"I’ll see you out," CC said from behind her.
Jamie’s stomach clenched as she realized that her escape had just been postponed. CC opened the front door for her and the two women stepped out into the cool night air. "You are far too amused by all this," Jamie chastised her as they lingered in the doorway.
"I’m sorry," CC replied softly. "You were so flustered. I shouldn’t have teased you."
"It was just so . . . " Jamie’s voice trailed off as she tried to organize her thoughts. Her mind was screaming for her to invite this woman back to her place. They stood there in an awkward silence as Jamie fought back the image of CC lying in her bed only a short distance away.
"It just old emotions," CC rationalized as Jamie tried to quiet her throbbing lower anatomy. "It would be a mistake," she stammered.
"Yes," Jamie confirmed, not truly believing what she was saying. "We’re just becoming friends again. Given our history, the whole thing would be so wrong."
"Right," CC agreed and Jamie felt her heart break just a little.
They found themselves staring at one another once again, cloaked in another cloud of silence. "Well . . . uhm . . ." Jamie finally said, hoping to relieve the tension. "Goodnight."
"Goodnight," CC replied. Neither of them moved.
Jamie just stood there, losing herself in a sea of blue. Jamie’s mind and body were locked in an intense battle over what her next move should be. Before she could reach her decision, CC’s gaze dropped to the ground. Jamie suddenly felt a little foolish. "Goodnight," she repeated and quickly made her departure.
Once she was safely inside her own home, Jamie locked the door. Dropping her coat on the floor, she quickly unzipped her pants. Bracing her back against the living room wall, she slipped her hand into her pants. "Oh my God," she moaned as her hand was flooded by the river of passion that had pooled between her thighs. Her eyes fluttered shut as she began to touch herself.
Her mind filled quickly with images of CC kneeling before her. As her fingers plunged in and out of her center, she imagined that it was her former lover touching her. The young doctor’s body responded as her hips swayed in rhythm. She was so close to climaxing, but for some reason she couldn’t cross over the edge. Frustrated, she removed her hand from her body. "Damn it," she moaned as she banged her head against the wall lightly. "I need to get past this." She whimpered. "Don’t I?" she choked out as she slid down onto the floor. The confusion and doubt finally took their toll. The guilt returned in full force. "I left her all alone." She wept.
After she had cried herself out, Jamie dragged her tired body upstairs. After taking an extended shower, she climbed weakly into bed. Thoughts of CC quickly invaded her senses. She tried once again to pleasure herself and once again she failed. She tossed and turned for several hours as sleep evaded her grasp as well.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
CC YAWNED EXHAUSTEDLY as she signed the last report on her desk. It had been a long day. Happily it consisted of nothing but paperwork. The good people of her fair community had managed not to kill one another for the past few days. It was nice to have calm looming over the city.
CC decided that life was going pretty well. Emma was feeling good. Stevie had landed a couple of new clients and was very busy. CC was proud of her little sister. She’d started her own web design company early on. She was doing well and could work out of the house. The little stinker had turned out all right. She ran her own business and still managed to be a full time mom.
Now if CC could just stop lusting after the pretty blonde doctor who lived next door, life would be perfect. It had been a couple of weeks since CC had been injured and the two almost kissed. During the days that followed, CC tried to convince herself that it hadn’t happen. That Jamie wasn’t going to kiss her. That it was just wishful thinking.
But CC knew the truth. What else could have been happening? Jamie was laying on top of her, their faces so close that she could feel the blonde’s breathe on her skin. CC smiled at the memory of how it felt to have Jamie’s body pressed against her own. ‘Oh, don’t be going down that road, Caitlin,’ she cautioned herself.
Thankfully Jamie never brought it up. They didn’t talk about it or the one drunken night they’d spent together. It seemed to be working. They had fallen into an easy sort of friendship. It was all very neighborly. They would say hello as they passed, or she would invite Jamie over for coffee in the morning.
