummaged through the depths of the dairy case. “Do you have cheese at home? I want some cheese.” Successful in her quest, Maria held a wedge of Parmesan in front of Kat. “I love cheese, but yeesh this grocery store is cold. I’m getting chills.”

  Kat raised her eyebrows. “Are they multiplying?”

  Maria swayed her hips and said in a sing-song voice, “I’m looosing control.”

  “I think the power you’re supplying…it’s rather electrifying.”

  Overcome with a nostalgic high-school musical moment, Maria grabbed a single Twinkie from the Hostess display and waved it around like a microphone. “Ooh, ooh, ooh. I neeed a man!”

  Kat giggled and looked beyond Maria down the cereal aisle where Joel was standing, holding a box of corn flakes and smiling at Maria’s impromptu snack-cake performance.

  Kat raised her hand and with a somewhat sheepish smile waved at him. With an amused twinkle in his eye, Joel started walking toward her. A little twinge of excitement went down her spine as he strolled down the aisle past the Froot Loops display.

  Maria concluded her musical performance and said, “I’m hungry. Don’t they have samples at this store? I love samples. I could eat all my meals from the sample people. Sometimes they have those great mini-wiener dogs on toothpicks. All this healthy exercise and outdoor activity really works up an appetite. I don’t know how you do all this dog-walking every day. You’re going to become an athlete if you hang around here.”

  Earlier in the day, Maria had accompanied Kat on one of the dog walks. The excursion was cut short when one of Maria’s heels got caught on a tree root. She tripped and landed on Linus, who had yelped in surprise, but handled having a human sprawled upon him with remarkable dignity.

  With her eyes still on Joel, Kat said to Maria, “I’m just glad you’re okay.”

  “Yeah, I like that big dog. He’s soft and squishy. But you need to get a better lint brush. Like one of those industrial-strength ones. That little crappy thing you have barely makes a dent in the hair I got all over myself. I think that animal is doing his seasonal shedding thing. I don’t know how one dog can hold that much fur.”

  “I’ve never seen an industrial-strength lint brush. If you find one, let me know.”

  “It’s better spending time with the dogs outside because the breeze blows the hair off. Except outside there are the bugs, too. I hate bugs. Why are there so many bugs everywhere? I want to live in a place where bugs aren’t allowed.”

  Kat nodded absently, gazing up at Joel, who was now standing quietly behind Maria, looking amused. “If you find that place, be sure to tell me. Any place with no mosquitoes gets my vote.”

  Catching a glimpse of her reflection in the chrome of the dairy case, Maria grimaced. “Yuck, my hair is really flat. What happened? Is there something in the air here? I need to fluff it up.”

  Maria doubled over to shake out her brown curls. “I really do have nice feet don’t I? They look so cute in these little peek-a-boo pumps.” When she stood up and flipped her hair back over her head, she turned around and found a tall man in front of her.

  Maria put her hand on her hip. “So who are you and where were you the other night when the only people out on the town were creepy, toothless old dudes?”

  Kat said, “Maria, this is Joel. I told you about him. He helped me get the cat out of the wall.”

  “Oh, yeah; you’re the hero!”

  Joel gave a half-smile and shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know about that. But I did get the cat out of the wall without hurting him.”

  “Maria is a friend of mine from work. She’s up for the weekend. We’re getting some stuff for dinner.”

  Joel surveyed the contents of the cart, which included a wide selection of items from the Hostess snack-cake rack, several types of cheese, potato chips, a jar of tomato sauce, spaghetti, and three bottles of
wine. “It looks like you have quite an evening planned.”

  Maria said, “We’re all about nutrition. Remember—Ronald Reagan said ketchup is a vegetable, so with the pasta sauce, we’ve got all the food groups covered.”

  Kat nodded. “Wine is made from grapes, so that’s our fruit. And we have a few extras like Twinkies that defy classification. They are in a class by themselves.”

  Maria picked up her Twinkie again and pointed it at Joel. “And this individually wrapped Twinkie right here is mine because I’m starving.”

  Joel nodded and smiled politely. “I’ll let you get back to it, then. It was nice to see you again, Kat.”

  Kat blushed. “Actually, I wanted to talk to you about the roof problem if you have time. Can I give you a call?”

  “Sure. You have my number.”

  As Joel walked away toward the produce department, Maria turned to Kat and gave her an appraising look. “You seriously have the hots for him, don’t you?”

  “I do not! He was just nice about fixing stuff in the house. I told you I went out on a date with Larry, right?”

  Maria poked her Twinkie toward Kat. “One date doesn’t mean you’re dating him. There’s a difference. And you said it was horrible.”

  Kat cringed mentally at the memory. “Yes. It was. But Joel isn’t my type. I’m pretty sure he thinks I’m weird.”

  Maria began unwrapping her Twinkie. “You are weird. But in a good way. That’s why I like you.”

  That evening, Maria held her wine glass in front of her face and swirled the burgundy liquid within it. “We should have just gone to the grocery store to meet men in the first place. That’s where the hot ones are. That Joel guy is beyond fine. And now we even have food, too. Whatever you’re making over there smells fantastic.”

  “It’s just spaghetti. After our dinner at the restaurant last night, I got inspired and even added some Italian spices.” Kat stirred the deep red marinara sauce slowly, causing the scent of basil and oregano to waft around the room. She tasted the sauce and said, “So are you ready to go back to work? I know I’m not.”