Though My Heart Is Torn

by Joanne Bischof

  Joel stared at Lonnie. Neither moved. Finally he flicked his head toward the table as if she hadn’t spoken. “The reverend’s ready for his coffee.”

  He sat in his chair. He smiled at the reverend. A sickening rose in Gideon’s throat. As if she hadn’t noticed the exchange, Maggie followed behind with a plate of biscuits.

  “Help yourselves, gentlemen.” She stepped toward the lean-to. “Lonnie, I think Jacob might be stirring. You stay. I’ll see to him.”

  The reverend sipped his coffee. Then, at the sound of a wagon approaching, his cup rattled to a halt on the table in front of him. His eyes darted toward the ceiling as if sending up a silent prayer. “Must be them now.”

  “Must be who?” Gideon slammed his palm on the table. The reverend jumped.

  Joel opened the front door and smiled toward Gideon. “Reverend Brown. From the church in Tuggle Gap. You might know him.”

  Gideon felt air leave his chest.

  “And Henry Allan.” Joel’s gruff voice turned smooth and cool. “Surely you remember him. He has a daughter about your age. Cassie.” His tone curdled. “Pretty thing.”

  When Lonnie’s gaze flashed to him, Gideon dry swallowed. Heat covered his skin. He stepped away from the fire but found no relief. Cassie. Each noise from outside echoed in his ears, pounding inside his mind. The horses stilled. Voices murmured. Footsteps sounded on the stairs. His world shrank to a pinhole as his heart pounded out a terrifying cadence.

  Lonnie’s shoulder pressed his as she whispered, “Gideon, what’s going on?”

  His mouth too dry to speak, he merely shook his head. The door swung open, and a waft of cool air filled the room, seeming to seep into his bones.

  Reverend Brown loomed in the doorway as dark and uninviting as a nightmare. Cassie slipped into the room and lowered her shawl from her shoulders and damp hair.

  Her eyes found his. The vibrant blue snapping with that familiar mischief he knew well. Too well. Regret collided into his chest, nearly choking off his air.

  Lonnie stared as the visitors filled the tiny room. She recognized Mr. Allan and his daughter Cassie. But she had never seen the new reverend before. He was taller than any man she’d ever seen. Dark bushy eyebrows framed deeply sunken eyes as brown as the mud on his massive boots. Rain dripped from his black hat. He removed it, creating a small puddle on the rough boards beneath him.

  Her ma handed Jacob to Addie, who carried him over to a basket of toys. Quickly, she took the reverend’s wet things and laid them over a chair near the fire along with all the others. He gave her a curt nod, then glanced at Gideon, eyes piercing.

  Lonnie absorbed the exchange.

  She slipped her palm inside her husband’s and was surprised to feel that his hands were colder than the air outside. She studied him, frightened by what she saw. His eyes glanced from one guest to another before landing on Cassie. Lonnie stared in disbelief when their gazes locked and held. His chest heaved, his breathing heavy. The room fell silent. Gideon simply stared at the bright-eyed girl.

  Lonnie squeezed his hand. Gid?

  Reverend Gardner cleared his throat. “As I was saying earlier, it’s time we came to the matter at hand.”

  No one moved. No one sat. Each person loomed in a crooked circle inside the four walls of the small house. She shifted uncomfortably.

  The stout man continued. “Reverend Brown, would you care to explain the, uh, situation?”

  Reverend Brown cleared his throat, and then his voice boomed over his fellow clergyman’s. “Yes, I’d be happy to.”

  His eyebrows dropped, and he frowned at Gideon.

  The reverend pressed his hands together, interlocked his fingers, and tucked them beneath his chin. “It has come to my attention by Reverend Gardner that you”—he nodded in Lonnie’s direction—“are married to this man here”—he turned to Gideon, his voice sharp—“Mr. O’Riley.”

  Lonnie fought the tremor in her voice. “Yessir.”

  The reverend’s glare narrowed. “And you believe your marriage to be legal and binding in the eyes of the church … and of God?”

  Her mouth was so dry, Lonnie could scarcely swallow. “Yes, of course.” Her voice came out weak.

  He grunted, clearly not surprised by her response. “Well,” he said flatly. “Therein lies the problem.”