Since they both worked the late shift they could spend time together. Not a lot of time, just simple friendly gestures. CC would be lying if she said things were completely comfortable between them. Jamie was still her ex-girlfriend and there would probably always be a slight awkwardness between them.
CC wrapped up her work and said goodnight to Max. On the drive home she thought it was odd that Jamie was, for all intents and purposes, the great love of her life yet the two had only been intimate twice. And the second time was more than a little hazy for both of them. Every once in awhile, CC would be chatting with Jamie and something would spark a memory from that night.
At that point, CC would suddenly grow uncomfortable. It wasn’t easy sitting next to someone while you were thinking about the hot sex the two of you had once shared. CC would usually come up with an excuse to end their conversation. Tiredness usually worked. They worked odd hours and neither seemed able to get enough sleep. There were times when Jamie would do the same. CC secretly wondered if the blonde was experiencing the same sense of déjà vu.
As CC pulled into the parking lot, she looked around for Jamie’s car. She was disappointed when she didn’t see it. It was fast becoming her routine to look for the little Honda. If she found it, she would look over at Jamie’s condo to see if any lights were on. Usually there were. CC would then knock and invite Jamie over.
She’d been nervous the first time she knocked on Jamie’s door, but the friendly response instantly relaxed her. A few times it had been Jamie who extended the invitation if she arrived back later than the policewoman.
CC hoped that would happen this evening. She enjoyed the time she spent with Jamie and Emma at the end of the day. Yet she still cautioned herself not to hope for anything more.
CC stepped into the home she shared with her sister and instantly flinched. The sight she saw in the kitchen gave her the creeps. "Ugh," she squeaked.
"Tsk," Stevie chided her as she continued using the breast pump. "Some big tough cop you are. You stand over dead bodies all day long, and then you freak watching someone express breast milk. You are such a big sissy."
"Am not," CC scoffed as she started to walk away, feeling a little queasy from the sight.
"Right," Stevie said as she rolled her eyes. "Remind me not to allow you to help my daughter with her homework."
"Whatever," CC blew her off as she retreated into her bedroom.
After she showered CC found Stevie working on her computer. "Don’t wake her," Stevie cautioned her.
"But . . ." CC started protest.
"Brad is picking her up in a few hours," Stevie explained patiently. "She’ll be very cranky if you wake her."
"Right, I forgot." CC sighed in disappointment. "So that’s why you were doing that thing."
"That thing?" Stevie chuckled. "Yes, Caitlin. That’s why I was expressing breast milk."
"Does he have to take her overnight?" CC pouted.
"He’s her father," Stevie explained in exasperation. "He would like to spend time with her."
"I know," CC grumbled.
Stevie looked up from her work and studied her sister for a moment. "No James tonight?" she inquired, slightly surprised.
"No," CC clipped.
"Sorry," Stevie apologized quickly. "I just thought that you two were . . . never mind."
"You thought what?" CC questioned her as she looked over Stevie’s shoulder. For the life of her, she couldn’t understand what she was looking at on the computer screen.
"Nothing," Stevie hedged.
"Uh huh." CC sighed in d
isbelief. "Stevie, I’m not getting back together with Jamie. So just drop it."
"Okay."
"I mean it," CC asserted.
"Okay," Stevie agreed.
"I’m serious," CC stated with conviction. "We’re just friends. Not even close friends, just neighbors."
"Oh, is that why you two were making out the other night?" Stevie questioned her absently as she continued to work.
"We weren’t making out," CC corrected her as she watch Stevie shut down her computer. Stevie stood and cast a look of disbelief at her before exiting her office.
Frustrated, CC followed Stevie into the living room. "We weren’t," she growled.
"Fine. You weren’t making out," Stevie conceded. "You were just wrapped up together like two snakes in heat. My mistake."
CC massaged her throbbing temple. "Stevie, let me try to explain things to you," she began slowly.
"I hope you do better then the time you tried to explain the facts of life to me." Stevie giggled.