  Problem? Lonnie stepped closer to Gideon, afraid of what the man would say next. Fingers that had been so cold now smothered her hand in heat. Startled, she pulled away.

  Reverend Gardner pressed his palms together and pointed two fingers at Gideon. He spoke up, his voice stronger than before. “Because, as Mr. O’Riley very well knows, this young woman, here”—his hands opened, palms turned toward Cassie—“Miss Allan, believes herself to be legally bound to Gideon O’Riley in the eyes of the church and of God.”

  Lonnie’s jaw dropped. “How so?” she breathed, not intending to speak aloud.

  The reverend seemed to grow taller as he gripped the back of a chair. “Bound by marriage.”

  Lonnie gasped. Gideon’s chin fell to his chest. An ache fanned through her. She looked at Cassie. The young woman avoided her gaze, looking instead on Gideon. The eagerness in her eyes was a declaration that she longed for his response.

  It cannot be. Lonnie shook her head. “What proof do you—”

  Reverend Brown’s voice boomed above hers. “We have more than what proof we need, Miss Sawyer.”

  Sawyer. The name stung worse than a slap in the face.

  “I have the marriage contract signed by myself, Mr. O’Riley, Cassie Allan, and the two witnesses. I can read you their names as well if you like, Miss Sawyer.” Reverend Brown patted his coat pocket, and the sound of crinkled paper stunned her into silence.

  When Gideon glanced at her, regret flooded his eyes. He directed his words at Reverend Brown. “Cassie wanted to end it. It was all done away with.” He glanced at Cassie. “Right?”

  Reverend Brown’s face colored. “ ‘Done away with’ it most certainly was not!” Each word exploded like a rifle shot from his thick lips. His cheeks shuddered as he shook his head. “You were unwise to have made such assumptions. If such proof exists, it never made its way to the court.”

  Shadows darkened Gideon’s eyes. “Cassie, you saw to it. You told me you—”

  “Don’t you raise your voice to my daughter.” Mr. Allan stepped forward. “She’s done nothing wrong.”

  Cassie ran a hand up her arm, her expression brave. Bold. She stared at Gideon without blinking.

  Lonnie feared her knees would buckle.

  With the back of her hand, Cassie brushed damp tendrils away from her forehead, her pale cheeks flushed and rosy. Cassie Allan had meant nothing to Lonnie in the past, but now, staring at the girl with her spine as straight as a ship’s mast and rosebud lips pinker than wild roses, Lonnie felt sick.

  “Sirs,” Maggie interjected as she stepped forward. She bounced a wide-eyed Jacob. Charlotte clung to her skirt. “Perhaps there might be a better place to discuss all this.” Her soft voice spread over the room like a soothing balm.

  Joel seemed to study her a moment, his eyes shifting over the children who watched with curious stares. “We’ll gather this evening, at the home of Mr. Allan. Or at the church. Anyone have any objections to that?”

  “The church would be best.” Reverend Gardner motioned toward the door. “We have many matters to discuss, and I fear it will take some time to come to a satisfying … conclusion.”

  Joel nodded and glared at Henry. “Any objections to that?”

  Lonnie’s heart lurched. Objections? Yes! Her marriage had been reduced to a problem in need of a “satisfying conclusion.” She clutched the chair beside her, certain her knees could hold her no longer.

  “If I may.” Reverend Gardner stepped forward. “I feel it would be best if we head over there now. Mr. O’Riley, I would prefer if you rode with me to keep the stories straight.”

  “Stories?” Gideon snapped. He gripped the back of his
head, his face agonized.

  Reverend Brown spoke. “We both feel the only way to resolve the matter would be to question those involved. Miss Sawyer, Miss Allan, and yourself.”

  Reverend Gardner slipped his hat over his head and waved with a chubby hand for Gideon to follow. “Come along, Mr. O’Riley. Let’s be on our way.” The quaver was gone from his voice. “The sooner the better. I’d like to visit your folks’ place so that they may be present as well.”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “It would be best—”

  “I said no,” Gideon barked. “This isn’t their business!”

  The room fell so silent that Lonnie heard droplets strike the roof.

  Reverend Gardner nodded slowly. “The choice there is yours.”

  Lonnie glanced at Cassie, her pale face too calm. As if the victory were already hers. The thought of losing Gideon struck Lonnie’s heart like a stone.

  The wagon jolted to a halt in front of the church, but Gideon sat motionless. The ride had been brief. Too brief for him to even gather his thoughts. As the wagon had jostled and jolted over the muddy road, Reverend Gardner had made small talk.

  Small talk.

  Gideon could hardly breathe, let alone speak of the weather or the condition of the newly improved road.

  A few pellets of rain struck his arm, and Gideon looked up at the darkening space overhead. A blanket of gray haze. Heavy droplets fell, and he tugged on the cuffs of his coat. Fine day.

  The sound of the second wagon approaching pulled him from his thoughts. Lonnie. Cassie. They both sat huddled in the back of Henry’s rickety wagon. They both looked miserable. When the wagon jerked, each woman grabbed an edge to hold herself steady as if neither wanted to touch the other. Gideon stared at Lonnie, willing her to look at him. Please, Lonnie. He needed her to know he was sorry. That he hadn’t known. In the depths of his heart, he had believed himself to be a free man.

  Instead, a pair of blue eyes met his. A hundred memories flooded him. Gideon looked away, but it was too late.

  What had he done?

  He had once thought that nothing mattered in life but his own happiness. And there had been but two things that made him happy. One came in a glass jar. The other was soft to the touch.

  Reverend Gardner yanked the church doors open and rolled a stone in front of each whitewashed door to keep it from slamming closed in the rising wind. “Follow me, Gideon.” His jacket whipped behind him.

  Lonnie climbed down from the wagon, her dark eyes as wide as a doe’s. Reverend Brown scooted out of his seat, and with a flick of the reins, Cassie’s pa drove away. Good. It was none of the man’s business anyway.

  Reverend Gardner’s voice was thin when he called Gideon a second time. “Come along.”

  Jumping from the wagon, Gideon bumped his bad arm against the box frame on his way down. He bit his tongue to keep from cursing and stepped into the small church.

  The building was chilly and dank, the potbelly stove that stood in the far corner of the church cold and untouched. Gideon shuffled forward and sank into the first hard pew where the reverend directed. No fire would be lit today. This was no Sunday service.

  Cassie seated herself in the pew across from him, and though Gideon could feel her eyes on him, he could not look her way.

  “May I sit by my husband?” Lonnie whispered.

  Glancing up, Gideon saw her standing behind him. Her hand rested on the back of the pew. He was overcome with the urge to reach out and hold it, but when Reverend Brown stepped forward, heavy boots thudding loudly over hollow floorboards, his large frame filled the aisle beside her. “You may sit by Gideon.”

  Slowly sinking down, Lonnie searched for his hand across the cold boards. Her fingers slipped inside his. She offered a quick squeeze. For the briefest of moments, Gideon let his eyes fall closed.

  Reverend Gardner heaved two oak chairs to the front of the church. The chairs scraped into place, filling the quiet room with the grating sound of wood on wood. After an annoyed glance from his fellow clergyman, he sat facing the pews. Reverend Brown sat beside him.

  The setting seemed too informal for a trial, but that was what it felt like. Gideon feared what they might ask him. How deep would they probe into his heart and mind? How many details would he be forced to recall? Gideon shifted uncomfortably. He would answer as truthfully as he could. He had nothing to hide. He had done nothing wrong. It was Cassie’s mistake. Her error. His heart quickened with nervous anticipation. This would be remedied soon.

  Reverend Brown slid a pair of crooked spectacles up his nose. He cleared his throat. “I’d like to hear each of your testimonies. But first, we’ll start with the church documents.”

  He opened a heavy book across his lap and skimmed his hand down the page. Tossing a black satin ribbon out of his way, he tapped the paper with the tip of a thick finger. “Ah. Here it is. On the thirteenth of May, 1900. A ceremony of marriage was performed, by myself, between Gideon O’Riley and Cassie Allan.” He glanced at Gideon over his spectacles. “I recall—with excellent clarity—performing that ceremony. Do you, Gideon, recall being present?”

  Gideon swallowed. “Yessir. I was there.”

  Lonnie’s hand loosened inside his.

  “And”—Reverend Brown directed his gaze at Cassie—“you were present as well?”

  “Yessir.” Her voice was fearless. “I was present.”