"I didn’t know you knew already." CC grimaced as she recalled the long ago conversation. "I certainly didn’t know you were gay." CC looked quickly out the front window, trying to see if Jamie had returned. She frowned, realizing that she hadn’t.
"Look, Stevie." CC returned her thoughts to her sister who was eyeing her suspiciously. "Jamie is a part of my past. It’s nice that we no longer hate one another. But too much has happened between us and it’s been a long time. We’ve both changed."
"Then why did you sleep together again?" Stevie pried.
"We were drunk and emotionally vulnerable," CC said, trying to defend her actions. "I don’t know if you can understand that."
"Caitlin." Stevie chuckled. "I’m an adult. In fact, I have a child of my own. That’s how I became a mother. Honestly, Sis, I think the two of you are using it as an excuse. I think you slept together because you wanted to. I also think that you still have some very deep feelings for the good doctor."
"Don’t be ridiculous," CC gasped.
"Am I?" Stevie asked her seriously. "If you don’t care then why do you keep looking out that window to see if she’s home yet?"
CC wanted to crawl under a rock. She couldn’t argue with her sister. She didn’t understand what was happening. Stevie said goodnight and went upstairs to her bedroom. CC stood alone, trying to convince herself that Stevie was wrong.
CC finally gave up and retreated to her own bedroom. Tossing and turning, she managed to get a couple of hours of sleep. When she woke up again, the smell of coffee was coming from the outer room. Dragging herself out of bed, she found Stevie changing Emma’s diaper in the living room.
"Hey, my stinky little peanut," CC cooed at the child. Stevie laughed at her silliness. CC cast a pleading look at Stevie.
"Go on." Stevie laughed as she handed her daughter over to CC.
Stevie cleaned up the mess and washed her hands as CC held her niece, teasing her. Emma gurgled up at her aunt. "Do you want some coffee?" Stevie inquired.
"It’s not that decaf crap you drink, is it?" CC inquired hesitantly.
"No." Stevie smirked. "I made the coffee for Brad. He’s running a little late. He had to work some after hours party last night."
"Well, if he’s too tired . . ." CC began as Stevie handed her a fresh cup of coffee.
"He’s still coming to take Emma," Stevie chided her. "Give it up."
CC shrugged innocently. She allowed her eyes to wander to the window once again, smiling slightly when she saw Jamie’s car in the lot. Feeling much better, she decided to enjoy the few moments she had with Emma. She carried the infant and her coffee out on the deck.
It was a delicate balancing act. She had to keep the coffee safely away from Emma. Stevie opened the sliding door for her and left the two of them alone. CC placed her coffee down on the table and lifted her giggling niece over her head. She began making a series of silly noises much to the delight of her niece and, by the chuckling she heard, someone else was amused as well.
She lowered Emma safely in her arms and cradled the child before looking over at the adjoining balcony. Jamie was leaning against the wall, still wearing a jacket. Her hand covered her mouth. She appeared to be fighting off a fit of laughter.
"You tell anyone and you die," CC cautioned the doctor as she allowed her well-trained eye take in Jamie’s appearance. Green eyes flashed in amusement. "I have a gun," CC reminded her playfully.
"Your secret is safe with me," Jamie responded warmly.
They stared at each other for a moment. CC felt her heart breaking. Being a detective sucked at times. It only took her one quick scan to know that Jamie had just returned home. And by the smudge of lipstick on the blonde’s collar, CC could safely assume that she wasn’t working late. CC continued to smile despite the sudden rush of sadness. All the while she reminded herself that it was none of her business.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
JAMIE HAD BEEN standing out on her deck feeling lost. Last night had been a turning point for her; at least she hoped it was a turning point. Her shift at the hospital had been uneventful with the usual mix of heart attacks and extracting objects from person's orifices that really had no business being there. She was looking forward to heading home and spending sometime with CC.