  The reverend turned his attention back to the book in his lap. “Now that wasn’t so hard,” he murmured under his breath as he continued to skim the page. “But what I find interesting is that you came to me, to my small church in Tuggle Gap. Why not simply marry here, with Reverend Gardner?” The smirk on his face made Gideon think that he had arrived at his own interpretation of the truth.

  Gideon pressed fists to his knees.

  “Cassie, can you answer my question?” Though the reverend’s voice held a hint of agitation, he kept his words slow and cool.

  “Yessir, Reverend Brown.” Cassie drew in a breath. “It was Gideon’s idea. He thought my family wouldn’t approve.”

  “That’s not entirely the truth,” Gideon muttered.

  She glanced at him, blue eyes ablaze.

  Reverend Brown snorted. He removed his spectacles and poked an earpiece between pursed lips. “Would you like to tell me what that means, Mr. O’Riley?”

  Cassie shifted in her seat, and for the first time that day, her confidence visibly crumbled. At least he had one trump card in his hand.

  “Mr. O’Riley.”

  Gideon cleared his throat. “All I’m saying is that I wasn’t the only one who wanted to be discreet.”

  “Discreet.”

  He nodded once, suddenly wishing he hadn’t spoken. His pulse shot through his veins like hot lead. “We both thought it best if her … if her parents weren’t involved.”

  Lonnie drew in a shaky breath.

  The reverend tapped the heel of his boot. “We need to get to the bottom of this. I suggest we start now. So far, what we know is that you were married. In my church. And then you married someone else under Reverend Gardner’s approval? Is that correct? Did you really think no one would notice that you had two wives?” He eyed the page, then lifted his face to Gideon, taking no care to hide his exasperation. “Two wives within a few months’ time.”

  “I married Lonnie, sir, because I was no longer married to Cassie.”

  “Huh.” Reverend Brown slid his spectacles up his rutted nose and searched his ledgers. He flipped forward a few pages, then back a few more. “And you have a copy of this document? Some tangible proof? From the county or the state?”

  “No.” Gideon leaned forward. “Cassie has it. She spoke to the circuit rider when he came through—”

  “I spoke to the circuit rider.” Reverend Brown nearly growled the words. “And he never received anything from the pair of you to deliver to the court.”

  “But he should have. I signed my part.” Gideon turned to the woman he had
avoided all morning. “You took care of it, right?” His voice was low as he struggled to control his anger, his words intended for her ears alone. “You said you would take care of it.”

  Cassie turned to Gideon. “I was going to.” Her mouth opened wide, but the words she spoke came out small. “I was uncertain. I wasn’t ready.”

  Even as the heat rose in his neck, Gideon fought to keep his voice even. “Not ready for what?”

  “For my pa to find out.” She hissed a whisper, and Gideon knew she didn’t have to say more.

  Gideon hung his head, running fingers through his hair. He would never forget that moment. The moment she came to him demanding he make good on what he started, fool that he was. The truth had been clear. Unless he married her, the tattered frays of her reputation were irreparable. He had refused, telling her he didn’t care what her pa knew. What her brothers knew. And with that glint in her eye, she went to find her father.

  Calling his bluff.

  Gideon remembered the day like it was yesterday. He’d grabbed her, halting her. And gave in.

  The next day they had married in front of Reverend Brown. The day had been stiflingly hot. Gideon shoved up his shirtsleeves, remembering the heat in Reverend Brown’s stuffy church.

  “I didn’t want my pa to find out.” Cassie’s voice drew him back to the present. She had the reverend’s rapt attention. She always did well with an audience. “Not like that. I didn’t want him to know”—her slender neck curved and her face paralleled the floor—“that I had been abandoned.”

  Abandoned? The little vixen. The tendons in Gideon’s wrist worked as he pressed his hands together. She had come to him, a promise on her lips to tell her father that he had seduced her. But it took two to play that game. And Cassie Allan was no Lonnie.

  Cassie glared at him from the corner of her eye as if reading his thoughts.

  Gideon wanted to shake her. Instead, he slipped from the pew and sank to his knee. With Cassie only a few feet across the aisle, he faced her. “You said it was a mistake. You said you didn’t want this.” He motioned with his hand between them.

  The words slipped from her tongue in a fiery whisper. “Don’t twist the story.”