That was when the familiar panic she'd been experiencing lately crept in. She was growing far to fond of spending time with the attractive policewoman. Not to mention her hormones were reaching the explosion point every time she was near the tall dark-haired beauty. She couldn't deny the sexual desire that seemed to be coursing through her veins. But sleeping with CC wasn't really something that she considering doing at this point in time. She was fearful that if she rushed into CC's arms she would do so because of the memory of what they had once shared or out of sheer lust. Neither would be the basis for a good relationship. And if she were to reunite with her former lover, she wasn't going to settle for anything less. Then of course there was the question of what CC wanted.
These thoughts had been troubling her since the two had slept together a few weeks ago. When some of her co-workers suggested going out that evening, Jamie felt it might just be the thing she needed. The thought of spending time away from CC and not dwelling on something she might never have was something she felt she should be doing.
There was also the chance that perhaps she could find some release for her pent up frustration. Her hormones certainly didn't rule Jamie but she was human after all. And being constantly turned on by someone she couldn't have was beginning to wear on her. Add that to the fact that she couldn't seem to alleviate the situation herself. This aspect was really working her nerves.
She went to the bar with her co-workers who were either gay or gay-friendly and ran into Liz. The brunette had pursued the young blonde doctor before but Jamie never gave her a second glance. Last night Jamie had a sudden change of heart. In hopes of releasing herself from the pain she was feeling, she decided to give Liz a chance. They ended up in Liz's car. During the heavy petting session, Jamie became upsettingly aware that no matter how hard the brunette tried Jamie wasn't going to be able to climax. Liz was persistent. Jamie tried to clear her mind to focus on something that would help her along the way. It turned out to be a poor choice. She ended up doing the one thing you should never do. They were kissing and it wasn't Liz's name that crossed her lips.
'Why did I think of CC? Why was it her face that entered my thoughts at that moment?' she thought as she recalled the hurt look on Liz's face. She apologized profusely. They straightened their clothing. Liz just walked away from her in a stony silence. When Jamie went to rejoin her friends, she found they had departed.
Jamie drove around for hours trying to figure out the mess her life was becoming. Once again she found herself standing in front of the carousel at Cold Springs Park. Now she was home and feeling exhausted. She watched as CC stepped out on the deck with Emma wrapped up in her arms. She watched in amusement as the policewoman cooed and giggled with the infant.
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'I should have come home last night. It's where I wanted to be. So why did I go out and try to get laid?' she questioned herself as she fought back the laughter. CC was beyond adorable at that moment. She found herself blushing as she and her former lover exchanged friendly banter.
"Why is Emma so dressed up this morning?" Jamie inquired, knowing that she was grinning like an idiot.
"Her Daddy is coming over," CC answered brightly as she adjusted Emma's little outfit.
"Oh," Jamie answered, more than a little curious about Emma's father.
"Would you like to come over for coffee?" CC asked in a friendly tone.
"Yes," Jamie answered quickly before she had a chance to think about it. Then she frowned. "Would you mind if I hopped into the shower first?"
"Go ahead. When you're ready just climb on over," CC readily agreed. "If we're not here then we'll be inside."
"Thanks," Jamie replied in gratitude.
She rushed inside her house and dashed up the staircase. She wanted to join CC for coffee, but she had no desire to dog it when she looked like hell and had the scent of another woman on her body. Jamie showered quickly and tossed on sweatpants and a T-shirt. She knew what had been bothering her. For most of her life she had avoided relationships and simply sought pleasure on occasion whenever she needed it. Dating wasn't something she did very well.
She had chosen to live her life this way because of a misplaced sense of mistrust. Now that she knew that CC had never meant to hurt her, she couldn't foresee continuing as she had in the past. Last night had proven that those days were indeed behind her. As she stepped over the railing onto CC's balcony her only question was 'But what am I suppose to do about it now?'
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
JAMIE FOUND EVERYONE in the living room. She smiled as CC refused to hand Emma over to her mother. "Is she holding your daughter hostage?" Jamie inquired as Stevie glared at her sister.
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